Infinity

TITLE: Infinity (25/?)

AUTHOR: Master F&M

FANDOM: Law and Order: SVU

RATING: Everything from PG to R—just like life.

SUMMARY: A Fin-based saga to follow his life that isn’t seen on the show.

DISCLAIMER: L&O: SVU and all its characters belong to Dick Wolf, NBC, and whomever

                          else puts the show out for our enjoyment. I just get to play with them.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sam is a character of my own creation. She does not exist on the show.

FEEDBACK: Please give some. For entertainment purposes only.

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CHAPTER 25

            Munch took a good look at Dorian as they headed for the station house. He didn’t seem
so much nervous anymore as he did afraid. Munch tried to imagine what was running through
his mind at the moment, but couldn’t. He did understand, though, that Dorian must have been
experiencing a tremendous conflict of emotions. The interesting part would be to see which one
ruled out; the anger at his mother’s lies, or the happiness at seeing his father again.

            A thought suddenly struck Munch. What if Dorian wasn’t happy to see Fin? What if
after learning the whole truth, he still blamed his father for the situation and took out his anger on
him? The possibility made Munch uneasy. Was he setting up his partner to have his guts kicked
in by the son he’d never really forgiven himself for losing in the first place? The question caused
John to pause on the station house steps. Confused, Dorian stopped alongside him.

            “Is there a problem?”

            “No, not really.” In for a penny, in for a pound. “But before we go in,” Munch took out
another of his cards and scribbled some information on the back, “let me give you this.”

            Dorian looked at the card bearing his father’s name, address, and phone number. “Why
do I need this if we’re going in to see him?”

            “Truthfully? Because I don’t know what’s going to happen once we get in there. But
regardless of what does happen, this way you can still contact him after today.” He paused for a
thought then continued.

            “Your father has no idea you’re coming.”

            Dorian looked surprised. “But didn’t he send you?”

            “No. I thought you understood that. Fin has no idea that I’ve been looking for you, let
alone the fact that I’ve found you. I do know, however,” Munch was anxious now to wrap this
up and get inside, “that although this is going to be one hell of a shock for him, he never gave up
trying to find you. Just try to remember that, okay?”

            Dorian nodded as they continued up the steps.

.........................................................

            Detective Benson sat at her desk working on a file. Now that Fall was near, the spike in
crime that usually hit the city during the summer months was beginning to decline. Olivia
welcomed it. She’d seen enough extra tears and sorrow over the past three months.

            Elliot finished up his call and glanced over at Munch’s and Fin’s empty desks. He
nodded toward them.

            “I think Munch is starting to rub off on his partner. What are the odds that they’ll both
call out today?”

            Olivia leaned back in her chair. “Well, I don’t know about Munch, but Fin checked in a
little while ago. Said he was running late getting back into the city this morning, but that he was
on his way.”

            “No word from Munch, though?”

            “Nope.” Olivia looked up as she caught movement at the door. “But apparently we don’t
need any.”

            Elliot swivelled in his chair in time to see Munch leading someone to one of the
conference rooms.

            “Who was that?”

            “I don’t know. For a minute I thought it was Fin,” she shrugged, “but it couldn’t have
been. No ponytail.”

            Both detectives trained their eyes on Munch when he entered the squad room. He spoke
before either of them could get a word out.

            “Listen,” he pointed back toward the room. “I have a situation going on in there that
needs a little privacy, so could you hold off on using that room for a while?”

            Elliot looked at Olivia, then back at Munch. “Ah, sure. But what’s going on? You need
any help?”

            “No, thanks,” Munch ignored his first question. “But do me a favor and give me a heads
up on my cell when Fin gets in?”

            “Will do.”

            Benson and Stabler looked at each other after Munch had gone. “Now what do you think
that was all about?”

.....................................................

            Fin hurriedly parked his car and headed for the station house. His little pit stop with Sam
had cost him some timttintting back, so that now, after dropping her off, he was late. Despite
being in a rush, though, he was still in a good mood.

            He made a mental vow to get away more. Maybe once a month they could go out of town
for the weekend, or maybe he could even take Sam away somewhere for the holidays. Just the
two of them. He certainly had enough unused vacation time stored up. Unlike his partner, he
never took a day off. Except for Dorian’s birthday. Fin quickly pushed the thought aside; he
wanted to hold on to his good feelings for a little while longer.

            Elliot and Olivia looked up expectantly when he entered the squad room. Fin’s eyes
immediately went to Munch’s desk.

            “Don’t tell me he called out again.”

            Olivia picked up her phone and punched in a number. “No, he’s here. He’s just in the
middle of something.”

            “Something like what?” Fin asked Elliot suspiciously as Olivia spoke into her phone.

            “We were hoping you could tell us. He’s being pretty secretive about it.”

            Fin started to answer but stopped when he saw Munch. He stood in the doorway and
gestured toward Fin. “Could I talk to you out here for a moment?”

            Fin put his things down on his desk. “Whatever you did, old man, I don’t want to know
about it.”

            Munch remained in the doorway, staring. Fin sighed and went to join him. Munch
reached out before he got to him and grabbed Fin’s elbow. He managed to pull him completely
out into the hall before Fin snatched his arm away.

            “Now I know you’ve lost your damn mind.”

       㼠160;   “Fin, listen. There’s someone in Conference 2 waiting to see you.”

            Fin looked at him, annoyed. “I just walked through the door and you already got
somebody for me to question?” He sighed. “Is it a vic or a family member?”

            Munch got right to the point. “It’s your son.”

            John watched as an array of emotions played across Fin’s face: surprise, hope, happiness,
hurt, then anger. He balled his fists, and barely spoke above a whisper, his rage nearly palpable.

            “I think you’d better find yourself another partner.” He started to walk away.

            “Hold on a second.” Munch was appalled. “You think I would joke about something like
that? About your kid?” He took a deep breath, reminding himself how difficult this was for his
partner.

            “Fin, I’m telling you, it’s him. I found him up in Massachusetts studying at Harvard.”
He paused. “It’s Dorian.”

             Hope resurfaced on Fin’s face, this time accompanied by apprehension. Munch nodded
toward the room.

            “Go talk to him.”

            Fin looked down the hall, then back at Munch. He took a few tentative steps toward the
room, then practically ran the rest of the way.

            Dorian’s head snapped up when Fin entered the room. He stood, his eyes immediately
locking on the gold shield hanging around Fin’eck,eck, then making their way up to his face. It’s
true.

             Fin stared back in shock. Intellectually, he knew Dorian had grown up, but he was still
unprepared for the sight of the man in front of him. In his mind’s eye Dorian had always
remained seven. There could be no mistaking it, though. This was his boy. He walked around
the table to stand in front of him, trying to look at every part of him at once. For the first time in
fifteen years, he was able to look into the eyes that so closely mirrored his own.

>            “Dorian.” The name came out as a whisper; then he was holding his son in the tightest
embrace of his life. He expelled a large breath while a barrage of images of the past ran through
his mind, and tears began to run down his face.

            Fin gulped for air and tried to choke back the flood of emotion that kept him from
thinking clearly. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he’d planned to say, to ask and
to tell him. Yet all Fin could manage to do was tightened his grip and repeat his son’s name.

            Dorian remained still in his father’s embrace. Was this for real? He wanted so much to
believe that his dad hadn’t left him. Hadn’t just walked away and given him up.

            “Why did you leave me?” Dorian lost control as the child in him fought to be heard.
“Why did you leave me with her?” he choked. “Why didn’t you take me with you?”

            Fin’s heart wrenched. He held Dorian away from him, and resisted the urge to wipe the
tears from his son’s face. Holding onto both arms, he forced Dorian to sit and tried to explain as
quickly as possible.

            “That ain’t the way it happened, Dory. I didn’t leave you. I would never have left you.
You were the reason why I stayed.” He looked into Dorian’s face, pleading for him to
understand.

            Dorian looked back at his father, then shook his head. “That’s not what she said
happened. Mom said you got messed up with drugs. That you started stealing from her because
you owed some guys a lot of money, and that you ran away when you couldn’t pay them. That’s
why we had to leave and change our name. Those guys were going to come after us.”

            Fin was furious. That had been her final payback: to have his son believe he’d become
the one thing she knew Fin despised the most. He took a few breaths to steady himself.

            “None of that is true.” Fin struggled to find the right words. “Your mother and I
disagreed on a lot of things. I guess in the end, she just decided that you’d be better off without
me, but I promise you . . . I swear . . . I never got involved with drugs and I never left you. I
came home one day,” the memory deflated him and he sagged in his seat, “and you were just
gone. I looked everywhere I could think of. I even hired some people to find you, but I
couldn’t. I’m sorry, Dorian.”

            The guilt he’d carried over the years rose to the surface, and with it the anger and feelings
of despair. His eyes watered again as he realized the pain his failure had caused his son.

            “I’m sorry I couldn’t find you.”

            Dorian needed more of an explanation. His life was being turned upside down, and he
needed to know why.

            “You never became a junkie?”

            “No.”

            “And you never stole from Mom?”

            Fin swallowed the answer he wanted to give. “No.”

            “And you’re a cop?” Dorian struggled to control the tremble in his voice as he realized
what had been done to him; what had been stolen from him. As a kid, his father had been his
best friend. The one person he knew he could always count on. His mother had taken that away.

            Fin nodded. “You remember the conversation we had just before . . . before you left? I
told you that was what I wanted to do-- become a cop. That’s what I did.”

            “But why?” Dorian nearly shouted. Anger seethed through his exasperation. “Why
would she take me, then lie about you?”

            Fin tried to think of an answer, but Dorian came up with the truth first. “She just took me
to get back at you, didn’t she? I know she didn’t really want me.”

            Fin’s surprise must have shown. Dorian laughed sarcastically. “You didn’t think I knew
about that? She could hardly stand to be in the same room with me. The only time she ever
talked to me was when you were around.”

            Fear rose in Fin like bile. “Did she ever hurt you?”

            Dorian shook his head. “She never laid a hand on me.”

            He laughed again, his anger more apparent. “I would have had to been around for that.
She kept me at boarding schools until each time she got married. Then I’d get to come home for
a little while, have to change my name to match the daddy-of-the-day’s, then be shipped out to a
different school when she got tired of playing mommy for her new husband.”

            Each time? Fin tried to distract Dorian from where he knew his anger was heading.
“None of that matters now. We have another chance at this.” He tried to smile. “I want to know
everything about you. Everything I missed.”

            “And I want to know how she could do this to me. How she could lie to me all these
years.” Dorian stood up, bristling. “I need to talk to Mom.”

            Fin started to panic when Dorian headed for the door. “Dory, don’t go.” It was more of a
plea than a request. He couldn’t lose him again. “Just calm down.”

            Dorian whirled around. “How can you be so calm? She did this to both of us.” He gave
Fin a look tinged with hurt. “But maybe it didn’t mean as much to you.”

            Fin started to answer, but Dorian cut him off. “I have to go.” He quickly left the room,
nearly running down Munch who had stood guard outside.

            Fin called after him and tried to follow, but Munch held him back. “Let him go. He just
needs some time.”

            “But . . . ”

            “He’ll be back,” Munch interrupted reassuringly. “This time he knows where to find
you.”