koayanisgatsi

Abby sighed loud, wondering if she was doing the right thing. She could simply not believe she found herself here again.
Why was it that her life always seemed to bring her here? Twice, twice in the last 5 years! Most people came here once and that was it, some never came, others came but never got up, she was ready to get up, ready to finish this once and for all.
Susan and Kerry both had tried to convince her otherwise but it didn’t seem fair to throw on Luka a baby who could turn out to be the worse thing in his life.
But now that she was here, looking around herself, thinking of Luka in Africa and how she would face him when he came back… … … How could she? She would never tell him. … … … … What if someone told him, let it slip? Susan has a tendency of letting slip her mouth or giving some indication to someone that something is up!
He would never forgive her. He would never look at her face and even if they never got back together, if he found this out she would also loose his friendship.
Why hadn’t she thought of that before? Could she deal with loosing Luka completely? NO! That much was sure.
Suddenly the dream she had had two nights before filled her mind again.
The dream had haunted her the whole yesterday and this entire morning again, but as she made herself sit in this chair, convinced of what she was doing, or at least believing she was convinced, it had left her mind, but now… … … … …

The dream had been with Luka’s kids, or what she believed were his kids, although the little girl had looked nothing like the one on the picture Luka had showed her.
They had been screaming for help, for her help. Their hands stretched out for her, begging, pleading to not let them die.

The visions clear in her mind again made her freeze.

“Abby Lockhart!” A woman stood at the door that led to the room where Abby could put an end to this.

She couldn’t seem to move.

“Abby Lockhart!” Again.

Come on, Abby just get the hell up, you’ve done this before!

But she did not move.

The woman walked back inside and Abby walked back downstairs. If she wasn’t doing this than she should better get back to work. God knows she would need it now!


“What the hell are you doing here, I thought… … … … …” Susan walked into the lounge to find Abby sitting in the dark room crying.

“I couldn’t! I couldn’t do it. I mean I sat there, ready, knowing this was the smartest decision, the right one, but than I started thinking of Luka and how I’d been the cause of Nicole’s abortion … … … …”

“Wait, what do you mean? How could you have been the cause of Nicole’s decision if she wasn’t even pregnant”

“It turns out she really was pregnant and what I told her made her abort.”

“Abby I don’t think her decision had anything to do with… … … …”

“Susan, you don’t get it. She didn’t have any doubts, she wanted it.”

“Abby, I don’t think it would have been a good idea anyway. Can you picture the disaster? Luka didn’t have any feelings for her, … … …how could he raise a child with her?”

“But she would give him a healthy child.”

“So can you”

“Right, with my family’s history. … … … … What was I thinking, I’m going back upstairs.” She tried to get up but Susan pushed her back to sit down.

“Abby wait! Think, do you want this baby?”

“It’s not a question of me wanting this”

“Abby do you want it?”

“Yes!” She scared herself with the certainty of her answer.

“So there’s your answer. … … … Abby think about it, millions of women who should never be mother, give birth every day, teenagers who can have bipolar kids give birth and they don’t even know the meaning of that word.”

“Yes, but I know and Luka knows”

“So you can deal with it and you have help, not only from Luka, but from an entire hospital. … … … Abby, I honestly doubt it that anyone here would deny to help you … … … …” Seeing that Abby was considering all she was telling, Susan continued. “My father used to say what’s the point in living if you don’t risk it all?”

“Isn’t this the man who sits around in his couch all day?”

Susan laughed, “Yes. But do you want to spend your life like him, regretting everything you didn’t do?”

“Fine! You convinced me! I’m having this baby … … … …”Abby smiled.

“Great, I know of a man who’s jumping up and down with the news that Abby Lockhart will be a mom”

Abby stared at Susan for a minute as if letting it sink in.

“I’m going to be a mom?”

“Technically having a baby has that consequence on the woman who delivered it.”

“Oh, My God! I’m gonna be a mom” Abby felt her jaw drop.

Susan had to laugh. “You hadn’t notice that yet?”

“I was so caught up in the decision of going through with this or not that I totally forgot what it meant” She confessed still amazed at the news.

There was silence. Abby stared at the floor. She was going to be a mom!!
She was responsible for a life now, completely responsible for it, 24 hours a day for the rest of her life.

She sat down again.

“What now?”

“It’s too much! I mean, think about it, I won’t return it at the end of a day. It’s mine, I have to deal with it.”

“Abby, if there is one person in this hospital who is ready to be a mother that is you”

“I better get back to work. If I think about this too much, I’ll regret my decision in seconds”

“I’m sure when Luka comes back you won’t regret a second”

“I hope so”


She dialed the numbers written on that piece of paper as slowly as possible.

How should she break the news. “Hi, Luka, you’re gonna be a daddy… … …” Too stupid!!

“Hey, remember that night? Well it had consequences” God, horrible!!

“Luka I’m pregnant and it’s yours.” Whose else could it be?!! What if Carter answered?!!

She hung up!! Not ready to deal with it!

God, she was spinning. Her head was spinning around! She had to go to the bathroom. Now!!



“So, did he Scream? Laugh? Cry?” Chunny and Haley both raced to Abby as she walked in the next morning.
“What?”

“Dr Kovac, what was his reaction when you told him?”

“How the hell do you two know this?” Abby frowned, staring at Susan with an angry look.

“I didn’t tell anyone. They must have heard from someone else.” Susan defended herself, grabbing a chart and racing out of there.

Abby tried to make her way to the lounge but both nurses wouldn’t leave her alone.

“So”?”

“So, let me through”

“Oh, come on tell us”

“You know, my hormones are dancing around in me and if I were you I wouldn’t get on my case”

“You didn’t tell him yet, did you?” Chuny stood right under her nose. God she hated this.

Abby sighed “Chunny, how’s you’re sex life?”

Chunny stared at Abby in disbelieve. “What’s it to you”

“Answered your own question”. With that Abby made her way to the lounge.
Great! Now the entire hospital knew and she hadn’t even told Luka, she hadn’t even dealt with her situation with Carter.

“Couldn’t you have picked a better time to be made?” She looked at her belly.

“Talking to the baby already? You really are a mom” Susan walked in.

“I didn’t tell him, ok! I didn’t have the guts.”

“Why not? I mean he’s going to be so happy”

“I’m not worried about Luka’s reaction. He’ll probably make it rain in the dessert. I’m worried about Carter’s reaction. I haven’t even told him I slept with Luka, can you picture if I call tell Luka I’m pregnant … … …”

“Got it! So, what are you gonna do?”

“Wait!”

“Come on, they’re coming back like in September and it’s mid-July now. You have one month and a half! You’re what 5 weeks pregnant, you’ll be 12 to 13 weeks than, I think they’ll notice only by looking.”

“See makes it easier on me. I don’t have to say a word, they’ll get it!”

“Right. Ok… … … … well you’ll handle that”

“What”

“Nothing”

“Susan”

“Abby, Carter’s going to think it’s his”

“Not really! I mean not if he’s smart. We haven’t had sex in like 2 months. How could it be his?”

“I don’t know, I think you should call”

“Susan, let me handle this”

“Fine. Whatever. Oh, Jesus I almost forgot. MVA in 5 … … … Now”