Loveless Relationships

I am in desperate need of a beta for this story. You can contact me at susanthebeta@yahoo.com. I would love you so much, and you could help guide this story into a more entertaining story.

Some dialog (the well written stuff) was stolen from the gateworld.net transcript of “Trinity”.

“Rodney?” Carson was suddenly hovering over his face.

“Whoa, when did you get here?” Rodney was too tired to lift his head off of the cold Atlantis bathroom floor. He felt slightly satisfied at the doctor’s worried expression after their earlier argument.

“I think you passed out. Rodney, what happened? Where’re you bleeding?”

“No, no. I’m not bleeding. Just sick to my stomach.”

“Aye, then what’s all this blood on the floor?” Carson pulled at the towel.

“NO! No, please! I’m not hurt, Carson, please. I have a stomach bug is all—” He was openly weeping.

“Jesus, Rodney! Oh, Jesus. Let me look.” Carson gently pried Rodney’s trembling thighs apart.

****************

God he was stupid. So pathetic. Was he really so desperate for intimacy that he had let Sheppard hurt him like that?

After Carson had had him brought into the infirmary (an embarrassing memory that he was vigorously attempting to eradicate from his mind), there was little the doctor could do but give him some painkillers and a few stitches.

Rodney was vehement that the affair was consensual, and that it had been rougher than he had realized.

Carson, of course, tried getting him to tell him who he was with that night. “I don’t want to preach to you about relationships because I know that you won’t listen, but this is not normal. What he did to you was not lovemaking. He was trying to hurt you. Right now you can’t see that what he is doing is wrong. He may not even know that he is hurting you. For both of your sakes, just tell me who.”

Even Heightenmeyer was brought in at eleven thirty to speak with Rodney. Between the two lectures and the very thorough and painful examination he began to understand the extent of his self-denial.

His affair with Sheppard began soon after the arrival of the expedition to Atlantis. Rodney had activated the little green glowing personal shield, and he had noticed that John would get a very obvious erection every time he threw Rodney over a balcony, shot him, or stabbed him. After saving the lives of the entire expedition and complaining the entire time in what would become true Rodney fashion, he confronted the major in Sheppard’s room.

Sheppard managed to twist Rodney’s perfectly reasonable question into his own accusation. “Why were you staring at my crotch?”

“Because it was pointing at me?”

“I am an Air Force officer. What you are saying is slanderous and damaging to my career. I wouldn’t dream, not in a million years, of being in a relationship with you.”

Rodney’s face turned red. “I didn’t say you were, but—”

“I think you should get out of my room now.”

Feeling humiliated, Rodney’s head went down and he turned to the door. Suddenly John had him against the closed door, his hand on Rodney’s crotch, and his lips on his ear. “We’ve got to be discrete.”

Rodney had never been with a man, had never really considered it, but he took whatever affection he was offered. He could get used to scratchy faces along with the idea of having orgasms on a regular basis. He also had to admit that Sheppard’s erratic behavior was exciting. At least in the beginning.

Then John started having difficulties. Rodney would come into John’s room with fantasies of Samantha in a pink outfit, but John couldn’t get an erection. Their relationship had found a slump, and neither party was getting what he wanted.

Then Kolya had taken Rodney and Elizabeth hostage on Atlantis.

John would take off the bandaging to Rodney’s arm where Kolya had left his mark of torture. He would fondle the knife wound and suck Rodney’s dick. It was after Kolya had taken over Atlantis that John had first tried to fuck Rodney.

He hadn’t even asked. He had just turned Rodney onto his stomach, and started sticking fingers up his ass. Rodney had, of course, refused him, but the entire incident had left him disenchanted with his relationship with the major. Post-coital discussions of anal intercourse proved fruitless as Rodney had refused to participate, and John was hardly attracted to Rodney without it.

Their relationship had become forced and full of frustrations. Rodney would come to the major’s room late at night, give him a hand job or a blowjob, but the major never gave anything back. He would rarely give Rodney a kiss afterwards, and that was only on the nights when John could get it up. Rodney would come into his room with the hopes of passionate sex and mutual enjoyment, but always half knowing that John would not give that to him.

When John had been promoted to lieutenant colonel, he had outright refused Rodney on their way back to Atlantis from Earth. Rodney had told himself that he understood. The colonel was more interested in keeping his career safe than an unsatisfying sexual relationship with an egomaniac. Rodney didn’t need John that way anyway. Katie Brown was a cute girl.

The only problem with his thinking was that Rodney was still desperate for John’s approval and affection. He didn’t know how to ask for it, or how to make John interested in him.

He had started to gain weight.

And then the day before yesterday, Rodney did something very stupid. He had almost gotten John killed, had broken John’s trust, and had blown up five sixths of a solar system.

Of course he deserved that dressing down that Elizabeth had given him, but he really needed reassurance, needed to know that John was still his friend if not his lover. Needed to know that he was worthy of someone’s affection.

That night, he ran into John in the corridor, and tired to pretend that John wasn’t walking away from him the moment he saw Rodney. “Oh, Colonel! Colonel! I've been looking all over for you.”

“I heard.” He turned to face Rodney and folded his arms.

“I suppose I deserve that. Look, I just, um, I wanted to apologize about what happened. I was wrong -- I'm sorry. And I wanted to assure you that, uh, I intend not being right again -- about everything, effective immediately.” Rodney felt better when John smiled slightly but kept his arms folded. “That was a joke.”

“Good one.” He turned and walked into a transporter room. Rodney walked forward to stop him from leaving. John turned to face him again.

“I've already apologized to Elizabeth ... and Radek ... and I thanked Colonel Caldwell for, uh, caring enough to spy on the experiment from orbit. I sent him a nice little email, actually. But I saved you 'til last 'cause, um, honestly, I would ... I would hate to think that recent events might have permanently dimmed your faith in my abilities, or your trust. At the very least, I hope I can earn that back.”

“That may take a while.”

Rodney's face fell. “I see.”

“But, I'm sure you can do it, if you really wanna try.” He stepped inside the transporter room and pressed the panel on the rear wall. As the doors closed, he smiled at Rodney. Rodney smiled back, then sighed in relief.

He could still redeem himself. He was still worthy. It was late, and Rodney did not want to go back to the science lab and face Radek. He was hungry but no one in the dining hall liked him. He resolved to do the sensible thing and go to his room and think about what he had done wrong these past few days, these past few years. He munched on a power bar along the way.

He undressed in the bathroom and made himself ready for a sleepless night. Then the door chimed.