Lost

Disclaimer: I don't own the Magnificent Seven, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, Slash

Rating: FRT

Lost
Chapter 23


Vin moaned, his arm coming up to cover his eyes as the sunlight streaming through the window stabbed into them. What the hell had he done? Rolling to his side, he cautiously lowered his arm, slowly opening his eyes. The light still brought pain, but it was at a tolerable level now. Glancing around the room, he was surprised to find himself in his own apartment. Hadn't he been staying at Buck's? Buck! It all came flooding back, the memories slamming into him with the force of a Mack truck. Squeezing his eyes shut, Vin tried and failed to block out the pain of the betrayal.

"Vin?" Buck quietly called as he pushed open the bedroom door. He had started to take Vin to his place last night, but had quickly thought better of it. Stopping at his house only long enough to grab Vin's medications and a change of clothes for himself, he had brought his friend to his own apartment. He figured it was the least he could do after opening his mouth to the shrink. He hadn't meant to do it, he really hadn't, but he didn't suppose that would make much difference to Vin.

"Go away," Vin moaned.

"Be right back," Buck informed him. Hurrying back to the kitchen, he quickly whipped up his own guaranteed hangover cure.

Vin groaned, burying his face in the pillow. Where's my gun? Hell, wouldn't do any good Tanner, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn if you were inside the thing right now. Shut up! Lord, he hated that little voice, especially when it was right, and why did it always sound like Larabee?

"Here ya go Vin," Buck grinned as he squatted beside the bed.

Vin turned his head, peeling his eyes open he looked at the blurry, grinning face. Bet I could hit him, the thought getting a chuckle from him. "Go 'way Buck," he whined.

"I will, just as soon as you drink this," Buck said, holding out a glass.

Vin gave the glass a doubtful look, "What is it?"

"A hangover cure, guaranteed."

"What's in it?"

"Just drink it Vin, I promise you'll feel better."

He wasn't sure how much Buck's promises were worth at the moment, but he really wanted his head to stop pounding. Propping himself up on his elbow, he grabbed the glass and took a large gulp. Holding the glass away from him, he eyed it with surprise. That had to be the first hangover cure he'd ever had that tasted good, and damned if he didn't feel a little better already. Quickly drinking the rest of it down, he handed the glass back to Buck. "Thanks."

"You're welcome sw...Vin," Buck softly responded, biting off the term of endearment. "Feel better?"

"Yeah, what's in that anyway?"

"Half Bulgarian buttermilk, half V8 juice and a touch of tobasco sauce. Tasty isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is," Vin agreed.

"Feel like eating something now?"

Vin was surprised to find that the thought of food actually sounded good, but a shower sounded even better. "Maybe after a shower."

"You do that and I'll start breakfast," Buck offered.

"Okay," Vin agreed. He needed to talk to Buck, but that could wait until after he had eaten.

Thirty minutes later, Vin walked into the kitchen. "Smells good," he commented as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Thanks, just scrambled eggs, toast and hash browns."

Vin nodded and sat down at the table as Buck slid his plate in front of him. "You eating?"

"Already had mine," Buck replied. Turning away, he started washing dishes while Vin ate. He knew they needed to talk, but he was more than willing to wait.

Vin finished his food and carried his dishes to the sink, slipping them into the water. "We need to talk Buck."

Buck hung his head, "I know."

"I'll be in the living room."

Buck nodded. Delaying as long as he could, he slowly washed the last of the dishes, wiped off the table, counter top and stove; he could delay no longer. Heaving a sigh, he tossed the dishrag on the sink and headed into the living room.

Vin looked up as Buck walked into the room, motioning to the couch, he waited for him to take a seat. "Why did you do it Buck?"

"I didn't mean to."

"Didn't mean to? How can you not mean to tell something that wasn't your place to tell? It ain't like breaking a glass Buck," Vin growled.

Buck nodded. Forcing himself to meet Vin's eyes, he tried to explain. "She called to see how you were doing and we started talking. I never planned to tell her about what happened between us Vin, I knew you didn't want that brought up."

"Then why did you tell her?" Vin demanded.

Buck took a deep breath, "I let slip that I was glad what Browner did hadn't brought up bad memories. That got her wondering what I meant," he paused, scrubbing a hand through his thick hair. "I didn't know what to do at that point, but I finally decided that it'd be better to tell her what I meant than to have her thinking there was something even deeper, like childhood stuff."

"So you told her?" Vin asked. "Why didn't you tell me? At least then I wouldn't have gotten blind-sided."

"She swore she wouldn't say anything to you, or I would have warned you."

Vin sighed, he should've known it was more the shrink than Buck that had betrayed him. He never had trusted them, "You think she'll say anything to Travis?"

"She better not," Buck growled. Softening his tone, he cautiously reached over, giving Vin's knee a squeeze. "I am sorry Vin, I never meant to betray your trust. Maybe," he paused, swallowing hard. "Maybe you'd be better off if I left you alone."

Vin watched Buck carefully, torn between forgiveness and condemnation of the other man. He knew Buck was sincere in his feelings and he could see that the older man felt horrible for what he'd done. Leaning his head back against the chair, he closed his eyes, letting his mind wander, hoping it would lead him to the answer he needed. Images from the first time he'd met Buck right up to last night flashed through his mind. With few exceptions, and those were all in the first few months of their friendship, every picture his mind showed him involved Buck taking care of him in some way. It wasn't always something big, sometimes it was as simple as bringing him a cup of coffee when he was feeling exhausted, but he had been there for him each time he needed him. Opening his eyes, he looked at the big man, the last bit of his anger leaving as he took in the dejected picture his friend presented. "Buck."

"Yeah?" Buck asked, never lifting his eyes from the floor.

"I don't want you to leave me alone," Vin softly spoke as he reached for Buck's hand.

His ears must be playing tricks on him, but if that were true then why would Vin have hold of his hand? "You don't?"

"I don't," Vin confirmed. "I won't say I ain't mad about what ya did, but it was an accident, you're forgiven"

Buck stared at Vin, shocked and humbled by the younger man's ability to forgive. Silently he swore that he would do all he could to make sure his friend would never have a need to forgive him again. "I don't deserve your forgiveness Vin, but thank you."

"The shrink on the other hand, I'm done with. Don't say it Buck," Vin warned, holding up his hand to stave off any protests the other man might make. "I don't give a damn what the regs are, I'm not going to talk to somebody who doesn't respect my right to privacy. You might've let something slip that ya shouldn't have, but she never should have talked to you about me in the first place. Can you give me a ride to, damn it's Saturday."

"Planning to confront her?"

"I already did that, told her exactly what I thought of her talking behind my back that way. I was gonna go see Travis, guess it'll have to wait for Monday." Vin sighed, leaning his head back. He had really wanted to talk to him while he was still mad about the whole thing, knowing it'd be harder for the older man to talk him out of his decision it he was still angry. Well, nothing to be done about it now and he'd still be plenty mad come Monday.

"Not necessarily, we could go to his house," Buck suggested.

"Wouldn't be right to interrupt his time with his family," Vin protested.

"Vin if you don't talk to him now this is gonna eat at ya all weekend," Buck pointed out. "What about this? You call him and see if he could meet us at that little diner near his place."

"That might work, you mind driving?"

"No problem."

"Thanks." Picking up the phone, he dialed the Travis' home. The judge quickly agreed, though he insisted that they come to his house instead. Though he hated to intrude on his time at home, Vin agreed when the judge pointed out that they'd have more privacy if they were at his house.


The drive to the Travis' didn't take long and soon the three men were settled in the judge's home office.

"Now then Vin, what can I do for you?" Orrin asked.

"I want to be cleared for duty sir."

Orrin steepled his fingers, looking over them at the younger man, surprise and concern evident in his eyes. It wasn't like Vin Tanner to ask for special favors. "That isn't up to me son, you know that."

"You know I ain't ever asked for favors judge, but I'm asking now."

"Why?"

"I won't go back to that shrink..."

"If it's a problem with the doctor you're seeing, there are others you can see."

"No! Sorry,” Vin apologized, lowering his voice, “but I'm not talking to any of them any more. I always knew they couldn't be trusted, and now I got proof of it."

"What do you mean?" Orrin asked, his eyes narrowing speculatively.

Vin sighed, glancing at Buck. "She talked to Buck about me, got some information out of him that didn't have anything to do with what Browner did."

"She what?" Orrin yelled. "Is this true Buck?" he asked, turning to the other man.

"Yes sir," Buck confirmed. "I don't deny that I messed up, but she shouldn't have asked anything either."

Orrin frowned, "No she shouldn't have," he agreed. "I can't clear you for duty though Vin, not without an okay from one of the department psychiatrists."

"There's exceptions to every rule judge, I'm just asking you to make one."

"Won't you even consider seeing somebody else?" Orrin tried again. He couldn't blame the younger man for not trusting, but he was concerned for him, leading him to try all he could to convince him to talk to another therapist.

"No sir," Vin firmly replied. "You can either okay me for duty or I can resign."

"I see, could I have the weekend to consider?"

"I reckon I can give you that much," Vin agreed.

"Thank you Vin. I don't suppose you'd tell me what...no, you wouldn't," he answered his own question as he saw the blue eyes turn cold before he had finished asking.

"Thank you sir," Vin softly rasped as he pushed himself to his feet. Shaking the older man's hand he turned and left the room.

"Mr. Wilmington," Orrin called as Buck turned to follow Vin.

"Yes sir?"

"I know Vin has been staying with you while he recovers."

"He has."

"I'm not asking you to betray any confidences, but you're in the best position to judge his mental state. Do you think he's ready for active duty?"

Buck carefully thought over the question. "Yes sir I think he is."

"You're not just saying that because of your friendship and whatever guilt you may feel over this situation with the doctor?"

"No I ain't judge," Buck quickly denied. "Vin's doing real good. Frankly, in his case, I think he's better off talking to his friends than to some stranger anyway."

"Hmmmm, you may be right Buck. Well, you best get going and thank you for your help."

"You're welcome." Turning away, Buck followed in Vin's wake.


They were barely through the door when the phone began to ring. "Wilmington," Buck greeted the caller.

"Buck, Orrin Travis here. Could I speak to Vin?"

"Yes sir," Buck replied. Holding out the phone to Vin, he whispered the identity of the caller.

"Hello?"

"Vin, I've thought over your request and I'm willing to let you return to active duty, with a couple of conditions."

"Conditions?"

"You don't have to see a therapist, but I wouldn't feel right letting you go back to full duty unless I'm sure it's in your best interests." Orrin didn't point out that with the bandages still on his hands, Vin couldn't physically return to full duty anyway.

"I think I can decide..."

"No son, you can't decide," Orrin interrupted him. "I'll let you back on light duty, if you agree to talk to Josiah. When he determines that you're ready for the stress of full duty then I'll agree to it."

"Josiah?" Vin mulled it over, it still meant talking to somebody about things he'd rather not deal with, but at least Josiah already knew what had happened. More importantly, Josiah had earned the trust he found it hard to give. "I accept judge, thank you."

"You're welcome Vin, I'll make the arrangements, you just be at work Monday morning. Good-bye."

Vin hung up the phone and turned to Buck, quickly filling him in on Travis' decision.

"What about your hands?"

Vin looked down at his fingers, shaking his head with a sheepish grin. "Hell, no wonder he wouldn't agree to full duty. I was so damned mad about the shrink I forgot all about my fingers."

"Don't feel too bad Vin, I forgot too," Buck consoled him. "When did the doctor say the bandages would be coming off?"

"A couple more weeks if everything goes well."

Buck smiled, "Are we still on for dinner and dancing when the bandages come off?"

"You bet," Vin grinned.


Chris walked into the bullpen Monday morning, he was almost sorry to be back. "Hey Buck, Vin," he greeted as he headed to his private office. Just inside the door, he stopped and turned around. "Aren't you supposed to still be recovering?" he asked.

"I'm on light duty," Vin replied.

"When did that happen?"

"Over the weekend, had a talk with Travis."

Chris narrowed his eyes, "Going over my head?"

"Nope, but you weren't here and I wasn't gonna wait."

"What happened?"

Vin explained the events that had happened, beginning with his therapy appointment on Friday. "It's all been straightened out now, no need for you to shoot anybody cowboy," he teased.

"What makes you think I was going to?"

"Name Chris Larabee?"

"Yeah."

"That's what makes me think it," Vin grinned.

"You're first on the list Tanner," Chris growled.

"You and Ezra have fun in Atlanta?" Vin asked, changing the subject.

"Don't know about fun, learned a few things about our undercover agent though."

"And...?"

"Know where his money comes from now," Chris replied, giving no further details. A smile spread over his face as he imagined the surprise of the others, especially Nathan, if they knew the truth about Ezra. He could easily imagine the looks, knowing his own face had worn such a look when Ezra's investments turned out to include an orphanage and a homeless shelter dedicated to helping people back onto their feet rather than just providing food and shelter. The easy way Ezra interacted with the people at the shelter had shown Chris a whole new level to the other man. Once the shock had worn off, he had asked Ezra for more details. He had fully expected Ezra to shoot him a scathing look and refuse to answer. He had been pleasantly surprised when he was offered an explanation. He was quietly told that Ezra's father had come from money, old money; his family looking down on Maude from the beginning. When he had died, as his only son, Ezra had inherited everything his father had owned, which had been placed into a trust fund until he came of age. Thanks to the tutelage of his mother and a couple of his many step-father's, by the time Ezra had access to his inheritance he was well-versed in money management. Turning the substantial inheritance into an even larger sum, Ezra had used some of the earnings to set up the orphanage and homeless shelter, though he hadn't explained why.

"You gonna tell us stud?" Buck asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"Nope," Chris replied with a grin.

"Now Chris that just ain't right," Buck complained.

"Ain't gonna talk about the man when he ain't here Buck. If Ezra wants anybody else to know, he can tell them." Not giving Buck time to ask anymore questions, Chris turned and went back into his office.


Two weeks later, Vin returned to the office on a Friday afternoon, a slip of paper clutched in his hand. Marching straight to Chris' office, he barely acknowledged the other men as greetings were called out. He didn't bother to knock, but simply pushed the door open and stepped inside. "When can I come back to full duty?" he asked, tossing the paper on the desk.

Chris picked up the paper, reading it over with a smile. "I suspected this was going to happen today, that's why I talked to Josiah while you were gone. Monday too soon for you?"

Vin grinned, "Monday's great, thanks cowboy."

"Why don't you go ahead and knock off; take Buck with you."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, it's almost five anyway and we don't have anything happening."

"Thanks Chris." Turning around, Vin wasted no time in approaching Buck to relay his news. "Hey Bucklin," he softly greeted the other man.

"Hey Vin. You look like you're in a good mood."

"I am, the doctor released me, I'm back on full duty starting Monday."

"That's great news Vin," Buck grinned.

"So where we going for dinner?"

Buck's smile grew, if that were possible. "How's Italian sound?"

"Sounds good," Vin replied. "Chris said we could go ahead and knock off for the day."

"Hell, what are we waiting for?" Quickly turning off his computer, he practically dragged Vin from the office, much to the amusement of the others and the embarrassment of the sharpshooter.

A few hours later, Vin had forgotten all about his embarrassment as he stared into the deep blue eyes of his dance partner. Dinner had been great, the restaurant Buck had chosen filled with soft candlelight and gentle music, giving the simplest meal an air of romance. It paled in comparison though to being held in the strong arms of the other man as they danced around the floor of the club Vin had brought them to. They had danced to nearly every song since they had stepped through the doors. Stopping only when thirst drove them from the floor, neither man could get enough of being in the other's arms. Wrapping his hand around the back of Buck's neck, he pulled him down for a deep kiss. "Let's go home Bucklin," he rasped.

The sound of Vin's sexy whisper sent a thrill through Buck, making him want to throw the other man down and ravage him that very moment. "You sure sweetness?"

"What's that tell you?" Vin asked, pushing his groin up against Buck's leg.

"You're sure," Buck grinned. The trip home was made in record time as Buck broke at least half a dozen traffic laws in his hurry to get his soon to be lover home. Climbing out of the truck, he hurried to the front door. By the time Vin joined him, he had the door unlocked, leaving him free to scoop the smaller man into his arms, carrying him over the threshold and up the stairs to his bedroom.


The ringing of the phone woke them the next morning, both men pleasantly sated after a night of passionate love making. "Whoever this is it better be important," Buck growled into the phone.

"Good morning to you too Buck," Chris greeted.

"Chris," Buck sighed. "What's up stud?"

"Just wanted to remind you and Vin about tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Buck asked, pretending he didn't know what the other man was talking about.

"Damn it Buck..." Chris began, biting off his tirade when he heard laughter coming from the phone. "Very funny Buck. You just make sure you and Vin are there tomorrow for Ezra's birthday dinner. I got everything arranged, he's gonna be real surprised when we pull up at his favorite restaurant and the whole team is there to celebrate his birthday."

"Don't worry Chris, we'll be there," Buck assured him. "Good-bye stud." Hanging up the phone, he turned to the man in the bed beside him, wrapping his arms around him.

"Ezra's birthday dinner?" Vin asked.

"Yep, Chris wanted to make sure we didn't forget. He's awful cute when he's in love," Buck grinned.

"How long you figure it'll take him and Ezra to figure it out?"

"Hard to say, maybe we should take bets," Buck joked.

Vin chuckled, "Maybe...right now though I got better things to do than talk about Chris and Ezra's love life." Lowering his head, he kissed Buck deeply, his hands roaming over his lover's body.

"I like the way you think sweetness," Buck moaned. Rolling the smaller man onto his back, he proceeded to ravage the beautiful young man beneath him, thanking God for the gift of Vin Tanner.


The end.

Yep, it's over. I want to thank SJ, she made a remark in one of her reviews which led to Buck and Vin's conversation concerning bets on Chris and Ezra's relationship. Never know what a remark you make in a review might lead to. Hope y'all liked it. Please review and let me know.

A/N: The hangover cure is one my husband introduced me to over 20 years ago. He swears by it and though he no longer needs it for hangovers, he still drinks it just for the taste.