Sessions

“Mr. Grissom.” Dr Duluth began. “Today we need to discuss Sara.”

The thought of that made Grissom shudder. “Ok.” He knew he wasn’t ever going to be ready for this.

“So you told me she was a co-worker is that right?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“Has she always been a co-worker?”

“No, she was once a student of mine.”

The doctor looked at him with a shocked expression. “Student?”

“Yes, I once taught seminars for extra credit at Harvard, that was where we first met.”

“Ok, welcome to this seminar. It is on Advanced Procedures in Forensic Science. I’m Dr. Gil Grissom. I am a CSI III from San Francisco as well as an Entomologist. There will be time at the end for me to answer questions, please leave them until then. If need be I can offer extra help as well, you just need to ask me for an appointment. When I call out your name, please let me know you are present. He began to go through the list: Betty Brubaker.”

“Present.”

“Dave Symonds.”

“Present.”

“Sara Sidle.”

“Present.”

There was something about her voice that made him look up. She was and angel. Nearly took his breath away. She was beautiful. Her hair lay in waves framing her face. Her skin was flawless and her eyes were the most gorgeous shade of brown that he had ever seen. It was hard for him to concentrate from that point forward. She completely captured his mind and his heart.

He admired her intellect. She always asked pertinent questions and made him keep on his toes. He liked that. He began to have coffee with her after the seminars and it eventually blossomed into something more. He knew it was inappropriate, but he could not control his heart. He was in love with her even though he was fifteen years her senior.

“So these seminars, what were they about?”

“Forensics. She was a student at Harvard; Physics major. These were extra credit.”

“Ok, so you started dating her?”

“Not right away. We were friends first, but it grew into more.”

“And how did you feel about that?”

“I loved her. I loved her more that I loved anyone.”

“So what happened?”

“We had a relationship while I was in Boston, it was only for six weeks, but it became intense fast.”

“Would you like to discuss this relationship?”

“Not really.”

“I think it would help things along if you did.”

Hesitantly he obliged her. “I finished the first seminar and I was getting ready to teach the next one. It was on Entomology. I asked the class if they had any questions, the only one who asked was Sara. I told her I was teaching another and what it was on. Most of the class was disgusted at the thought of studying bugs, but not Sara.” He briefly paused. “The whole class left, all but Sara. She stayed behind and requested extra help so that she could take this seminar. She was really interested in Forensics and was seriously thinking about changing her major to reflect that. I was really interested in her intellect. She was really intelligent and I couldn’t not help her.” He wiped his brow again. Why do I keep sweating? “I told her to come to my hotel room. I know now that my decision should have been more professional. I figured that all my textbooks were there so it would be easier than hauling them all with me. It was all supposed to be innocent. I won’t lie to you, I was very excited that she was coming over.”

He cleared his throat. “Could I please have a glass of water?”

She poured him a glass and passed it to him.

“She was hesitant to come in. I saw that she was nervous it was rather obvious. I started with light conversation about entomology, asking her why she wasn’t to learn about it and all.” He took another sip of his water. “She wanted to know about blowflies.” He laughed lightly and the doctor looked him puzzled. “I told you she was like no other I had ever met.” He laughed again. “So we sat on the bed discussion blow flies. She was touching my hand.”

“How did that make you feel.”

“It made me feel conflicted. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help wanting more. She eventually got nervous about what she was doing and stood up and tried to feed me some line about being late. I called her on it.”

“What happened next?” She asked.

“I reached out to her. One thing led to another. Do you want all the sordid details?”

“If you want to tell me I am here to listen.”

“Do you think it will help me?”

“It might. I’m not going to pressure you. If you want to tell me, tell me, if not don’t.”

He nodded. “She was hesitant at first, so was I. Being older I didn’t want to seem like I was making her do something she didn’t want to do. She was so beautiful. It was nearly breathtaking. She made my heart race just looking at her. We were just inches apart looking in each other’s eyes. I didn’t want to rush her so I let her take the lead. She kissed me and I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her.” He took a sip of his water. Noticing the glass was nearly the doctor refilled his glass. “I removed her shirt. She let me do it. She was so beautiful. I paid attention to her exposed flesh, savouring it. She then took the lead and started to touch me. It was empowering. She was so sensual. She soothed my apprehensions. She wanted to know what I wanted I couldn’t help but tell her it was her I wanted. Her touch caused me to orgasm. It was a first time for me. It had never happened before. After that she climbed on me and rode me until we both climaxed.” He took a big gulp of his water.

“What happened after that was it awkward?”

“I didn’t know what to say to her. Morally it was wrong, but it felt so right. She begged me not to tell her it was a mistake. The sex wasn’t a mistake, but me being with her was. I didn’t have the heart to tell her. I just told her if we were going to pursue a relationship she wouldn’t be able to attend my seminar.”

“How long did this go on for?”

“Three more weeks. We were nearly inseparable. Every spare moment was spent together.”

What happened after you left?”

“I went back to Frisco, she finished her degree. We kept in touch and visited frequently. We still had a physical relationship. I just couldn’t get enough of her. When she finished her degree she was lucky enough to get a job at the lab in Frisco.”

“With you?”

“Yes and No.”

“Care to explain.”

“The time she was being transferred in, I was being transferred out. I got promoted to CSI III and they figured I would be better utilized at the Vegas lab. I was gone by the time she got there. She was hurt. I was a coward and couldn’t tell her. She had to find out from her boss. She did continue to talk to me, but it was never the same. She felt betrayed whether she admitted it or not.”

“So how did that make you feel?”

“Empty.”

“Empty?”

“Yes, without her I was incomplete.”

“Is that when this behavior began?”

“No, not really, I was in denial for a few years and dove into my work. I was a workaholic. My work was the only thing I had left in my life. I lost the only woman I had ever loved, what else was left?”

“So when did this start? Did you think of that?”

“I needed an internal investigation done on one of my subordinates. He was supposed to be watching the rookie on her first night out. He left her to go gambling and she ended up being shot. I didn’t want just anybody to do it. I trusted Sara so I called her and asked her to do it.”

“She came?”

“Yes and then she decided to stay. The girl actually died from the gunshot and the lab had an opening. It was completely Sara’s choice. I didn’t even ask her, she just stayed on.”

“How was your relationship?”

“Light-hearted at first, but having to see her everyday was complicated to say the least. We used to flirt and stuff. I missed her. Her smile, her touch, and the way her body felt with mine. That was when this started happening to me.”

“How were you at work?”

“I put on a good show. I’m very introverted so no one really noticed.”

“How was your relationship with Sara?”

“Strained to say the least. It got hard to work with her. My feelings got in the way. I shut down and stopped working with her. It didn’t help that she asked me out. I turned her down, but it was because of other factors.”

“What were those factors?”

“My hearing was going. I inherited my mother’s disease. She went deaf when I was a kid. That caused my father to walk out on us. I was six. I didn’t mean to hurt Sara, but I was hurting myself and she just got sucked into my tailspin.”

“What else happened?”

“She got a DUI. She was driving home drunk. It was suspected that she had a drinking problem. Brass picked up on it. I was too wrapped up in myself to notice. I got the call about her DUI. I was so scared.”

“Did anything else significant happen within this time?” She sensed there was something else.

“I had this case.”

“Want to tell me about it?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Take your time. I’m certain it will make you feel better if you did.”

He took another drink and cleared his throat. “There was this doctor. He was near his fifties. Very similar to me I felt for the guy. He fell in love with this young beauty, she ended up moving on to someone else and he snapped. He killed her and her new boyfriend. He completely decapitated the man and threw him in the trash. We found him but never had enough evidence to convict him.”

“What else is there, I sense you are holding back.”

“The woman…..” He paused. “She looked like Sara.”

“Did that upset you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I feared that I could do this to Sara.”

“Could you?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I hope not.”

”So how is your relationship with Sara now?”

“I avoid Sara. I can barely look at her.”

“Why is that?”

“The guilt, the pain I caused her, the fact that I can never have her again.”

“Why do you feel that way?”

“I blew all my chances, I don’t deserve another chance.”

“You are too hard on yourself. I think you are going to need Sara to help you through this.”

“I do?”

“Yes. How many trips have you made to the brothel? Has that changed?”

“No.”

“For next week, I want you to have a conversation with Sara. It doesn’t have to be face to face, it can be via email, if you wish. I’ll see you next week.” Grissom got up and left.

How am I going to talk to Sara? I can’t look at her, I’m too embarrassed. I guess my only option is Email. She can’t do anymore than delete it. With the thought in his head he headed home to bed.

He sat at his desk with the computer opened to his email program; he couldn’t quite bring himself to send the email. There was a knock at the door.

"Got a minute." It was Sara.

"Sure." He tried to make his voice welcoming.

"We haven't had a chance to talk since the staff changes. I wanted to let you know that I said some things to Ecklie that might have done the team a disservice."

"Ecklie wanted to break up the team, and he did." Don’t let her know you are hurting…don’t let her know you are hurting…he repeated to himself.

"He asked me if you and I had had our post PEAP counselling session."

"And we didn't. Regardless, you should never have to cover for your boss. I'm sorry." Be professional Gil.

"You've always been a little more than a boss to me. Why do you think I moved to Vegas?" Where did that come from? Is this how she feels?

"Look, I know our relationship has been complicated. It's probably my fault. It's probably definitely my fault." Its been my fault, its all been my fault. Not yours, I just need to tell you that.

"You...uh...completed your counselling, right?" Back to the subject, Gil, get back to the subject.

"Yeah. Yes."

"And?"

"Let's just say that...I sometimes look for validation in inappropriate places." What the hell does she mean by that. Is that directly meaning me?

"Look, let's, uhm...” Come on Gil, don’t choke, you can do this.

"It's okay. Okay. You know what, we did our session. Don't forget to document this for Ecklie." She knows me too well.

"Right."

"Thanks." Don’t go. I don’t want you to go. But the words won’t come out.

He looked at the screen again and composed an email to her:

To: ssidle@vegascrimelab.usa
From: ggrissom@vegascrimelab.usa
Subject: Sorry


Sara,

First I have to say I’m sorry for the way I have been acting. I have been a coward and this is the only way I could bring myself to talk to you.

Recently I started see that how I was acting toward you was appalling. You poured your heart and feelings out to me and again I choked on my words. I’m truly sorry.

I’m proud that you finished your sessions and you seemed to learn from it. You don’t have to forgive my behavior, I probably don’t deserve it. I’m sure that any problems we have faced with out relationship have definitely been my fault not yours; it goes back to me being a coward. Again, I’m Sorry.

Grissom.

He reread the email twice more and his hand hovered over the delete key. He took a deep breath and pressed send. See that wasn’t so hard. He looked down and his hand was shaking. He took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. What has gotten into me?

Grissom got up and headed to the bathroom. This was a usual thing for him but it just got harder for him having had a confrontation with Sara. In his office. All his thoughts rushed to Sara. Sara in his arms. Sara in his bed. Sara with him. Boston came flooding back.

“Alright, class. This is the end of this seminar. Do any of you have any questions before I dismiss you?”

One hand went up, it was Sara. It was no shock to him. “Miss Sidle, what can I do for you?” He was smiling.

“Are you teaching anymore seminars here, Dr Grissom?”

“Yes, in case you are all interested, I will be teaching one more seminar before I go back to Vegas.”

“What will that one be on?” Sara asked with a huge smile.

“Entomology.” There were a few sighs from the audience. The class left, all but Sara.

“Dr Grissom, could I please request some extra help?” Sara asked. “I am interested in the entomological aspect of forensics, but I know nothing about it.”

“Certainly, Sara, we could meet after class if you want.”

“Where will we meet?”

“How about my hotel room?” Did I just say that? “All my texts are there for reference.”

“Um sure. At seven?”

“I’m room 2007 at the Ritz. I’ll see you then.” Grissom was grinning like a fool.

Sara stood in front of the door of his hotel room. She looked at the door and traced the numbers on the door with her fingers. She hesitantly knocked at the door. He opened the door and stood there in jeans and an old sweatshirt. She had never seen him this way before. He was always so professional in class. His hair was unruly and she thought it made him look even sexier.

“Sara, come in.” He urged her into his hotel room.

Sara hesitated at the door as her stomach jumped up into her throat. When she spoke it was in a small voice, "Dr Grissom."

"Sara Sidle, won't you come in."

Go in, you idiot!! A voice demanded. Sara played with the cuff on her jacket as she continued to stand.

"Please, come sit down." He pointed to the bed. "So tell me, what has you interested in entomology?"


You mean besides you? Sara shook her head and bit her lip at the thought, noting the slight arch in Grissom's eyebrow. "I uh...I've always been fascinated by bugs ever since I was a little girl.”

"Really? I would have never pegged you as a bug girl." He was mildly chuckling as he pictured a little piggy tailed Sara running after bugs.

"Sara blushed a little. "I had a bug collection."

"Ant farm?" He asked inquiringly.

"Grade six." She played nervously with her jacket.

"I had mine when I was six, I guess I was ahead of you in bug collecting." He smiled at her.

What about that fifteen-year age difference? When you were six I wasn’t even born. "Sounds like it." Sara glanced over at the mini bar. "Mind if I get a soda? I'm a little thirsty."

"There in the bar fridge. I only have root beer it’s my favorite. Wanna grab me one too, please?"

"Sure." Sara flashed him her best thousand-watt smile as she left her jacket on the bed and walked over to the bar.

"So what branch of Entomology did you want to discuss tonight? The bugs them self or something like linear regression?" Keep it professional Gil, no matter how you feel she is still your student. Remember that! He mentally talked to himself.

Sara opened the tab on Grissom's soda, swearing under her breath when she broke her thumb nail. She sucked on her smarting thumb as she handed the open soda can to him. "I was hoping for linear regression, if that's alright."

"Sure, that is my favorite part anyway." He looked at her sucking on her thumb, " Are you ok?"

"I broke a nail."

"Oh. Sorry” What do you say to someone who breaks a nail? " Thanks for the soda." He smiled at her hoping she would smile back, he loved her smile. He'd never seen one like it before.

"Welcome." The smile wasn't quite as full this time, but she did smile at him as she picked up her can and resumed her seat.

"So, Sara, please ask away, what do you want to know about linear regression?" He took a drink fro his can, "I am at your service."

Sara gathered her nerve, sitting a little closer to Grissom. One hand traced up and down his palm. "I was wondering about blow flies..”

"Blow flies." His response was staggered as she touched him. It sent shivers through his body. Stop thinking like that, you can't do this, its not right. Snap out of it Gil.

Feeling that he wasn't pulling away, Sara kept going. "What's their life cycle?"

"They....they." He was stuttering like a little kid. "They only have a short life cycle,” She has to stop doing that. She has to...or I may not be able to stop.

"How short?"

"Only a few days..."I wonder if she knows I like that. He emitted a soft moan and cleared his throat quickly to cover it. "They...they are the last insect to infest a dead body." Think decomps. Think decomps. No it’s not working.

Sara's lips turned up into a small smile as she moved her stroke upwards to his fingers. "Never realized it was that short."

What is she doing? Oh my god, I'm not sure I can sustain my composure. "Yup, but they are important little guys."

Sara suddenly withdrew her hand as she checked her watch. "Sorry...I forgot about my study group. See you in class?"

"Sara." He reached out to grab her, holding her back towards him. The move took her a little off guard at first, but then she looked into his eyes. Her warm breath was on his face. He wanted to kiss her but resisted the urge; he didn't want to scare her. You look so beautiful. It was Sara who brought her lips up to his. At first it took him by surprise, but once her realized she initiated it he kissed her back. This time it had more fervour. Sara moaned softly as she felt his tongue wanting in to her mouth. She gently ran her tongue over his, beginning to shiver. Her senses reeled. He placed his hands on her cheeks just on the edge of her hair so that he could deepen the kiss. His hands slowly slid down her sides. Sara whimpered, sliding her hands around his waist, pulling him closer to her.

He reached for the hem of her shirt ever so lightly teasing the bare flesh under it. She gasped involuntarily, jumping back only to be pulled back into Grissom's arms. He tugged at the shirt for her to grant him permission to remove it. Sara raised her arms. The shirt slid off revealing a delicate black bra. He traced the lines of lace and then reached for the straps to take them off of her arms. He planted warm kisses where they once were.

Sara's lips searched for Grissom's as she ran her hands under his sweatshirt. Her touch was electrifying. He lifted his arms to allow her to remove the shirt.

"It’s okay," Sara whispered to him, smiling in reassurance. She pressed soft kisses to the skin that she exposed. Grissom moaned softly at her affections. He pulled her toward the bed. Sara's heart began pounding in her chest like a jackrabbit as she continued kissing and nibbling down Grissom's firm stomach. She moaned at his taste again. His smell was.... incredible. It was musky and. well, manly. He reached for her. He kissed her again while removing his pants, socks and shoes. Was he ready for this? Was she?

Sara insisted on pleasuring him. She rolled on top of him, wanting to explore his skin. She kissed down his chest. He bit back another moan. Then he couldn't hold back no more. "Soo good...so...."

Sara pressed kisses and nibbles down his neck and behind the delicate skin of his ear. "Tell me what you want," she whispered.

"You." He whispered back, "I want you."

Sara kissed down his neck towards his jaw as her hands continued southward. She soon followed her hands with her lips, rolling her tongue into his navel. He arched his back. "Ssssara...” he gulped between ragged breaths. Did I just do that?

Sara soothed him with her hands, continuing down. She paused at his boxer shorts. "Can I take these off?" she whispered. He nodded biting his lip. He was hard and by the look in her eyes she knew it. Sara wanted to tease him a little longer. She ran her tongue around the delicate skin. His hips bucked uncontrollably. His hands were in her hair. I love the way this feels. Ooooooo..."

"Feel good?" she whispered hoarsely

"Um hum." He choked out. "So Good."

Sara positioned herself around him, aching to be with him. Her eyes closed as she began to ride him. He moved with her. His hands were on her breasts, teasing them, touching them. He put his hands on her hips to quicken her pace. "Harder..."

Sara gasped at his hands on her, her eyes squeezing shut. She arched back and screamed as her body was no longer her own. He pulled her towards her to kiss her once again. He was still breathing heavy. So was she. Sara rested on top of his chest. She closed her eyes as she felt Grissom stroking her hair.

"Sara...I” He didn't know what to say.

"Don't say it was a mistake. Please..." she begged softly.

"Never...Its just..." He looked down at her. "Is this what you wanted?"

Sara sat up a little as one hand caressed Grissom's sweaty face. "I knew there was something different about you from the first class. We...connected."

I'll say we connected he thought looking at her. "This is unprofessional of me...it could cause problems."

"Right..." Sara trailed off, sadly.

"If you want to continue this." He smiled at her "it means you couldn't attend my next seminar." He kissed her forehead. "Would that be alright?"

I'll do anything I can to be with you. “There's always the option of informal education," Sara said brightly.

"Good then that's settled." He caressed her hair. "So what do you wanna do now?" He had a sheepish grin plastered all over his face.

Sara continued to stare at the screen in front of her. Slowly, she began to type out her response:

To: ggrissom@vegascrimelab.usa
From: ssidle@vegascrimelab.usa
Subject: Re: Sorry

Grissom,

What's in the past is in the past. Let's try to move forward, shall we?

Sara

Sara looked at her response for a minute, her finger posing above the delete button. Then she hit send. Sara blinked back angry tears as she picked up her jacket and car keys.