The Boys From Tennessee

The Boys From Tennessee
Rating: NC17 Discussion of childhood abuse, M/M kissing
Author: Chissy_Rose
Pairing:
Author’s Notes/Disclaimer: They’re not mine, I don’t own them. No infringement intended.

The Boys From Tennessee
Chapter 26 (26/60)
The Hatch Shift

Peter arrived at the hatch thinking about breakfast. Fruit again, he thought, damn what I'd give for a piece of bread on this island. And maybe some grits, bacon, eggs and pancakes. Shit, he thought, I'm torturing myself- gotta stop that. There's gotta be some way to expand my diet. Since I've started running again, I'm burning off what little fat I got while I was living here in the hatch. Jack and Sawyer have both already commented on my losing weight. Gotta watch it - don't want to get too skinny, need to keep my strength up. He rounded the corner into the computer room and said good morning to Sayid. Sayid yawned sleepily at him but was glad to see Peter there to take the next shift.

"You look tired and sleepy Sayid," Peter spoke. "I'm here now so if you wanna go, I've got it."

"Thanks Peter," Sayid replied. "I may hang out for a little while longer for the company if that's okay. I wanted to stay up another hour and then get 4-5 hours of sleep, and then stay up until bedtime tonight. I'm trying to switch myself back to normal days and nights."

"Yeah, it's not easy drawing the night shift. Messes with your whole circadian rhythm. Does mine anyway," Peter smiled.

Sayid looked at Peter. "You know, you seem to be very intelligent. You're one of the brighter people on the island - you're very perceptive and figure things out quickly. My opinion of you has grown the longer I have known you. Did you go very far in school?" Peter grimaced.

"Well, thanks for the compliment. But I didn't go far enough in school. I didn't graduate from high school. Dropped out of school towards the start of my junior year. I was 17 and I left Tennessee - had to get away." Peter was looking at the floor.

Sayid spoke again, "Did you do well in school while you were there?"

Peter nodded, "Made A's and B's the whole way up. Never really studied much. Just read everything I could get my hands on and listened real well in class." Peter stopped and looked in Sayid's eyes. "My guidance counselor told me I was real smart. Said she thought I could get a scholarship to college probably. She didn't know how fucked up my life was though. Once my old man got sent to prison for almost killing me, I couldn't stand high school any longer. Couldn't stand the looks of pity or disgust in people's eyes once it got out all over the town. Couldn't go back to that high school. High school kids can be real cruel..."

Peter looked very sad, like he really wished his life could have taken a different turn. Sayid studied him for a moment before speaking to him, "I'm sorry. I didn't know that your father tried to kill you. Have you told anyone else about this? This is a terrible burden to carry on your own."

Peter's eyes glistened from tears, but he fought them. Peter glanced at Sayid and then off in another direction. Sayid knew this was what he had spoken of in that first conversation when he had broken down and cried in the hatch.

Sayid sat down next to Peter on the couch and caressed his face with his right hand. "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. But as we discussed before, I too have had horrendous things happen in my life and I can feel your pain every time I am around you. I can keep your confidences to myself if you want to talk about them."

Peter sat quietly thinking of what Sayid was saying. He did feel comfortable with Sayid now and he could sense Sayid's pain likewise. "If I tell you anything Sayid, you won't discuss it with anyone else will you?" Sayid said that he would not.

"I'm gonna try to tell you as quickly as possible, cause I'm trying to not get emotional about it. I've been doing better talking about it.” Peter spoke quietly. "My mom and older sister died in an auto accident when I was six years old. My old man was threatening to kill her and she left with my sister. He wouldn't let me go with them. The police thought that he had tampered with her brakes, but they couldn't prove it. She drove off an icy mountain pass with no brakes. Killed them both. My old man started abusing me physically and sexually when I was seven years old. He was a drunk and a pedophile. He had friends who were pedophiles too and he passed me around to all of them like a sex toy. He even took pictures and sold them." Peter was trembling and had to stop for a moment. Sayid was smoothing his hair and said how sorry he was. "He abused me a lot Sayid. He'd stalk me sometimes and would hold a knife against me and cut me when he had sex with me. Look at what he did to me..." Peter started unbuttoning his shirt.

Sayid stopped him, "No, you don't have to show me, I believe you."

"No," Peter said, "I need to show you what he did." Peter removed his shirt. Sayid was looking at his front side and noticed that there were many marks that looked like they were made with a knife or razor. Sayid grimaced. And then Peter turned around and showed him his back. He heard Sayid mutter a long oath in Iraqi. Peter took his shirt and put it back on and turned to face Sayid. Sayid was more anguished than anyone else he had shown. Peter just didn't realize why.

"He passed me around to so many men, I have no idea how many men I had sex with when I was growing up. Then he and some of his buddies got arrested when I was sixteen. He thought I'd turned him into the law, but it wasn't me. He'd always threatened to kill me if I told anyone Sayid. He overpowered me, stripped me and tied me to a tree in the yard. Our house was a good half-mile back up in the woods. Nobody could even hear me scream. First he raped me and then he sodomized me with the leather bullwhip. Then he started whipping me with the bullwhip. I begged him to stop. I screamed so loud I lost my voice for days. He just left me tied to the tree bleeding. The next morning the mail carrier drove up the drive to deliver something and saw me. He cut me down and put me in his car and drove me to the ER and saved my life. Oh God... my own father... why???" Peter was sobbing now and had bent over and was holding his head. Sayid was saying how sorry he was and stroking his head. After a few moments, Peter was wiping his eyes and sat up again. He was shaking some, but he was more under control now. "I'm sorry, I thought I could tell you without getting upset. I didn't know it would upset you too - I can see it on your face."

"I am so sorry you went through all that growing up. I can tell your words and pain are still fresh, still hurt."

Peter reached up and stroked Sayid's face. "Thanks for being so accepting and listening to me. It means a lot to be able to tell someone and they don't look down on you."

"I don't look down on you," Sayid said quietly. "You were a child and you were hurt by the one person who should have loved you and protected you."

"It's affected my entire life though, Sayid. I went through counseling for years. I'm real messed up as an adult. I'm bi-sexual, although I'm more gay than straight. And the things that I experienced growing up - they still affect me today. I've never been able to stick to one person, even when I wanted to. I've been very promiscuous and wild. Things that happened to me - they're a part of me. I'm sex addicted and I don't want to even try and control it. That's why Julie beat the shit out of me that day. She saw me kissing Charlie and I was all over him. It was the last straw. We'd been to couples counseling, and I still never even slowed down fucking guys the whole time I went with her. That's why I didn't fight her back. I deserved her anger." Peter was shaking his head no. Just then the count-down beeper went off. Peter got up and went over and typed in the code and it reset. Peter looked at Sayid sitting on the couch. Sayid was still concerned about him and wasn't sure he should leave Peter by himself now.

"You should go now Sayid, you're exhausted, and I've just stressed you out more. I didn't mean to do that." Peter said quietly. "I'll be okay. I think I'm going to shave myself. I've got a rendezvous after my shift and don't want this stubble."

Sayid smiled at him but said, "Well, I think you better rethink that."

"Why? What do you mean?" Peter asked, curious.

"You're still shaking pretty strongly. You're going to be a bloody mess if you try to shave now." Sayid observed. Peter held his hands out in front of him. He thought he was over it, but Sayid was right. His hands were still shaking like leaves. "Shit! And I really wanted to go ahead and shave and shower early so I could settle down and read some the rest of my shift."

Sayid smiled and offered, "I can shave you if you'd like. Is that your razor and shaving cream on the shelf in the bathroom?" Peter shook his head yes. He clearly couldn't shave himself right now. He was still shaking too much. Sayid was right. He didn't want to meet Sawyer with little bits of paper stuck all over his face or painful nicks.

"Okay," Peter smiled, "I could use some help with that. I don't want to meet him all cut up."

Sayid smiled as he asked, "So where are you meeting Sawyer this afternoon?" Peter smiled and blushed. He should have remembered that Sayid heard them making love all during the night he was on shift. It was a good guess that he was meeting Sawyer.

"There's a waterfall and small lagoon off a trail going towards that old wreck, the Black Rock. I don't know if you know where that is or not. But he says it's secluded enough for us. You're right. We do need to be careful about fooling around in front of others. So we have a date."

Sayid filed the location away in his head and thought that might be good information in the future. "Let's go get you shaved before this thing starts beeping again." Peter stood up and they walked down the hall to the bathing area. Sayid took a couple of towels and asked Peter to remove his shirt so it wouldn't get wet. The he directed Peter to sit in the chair and he draped one towel around his neck and ran the other one in the hot water and laid it across Peter's beard. Peter moaned - it felt so good, so comforting. He's very responsive Sayid thought - even little pleasures make him moan. Then Sayid removed it and put it back into the hot water and lathered one side of Peter's face. He stood behind and over Peter and tipped his head back towards him with his finger tips. Peter closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of Sayid giving him a good close shave. When he had one side done, he rinsed his face and then laid the wet towel on the other side to soften it also. Sayid ran his fingers across Peter's shaven side and marveled how soft his skin felt closely shaved. He's young, Sayid thought, with a young man's body still.

Peter moaned quietly when Sayid stroked his face. "You give a good shave Sayid, you must have done this before."

"A few times." Sayid lathered the other side of his face and soon was wiping the other side. "Why don't you go ahead and get your shower now? I can stay up a little longer and then I think I may crash in the back bunkroom. You can wake me up when your shift is almost over." Sayid offered.

Peter stood up and stepped in close to Sayid, "That would be great Sayid. I'd appreciate that." But Peter didn't move off. He took his right hand and moved it up behind Sayid's neck slowly and caressed the side of his neck with his thumb. Then he stepped in close. Slowly and carefully he kissed Sayid on the cheek and whispered thanks. He was surprised when Sayid took his head in both his hands and kissed him tenderly on the lips and whispered, "You're welcome." He hadn't been expecting any response from Sayid, but it pleased him that Sayid had responded to him. They separated, both a little embarrassed at what had happened. Sayid gave him a pat on his ass and suggested he go get his shower now so he could get back to bed. Peter walked over to the shower area and slipped off his shoes, unzipped his pants and slowly pulled them off and laid them across a chair that was close by. Sayid was rinsing out the towels he had used shaving Peter. Sayid also was watching Peter as he undressed, admiring his body. Peter turned on the water to let it warm and as he did, he also looked back at Sayid who was hanging the towels to let them dry out. Sayid glanced up and Peter blushed as he stepped into the shower. Sayid went back out to the computer area. Peter rushed through his shower and relieved Sayid who headed off to bed. Peter settled in with his book and looked at the clock. He was counting the hours now until he could get off and go meet Sawyer for their afternoon tryst.