The Long, Lonely Road Ahead

The following events take place after Hotch’s divorce but prior to JJ’s giving birth.

Hopefully this story is still entertaining you all. I know there aren’t many of us out there who read and write Criminal Minds Fanfic, but I enjoyed writing this story and I still enjoy reading it (while I edit it, mind you), so I guess that’s okay.
I’d love feedback, but I know that most people who read don’t bother to review or even rate the stories they read. I now try and review whenever I read a story, just to “pay it forward” and hope it will bounce back to me someday.
In the meantime, I hope this entertains!

The Long, Lonely Road Ahead

Chapter Twenty-Four

Frank and I looked at each other. He didn’t put down his gun, but then neither did I.
“Terra. What are you doing here?” Frank asked.
“I’m here to kill you and Matt,” I told him. He blinked.
“She shot me, Frank!”
“I can see that,” Frank snapped. “It’s just your knee. Stop blubbering.”
“But it hurts,” Matt whined.
“I can shoot you before you shoot me,” I told Frank. “And I’ve got a second gun on Matt. Want me to take him down too? Put the gun down, Frank.”
“Why? So you can shoot me? I don’t think so.”
“I’ll shoot Matt.”
“So? Shoot him. I don’t give a fuck.”
“What?!” Matt exclaimed. “Frankie!”
“Seriously? You’d let me shoot him?”
“Sure, why not? He’s nothing but a pain in the ass anyway,” Frank said. I looked at him, shrugged, and turned to sight my gun on Matt’s chest.

And then all hell broke loose.

Something like twenty people in Kevlar vests came storming through the building. Bright lights went on all over the compound and there was an alarm screeching from somewhere.
“What the fuck?” Matt shouted.
“You twat, it’s a raid!” Frank said. He turned around to head back out the door into the hallway.
“Put the gun down and put your hands on your head, now!” someone shouted in the hall. Frank let loose with a blast from his shotgun as he tried to run down the hall, and plaster fell from the ceiling as his shot went wild. There was a shot in return and Frank went down, shot in the leg. He dropped his rifle with a clatter. I turned to Matt, determined to kill him before I was disarmed, but he was nowhere to be seen. A trail of blood led into the bathroom. I was just beginning to walk towards the bathroom when three agents came through the front door.
“FBI! Put down your weapons and put your hands on your head!” It was Morgan and Prentiss. Shit. That meant Aaron had to be here somewhere too.
“Don’t freak out. I’m putting my guns down. Look,” I said, putting both of the guns on the living room table.
“Where’s Matthew Shaum, Terra?” Prentiss asked. Morgan pulled out his cuffs and cuffed my hands behind my back.
“He crawled into the bathroom,” I said.
“Did you shoot him?” Morgan asked, as Prentiss headed for the bathroom.
“Matthew Shaum, FBI! Come out with your hands over your head!”
“I can’t walk, dammit!” Matt yelled from the bathroom. “I’ll come out, just don’t let her kill me!”
“I shot him in the knee,” I said. “He’ll get over it.” Morgan frisked me and pulled out the extra clips for my guns.
“Is this it?”
“Yeah. That’s it.”
“Come on,” he said, pulling me with him and out the door. “I’m taking her back to base,” he called to Prentiss, who was cuffing Matt.
“I’ve got Shaum,” she said.
“You’ve got to look at what he was watching on TV when I first came in,” I told her, as Morgan pushed me through the door.
“Why? What was he watching?” Morgan asked. Prentiss stopped and rewound the video tape. She pressed play.
“Child porn. Him and someone else having sex with two little girls,” Prentiss said, pushing Matt in front of her. He yelled in pain. “Oh, did that hurt? Maybe I should shoot you in the other knee.”
“See? It’s not like I was wrong,” I told Morgan.
“I know. But you can’t do it like this, Terra. You just can’t take the law into your own hands,” he said as we walked through the woods towards the hole they’d cut in the perimeter fence.

All around the compound people were screaming and yelling, agents were shouting, and the occasional shot was fired. “And what about Josiah Herald?” Morgan asked.
“What about him?” I asked.
“Did you kill him?” Prentiss asked from behind me.
“No,” I replied.
“She did! She did! She did something to him!” Matt screamed from behind me.
“I didn’t kill him!” I snapped back. “So shut the fuck up, Matt! You piece of shit!” I turned around and headed back towards Matt before Morgan could stop me. Prentiss grabbed for me, but I eluded her and, with my hands cuffed behind my back, kicked Matt in his injured knee. He screamed and went down, and I kicked him in the stomach and chest as many times as I could before Prentiss and Morgan could drag me off of him.
“Terra! Stop! That’s enough!” Morgan yelled. He grabbed me roughly and pushed me ahead of him. “Don’t make me have to carry you!”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“I would. Even through the woods at night. If I have to. So behave,” he told me. I rolled my eyes, but walked in front of him, toward the lights of their base camp. “Prentiss, can you handle Shaum?”
“I’ve got him. I’m not carrying you,” I could hear her tell him. I refused to look back. I was done with Matt Shaum.

Morgan deposited me with JJ and then took Shaum, along with Prentiss, to a waiting paramedic. I sat with my hands cuffed behind me and wondered if I looked as exhausted as I felt. With this raid, with the death of Josiah Herald, the Militia was done. It was finally over. I had no idea if I’d ever be able to relax, but at least it was finally over.
“Can I get you a drink of water?” JJ asked me kindly. I nodded and she held a cup up to my mouth. I drank. It was the best tasting water I’d ever had, I thought.
“Thanks,” I told her and she smiled at me. “I don’t mind being handcuffed like this, but I’d really like to just lie down for a while. Is there somewhere I can lie down? Or would it be okay if I just lay on the ground here? I can sleep anywhere.”
“Uh, there’s a cot over here. You can lie down there if you want,” she said, helping me over to it.
“Thanks. I’m just so tired,” I said with a yawn. And as soon as I lay down, my hands awkwardly behind my back, I fell asleep.

“Terra?” I could hear someone calling my name quietly, but it was just on the edge of my consciousness.
“Terra?” came the voice again. I rose out of my dream and into the light of day.
“My arms… I can’t feel my arms…” I murmured. Aaron was looking down at me.
“You fell asleep with your hands cuffed behind you,” he said, undoing the cuffs. He sat down on the cot next to me and started gently rubbing my arms and hands to start the circulation again.
“Oh, God, that hurts,” I moaned. I tried to move my arms, but all I could feel were intense pins and needles.
“Terra, we found Josiah Herald,” Aaron said, still rubbing my arms. “What happened?”
“I…uh…” I tried to wake up enough to answer him. “I’m so tired Aaron.”
“I know. But I need you to try and tell me what happened.”
“I, uh, I took the golf cart from the house to the compound,” I started.
“That would be the house ten miles from here. We found the tunnel and two golf carts under the house,” Rossi said. I couldn’t see him though.
“Uh, I walked up the basement stairs, but he wasn’t there. And then he was, and I wanted to surprise him, but he caught me.” I was beginning to wake up. “How come nobody seems to believe me when I say I’m going to kill them?”
“I have no idea. I’d believe you,” Aaron said, his face serious. I looked at him with tired eyes.
“Then what happened?” Rossi asked.
“I told him I was there to kill him, but he laughed and reached for me and my gun. I lost my balance, and almost fell down the stairs, and he lunged for me, tripped and fell. He was dead when I went down to see what had happened to him.”
“The coroner seems to agree with those events,” Rossi said. “An autopsy will reveal more, but from the pattern of prints and the way he fell, it’s pretty clear he fell on his own.”
“And what about Matthew Shaum?” Hotch asked.
“Oh, I shot him,” I said, a smile on my tired face. I closed my eyes for just a second and was almost asleep again, when Aaron was shaking me awake again.
“Wake up,” he said. “We’re not quite done yet.”
“I think we’re done for now, Aaron,” Rossi said. “If she can sleep while you’re rubbing her arms like that, then she’s too tired to answer any more questions for now.” And that was the last thing I was aware of for a long, long while.

When I awoke next, I was in my bed at the motel in Gazelle. I was under the covers, my boots off but the rest of my clothing still on. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Aaron was sleeping in the chair by the side of the bed.
“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” I murmured, and he woke up with a start.
“You’re awake,” he said, rubbing away a trickle of drool from the side of his mouth.
“You must be exhausted,” I said. “You keep falling asleep watching over me.”
“I can’t let you get away from me again,” he said.
“Am I under arrest?” I asked, sliding out from under the covers.
“You shot Matthew Shaum, Terra,” he said. “I should arrest you, yes.”
“Then arrest me. I admit it. I shot him in the knee. But you should know that when I entered his apartment, he was watching child porn and jacking off,” I told him. “I’m just going to pee.”
“Leave the door open, please,” he said.
“Seriously?”
“I’ve never been more serious in my life,” he stated.
“Uh, okay.” I headed into the bathroom and sat on the toilet while he watched me. “You’re going to watch?”
“I did say you were not going to get away from me again, didn’t I?” he replied.
“I’m not going to squeeze down the drain,” I said with a yawn.
“I wouldn’t put it past you.”


“I’m sorry I put you in such a bad position,” I said, flushing the toilet and doing up my jeans. I washed my hands and then washed my face. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Aaron.”
“But you did,” he murmured.
“I really, really like you Aaron. I don’t know about love, because I don’t know if I’ve ever felt love for anyone before. Like, real love. I don’t know quite what it feels like. But I’ve known you, what? About a week? How can you expect me to trust you so quickly? Especially when you know some of what I’ve been through in my life.”
“I understand that. I should be more… understanding, patient, I don’t know. I know so much about human behaviour, but I have a hard time understanding my own, I guess,” he said, walking into the bathroom to wash his face. “I understand how hard it is for you to trust anyone, let alone a male FBI agent. But you have to start somewhere, Terra.” He dried off his hands and face. “Matthew Shaum isn’t going to press charges. And if he does, there isn’t a jury in the world that’ll convict you. You weren’t under arrest when you left Washington, so you can’t be arrested for that either.”
“So I’m not under arrest? Then why are you keeping me under lock and key?” I asked.
“I need to take you back for questioning about your official role in all of this. Shaum has not officially stated that he won’t press charges against you for shooting him. And the coroner is still making a determination as to the cause of death of Josiah Herald. So, no, you’re not free to go.”
“Ah, I see.” I sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’m not going anywhere, Aaron. Don’t worry about it.”
“I lost face the first time,” he admitted. “I can’t take a chance again.”
“Okay. Consider me your willing prisoner. Just tell me what you want me to do.” I held out my wrists. “If you’d feel more comfortable with me in cuffs, I’m good with that.” I waggled my eyebrows. “Could be kinky.”
“Terra, please,” he said, and I could almost hear a note of sadness in his voice. “I’m not going to cuff you. Let’s just go. We’ll get some breakfast in Weed and then head back to the Redding field office.”
“Sure. I’m good to go when you are.” I stood. He picked up the letter I’d written to him yesterday and I looked down. “Oh. Right.”

“Were you really going to kill yourself once you’d killed Shaum, Rosewell, and Herald?” he asked, opening the letter. It was wrinkled, like he’d read it and then crumpled it into a ball in anger, and then smoothed it out to read it again.
“I assumed I wasn’t going to make it out,” I said. “So killing myself made the most sense, at the time anyway. I figured, I was done with making the world a better place, eh? And what did I really have to live for anyway? I’d pissed you off completely, Pen was going to be horrified by what I’d done… my kids don’t even know me, they think I’m their sister… And I was fired. Did you know that? I don’t even have a job to go back to. My Dad is dead, my brother moved to New Zealand…”
“That’s a lot for anyone to deal with, yes, but it’s not a good reason to kill yourself!” he snapped. “Suicide is the most selfish act a person can commit. What about all of the people you leave behind? Leaving them to wonder if they could have done something, anything, to stop it? Or whether somehow they were at fault for making you want to die?”
“Hey, it just seemed like a good idea at the time. I told you I was damaged goods!” I snapped back. “I never claimed to be anything else!”
“We’re all damaged, Terra,” he replied quietly. “You, me, Morgan, Rossi… all of us. You’re not any different than the rest of us.” He folded me in his arms and I relaxed into him. “God, Terra, I was so worried when you ran out like that. I didn’t know if I was going to find you dead, or if I was going to have to arrest you for murder.…” I burst into tears at that. I don’t know why exactly, but for some reason, just knowing he was worried about me was incredibly overwhelming. “Shhhh…” he held me close as I cried into his chest. I knew then that if anyone in the world could keep me safe, it would be Aaron Hotchner. And I wanted to be safe. Oh God, I wanted to be safe.