Peanut Butter Banana Sandwiches

Sportacus felt horrible. It was a strange feeling for him, both like and unlike being made to sit still, or a sugar meltdown.

He had thought Stephanie was getting better. He thought, after a month, she would be getting better. And she was, he supposed. She smiled more often, and played with her friends. But he would hear her trying to stifle her crying at night, and he would go in and try to comfort her as best as he could, and she would fall asleep, but the cycle kept going. He was beginning to dread the nighttime.

And even more than that, he never failed to miss the look she got when she would ask him for help with a puzzle, and he tried every time, seriously tried, but she had to keep reminding him to not do acrobatic tricks with the pieces, and eventually he would have to give up. He was never good at puzzles, or small things like that. And he felt bad about that, but he felt even worse when she would smile at him and say it was alright. Sometimes, she would forget to close her eyes when she smiled, and he could see that she didn’t mean it.

He was failing, and he didn’t know what to do about it. The thought began to plague him, that he wasn’t possibly father material, and he would fail miserably at raising this beautiful little girl because he didn’t know how. He wasn’t what she needed, all by himself. She needed someone to save her, and someone to play games with, yes. And he could do that. He could do that over and over again. When she needed someone to talk to, he could listen and give advice, and he was good at it. And when she wanted someone to see a picture she drew, she could show him and he would tell her what a good artist she was and she would giggle and be genuinely pleased.

But that wasn’t enough, and he knew it. Because when she wanted to do something quiet and un-active, like puzzles, or drawing, or playing a little electronic keyboard she had, she had no one to do it with. He couldn’t help her with those things, no matter how much he wanted to make her happy.

He could support her, and make sure she didn’t fall. But he couldn’t be her guide. And at eight years old, she needed one. It certainly couldn’t be the not-quite-human town hero, who did stunts that Robbie, at least, considered dangerously stupid.

Sportacus leaned back against the tree he was sitting under, and buried his face in his hands.

“Someone kill your dog, Sportakook?”

Sportacus didn’t look up, but he lowered his hands.

“I wouldn’t have a dog,” he answered. “It’d be a cat.”

“Figures,” Robbie muttered, and sat down next to the unusually still sports elf. “So then, what’s the occasion you’re so stationary for?”

Sportacus shook his head.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I can help Stephanie on my own.” he said, and stared at his hands. He felt like crying at the unfairness of it. Here he was, the hero, and he was useless. He couldn’t save one little girl from loneliness. He had barely saved her from abuse. What kind of hero was that? Robbie snorted.

“Stupid. Of course you can’t help her on your own.”

Sportacus cringed slightly. He had expected that, but it still stung…

“Even if her uncle was still alive and it had been just her parents that had died, he wouldn’t have been able to help her ‘all by himself’ either. Don’t be so arrogant.”

Sportacus looked up abruptly and stared at Robbie. Robbie felt something cold go down his spine when he saw that the icy blue eyes were filled with more moisture than normal. He didn’t think he could hold it together if the man actually cried.

“I… I mean…” Robbie said hurriedly, trying to make that kicked puppy look go away and stay away and stop trying to manipulate him. “I meant that, nobody can do that kind of thing on their own. Be… besides, she lost her family all at once, and she might still be suffering from what happened to her after. Don’t… don’t be so hard on yourself because of that. You couldn’t have stopped it, and no one could have. So let it go already.”

To his horror, the speech he had meant to get the man moving and bouncing around again only made tears run down his face. Robbie nearly had a panic attack at that. He froze and his body stiffened when Sportacus leaned against his shoulder and thanked him, still sniffling and his body jerking slightly every few seconds as he tried to regain control and stop crying. Robbie gulped nervously, and hesitantly brought one hand up to the other man’s shoulders and rested his arm there in a half-embrace while he cried it out. This was mortifying for him. His rival was bawling his eyes out after he had tried to cheer him up. But as mortifying as it was for him, he knew it would be more so for Sportacus if anyone else caught him in this state. He was considered the town hero, and heroes never cried. Even Robbie knew that much. If anyone else saw Sportacus like this, it would be shattering. The only reason is was safe to do so around him was because Robbie had never considered him a hero. There was no expectation that could be damaged.

So, as he waited for Sportacus to pull himself together and he rubbed the man’s back with one hand, he kept alert for anyone nearby.

After Sportacus had managed to dry his eyes and pull himself together again, he stayed where he was, leaning against Robbie. Robbie, for his part, had been thinking deeply and was rather unaware that the crying stopped, so he kept rubbing his back idly. Sportacus closed his eyes for a few minutes. The crying had made them sore.

“You know,” Robbie said quietly after a few minutes. Sportacus opened his eyes and looked up. “If you wanted, I could help out.” Sportacus blinked, and was about to say something when Robbie continued, rushed as if he was expecting a definite ‘no’.

“I mean, I don’t know much about kids, other than that they’re noisy and dirty, and I know even less about little girls, but… she doesn’t seem to hate me, right?” And here Robbie looked down at Sportacus, a hint of uncertainty in his eyes. He had thought Stephanie liked him okay during that babysitting stint, but maybe he had been wrong and she was only humoring him…

Sportacus smiled slightly. “She likes you,” he said. “She’s always asking me when you get to watch her again, and whether or not I think you’re planning something new to get me kicked out of town.” He laughed slightly and Robbie blushed again and cleared his throat slightly.

“Well um… in that case, if you do ever need help, I’d be, ah, available. Provided I’m not plotting your destruction or anything at that time.”

Sportacus laughed loudly at that, and Robbie smiled one of the few genuine smiles in his life. He made a mental note: heartfelt speeches make him cry- jokes cheer him up. He’d file that away for later. His musing was interrupted when Sportacus looked up at him again and smiled in a way Robbie was unfamiliar with, but it made his stomach do more flips than Sportacus on a good day.

“Thank you Robbie,” he said. Robbie fidgeted and glanced away.

“Stop thanking me,” he muttered. Sportacus only laughed again and hugged him.

“I mean it though. Even when you’re trying to kick me out of town or calling me names, you’re still my best friend Robbie. And… and, I think Stephanie would really like it if you visited and did puzzles with her and stuff.”

Robbie, even through the shock of being told he was someone’s friend, let alone best friend, still heard that unspoken sentence at the end.

And I’d like it if you visited too.

He could only nod.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Robbie? Can you help me again?”

He rolled his eyes and looked over the puzzle again. They had gotten increasingly difficult, where they weren’t even rectangular pictures anymore. Sportacus was off to the side, doing jumping jacks and pushups and everything in between.

Robbie deftly picked out a piece and handed it to Stephanie, who pushed it into place with the rest of the puzzle and grinned triumphantly as if she had done it herself. Sportacus bounced over and looked at it.

“Great job guys!” he beamed. Robbie looked at him like he was the lowest form of intelligence on the planet and he was merely humoring his continued existence. Sportacus did not catch this.

“Let’s have some lunch now, okay?”

Stephanie cheered and Robbie looked at the available food doubtfully. Sports Candy… blech.

A few minutes later, and Robbie sneering at how much energy Sportacus wasted doing something as simple as making food, the lunch was ready. Sandwiches were again the meal of choice.

For Sportacus, as usual, it was made entirely of plant matter. Tomato, cucumber, lettuce, avocado. Stephanie was making Robbie a sandwich while Sportacus continued to flip back and forth and make hers (which happened to be peanut butter and jelly). She smiled at Robbie.

“What do you feel like having?” she chirped. Robbie blinked, coming out of the daze he had been in watching the crazy man with spring-loaded ankles flip over the table for the fifteenth time.

“Uh…” he said, looking at the sandwich ingredients laid out. “Peanut butter.” Sportacus paused, landing on the floor.

“Just peanut butter? But Robbie, you really should-”

It was at that moment that he saw Stephanie glare at him. He was surprised enough to immediately shut his mouth. Robbie looked at him questioningly, and looked back at Stephanie, who was again smiling sweetly. “Anything else on it Robbie?” she asked. He shook his head and picked up the book he had been reading again.

Stephanie used this opportunity to slather peanut butter onto a piece of bread, quickly slice up a banana and smoosh it up, and spread that on over the peanut butter and slap the other piece of bread on top. Sportacus stared with wide eyes.

Stephanie. Sweet pink innocent Stephanie. The little girl who never lied in her life, was tricking Robbie Rotten into eating Sports Candy. Sportacus thought he might turn to stone from shock. She slid the plate over to Robbie, along with a glass of milk (the only thing Robbie would drink that was available on the air ship, as fruit juice and water were both far too healthy) and Sportacus took a bite out of his sandwich. There was no way Robbie wouldn’t notice. He was smart. Robbie Rotten probably had some kind of sense for what was healthy and those senses would go off in the face of something so blatant as banana. He watched, fascinated, as Robbie picked up the sandwich with one hand, the other still holding his book, and he took a bite. Chewed. Swallowed.

Sportacus looked incredulously back at Stephanie, who smiled a toothy grin at him. For a brief moment, he thought of what she would be capable of as she got older. Trickery was an addictive trait, after all. He shuddered slightly and watched Robbie devour the rest of the sandwich and gulp down the milk.

“What was that other taste?” he asked Stephanie. Sportacus looked at her, and she shot a very hard stare at him that made him freeze. Then she looked confused at Robbie and shrugged.

“I think it was a new kind of jelly, like the ones they have in jars mixed in with the peanut butter,” she answered. Robbie smiled slightly.

“I love those things. Makes it so much easier to not have to get out two different jars and two different knives.”

“Oh, yes,” she replied. “Was it alright though? Did you like it?”

When Robbie nodded, Sportacus felt like the floor had dropped out from underneath him. That… was incredible. He had tried to get Robbie to eat healthy food before. On one of the more uneventful days when he felt bored, he had put some Sports Candy by the entrance to Robbie’s lair, hoping that out of laziness the man might take them instead of having to go all the way to a store for food.

He had had to maneuver his air ship to a higher altitude when they were systematically shot out of a cannon and into the side of his home.

But an eight year old had succeeded, simply by disguising it as something unhealthy. He was literally speechless. Stephanie beamed at him and then skipped off to her bedroom to get something new to play with. Robbie picked at the remains of the puzzle, secretly enjoying it more than the book. Sportacus shook his head. What had he gotten into?

“Um… Robbie…” he started. Robbie looked up from the puzzle. Sportacus opened his mouth, but caught a bubblegum pink head peeking from the doorway to her bedroom, and he caught the glare that she sent. He quickly rephrased things in his mind.

“Um… say, why don’t you like healthy food?”

Robbie narrowed his eyes slightly in suspicion, but let it roll off him.

“Because it tastes like dirt,” he replied evenly, and put another piece in place. Sportacus scratched the back of his head.

“That’s not true…” he murmured, slightly confused. “Have you ever tried any?”

“Does it matter? I’m not going to eat it, and that’s final.”

Sportacus briefly considered arguing with him about it, but wisely thought otherwise when he remembered the hard stares Stephanie was giving him. He wasn’t to jeopardize the small amount of progress she was making. That's what those glares were saying.

“Well, if you’re sure, I guess-” Abruptly, the air ship rocked to the side. Stephanie squealed from her room as she lost her footing and fell down, and Robbie yelled and dropped to the floor of his volition. Sportacus stumbled, but stayed on his feet and made it over to the piloting console, dropping down into the seat and grabbing hold of the wheel.

A storm had moved in very suddenly, and the air ship was caught in the wind.

“Robbie, go help Stephanie!” he yelled over his shoulder. “I’m going to get the ship up above the clouds!” He heard Robbie scramble across the floor (he narrowly missed a couple of buttons on the floor that would have shot various types of sports equipment at him) and he then turned his attention to getting the air ship to a higher altitude without catching a current.

Ten minutes later, he jumped out of the piloting seat and onto his feet. The air ship was still rocking slightly, but it felt more like a conventional ship at sea than anything dangerous. He carefully walked over to Stephanie’s room and looked in.

Robbie had propped himself in a corner on the floor, legs to either side to brace against anymore sliding, and Stephanie was curled up against him, clinging to his vest while Robbie patted her hair reassuringly. He looked up when Sportacus stepped into the room.

“Stephanie? You alright?”

She looked up from Robbie’s chest to Sportacus, and abruptly launched herself at the man and clung to him instead. He staggered back a bit at the impact, but held steady. When he repeated himself, she nodded, her face still buried against him. He smiled a little and glanced at Robbie, who was still on the floor. He was looking at the two of them with a sort of glazed over stare, like he was either remembering something or thinking very hard. Sportacus could never tell which, from the meager handful of times he had seen it. He turned his attention back to Stephanie.

“I think your puzzle got moved around a bit. You want to go and fix it up?”

She nodded and let him go, walking slightly unsteadily out of the room. Robbie was standing up, though having trouble remaining balanced and Sportacus moved closer to help steady him.

“Whoa, hang on, it’s kinda-” at that moment, the ship bumped slightly due to a rough wind, but it was just enough to fully unbalance Robbie so he was sent pitching forward against Sportacus, who was unprepared for it and fell over backwards. Robbie landed on top of him.

“… unsteady…” he finished weakly. Robbie froze at the breath against his neck and Sportacus felt him tense up.

“Robbie?” he asked, concern for the other man overriding the distraction of how warm he felt. Sportacus gulped and shivered once. “Robbie… are you okay?”

Robbie attempted to push himself up, but his limbs weren’t cooperating. Partly from lack of muscle strength, and partly from the aftereffects of adrenaline from the air ship jerking around, and from that damn elf’s warm breath and skin-to-skin contact, Robbie’s arms were trembling too badly to support him for longer than a moment.

“N-no,” he finally replied, the tremors traveling through his body. Sportacus shifted around until he was face to face with him. Robbie thought he might pass out right there. This was entirely too close. Way too close. Dangerously, badly close.

Robbie was frightened out of his wits, and for once in his life, Sportacus was keen enough to observe it.

His blue eyes widened in realization and worry, and without thinking about it, he wrapped his arms around the man and tried to rub the shaking out of him. This made Robbie’s eyes go wider, if possible, and he started shaking slightly harder.

“Robbie? Robbie, what’s wrong? Did you get hurt?”

Robbie took one look at the troubled, sincere look in those ice-blue depths and he bit his lip to keep from bursting into frustrated tears.

“W-why?…”

Sportacus looked confused, and opened his mouth to ask what he meant, but Robbie kept going regardless.

“Why… why are you doing this? You’re being too nice to me. What do you want? Why… why do you keep touching me? Like I deserve it? Like I deserve to be thanked! Why! You don’t make any sense!” Tears were running down his face now, despite his best efforts to stop them, and they dripped onto the stunned face of Sportacus, who was regarding Robbie with a look akin to horror and despair.

“No…” he murmured, moving one hand up to Robbie’s face and wiping away tears as they came, while the other hand continued rubbing his back in slow circles.

“It’s okay…” he found himself repeating the words he’d always croon to Stephanie when she cried, soothing words that didn’t mean anything, but words he desperately wanted to be true. Robbie shook, and hid his face in Sportacus’ shoulder, trying to regain control. He was more confused and unsure than he had ever been in his life, and seeing Sportacus and Stephanie together like that, like a family, he had been shaken to his very core.

He truly believed he would never be able to share that.

“Robbie,” Sportacus said quietly, watching some loose strands of hair on the side of Robbie’s head sway when he breathed. He realized somewhere in the back of his mind that the man smelled a little like coconut.

“Robbie,” he kept going. “You do deserve those things. You’ve done a lot of nice things, so… so you deserve to be thanked. And, everyone deserves to be touched-”

“Liar.”

Sportacus felt his heart sink at the determined mutter from against his shoulder.

“I’m not ly-”

“Yes you are.”

Robbie raised his head slightly and looked at Sportacus. His eyes were slightly red, and the look in them froze the blood in Sportacus’ veins. They held the look of someone who had given up trying to be saved.

“If you aren’t lying, then why are you the only one?” Robbie whispered. “If everyone deserves to be touched, then how come I’m the only one? Why did… why did everyone else get nice things like that and I was the one who got left cold? You’re a liar.”

Sportacus felt like crying again, but he held it back. It wouldn’t help Robbie to cry with him. Not right now. Right now, he had to help him by being strong.

This was something he could do.

“You deserve it,” he said, looking him directly in the eyes. “And I don’t care if you think you do or not. You won’t get left cold again, not even if I have to drag you out of your lair and tell Stephanie a doctor prescribed you get daily hugs, the more a day the better. And if you try to keep her from getting to you, I’ll have to hug you myself. Got it?”

Robbie’s look softened and he nodded minutely and glanced away. Sportacus thought he looked somewhat like a little kid in that instant, and it was such a contrast to the normal Robbie, who was so adult-like and serious, that he automatically grinned and planted a kiss on his forehead like he’d done with Stephanie when he put her to bed. Robbie’s eyes widened, but he didn’t protest. Neither did he protest when Sportacus wrapped both arms around him again and hugged him, the most childish closed-eye smile Robbie had ever seen plastered on his face. Robbie scoffed, finally regaining some of his composure.

“You’re like a little kid, you know that?”

Sportacus opened his eyes.

“What’s wrong with that?”

The question threw him off guard and he didn’t have an answer.

“Besides…” Sportacus continued. “If I was really like a little kid, I would probably do something like this!” And he began tickling Robbie’s sides unmercifully. Robbie froze for a whole moment before dissolving into laughter and trying to squirm away simultaneously. The ruckus brought Stephanie back into the room, and she wasted no time jumping into the fray and tickling Sportacus, effectively immobilizing the man and allowing Robbie to escape, panting for air.

Stephanie was too busy laughing and trying to find unguarded spots on Sportacus to notice that Robbie was still smiling.