Existentialism of an Ex-Drone

Chapter 3
Chakotay sat in the living room, facing the fireplace, drinking a scotch and water. He stared thoughtfully into the flames, while behind him chaos ensued as Freddy Bristow and three friends were staging an impromptu wrestling match. The former Maquis Captain felt in a way as though nothing had changed, like he had been sucked through a temporal distortion that landed him 8 years in the past.

*Except for the gray hair.* He thought to himself with a slight grin.

Freddy had managed to secure a wrist-lock on David, another former Maquis and Voyager crewman, and some yelling erupted from the group over it. It had been two months since Chakotay's birthday party, and 11 new house guests had managed to migrate into the ranch which had already been fully occupied. They all had plans for the future, but their ideas took time and excess energy, which it seemed on certain days they were more than happy to expend with wrestling, or chasing after some of the more attractive neighbors. In the meantime, Seven had stayed and assisted with several projects, but her relationship with Chakotay had developed into something far more amicable than before, which to him had seemed impossible. He felt a twinge of bittersweet emotion at the thought of it, and the knowledge that he had traveled across the galaxy and still ended up alone in the end had become too much to bear. He shotgunned the last few ounces of his drink, and dropped the glass to the floor with a slight “thud”. After a few seconds of careful deliberation, he was able to stand, and wavered towards the kitchen to retrieve another drink.

“Hey Chak',” David asked, halting from the rough-housing for a brief second. “Where's Seven today? I haven't seen her.”

Chakotay flinched unintentionally. “I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to say goodbye.”

“Goodbye? What do you mean?”

Freddy tugged on his companion's sleeve. “Come on David, we've got two rounds left.”

There was an awkward pause in the room, but the curious young man simply waited for Chakotay's response without sensing anything could be wrong.

“She has moved to México. To work on civilian warp engine technology.”

David nodded, but the blank look on his face revealed that he was shocked by this information. “So is she... she just, left like that? What for?”

Chakotay didn't bother to answer, he simply turned and walked into the kitchen. Finding the scotch there, he went to pour it only to realize that he did not have a glass. His confusion only lasted briefly, before he realized it was plenty efficient to drink directly from the bottle.


******

“I didn't think the mess hall looked like much, you know we might need to recommend a good chef to them, if they are going to insist on such limited space and supplies.”

“Mmhmm.”

“The problem with having a small room like that is that you know everyone is going to eat at once, it never works out for everyone to go in there at different times. Then you have an overcrowded space and the food is not as good. I really think they could do with getting a chef outside of Starfleet. Or maybe two chefs.”

“Mmm, yes. Sure.”

“They could hire Briyn from Detek's, I know that he was upset about not getting enough pay for all the extra hours he does, and I'm sure he would love to work aboard a starship. It would be an exciting change for him. I can talk to him this week, but it would help if you let the Captain know he might apply as a civilian so that he knows that you recommend him.”

Harry set down his PADD in his lap and looked up, suddenly paying attention. “What? Libby, no. I can't recommend a civilian for assignment. The Captain won't even accept my friends from Voyager, and they have starfleet experience. Besides, he can't just apply for it, like going to work in a new restaurant or something. That's not how a crew is chosen.”

“But I just had to apply and they put me on the ship.”

“Yeah, you applied as my fiancé. That's totally different than just a chef who happens to be likable.”

Libby stuck out her lower lip in a childish protest. “He's not just likable, he makes great food. I don't want to be stuck on that stupid ship without anything decent to eat.”

“Well we'll use the replicator, then.”

“You won't get enough rations to eat every meal out of the replicator. We will have to eat in the mess hall at least two days a week. And that's every meal for those two days, I checked.”

Harry sighed and picked up his PADD, resuming his reading with a disgruntled expression.

“Well?” Libby persisted.

“Well, what?”

She rolled her eyes with dramatic animation. “What's going on with you, Harry? You spend all of your time working on pointless projects, when you know we have a lot to do with the wedding and your assignment. This fantasy with the holonovels isn't any better.”

“It's not a fantasy. I told the Doctor I would review and edit any future publications for him. He respects my opinion, and I'm very honored by it.” Harry gestured toward the PADD in his hand. “Besides, he's offered to reimburse me for my help, which I think is worth the few hours of work.”

“It's a HOLOGRAM. It's not even capable of forming thoughts. All those holonovels are simply collected data rearranged into a sequence by complicated subroutines.”

The irritation in Kim's voice was crystal clear. “Maybe if you had spent time with him, like I have, you would see that he is capable of creative ideas and is just as human as anyone else.”

Libby's resolve suddenly faded, and a hurt expression fell over her. “I'm sorry that I can't understand it, then. But why can't you try to let me be a part of the experiences I missed out on with you, instead of shutting me out of them and hiding away all day?”

“How do I let you be a part of seven years? I wasn't here, and you weren't there with me. We both have become completely different people, so much that there is almost nothing about us that is the same as it was when I left. I still don't know if you really waited for me all this time, or if it just was a coincidence that all of the other relationships you tried failed, and then I conveniently appeared once again. And you still don't understand that I had given up on ever seeing you again, although in a way, you're not the same girl that I used to be with, so maybe I never did see her again after all.”

“So what are you saying? It was your idea to get married. I thought you said that we should pick up where we left off like nothing ever happened.”

He winced slightly. “I didn't quite mean it that way. I do want to get married, I'm not saying that I don't.”

Relief spread over Libby, and her body visibly relaxed instantly. “I thought you might be saying that.”

“No, I'm not. Of course I want to marry you. But I simply can't show you, or expect you to understand, all that I've been through now. I can only be who I've become and hope that you will meet me here as I am.”

Her eyes began to tear ever so slightly, and she abruptly kissed him. Pulling back, Libby smiled. “I will, Harry. Of course.”


*****

Seven sat rigidly in the gray chair, staring at a holoimaging simulation of a dwarf nebula that covered the wall in front of her. “Swimming” among the generated stars where hundreds of Koi fish, an amusing display that she assumed must have been some kind of joke, instead of human error. The low levels of light from the wall illuminated where she sat waiting, in an otherwise pitch dark room.

The door slid open and instantaneously a familiar voice called out “Computer, lights.”

Within seconds, Seven was encouraged to stand and pulled tightly into a hug by her former Captain, which she awkwardly reciprocated. Following this greeting, Janeway placed her hands on the tall blonde's shoulders, and looked at her face studiously.

“Excuse me, Seven, but it's so good to see you.”

“No need to apologize Ca... Admiral. I also have been looking forward to seeing you again.”

Janeway smiled widely and sat down against the wall with the strange fish, opposite Seven, who resumed her place in the gray chair.

“Why were you waiting in the dark? I'm sorry that they didn't tell me the second you got here. How long were you waiting for me?”

“Seventeen minutes, and I did not wish to disturb your lighting parameters as I am your guest.” Noticing the disappointed look on Janeway's face, Seven hastily added, “But do not be concerned at my expense. My wait was not unpleasant, and I had a stimulating experience attempting to determine ways that Koi fish of Earth could survive being suspended in space.”

Janeway laughed heartily, glancing back at her holoimage. “Well, I suppose it adds to your creativity to think about my wall, but truth be told, it is somewhat of a practical joke from one of my researching partners.”

A slight, satisfied smile spread over Seven's lips. “Ah. I had suspected that might be one explanation, and I am pleased to see I guessed correctly.”

“That's a very good guess, Seven.” Kathryn crossed her legs and lounged back into her chair, settling in with familiarity. “So, I know you are anxious to get 'on with business', as it were, but I think you should know that I have spoken to B'Elanna and her father, John, this morning. They have arranged a unit for you in a sustainable living commune, that I think you will find is very similar to Voyager in many ways. There are several services there that you will be able to take advantage of, including a few engineers familiar with Borg technology, if you should need them. Although...” she paused reflectively, “B'Elanna probably is the best one out of them all.”

“I would surmise as much, as she is the most apt engineer I have encountered.”

“As have I.” Janeway suddenly stopped and leaned forward intently. “I'm terribly sorry, Seven, would you care for anything to drink?”

“No thank you, Admiral. I am sufficiently hydrated.”

The former Captain smiled with warmth and nostalgia. “Of course. Anyway, I also did check after our conversation yesterday to see if they have any sophologists in the area, and the nearest who I was familiar with is Dr. Crakye Federov. You can transport to his office from your unit building's transporter room whenever you have an appointment, so it should be very convenient for you.”

Seven felt a bit overwhelmed, but tried to respond with gratitude. “I appreciate that. I am still uncertain if counseling is the best route for me, but I do wish to attempt it, as you suggested.”

“Perhaps it would help if you did not think of this as a problem which needs to be solved, Seven. Everyone has questions from time to time that they need help answering, and we have learned from Socrates that the truth does not lie in the correct assumption, but rather in the right questions. Only you can determine the reason for who you are. I think that you will like Crakye, and find that he is very knowledgeable. He has written several pieces on Vulcan meditation and how it can be used to determine reason in chaotic situations, so I know that you two will see eye-to-eye when it comes to your passion for the tools of logic.”

“I am grateful for your thoughtfulness in this matter, Admiral. I do trust your judgment, so I am satisfied that your choice will benefit me optimally.”

Janeway nodded in acknowledgment. “It's my pleasure, Seven. I'm just sorry that we don't have more time to talk before you go to Celaya, but within a few weeks I promise I will come to visit.”

“I understand. You are reasonably occupied here by Starfleet, and this time has been valuable for me to spend with you.”

This compliment made Kathryn's eyes feel slightly moist, which surprised her. She hadn't expected Seven's visit to make her quite so sentimental for her old ship and crew. To fight the emotion, she stood up briskly. “Well, I still have a few minutes before I need to return to the lab, how about if I escort you back to the transporter station?”

“Thank you, Admiral. I would enjoy the company.”

*******


There was a violent, tearing sea of molten lava spewing in through the door, which created a river, carrying a baby's cradle and a biobed from sickbay wrecklessly in its torrent. B'Elanna could hear Miral crying, but she was too far away to reach. She tried to jump, but something was holding onto her arm and she couldn't shake it.

“Let me go! I've got to reach her!” She screamed, wanting to see what was binding her, but afraid to look away in case the lava swallowed her daughter.

Slowly her body was pulled farther and farther away, downward despite her protests. She knew she was being sucked into the churning river, but she couldn't take her eyes off the floating cradle. All at once, she was surrounded by boiling red liquid, but it felt colder than ice against her skin, a strange surprise. B'Elanna could see various objects floating by that belonged in her room: her clothing, her mother's pendant, her candles. Then the liquid she was drowning in began to change and turn first lavender, then blue. She could see much clearer, but the objects around her shifted into tricorders, comm badges, ration bars.

She propelled herself forward and tried to kick up towards the surface, but the water was covered with dark forms floating at the top that impeded her from breaking through. Her hands clawed at them, and she felt them begin to move, letting light come through and create an outline, revealing what she had suspected. They were bodies, in Starfleet uniforms. Everyone she had known on top of the water. B'Elanna willed herself to break through, and then she was standing above them, looking at all of their faces. Cold. Dead. Eyes wide open.

She was holding a tricorder. Scanning for lifesigns. There was one, but it was faint. She had to walk across the bodies to get closer, and she cursed herself with every step. Before she could look up, she heard the bitter words spewing towards her.

“You don't fucking care, do you?! You fucking Klingon bitch. You don't care. You can't feel anything but anger and hate. You heartless bitch. You killed them, you killed them all. And now, we'll die too.”

B'Elanna's eyes found the accuser, though she already knew it was him. Tom was floating on his back holding Miral on his chest. Both their eyes were open. They were both stone white. She leaned forward to look closer, at their lifeless faces, just to say goodbye. When they looked back, she screamed.