The Beast

Part 3
Brooke ran back to her room and collapsed on her bed. Curling up in a fetal position, she cried, not holding anything back. She cried not for herself, but for Sam. *What did I do?* Brooke thought to herself. *I’m supposed to make her feel better, not make her cry! I almost told her! I’m such an idiot!* Brooke wrapped her arms around her pillow and curled it into herself as she buried her face in it and cried. She didn’t want to take the chance that Sam might hear her. She cried silently for several minutes when there came a soft knock on the door. Brooke quickly and valiantly tried to compose herself, even though it was a hopelessk. Tk. The door opened softly and Brooke looked up.
“Brooke? How did…” Jane started asking before she saw the red puffiness in Brooke’s eyes and knew she’d been crying. Jane didn’t say another word as she quickly went to Brooke and enveloped her in a hug. “Oh sweetie, what happened?” Brooke didn’t say anything and just cried in her step-mother’s embrace. “Brooke?”
“Sa… Sam… hates me!” Brooke managed to get out through sniffles.
“Honey, no she doesn’t. If she’s upset with anyone, it’s herself.”
“But I was supposed to make her feel better! Instead I only made her cry again!”
“Listen to me Brooke”, Jane’s voice was soft but firm. Brooke looked into Jane’s eyes. “She will get through this. It isn’t your fault. Punishing yourself won’t help her at all. You’ll have to be strong, for Sam.”
Brooke steeled herself and got a determined look in her eyes. “I will. I can do this.”
“I know you can. I love you both, if anyone can help Sam through this, it’s you.”
Brooke’s face softened and she smiled. “Jane, I just want you to know, I love you and Sam. Kelly may have given birth to me but you’re my mother.” They both hugged each other again.
“What are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’ll just keep being nice to her. Show her that I love her.” Then Brooke quickly added, “… as a sister is supposed to.”
Jane just smiled at her step-daughter, but inside she knew that quick addition to her last statement was a cover-up. She didn’t push it though. *Maybe Brooke’s love can bring Sam around.*
* * *
The next morning, Sam’s alarm clock woke her up. She walked over to the mirror and stared at herself. Her eyes were still red. *This is ridiculous* Sam thought to herself. *Crying like a little girl.* Inside, there was a battle being fought. *You’re Samantha McPherson. Daughter of Joe and Jane McPherson. Editor in chief of the school newspaper!* She gathered her strength and managed to push all those feelings back down. After a few minutes, she managed to bury her emotions deep within herself. She would rather not do it this way, she knew it was only a temporary solution… and likely to come back worse… but she was only concerned with right now. Right now, she hurt Brooke, she hurt her mother. She’d deal with the aftereffects of her actions later. Sam looked at herself in the mirror again and felt a familiar coldness well up inside her. This was good. The walls were back up.
“You’re Samantha McPherson.” She said to herself.
* * *
Jane and Brooke were already downstairs eating breakfast in the kitchen when Sam walked in. Brooke’s back was to the doorway and didn’t see her right away. Jane did, however.
“Morning Sam…” Jane said, her voice hopeful. Maybe this was a good sign.
Upon hearing this, Brooke whirled around faster than seemed possible. “Sam! I mean... How are you?”
“Morning mom.” Turning to look at Brooke she added with little feeling, “I’m fine.”
*The walls are back up* Brooke thought to herself. *Just be nice* “There’s some milk left if you want cereal.”
“Thanks. I’ve got it.” Nothing more was said all through breakfast. Sam was aware of Brooke’s occasional glances directed at her. She knew Brooke was worried about her and Sam knew she should put up a good front. She didn’t want to push it though by talking too much, so she kept silent.
Brooke on the other hand, wanted desperately to talk to Sam but didn’t have any idea how to bring it up. So, lost in her own thoughts about Sam, she stayed silent as well.
After breakfast was done, the girls got ready for school, gathering their books. Sam wanted a ride to school but Sam knew she had hurt Brooke last night and didn’t want to take for granted the fact that Brooke would automatically take her. “Brooke, can you give me a ride to school?”
“Sam, I always give you a ride to school. Why would today be any different?” she said with laughter in her eyes and a smile.
“I just thought…” Sam stopped herself. *Damn that girl. Why does she have to keep doing that?* Sam was glad for the fact that Brooke kept trying to find ways in. *I can’t dump all this on Brooke right now.*
“You just thought what?” Brooke’s face was hopeful that Sam just might spill. She’d made a crack in the wall… a tiny one… but a crack nonetheless.
Sam quickly retreated behind the wall again. “Nothing. Can you give me a ride?”
“Of course I will.” As Sam walked out the door, she didn’t see Brooke smile.
* * *
Between classes, Sam was at her locker putting away books and retrieving others when Brooke walked up.
“Hi Sam!” Brooke exclaimed with an obscene amount of cheerfulness.
“Hi.” Brooke was so cute that Sam wanted to smile but every time she thought about her, the Beast rattled its cage even louder.
Brooke thought she saw a glimmer of a smile in Sam’s eyes but then it was just as quickly replaced by sadness.
“I was going to skip lunch and go to the mall, I was wondering if you wanted to come along,” Brooke asked hopeful.
Sam knew she couldn’t handle being around Brooke, walking next to her for an extended period of time and be able to keep her composure. “I don’t think so.”
Brooke couldn’t hide the disappointment on her face. “Please Sam? It’ll be fun!” Brooke tried to bring up a forced smile.
Sam couldn’t figure out what was up with Brooke. All week Brooke seemed to be everywhere she looked. She was at Sam’s locker between classes, sitting next to her in Bio she could just feel Brooke watching her. She even thought Brooke was watching her when she was working on the newspaper. Brooke was everywhere. Now matter how hard she tried, Brooke was there… watching her… being nice to her. Brooke was bound and determined to get through that wall. And the most terrifying thing to Sam? She wanted her to get through, and it upset her.
“What is wrong with you lately?”
“What do you mean?” Brooke tried to keep the hurt out of her voice.
“Everywhere I go, you’re there… Everywhere I look, you’re smiling at me, being nice to me.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing… It’s just…” Sam felt her resolve cracking, seeing the hurt look on Brooke’s face, she had to get away from here. “I’ve gotta go.”
Brooke looked after Sam as she walked away hurriedly. Just as Sam walked away, Brooke noticed something flutter to the ground at her feet. Bending down and picking up the item, she noticed it was a piece ofer. er. Sam’s notes probably?
[What’s wrong with me?]
Reading that first line, Brooke knew it wasn’t school notes. She knew she shouldn’t be reading it but she couldn’t help herself. She continued reading…
[I know I shouldn’t feel like this. Why can’t things go back to normal? What is normal? Normal is laughing with Lily and Carmen. Normal is fighting with Brooke… Brooke. For the life of me, I can’t figure her out. One minute we’re fighting like cats and dogs, like we always have… the next she’s being so damn nice to me.]
Brooke smiled at that.
[How am I supposed to keep this all buried with her gnawing at it?]
Brooke smiled, knowing she had actually gotten through.
[I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do! I don’t think I want too much out of life. I just want someone to love and love me back! I don’t want to be alone!
But that’s all I’ll ever be. Alone.
All I ever do is hurt everyone. I hurt them and they leave. Dad left me. George left me. Brooke and Mom hate me and they’ll be leaving me soon too.]
*Oh Sam, I don’t hate you, I’ll never leave you.*
[I don’t want them to leave me. I don’t want her to leave me!]
*Her?*
[Maybe I do want too much. I want too much and God will never give it all to me. Why would God give it too me? It’s far more than I deserve.]
Brooke frowned, she was getting more confused by the moment.
[God, I want Brooke so much, but I keep hurting her. She’s going to leave me. Just like everyone else I love does. Why am I going to be alone? What did I do so wrong?
Brooke, I love her so much…]
The note just stopped there. If Brooke hadn’t been leaning against the lockers, she surely would have collapsed onto the floor. As it was, she just cried, tears of joy falling down her face. She had to do something. She had to show Sam she loved her. Finally making her decision, she knew what she had to do. Valentine’s day was tomorrow and she was determined to get the perfect gift.