Earth to Moon: can you still love me?

Notes:

Tbh, I think that at least this fic deserved a tiny bit more…
*sighs, shrugs, struggles and goes on*
I apologise, it took me forever to write this second part, because I’ve figured out I fu**ed up pretty much the timeline of my own series, so I had to fix some things (but i can't edit here because I don't want to make the old story goes up, I hate how this latform works ^^' )… more explanation in the final notes.

II: Unbearable distance
 

Blair did her best to refrain from crying when she was in the cab, but once she arrives and leaves a generous tip to the driver, the path towards the elevator is blurred by the tears that crowd up in her eyes.
Once she reaches her bedroom, she’s glad no one is there at the moment, because she just wants to cry her heart out.

Among tears, she takes her copy of ‘Inside’ she hides in her lingerie drawer.
Yeah, just that freshly published book.
That book she knew about, long before anyone else.
Dan has told her about it right after Vanessa took the first and only available draft away.
And it has been just Blair who talked him into claiming its ownership when said book has been published anonymously.

- When you still used to tell me the truth, Dan… -

She’s still too shocked to figure out that if now they are in that critical situation it’s only because he had the guts to tell her the truth, once more.
 

She opens it, holds a page in her hand, trying to rip it off, only to find out she can’t.

- I love this book too much, even if right now I hate its author! - She acknowledges, putting it back and crying even more.

- Why can’t I be as happy as Clair? She doesn’t have to question anything about Dylan, she just knows he loves her for who she is. Just like Dan said he loved me… before finding out it was only a charade. How the hell could I be so naive? How could I let my guard down with him? -

After a while she forces herself to get up from that bed, lifting her face up from that soft pillow she has bathed with her tears, probably smeared with her mascara, too.
Nothing that Dorota can’t clean up properly.
She walks towards her en-suite bathroom, washing her face with cold water, trying to pull herself together.

And when she looks at her reflection in the mirror, she can’t help noticing Dan’s signs of their passion, still visible on her neck and collarbone.
She can’t stand that sight anymore.

She rushes to her wardrobe, drawing out the first scarf she manages to find.
She wraps it around her neck multiple times and instantly feels a little better.
Only before figuring out what scarf she picked.
A wool, silk and viscose one featuring all Monet’s paintings that are exhibited at the MET.
Dan’s very first gift after they decided they were a couple.

“Dammit, Humphrey! I can’t believe you’re everywhere!” She curses out loud, taking it off and throwing it in the highest spot of her walk-in-closet.

Once again, something she doesn’t rip off, just pushes away.

Once she finds a scarf that’s bound to no painful memory, Blair go downstairs, more likely to force herself to eat something, although she has no appetite at all.

The front door opens out of the blue Eleanor steps inside.

“Blair! Dear, I didn’t expect to find you here, I just needed to take something I forgot. I thought you were at Dan’s place.”

Blair must make a big effort to keep it together and play cool.

“I was, but you know… between the promotion and the new project, Dan is always so, so busy!” She scoffs, moving her hand as if she was bothered.

“Oh. Well, since you seem to be free and you’ve been very precious yesterday, I wondered if you would like to help me again.” Eleanor suggests as she takes her notebook.

Blair sighs sadly.

Eleanor frowns.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong? Is it so horrible to work with me?”

“Oh no, Mother, it’s not that…” She replies, but her voice breaks.

She can’t hold it anymore.

Bursting out crying, she looks for a hug from her mother.

“The point is that I’m going to be free for such a long, indefinite time. Dan and I broke up!” She yelps as Eleanor caresses her hair and shoulders.

“Just… how? Why? You seemed to be so happy…” Eleanor babbles.

“And I was. We were… but then I found out he wasn’t the person who I thought he was.”

- Or rather he’s the person I didn’t think he could be!-

“Besides, we figure out we come from two such different worlds, it could never work… “ She sighs.

“My dear, it didn’t seem to be a problem before. “ Her mother makes her notice, as she keeps comforting her.  “But you’re the only one who can figure out what’s better for you, I’m sure that some time on your own will help.”

“I think so too.” Blair yelps.

- Stupid Humphrey for making me feel so lost… and stupider me for still protecting your secret, despite everything!-

“Do you know what I need the most now? To focus on myself and my future. So, yeah, I would love to work with you again. Just give me the time to wash my face and get a grip on myself!” She decides, coming back upstairs.

“Well done, Blair. We Waldorf women should never show our vulnerability to anyone!” Eleanor encourages her.

----------------------------------------------

It’s afternoon, which means that Rufus just came back to the loft, but Dan is so engrossed in his misery that he barely notices that.

It’s his father who eventually finds him, lying down in his bed, his empty eyes staring at the ceiling.

“Dan!” He tries to take him off his catatonic state, sort of concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Are they already coming?” Dan asks him, absentmindedly, his eyes never leaving the ceiling.

“Who is supposed to come?” Rufus wonders, puzzled.

“All the people that now must hate me. But maybe it’s too soon, The Spectator is going to release the scoop tomorrow… and if it’s Nate the one Blair gave the news too, what a way to quickly advance his career!” He rambles.

“But Dan… ‘Inside’ has been out for nearly a month. Everyone got over it, me included.” Rufus murmurs.

“I’m not talking about ‘Inside’. It’s something else. Something a lot worse… But you probably will find everything out tomorrow…”

Now Dan is finally staring at him, but his look is emotionless.

“I’m worried for you, Dan. What.. What happened between you and Blair?”

“I lost her. Forever. That’s what happened.”

- Now she hates me and I gave her the key to open the door of my social destruction. It’s only a matter of time before she ruins my existence and that’s just what I deserve! -  He fights the urge to cry.

“Why did you spend your life teaching me honesty and transparency? With lies and hidden truths everything would be a lot easier!” He groans.

“Dan, that’s not you talking now!” Rufus shakes his head, disappointed.  “Whatever trouble you and Blair are facing, I’m sure you’ll get over it. Now you’d better pack your things for Delaware. You have the promotion tomorrow…”

“I’m not going there. Not to Delaware, nor to any other stop of my stupid promotion tour!” Dan snaps and gets up to reach the shutter. 

He waits until his father understands and steps back.

“Now leave me alone!” Dan growls, lowering it.

----------------------------------

And that’s what Rufus does, until the morning after.

Dan hasn’t left  his room, not even to eat but his father has preferred not to argue with him about that.

This doesn't mean he can’t do anything about it. 

In his still isolated bedroom, Dan wakes up with a start.

He searches in every browser for any kind of news about Gossip Girl revealing and finds none.

- Wait. Did Blair spare me? Didn’t she get her proper revenge against me? Does she still feel something for me? Is there still any hope? - He wonders as he holds tighter in his hand the tie he fell asleep with.

It’s not just any tie.
It’s Bulgari. Burgundy red. Jacquard silk.
But the silver B on top to Dan means Blair.

It’s her first gift for him, something so precious he still didn’t find a special occasion to wear it yet and now he repents for that.

Out of the blue Dan’s phone rings.
It can’t be Blair because, sadly, Dan already found out she blocked his number. But he accepts the call only because he sees who it is.

“Yeah, Jenny?”

“What’s going on, Dan? Dad called me, saying you’re acting way too weird and he’s beyond concerned.” His sister replies. “What happened with Blair?”

“C’mon, why don’t you celebrate with one of your most satisfying ‘I told you so?’ I didn’t listen to your advice and now she hates me; although, for some reasons she didn’t spread my secret.”

“Trust me, Dan, I would have preferred you to say that I was wrong and everything went fine. How do you feel?”

“Something between empty and not having any purpose anymore in my life.” He sighs.

“That’s why you didn’t go to Delaware, right? Dad told me that, too!”

There’s clear blame in Jenny’s tone.

“The promotion or the new book now are my very last thoughts. Without Blair nothing makes sense anymore!”

“Let me remind you that it’s you who is the adult between us and now you’re just acting like a child!”

“You can’t understand. Maybe you’ll be able to when you find real love… and then lose it… Of course, not that I’m wishing you the last part!” Dan rushes to clarify, as he tortures his curls.

“Don’t worry, I got what you meant.” Jenny reassures him.

“Now, please, let’s talk about more pleasant stuff. How did your date go?”

“Uh? Why should we talk about it? Besides, I don’t want to bother your sadness with… my happiness…” Jenny retorts, as she bites her nails.

“So, it went very well.” Dan smiles. “I’m happy for you, don't think not even for a second that this could bother me. So now tell me more.”

“Okay, if you insist. It went beyond my expectations. It’s a night I’ll never forget.” she sighs contently. “I’m so glad I had a chance to meet him again, now that I’m a lot more mature than before…”

Dan frowns.

“Oh wait, does it mean you already knew him?”

“Sure, back to when I was in Brooklyn; but like I said in those days it wasn’t the proper time for things to happen. But then we casually met here in Hudson, he was here due to his job and… what can I say? He looked at me differently, while about me.. well, I’ve always had a big crush over him.”

“Well, guess I should be glad for you if now the feeling seems mutual. Do I know him, too?”

“You’re asking way to many questions!” Jenny gets all defensive. “However, before you’re going to call him your brother-in-law, let me specify: it was a one-night-stand.”

“Jenny! This is not something I’m very glad to hear!” Dan barks, in full ‘very protective big brother’ mode.

“I know, but he’s been more than clear about this with me, from the very start. It’s not only for the distance issue, but it’s also because he’s in a very complicated sort of relationship … which he would like to end to try to make things work with me, for real, this time. So, never say never!”

“I prefer to erase all the last info and be stuck to the fact that you had a very nice night.” Dan grumbles. “Now, if you don’t mind, I'll come back to my misery….”

“Only if  you promise that at least you will eat something!”

“My stomach is upset, but I can try…And you can inform Dad about this.” He grumbles.  “But don’t expect me to take part in the promotion!”

“Deal..” his sister sighs.

“Jenny?” Dan adds quickly, before she hangs up.

“Yeah?”

“Could you do me a big favour?"

------------------------------------------

At the end of that day Blair is proud of herself.

She managed to focus on her support work, acting as if her heart wasn’t aching and nothing was troubling her.
But once she’s inside the safe wall of her house and she’s alone in her bedroom, she can get in touch again with her sadness as if it was a comforting friend who has waited for her all day long.

And, of course, Eleanor can hear all her crying from the corridor, but she pretends she didn’t hear anything, not to be too pressing.

Besides, she’s relieved because she doesn't hear any throwing up noises.

- Oh, Blair, please, sweetie, keep the dinner in your stomach!-
--------------------------------------------
 

It’s morning again, which means that Blair must prepare herself once more to go through the motions.
She’s already on the street, holding her coffee, when her mobile chimes with a notification.
It can’t be Dan, since she already blocked his number, but it’s someone she hadn’t silenced yet.

Spotted: A fabulous S at JFK airport, carrying a suitcase trolley full of craving for standing out. Now that she’s back from the City of Lights, will she remember how to shine even in the Upper East Side?
 

She rolls her eyes, puts her phone back in her bag, kind of rudely, and keeps walking.

**************** (In the meantime)

“Good morning, son, glad that at least you left your room!” Rufus greets Dan when he sees him walking in the kitchen. “I guess you’re not in the mood for one of my waffles, right?”

“No, thanks, Dad, I guess I’ll have just some orange juice and a slice of toasted bread." He shrugs, sitting at the table.

- Well, at least he’s eating. - Rufus internally cheers. 

“You know, Simon & Schuster called. Again.” He ventures.

“I don’t care.” Dan barks.

“And Alexandra called. And even Noah Shapiro did. I told them all that you’re sick.”

“Thank you, Dad. Although, if we consider a broken heart a disease, technically you’re not even lying.” Dan sighs.

“Well, try to recover soon, because I really don’t know how long they’re gonna buy it.”

“I can’t make any promises!” Dan shrugs as he checks the notifications on his mobile and smirks.

- I see that she didn’t lose her touch. -

“I won’t even ask your plan for the day, but I’ll tell you about mine: since Lily is coming back, I’m going to surprise her with a special lunch at her place, that’s why I’m going.” He informs him.

“Don’t worry. If I chose to end my miserable existence I swear I’ll choose a way that doesn’t involve the gas or the fire, so the house is safe!”

Rufus chuckles.
If Dan is joking about it it means that he’s feeling at least a tad better and that’s what comforts him.

Basically Dan’s plan for the day - and not only that day - is to drown in his sorrow listening to very sad music and re-reading some of the most angsty tragedies, just to find some sort of wicked comfort knowing that there's someone who feels a lot worse than him.

He goes on with his activity until late afternoon, when he sees another notification.

Spotted:Golden Boy at Grand Central Terminal, back from his short business trip; ready to bring his newspaper report, like a Golden Retriever brings a stick back to his owner. But a good doggie’s loyalty shouldn’t be tested too much…

Dan frowns.

- Uh? Was Nate out of town? Geez, I’m really losing connection with the world outside! Wait a minute. Jenny said she met someone she already knew here. In a complicated relationship. Last time I checked, Nate was Diana’s personal toyboy. Naaaahh, it must be only a coincidence!-

But when the day after he reads on The Spectator an Insight about Hudson's architecture and history, signed N.A., it seems to him less and less a pure coincidence.

- But I’m just too depressed now to get mad over that!-



 

------------------------------------------ 

“What do you want?” Blair snaps, picking up that phone call at his fifth ring.

“Well, I’m glad that at least you didn’t block my number.” Jenny strikes back.

“Well, if you already know everything, I guess you called to celebrate. Go on.” Blair rolls her eyes.

“Actually I’m calling because I’m very worried for my brother. He hasn’t left his place for more than a week, he barely sleeps or eat, he has lost any interest for his promotion and work, he’s about to fuck up all his career, losing his contract with the Publishing House!”

Blair is very stunned after hearing that, but then she thinks better and plays cool anyway.

“Well, if he sounds so weary as you’re picturing him… why do Gossip Girl’s blasts keep coming so regularly? Just like the one about Charlie, or Diana or Lily’s…”

“Because it’s me who’s writing them.” Jenny cuts her off.

“Oh.”

Now Blair sounds really astonished.

“Dan told you I knew about Gossip Girl, but maybe he forgot to say then when he was too busy or for any other reason, sometimes I took over his job. I won’t hide to you that I’m particularly proud of some blast that gave you or Serena a very hard time.” She sneers.

“I must say that this surprises me a lot less.” Blair scoffs.

“Check your phone, I’ve just sent you a pic. It’s a screenshot I secretly took from the last video call I had with Dan yesterday.” Jenny informs her.

Blair almost jolts when she stares at the pic: Dan has such an apathetic gaze, his eyes so dull, his hair so, so messy, even for his standards, a few inches of beard covering all his mouth, chin and cheeks. He looks skinnier and there are dark circles around his eyes.

“Oh.” It’s all Blair manages to say.

“I know. You and I are surely not friends and I doubt we’ll ever be, but we both care about Dan, I know that deep inside you still do."

- I spend every damn night crying for hours, of course I still care!-

“Jenny, I don’t know if …”

“Blair, let me ask you a question: did you ever stop a moment to think that my brother wasn’t forced in any way to tell you such an important truth? Don’t you think he could have gone so easily with his relationship with you without telling you anything, ever? I even tried to make him change his mind, but he chose to risk anything to be honest with you, at any price. If this isn’t love, I don’t know what it is.”

“I… I guess I was too busy suffering from my point of view… to consider the whole issue from his.” Blair admits.

“Dan really loves you, Blair. I knew that even before he figured that out.” jJenny confesses.

“Really?”

“Oh c’mon, there was clearly something that didn’t add up if he spent almost twice of the time talking about how he hated that Serena’s best friend rather than telling me about Serena!” Jenny makes her chuckle.

“So?” The younger ventures to ask.

Blair already knows what to do.

“So… Jenny, next time you call your brother, could you please let him know something?”

----------------------------------------------- 

That evening, Dan is quite puzzled by his sister’s insistence.

He practically forced him to check the Gossip Girl’s mailbox, even if he doesn’t feel like doing that.

He’s too afraid to see some pics of Blair happy without him, or, even worse, happy with someone else.

But there seems to be nothing about her.

It’s something else that catches his attention.

It’s the last mail, sent no sooner than five minutes before, more or less the time Jenny ended her phone call.

The object of that mail already makes him smile: ‘Still so pissed off.’

And when he clicks on it his smile only broadens.

There’s one of his pics on the attachments, followed by some text:

‘Hello, Gossip Girl, for once I’m not asking for a scandal, but only for advice: the one you can see in the picture, probably better known as Lonely Boy, up until ten days ago used to be my boyfriend.
Well, he did something that could lead him to a permanent condition of Lonely.

He kept hidden such an important truth to me, for years, but it’s also true that he found the courage to tell me this truth and trust me, it did request a lot of courage and trust.

Not to mention that there wasn’t even the slightest evidence against him and he’s so sly that he could have gone on like that for years.
I guess this is something someone would do for love.

So, what do you think? Should I forgive him?

If you think so, could you please let him know that I’d like to see him again and he can reach me at the MET stairs tomorrow,  at 3:00 p.m.?

Thanks for your help.
 

An (not so) anonymous reader’

Closing the laptop, Dan has two certainties.

The first: finally, after days and days, he’s going to sleep peacefully. And maybe have a healthy dinner.

The second: the day after, in the morning, he’ll have a good shower. And he’ll make an appointment with a barber too.

------------------------------------

When Dan -looking as good as new - reaches the MET steps, at 3:00 p.m. o’ clock, Blair is already there, and she’s so beautiful that she almost seems like a mirage to him.
She’s sitting there, waiting for him in an olive green pleated midi dress, with a generous neckline, supported by tiny straps.
But it’s another detail he notices.

“You’re wearing my gift.” He smiles, softened, pointing at her scarf.

“Well, maybe I brought it here to give it back to you, who knows?” She scoffs.

“You’re right. Everything is possible.” Dan agrees, sitting next to her.

“And you’re wearing my gift.” She points at the Bulgari tie that really sets off his checkered powder baby blue and deep blue shirt.

“Getting to see you again, after all what happened. Couldn’t think of a better special occasion to show it off.” He makes her smile.

“Well, as the object of your email suggested, I guess you’re still pissed off.” He goes on talking, because he needs to break the silence between them.

“Yeah pretty much, although these ten days helped me let off some steam.” She explains, playing with the fringes of her scarf.

“The longest ten days of my life.” Dan sighs.

“I agree. Tell this to all the time I have to fight the urge to throw up everything I had forced myself to eat!” She confesses.

Dan stares at her with full concern in his big eyes.

“No, Blair, please, never joke about this. Your health is too important to undermine it for anything, let alone for me!”

“Said the one who didn’t undermine his.” She strikes back, although she’s impressed by his care.

“Uh?” He frowns.

“Jenny showed me a pic of how you looked during these days.” She informs him.

“Oh.”

“And don’t think I didn’t notice how this shirt now looks a bit larger on you. And I don’t like it one bit!”

Now she’s the concerned one.

“Don’t worry. I'll gain my usual weight soon.” He promises.

“Good to know.”

She’s about to pat his thigh, trapped in his casual blue jeans, but he anticipates her and holds her hand in his.

“Blair, please, just hear me out. It’s true, Gossip Girl was born for Serena but she could cease to exist for you.” Dan hereby swears.

To say that Blair is astonished is an euphemism.

“Oh my, I .. I really appreciate it, but it’s not necessary, Dan. Deep inside, I think that we all need Gossip Girl.”

“Not to mention that all of you are a part of her. It’s the people sending her all that news what keeps Gossip Girl alive.”

“And Serena is the essential element of Gossip Girl’s blasts.” Blair can’t help making him notice.

“Serena is like the Sun. She has trapped its light inside her and she can blind everyone with it. While you, Blair, are like the Moon.”

Blair scoffs, pushing him away.

“So, you even admit that I live in her reflection!”

Dan chuckles, amused by her jealousy.

“That’s not what I said, honey.”

“Well, then I guess I need you to explain yourself better, honey!” She mocks him.

“The Sun can seem fascinating, at first. And friendly, a lot. But the closer you get to it, the more you’re going to burn yourself.” Dan starts his explanation, taking a purpose break, to stare at her and caressing the back of her hand. “The Moon, instead, she’s mesmerizing. She has within her such a haunting melancholy. Just think about how many poets, singers or even film directors dedicated their works to her and how many to the sun. There must be a reason.”

“Oh. I really like this comparison.” She admits.

“And don’t forget. The Moon can even eclipse the Sun.”  He winks at her and makes her blush.

“You know what? You strike me as the Earth, then. Because, according to the way it moves, it can eclipse now the Sun, now the Moon. And, of course, I’m referring just and only to the power you have as Gossip Girl. Don’t flatter yourself, Humphrey!” She makes him laugh.

“Well, if you think better about it, the Earth is an outsider, wishing it could reach the Moon. So I guess that the comparison works perfectly even for me, simply as Dan.” He smiles at her.

“I’m liking this game. So, let me think, Nate must be a Comet, always acting like a guide. Chuck.. a Black Hole that only brings chaos. And Jenny… a White Dwarf, what is left of a Star that burned herself too fast, but still can learn how to shine again.”

“A White Dwarf that I would prefer that stayed as far as possible from Comets!” Dan grumbles.

“Oh my God! I’ve read that Spectator article about Hudson… N.A. … Nooo!” Blair puts the pieces together, stunned.

“Yeah, I know. And I still have to face Jenny about it. Or Nate, as well.” Dan informs her.

“As long as it doesn’t end in a riot!” Blair rolls her eyes.

“One problem at once, my dear, now we must focus on ourselves. By your mail I figured out that you forgave me, but…” Dan pauses, caressing her face with devotion. “Earth to Moon: can you still love me?”

Blair smiles, as her fingers traces his tie.

“Moon to Earth: I guess I’ve never really stopped.”

Saying so, she pulls him by the tie to her for a long kiss, the first after ten days.

“I love you, Dan, every side of you. And now that I found out that Gossip Girl is one of these sides, I guess I’ll want her around as well… but keep her as far as you can from me!”

Dan scoffs.

“It doesn’t work this way, my love, Gossip Girl makes no concessions to anyone’

“But I’m not anyone! I’m your girlfriend!”

“I was sure you would say ‘I’m Blair Waldorf!’” He chuckles, trying to mock her. “But this is a lot sweeter.” He smiles, giving her a quick peck on her lips.

“Plus, I protected your secret. With everyone.” She adds. “Do you have the slightest idea how hard it was to make Serena comfort me as I told her I was so mad at you, without letting her know the real reason?”

“So what did you tell her?”

“That I dumped you because I figured out that you love your career much more than you loved me!”

“Yeah right. The fact that I’m on the verge of being kicked out of my Publishing House due to non-fulfilment really proves your theory!” Dan grumbles.

“Oh, shut up, Humphrey!" She punches his shoulder, playfully.

“However, I couldn’t tell the truth either, for reasons. That’s why my father thinks that I was just in the middle of a very strong Imposter Syndrome that was reflected even in my relationship with you!” He informs her

 “The point is that I lied even to my best friend for the sake of your secret!”

“And I really, really appreciated that, my love.” He kisses her temple.

“So much that you’ll let me have a look at the Gossip Girl’s mail box, once in a while?” She ventures to ask,  her doe eyes blinking.

Dan scoffs and moves away, getting up.

“So, is this what is supposed to be our relationship from now on? You, trying to get a glimpse of my Gossip Girl’s world, every single time you have the chance and me, trying to keep you away from it as much as I can?”

Blair gets up as well.

“Yep, my love. It will be pretty much like that!” She smirks and nods, proudly.

He chuckles, stepping closer to her.

“I’m more than ready for that!” He whispers, before kissing her.

“But I’ll love you even more if you don’t waste any more time and go fix the mess of your career!” She parts from him.

“You’re right. I guess I’ll go home packing. I have to make up for a couple of missed stages. Or three.” He decides. “And I’m going to write too, during the journeys.”

“That’s my Dan!” She ruffles his hair, affectionately. “Hurry up, so you can be back in time for Halloween and we’ll find a nice way to celebrate.”

--------------------------------------------------- 

Dan manages to come back after five days, when there’s still plenty of time to think about Halloween.
Now that he fixed all the issues with his Publishing House, he can finally make up for all the lost time with his girlfriend.

And he makes amends between her thighs, giving her some quality orgasms.

“I definitely missed so much this pretty small crater of my Moon.” He surfaces, kissing her.

“You, astronomical pig!” Blair laughs against his lips, as she tastes herself.

“Say it, please, say it…” She urges him as he slowly enters inside her.

“What?” He asks her, pushing a tad deeper.

“C’mooon, Dan, I guess you can figure out what I want to hear.” She moans, adjusting to his rhythm.

He bends over her, skimming her lips.

“Spotted: B, happy again and, if possible, even more in love than before with her Lonely Boy, due to the thrust … err I mean, trust he proved to her.”

Blair laughs and abruptly switches their positions.

“You, GossiPig!”

--

THE END