Smoldering Desires

A/N Thanks to Michelle who wrote me a sweet little review for Gily and suddenly found herself working as my beta in the middle of a project. Shouts out to Monica and Joan who listen to much nashing of teeth. Loving that Ashleigh who has been assigned the job of technical accuracy even though she thinks she's reading for fun. Last but not least, love that Cybrokat who tells me the truth in such a sweet way.

NC-17 just to be safe.


Part Three
Ashes

Paris 9 p.m.

Sara’s nipples and areola were extremely pale, not quite pink but not quite flesh colored either. They were the most beautiful nipples he had ever seen. They had been in bed for hours. A soft sheen of sweat and heat covered her body. Her hair had started to curl behind her ears.

He sucked one pale point then the other. Sara sighed softly. She was nearly asleep again and Gil wanted her to wake up. They had five days and four nights. He needed to squeeze as much loving and living as possible into these four days.

Paris was his gift to her. Once he’d heard her tell Nick that she wanted to go to Paris before she died. What kind of life was it when a beautiful, smart woman like Sara set a trip to Paris as a questionable, unattainable dream? He catalogued and kept it close. She would go to Paris. He hoped that she would go with him. But if not, he would make sure that Nicky took her.

So now they were in Paris.

His lazy fingers traced a path down her stomach resting, at her hip. She had gained weight. Now that they took most meals together, she ate better. Now that they slept together she woke refreshed and well rested.

He had written a letter to Nick admonishing him to make sure that Sara kept up the habits they had developed together. When he was gone, he didn’t want her to return to her restless, hungry ways, expending energy over a pile of bones or an urn of ashes.

He should tell her. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. In this end, he was more than cruel. He was a coward.

“Do I love you?” She asked.

“Yes. Do you love me?”

“Do you love me?” Sara returned stroking his face with a dark gaze.

“You know I do.”

“You never said it.”

He nailed her with a clear precise gaze. “I love you Sara Astrid Sidle. I love you more now more than I ever thought possible.”

She couldn’t believe he said it. What had happened to Gil Grissom? Since the day in the office, he had been open and daring and full of life. He had decided to live.

She didn’t know it because he was dying.

The day before “the encounter”, as it had come to be known by these two lovers, he had coughed up enough blood to call March Drummond, his longtime doctor and good friend.

Over the next few weeks, Gil had lost weight, suffered from exhaustion and had nearly passed out while he walked on his treadmill. He knew that he had more than a condition. He had a disease of some kind.

March had taken pictures and prodded. He had called in specialists and made Gil come in at least once a week for a month. Finally the call had come five days before.

“You need to come in, Gil.” March’s lazy Louisiana voice was serious and tense.

“What is it?”

“I won’t tell you on the phone.”

“Will it make a difference if I come today or five days from now? I…I have something I need to do.”

“Sara?” March asked. Gil had revealed his relationship with Sara because he wanted to make sure that whatever he had wasn’t contagious. March knew him almost as well as Brass and Cath. He’d known the depth of Gil’s feelings for the lithe brunette and was pleased that his friend was acting on his feelings.

“I want to take her somewhere. Can I leave the country?”

“If I said no, would it stop you?”

Gil laughed. He did that a lot now. “No.”

“I think you should bring Sara with you, if you can. Maybe Catherine, too.”

Bring the sister and the wife, Gil thought.

There was no one to see Gil’s head shake. “You know I won’t do that.”

“I know. I had to try. I’ll see you on Tuesday”

Sara ran her hands through Gil’s hair. “I love your hair. The first time I saw you I wanted to bury my hands in it.”

Gil wondered if whatever he had would make him loose his hair. Another reason not to tell Sara.

He moved his hands to the tangle of pubic hair. “I love yours too.”

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” He asked as he kissed her lips.

She savored the taste of him as she traced a path around her mouth.

“Seriously. Do you know that?”

Sara grinned showing her gap. “You think I am beautiful. That is enough.”

“No, I want you to think it, too.”

“If you say so, Gil Grissom. If you say so, I guess I am.”

His plan was to make her angry. Angry enough with him so that she could to move on. It was a brilliant success.

“I can’t do this Sara.”

Too good to be true Sara Sidle.

“What can’t you do, Gil?”

They were in the parking lot of the lab. He said the words in public knowing that Sara would not create a scene. Who was he kidding? It wasn’t Sara he was worried about. It was himself.

“There is someone else.”

Whatever she had expected him to say, it wasn’t that. He would say he wasn’t cut out for a relationship. He would say she was too young. He would say he was too old. Maybe he’d pull the work card. The idea that he could love someone else was beyond her reasoning.

Thoughts sputtered around her head finally ending in a miserable heap. Disappointment was not new, especially from Gil. She had thought he had changed. She was so sure.

He wondered what her eyes looked like behind her sunglasses. He had a matching pair.

“I will wear matching sunglasses, Gil Grissom, but I will not where matching clothes.”

“Aw, man, I just had our shirts airbrushed.”

Now she looked at his uncovered blue eyes.

Her mind went back to the day before, when they had they bordered on debauchery. Hands everywhere, tongues snaking out of mouths onto blistering flesh, Gil pounding into her until she nearly passed out.

“If I had known that, I wouldn’t have let you come in all of my orifices.”

He responded in kind, not because he was angry, but because he needed to fuel her outrage.

“Sara, I only put it where you begged me to. I would have slept with you sooner if I had known however compliant you were.”

She looked at him for several seconds. She turned and walked to her car.

Gil leaned against his car, the car he’d leave to Warrick, and slumped a little. She was angry. That was good. He hoped she stayed that way.