The Boys From Tennessee

The Boys From Tennessee
Rating: R
Author: Chissy_Rose
Author’s Notes/Disclaimer: They’re not mine, I don’t own them. No infringement intended.

The Boys From Tennessee
Chapter 22 (22/60)
Another Talk with Libby


The next morning Peter woke up first and lay still for the longest time just watching Sawyer still sleeping. He’s so beautiful he thought. It’s hard to believe that we come from the same blood – the same great grandfather and our grandfathers were brothers. What were the odds that two cousins from Tennessee would travel to the other side of the world, board the same plane, crash and survive and then find each other? He smiled; maybe this was the destiny that Locke had talked about. He watched Sawyer breathe in and out, so relaxed, so at peace. He felt sad thinking about the turmoil that Sawyer had in his life - how he provoked people into hating him or trying to hurt him. He knew that something had gone horribly wrong in Sawyer’s life just as it had in his own. Sawyer was several years older than him and Peter couldn’t remember what it was that had happened with his folks. He knew that the time was coming that he should tell both Jack and Sawyer about his life and the hell he’d been through. He hoped that Sawyer would tell him what had happened in his life – that he would be willing to share it with him. He decided he couldn’t stand it any longer and he began to gently caress Sawyer’s face and lips.

Sawyer stirred and looked at him through half closed eyes. “Hey good-looking,” Sawyer said, “how are you doing this morning?”

Peter smiled and stretched over to kiss Sawyer on the lips. “I’m sorta sore and sensitive. But I’m okay.”

Sawyer frowned and sat up on one elbow, “I was worried about that; I didn’t misread what you wanted did I? I know that it had to have really hurt.”

Peter put his hand up behind Sawyer’s neck and ran his thumb across the side of his face. “No, I could have stopped you but I didn’t. You ever hear the expression of someone finding comfort in pain? Sometimes I just need the pain Sawyer and I really get off on the endorphins afterwards – the intensity of the pleasure and pain merging together. You know what it feels like when it’s over. My orgasm was tremendous. You couldn’t have done any better at topping me – I felt safe in your hands even when I was in pain. You were very skilled at starting out gentle and gradually increasing the stimulation and pain. You’re very good.”

Sawyer looked more relieved but still concerned. “Hope I haven’t put you out of business,” he said.

Peter sighed, “Takes more than that to put me out of business.” Peter pulled Sawyer closer and gave him a slow heartfelt kiss. Sawyer seemed reassured that he was okay. They decided they were both starving so they got up to go rassle up some breakfast. After they ate, they walked back down the beach to Sawyer’s tent to see what everybody else was doing today. Claire walked by with her baby boy Aaron and stopped to talk with them and ask how they were both doing. Aaron was being very fussy and crying. Claire was having trouble getting him to quiet down. Sawyer started talking and the baby quieted right down. Peter grinned; he thought that was one of the funnier things he had seen. But then Sawyer finished talking and Aaron launched back up again. Peter commented on how cute and funny it was that the baby would stop when Sawyer talked, but then they all realized that Aaron had stopped crying when Peter talked also.

Now it was Sawyer’s turn to laugh. “Must be the Tennessee accent you reckon?” Sawyer asked.

“Either that or the male Ford voice,” Peter responded and then wished immediately he hadn’t said that. He tried very hard not to react and hoped that Claire wouldn’t take that next mental step and figure out they were related. She didn’t seem to think anything of his comment and they both breathed a little easier.

Claire looked at Peter and said, “I’ve finally figured out who you look like. It’s been bugging me and then it dawned on me. I’ve got an Aussie entertainment magazine that’s got a picture of a TV and movie star that looks very much like you and I want to show it to you and Sawyer. Sawyer didn’t realize there were any magazines around that he hadn’t borrowed and read already. They followed her back to her tent and she handed Aaron to Sawyer to hold while she went and got the magazine. Peter just grinned at him; Sawyer looked unsettled holding the baby. Claire popped back out, “Here it is, look at this picture. His name is Jack Davenport and he’s a British actor in a series called Coupling. You could be his twin if you were older or he was younger.”

Sawyer was amazed at the resemblance, “How about that. They say everybody’s got a twin walking around somewhere. He’s probably as close as you’re gonna come Pete.”

Peter was amazed at the resemblance, “That’s spooky Claire. I really do look like him; we’ve both even got green eyes. That’s wild. Thanks for showing that to us.”

“Can I borrow that for a while Claire? I’d like to read it if you don’t mind,” Sawyer asked. Claire said sure, and that she didn’t need it back. She took Aaron back from Sawyer and went to lay him down for his nap. Their talking had just about put Aaron to sleep. As they walked off and got out of earshot Peter turned around and watched her bend over Aaron’s crib and commented, “She is one fine little lady. Wouldn’t mind having some of that myself.”

Sawyer smirked and put his hand on the side of Peter’s head and gave him a hard push, “Don’t think so cousin. You’re already double dippin’ elsewhere.” Peter laughed, he felt like he was Sawyer’s cousin now. Sawyer laughed too and just shook his head. They walked over to an area near the campfire pit and sat down at a large makeshift table that had been assembled. Sawyer pulled out a deck of cards and dealt a poker hand to him and Peter both, looking around to see if anyone else took an interest right away. They played a few hands and Sawyer was trying to see if he could read Peter when he had a good hand or a bad hand, but wasn’t having much luck figuring it out.

Peter finally asked him if he was trying to read his poker face and Sawyer chuckled, “You’re actually very hard to read, you don’t react whether it’s good or bad.”

Peter smiled, “Good I’m glad to know I’ve still got it. I’ve actually supported myself for a short time playing poker.”

Sawyer groaned, “Glad we’re not playing for money then.” About that time Sun and Kate came by. Sun asked if they would like to help them gather and scout for food a little further out than they normally went – they would feel more secure with a man present.

Sawyer turned his head at an angle, “Well, that all depends whether Kate still hates my guts or can be civil at least.”

Kate narrowed her eyes a little, “I don’t hate your guts Sawyer. It was just a big shock to me to see you together like that and it really upset me. I can be civil to both of you. We do want some protection.”

Sawyer looked at Peter, “Well, what do you think Pete?” Peter thought to himself that this might be a start for Kate and Sawyer to get on speaking terms again. He replied, “Well, I wanted to go to the hatch this morning and see about signing up for a couple of shifts, I feel like I need to be helping out more. Why don’t you go on with the ladies?”

Peter saw a small reaction in Sawyers’ eyes, but wasn’t sure what he’d said he didn’t like. Sawyer picked up all the cards and put them back in his pocket. “Well, okay then. Let’s go, y’all need to get anything?” They both nodded no and so the three of them made their way out of camp. Peter went down to the ocean and sat and watched the waves for a while, thinking. After about 30 minutes, Libby saw him and asked if they could talk and if it’d be alright for her to sit down. Peter said sure, but his stomach tightened up. She asked how he was doing and he said he was okay. She also asked about how he and Sawyer were doing.

Peter replied, “I think we’re doing okay. I think we’re getting closer.” Libby asked if he had talked with Sawyer yet about his past. Peter shook his head no.

Libby said, “I talked with Sawyer yesterday, he’s concerned about you.”

Peter looked into Libby’s eyes, “I hope you were careful about what you said to him.” Libby gave a little smile, “I think Sawyer has figured out at least a small portion of what happened to you.”

Peter’s eyebrows went up, “Why do you say that?”

“Because, he said you had nightmares the other night and he could understand everything you were saying.”

“Damn,” Peter said, “I knew I had nightmares but didn’t know I’d talked in my sleep.”

“Sawyer is even more concerned about you now than he was before. He wants you to open up and tell him about your life, but he doesn’t want to force you to tell him.”

Peter thought a moment, “Can you tell me what he heard me say?”

“He told me some additional information that you hadn’t brought up in our therapy session. You had gotten so upset you didn’t have a chance to bring it up. And it was important; it showed that when you were growing up, you experienced even more abuse than I had thought… Well, he did ask me to talk with you and encourage you to talk with him. He’s not my client, you are. Are you sure that you want to talk about this right now?”

Peter spoke, “Yeah I need to know what I said while I was dreaming, and he’s not here right now, so let’s talk now. What did I say?”

Libby looked away before looking back at Peter’s face. “Sawyer said you were struggling in the bed and were agitated. He didn’t mean to be listening but you were speaking well enough to be understood. He said that you were begging your old man not to hurt you when he fucked you and that you begged him to not let the other men hurt you either.”

Peter’s eyes brimmed with tears and he felt them streak down his face. He hadn’t wanted Sawyer to know this so early in their relationship. No wonder Sawyer had been hesitant to give him what he asked for last night.

Libby continued, “Sawyer said it sounded like you were struggling to get away from your pa and that he had sexually abused you and apparently passed you around to other men too. He said you were growing more agitated and moaning, “Please no,” and “Stop.” He said he woke you up at that point and that it took several minutes before you calmed down again.”

“Oh shit!” Peter cried softly as he lay his head down on his arms covering his face.

“I’m so sorry that you had to go through that as a boy and a teenager. It’s very traumatic for anyone to experience what you went through. How are you doing right now?”

Peter wiped away the tears. “Talking about it makes it more real to me. It hurts me so badly I don’t like to talk about it.” He got real still and was shaking his head no. “You still only know part of it…” He fought to maintain his composure. “He was a pornographer too. He took pictures of everything and sold them to other pedophiles. The pictures went all over the world. That’s what he got arrested for when he thought I’d turned him in to the law.” He was weeping now and wrapped his arms around his head as if to remove himself from the situation.

Libby was horrified. It just kept getting worse. She knew she had to keep it together for him. She put her hand on his back to comfort him and to her surprise he cringed when she did. She spoke to him quietly, “You’re doing real well talking with me about this. You need to think about telling Sawyer and Jack about his since they both care about you and you’re being intimate with both of them. They need to know about what happened.” She knew that thinking about this was so painful he was trying to shut down again.

She glanced back towards the camp and thought “oh no.” Jack was walking towards them obviously concerned about Peter’s weeping and body language. “What is it about his boyfriends that keeps making them interfere with his therapy sessions?” she thought. “He gets really upset and they want to rescue him instead of letting him work through this.” Sure enough Jack came and knelt down beside them and asked what was wrong. Libby replied that they were in the middle of a therapy session and Jack replied that Peter seemed excessively upset and maybe they needed to continue it some other time. Peter was ignoring them both but still weeping.

“You’ve obviously touched on something that’s too painful for him to discuss now – let him get calmed back down now.” Libby was not happy. Peter was inconsolable, but it pissed her off that first Sawyer and now Jack was ‘rescuing’ him. He was going to have to learn to talk about things that had happened in his life without breaking down each time.

“Okay,” she said curtly. “Are you or Sawyer going to stay with him? He’s attempted suicide before, he’s upset now and I don’t want him left alone period.”

“Oh Christ” Peter moaned. Now Jack knew he’d tried to kill himself before.

“I’ve got something that could help calm him down.” Jack looked through his backpack and found a sedative and handed it with a bottle of water to Libby. Libby asked him if he would take the pill, it would help calm him down and they could get back together later whenever he was ready. Peter just sat there crying and wrapped up in his own arms. Jack put his hand on Peter’s back and Peter visibly flinched when Jack did it. Jack decided he would try Kate’s trick of whispering into his ear and touching him to pull him out of it. To his surprise Peter looked up at him, reached for them and swallowed the pill. His face looked anguished.

Jack wasn’t so sure that Libby’s therapy was doing Peter any good. So far it seemed to make him upset for hours. Unfortunately, this time half the survivors had seen it happen even though they were out of earshot of what was said. Bad timing, too public Jack thought. “I’ll sit with him until he calms down and then I’ll get him to come with me.” Libby touched Peter on the arm and asked him if he would be okay and if he would stay with either Jack or Sawyer tonight. Peter managed to nod and say okay.

Libby got up and brushed the sand off. “Be careful, Jack,” she cautioned. Jack wrinkled his brow. He wasn’t sure what she was saying. “He’s very vulnerable right now,” she finished. Her word stung him. He didn’t like the implications of what she was insinuating. She read it on his face. That’s okay, she thought; better to piss of Jack than not try to protect Peter. She walked back to her tent to lie down for a while. Jack sat down on the sand with his back to the ocean, facing the campsite. He wanted to get Peter off the beach as soon as possible. Peter began to calm down with Jack talking to him. Jack asked him to return with him to the caves and Peter agreed to go. Jack had some things he needed to do there. He knew the sedative would hit Peter before they got there and that he’d want to sleep a while. Jack was right, the closer they got to the caves, the more Peter was dragging along. Once they got there, Jack led him to his cave and had him lay down to sleep. On a whim, Jack got a blanket and pulled off Peter’s shirt. He looked at Peter’s chest and back. “I knew it,” he thought. “He’s doing BDSM probably with Sawyer. He’s got little whelps on his front and back side – that’s why he flinched when I touched him. He’s still sore.”

Jack felt conflicted – on some level he felt jealous of them, yet he also yearned to be a part of it. He had a secret part of himself that he almost never showed to others. His occupation was so demanding. Everyone expected doctors to be “good”, moral” “healers,” and “perfect.” His father had always pushed him to be that way, telling him that he was too good to be involved in any immoral activities, that he couldn’t cross that line. Jack chafed at having to try and be those things for everyone. He longed to be able to cause pain and hurt sometimes and at other times to be hurt himself. It was alien to other people though. Not what they would think that Jack Shepard, MD, was supposed to be like. Kate had hurt him when she had kissed him in the jungle that day and then swore to him that she couldn’t be good and perfect like him. He had kept trying to tell her that he didn’t feel that way about himself. But she never gave him a chance to tell her. The thought of a little BDSM play and rough sex appealed to him. Sex with another man was always more passionate and stimulating for him – not soft but demanding, more physical, even painful at times. He decided at that moment what he wanted from Peter as payback for fixing him up that night. He worked a little while and then sat down in his cave and watched Peter sleeping. In some ways Peter made him think of Sawyer – they both were from Tennessee so they had the same accent. But they were also very different in other ways. Peter slept until late in the afternoon. He got up and sat out next to the waterfall, and was very quiet.

Jack asked him if he was doing okay and Peter just shook his head no and said it hurt him too much to think about it. Jack offered to talk about it, but Peter shook his head no again. It was just getting dark now. About that time Sawyer came striding into camp. He didn’t seem pleased that Peter was here at the caves with Jack.

“Well, there you are,” Sawyer said as he tried to catch his breath. “I’ve been looking all over for you. I guess I should have come here first. It took me a while to find Libby and find out you had gotten upset again and left with Jack.” Peter looked at Sawyer and sighed. He seemed flat and almost unresponsive. Jack could tell Sawyer was upset and worried about Peter and that he was pissed too.

“He was talking with Libby and he got real upset. Libby and I talked about it and I gave him a sedative. Libby doesn’t want him out of either my or your sight right now and you weren’t anywhere to be found,” Jack said evenly.

“Well, isn’t’ that convenient, Sawyer commented as he narrowed his eyes. “So is he sleeping with you tonight in your cave?” Jacks’ brow wrinkled up – why did Sawyer have to make everything complicated?

“Well, I think it’s a little late to be taking over an hour long hike back to the beach tonight, especially considering the condition he’s in right now,” Jack said.

“You mean the condition that you and Libby got him in?” Sawyer said. Sawyer was pushing his buttons. Didn’t he know that Jack cared a great deal how Peter was doing? Jack felt protective of him too. Sawyer continued, “He was doing great when I left him this morning. What the hell is she doing to him? I don’t think this therapy is doing him any good. Look at him. He’s lived through hell and she’s making him go back through it again. I don’t think he should talk to her any more any time soon. It’s too much for him.”

Peter sighed at this point, “I’ll be okay. I’m just emotionally drained. Can’t you two get along? I don’t need any extra stress right now.”

Jack looked at Sawyer, “You shouldn’t be going back through the jungle tonight either. The three of us can stay in my cave. I have enough beds and bedding since my cave is also like the emergency room. You probably haven’t eaten dinner yet and you’re probably tired from searching for Peter too. Why don’t you stay here? We can put Peter in between us so you can sleep next to him. Think about what’s best for Peter.” The last line hooked Sawyer – Jack knew to make it about Peter’s welfare.

Sawyer frowned but he agreed to stay for Peter. Sawyer sat down. “Y’all got anything to eat here? I am hungry.” Jack had one of his pinched smiles which meant he was fighting saying something that would provoke Sawyer. He went and got them something to eat and some bottles of water and went to his cave to arrange things for the night. When he came back Sawyer had sat down facing Peter and was getting Peter to talk back and forth. Sawyer did seem to have a lot of influence with Peter and you could tell that he cared about him greatly. Jack thought that it was an improvement that he had Peter talking. Jack sat down next to them. “Are you feeling any better now?” he asked Peter. Peter said he was feeling better. Jack looked at Sawyer and said, “I have a suggestion. We all might sleep better tonight if we took a short walk. Maybe about 20 minutes from here there is a hillside that has a beautiful view of the island and ocean. It’s not a strenuous walk but it might be just the right amount to relax all of us… What do you think?”

Peter shook his head yes, “I think that might be a good idea. I’ve been sleeping all afternoon. It might help me to sleep better tonight.” Sawyer said okay then. Jack went and put some water and a blanket in his backpack. Jack led the way out of the caves campsite and through the jungle. When they finally got there, Peter and Sawyer both agreed that the view was beautiful from there – possibly one of the prettiest places on earth, especially in the moonlight. Jack spread the blanket out so they could sit for a while. Jack said this was where he liked to come and think. They sat in quiet for a long time – each was in their own little world – lost in thought.