Infinity

TITLE: Infinity (26/?)

AUTHOR: Master F&M

FANDOM: Law and Order: SVU

RATING: Everything from PG to R—just like life.

SUMMARY: A Fin-based saga to follow his life that isn’t seen on the show.

DISCLAIMER: L&O: SVU and all its characters belong to Dick Wolf, NBC, and whomever

                          else puts the show out for our enjoyment. I just get to play with them.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sam is a character of my own creation. She does not exist on the show.

FEEDBACK: Please give some. For entertainment purposes only.

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CHAPTER 26

 

            Fin stared down the hall where Dorian had disappeared. What the hell just happened?
Thirty minutes ago he was still in a great mood after his morning with Sam. Then Munch had
given him Dorian. Now his son was gone again. Fin wasn’t quite sure what he was feeling. His
brain decided to settle for dazed.

            He looked over at his partner who was leaning against the wall, arms folded across his
chest. Munch had stayed with him after Dorian left, seeming to not mind the fog Fin was in that
prevented him from moving. He caught Fin looking.

            “You okay?” He waved a hand in the air. “Never mind. Dumb question.” Munch
pushed off the wall and stood in front of him.

            “I think the Captain will understand if you need to take another day.”

            Fin shook his head, trying to clear it. He looked back at John. “How . . . ?” So many
questions jostled in his mind, he had trouble picking one to ask first.

            “How did I find him?” John asked the question for him. “It’s sort of a long story. One
I’d be happy to tell elsewhere, unless you don’t mind?” He nodded toward Elliot and Olivia who
had come out into the hall and were now sending curious glances their way.

            “I’m not in thed tod to deal with them right now.”

            “Fine. Head out to your car while I talk to the captain. Then we’ll talk. You can buy me
breakfast, seeing how you owe me now,” he joked, trying to bring them back to a semblance of
normalcy.

            “Great.” Fin played along, but he knew he could never repay his partner for what he’d
done for him. Munch started toward Cragen’s office.

            “John.” Munch turned around again.

            Fin expelled a breath. “Thank you.”

            Munch grinned with delight. “A debt and a ‘thank you’ both in tame ame day.” He
looked at Fin, pleased with himself. “I’ll have to mark this in my diary.”

            He continued on his way to Cragen’s office while Fin headed to his car, giving Olivia and
Elliot a ‘Hey’ as he wentt.

............................................................

            “So let me get this straight,” Elliot wanted to be sure he understood. Munch had left a
couple of hours ago with Fin, then returned alone and explained what the morning’s secrecy had
been all about.

            “Before today, Fin hadn’t seen his son in fifteen years?” Munch nodded.

            “And it was his mother who took him?”

            Munch nodded again. Fin had given him the go ahead to explain the basics of the
situation to the other two detectives. He had said it wacauscause he didn’t want Dorian to show
up at the station, only to be scared off when no one knew who he was (as if anyone could mistake
that face), but Munch had his own ideas on the matter. He was fairly certain Fin didn’t want to
have to explain it himself, and he absolutely didn’t want his colleagues asking him any questions
about it.

            Elliot was amazed. “I cannot, for the life of me, imagine what I’d do in the same
situation with Kathy and the kids. I can’t begin to fathom what he went through; has been going
through all this time.”

            “No wonder he never talked about his private life here at work,” Olivia pointed out.
“How do you talk about something like that?”

            “You don’t.” Munch wanted to make certain they knew that, sympathy aside, his partner
was still the same Fin, and that they should treat him accordingly. He knew he was responsible
for laying this at the precinct’s door, so he wanted to minimize the damage as much as possible.

            “And he still won’t.”

            Elliot caught his meaning. “Understood.” He looked at Olivia. “We won’t bring it up
unless he does first.”

            Olivia looked at Munch, remembering his interest in finding her father. “It was an
incredible thing for you to do, John.” She smiled at him.

            “You’re a regular fairy godmother, aren’t you?”

            “Just don’t tell anyone,” he quipped. “I’d like to keep my wings and tutu under wraps.”

...................................................

            Sam walked down the hall to Fin’s apartment. She was furious with herself. Munch had
called her repeatedly throughout the day, but she had been so swamped at work that she hadn’t
called him back until a little while ago.

            She still couldn’t believe it. He’d actually found Dorian. Found him and brought him
back to New York to talk to Fin. Sam could just imagine the shock it was for him to see his son
again. Munch couldn’t tell her what was said, but he did say that Dorian had run out of the
station house, and that Fin seemed lost because of it. She wanted to kick herself. All of this had
happened, and she hadn’t been there for him.

            Sam came to a stop outside Fin’s door. She started to knock, when she noticed that it was
already slightly ajar. No cop in their right mind leaves their door unlocked. Remaining behind
the door frame, she pushed the door open with her arm and called to him.

            ̶n?&#n?”

            “Yeah.” His response sounded weak and definitely off. Fighting a sense of panic, she
felt her way around the darkened entryway until she found a light and turned it on.

            founfound Fin on the sofa in a state of emotional turmoil. Everything about his son and
his circumstance he’d managed to suppress over the past fifteen years- every thought, feeling,
and emotion- was reborn after seeing Dorian again. True to form, Fin was trying to contain
them, but the dam was breaking.

            Sam’s heart splintered when she saw him. She slowly walked over to him. “Fin?” She
reached out a hand to wipe away a tear that had broken free, but he backed away.

            “Don’t. I can’t . . . “ He shook his head. “I can’t handle that now.”

  0;�         She understood. Even the smallest act of kindness toward him was going to be enough to
topple the dam completely. Deciding that was exactly what he ne, sh, she stretched out her
hand further and touched it to his face.

         㼠160; “It’s okay, Fin.” She caressed his cheek, causing another tear to break loose. “You’ve
carried so much for so long.”

            A small sob escaped from him. She took his face in both her hands and kissed his brow.
“I’ll carry some of it now.”

            Fin covered her hands with his own and laid his head on her shoulder as deep sobs began
to rack his body. The dam came down and Sam was assaulted with the onslaught of his pain.
She held him tightly in her arms and encouraged the release.

            “Let it go, baby. You don’t need any of that.” Her tears mingled with his as she kissed
his face to soothe him.

            After a while, he began to kiss her back. Small appreciative kisses that grew in intensity
and hunger as his unchecked emotions continued to purge. Sam pulled him to the floor and gave
herself to him. He made love to her fiercely while she clung to him, absorbing his pain and
frustrations, yet still enjoying the feel of his body in hers. Afterward, he lay spent with his face
buried in her neck.

            “I love you, Sam.”

            Sam felt her heart overflow with her own love for him. She wrapped her arms around
him, hugging him tightly. “Thank you.”

            Fin shifted his weight to his elbows and looked down on her. “You’re thanking me?”

            She nodded, bringing a hand around to smear the remnant of a tear left on his face. “I
know how difficult it was for you to trust me enough to say that; to trust me with this or any
other part of your life. So, yes, I’m thanking you.” She paused for a moment.

         
#160#160; “And knowing how you feel just makes me love you even more.”

            Fin gave her a small smile, understanding what she’d said, then rolled her over on top of
him. He smoothed her hair and ran a finger across her jawline.

            “I’m not exactly sure how to handle this. I know how I feel about you, and there ain’t
nothing I want more than to be with you, but . . . ”

            Sam raised a finger to his lips, cutting him off. “You’ve already said everything that’s
important. Nothing else matters.”

            “It may matter to you. Later on, if not now.”

            “Because you’re older? Because you’re a hard-working, yet underpaid detective?” She
smiled down on him. “And here I was thinking you thought more highly of me.”

            Fin closed his eyes, suddenly very tired. “I do.” He stood up, bringing her with him. “I
also need to get some sleep.” He took her hand and brought it to his lips. “Can you stay?” Saoddeodded. Fin led her to bed and gathered her to him.

            He was so tired, but there was also so much left to think about. So much that needed to
be resolved: Where was Dorian? Had he believed Fin? What was she going to say or do to him
when Dorian confronted her with the truth? Fin sighed deeply. He wouldn’t allow himself to
think he’d lose his son again. Not after seeing him. Not after everything Munch had done to find
him.

            Fin thought about his partner. He knew how much time and effort John had put into
doing this for him. He also knew this was a debt that could never be repaid. Fin didn’t like that
idea at all. He never wanted to owe anyone anything. He wondered if it was going to cause a
problem in their friendship or in their working relationship.

            Sam shifted position, causing him to think about her. He knew he loved her, and
everything she’d done for him, including tonight, showed she cared about him as well. But for
how long? Fin wasn’t naive. He knew the differences in their ages alone could eventually
become a problem for her. How long was he going to be able to keep up with her? Or how long
was she going to allow him to hold her back? He knew very few people expected them to last.
Fin felt a twinge in his chest at the thought of her leaving him.

            Almost as if in response, Sam hugged him. “I love you, Fin.” To her it was just an
affirmation of what she’d said earlier. To him, as he was finally able to drift off to sleep, it
seemed a lifeline.