The Funeral: A Torchwood Fan Fiction

Last chapter, finally :] Thanks for reading.
***
I frowned and stared at the Doctor in complete and utter disbelief. Why would he do something like this to me?

“Go home,” came Ianto’s voice quietly.

I looked down at him. “Ianto I won’t leave you,” I said vehemently.

“You don’t have a choice,” he said seriously. “The children need you and you will not leave them alone. They need you more than I do.”

“Ian-!”

“No!” he shouted shaking out of my arms. “Why should we get another chance?! Why do we get another chance?!

Other couples don’t! I’m dead! We knew exactly what we were getting into when we had Aurora and Jack and Daff and when I started getting old! I’m dead! I can’t go back and be with them and hold Daff when she’s frightened and protect Jack when she gets into trouble! I can’t Jack! You have to protect our children! I won’t let you leave them!”

“Ian-!”

“Go Jack!” he said, attempting to sound strong but I always knew when he was faking for me.

“I don’t want to leave you Ianto!” I roared.

“Back to Wales is it?!” the Doctor cried.

“NO!” I screamed.

The beautiful scene then began to dissolve and get darker and darker. I quickly reached out and snatched up Ianto’s hand in mine but as soon as I caught it I was ripped away from him with an awful scream. I was torn back through the darkness, back through the memories, back through time and space. I screamed, and screamed, and screamed . . .

***

I gasped loudly as I woke up, sitting bolt upright. Where was I?

It was dark but stiflingly warm. I couldn’t see very far before me and that was strange because when I killed myself the lights had been on… Through the darkness I could make out a… a rocking chair…? There weren’t any rocking chairs in the kitchen.

I quickly gazed to the right. I could see walls and picture frames on them. I saw the outline of a jumbled mass of wooden and metal parts on the floor by the corner and I remembered myself saying, “You know I should really be a pro at putting these things together by now…” I looked up from the floor and saw the door to a large walk- in closet I’d built for… Ianto!

I automatically looked down to his usual place in our bed, to my right side. I was in our bedroom! My heart was beating wildly as I gazed down at him, his relaxed body casting shadows from the moonlight streaming in through the open window behind him. He was breathing easily, peacefully and had his arms wrapped around a pillow he was clutching to his abdomen. I wasted no time in seizing him to me, waking him up in the process. He yelped loudly in fright.

“What is it?! What is it?! Is it Jack?! Did he let the dogs loose again?!”

I just laughed and held him to me tighter.

“Oh you think that’s funny, do you?” he asked his eyes closing again after the initial shock. I figured that, yeah it must have been kind of disturbing to have one’s husband snatch you into a hug in the middle of the night. “We’ll see who’s laughing when you and your son are out in the cold, looking for those dogs and Aurora and I are watching you from inside . . . sipping cocoa . . .” he yawned hugely and I couldn’t help but squeeze him harder and plant kisses on the top of his head. He was real! Just like in my dream but somehow even more real… I rubbed his back and found every one of his muscles in place, so strong but covered in a layer of subcutaneous fat making them just a little bit softer… “. . . and opening presents . . .”

Opening presents?

“. . . Christmas Day . . .” he mumbled, “. . .if those dogs are gone again-”

“It’s not the dogs,” I said gently, squeezing him one last time. “I’ll be right back love, be here then?”

“It’s a date…” he grumbled, his head lagging to the side.

I smiled and let him go, carefully resting his head down on his pillow and kissing his temple. I then got out of bed and passed the large unblinded windows playing a back garden scene in the middle of winter. Our back garden was wide and spacious so there was plenty of room for our children to play. A patio and swing set were being covered up by the gently but consistently falling snow. I looked a little farther and saw the two very sleek, very grey Weimaraners I had bought for all my children on my son’s last birthday. They were running quickly along the back fence line. I rolled my eyes and muttered fondly, “Jackson…”

Jackson! I thought, the horrible dream coming back to me in a flash. I immediately darted out into the hallway.

My son’s bedroom was the closest to ours and his door was wide open like usual. I poked my head in and a relieved sigh issued from my mouth. He was there, little and curled up in his tiny bed. I stepped into his room and knelt down next to his sleeping face.

“Daddy?” he asked, his deep brown eyes opening. The only one of his features that wasn’t directly copied from my face were his eyes, they were borrowed from Ianto. “Is it Christmas yet?”

“No, not yet Tiger,” I whispered. “Why’d you let Will and Julia out? They could get cold you know?”

“They needed to… Will told me so…” he whispered looking slightly down. “But I left the kitchen door wide open so they could come back in whenever they liked…” He closed his chocolate eyes again.

“All right buddy,” I said kissing his forehead.

Next I went to my daughter’s bedroom. She was the one who had started it all…

“Daddy!” she exclaimed when she saw me. “It’s Christmas, isn’t it?!” She sat up excitedly, ready to get downstairs to open her presents.

“No, not yet Aurora,” I said with a smile, I couldn’t resist it. Goldie had developed a personality not unlike my own. She was brave, clever as she wanted to be, a bit presumptuous, but incredibly precocious. She sighed miserably and I couldn’t help but chuckle gently. “Goldie, do you know how long the dogs have been outside?”

“Since midnight…” she said laying back down in her bed.

I sighed. “You helped your brother out?”

“How else was he supposed to each the doorknob?” she asked. Did I mention that she also harboured a mischievous streak…?

“You were up at midnight Goldie,” I said shaking my head.

“Well Jack said Will said he needed to go poop so-!”

“Never mind Goldie,” I said with a smile. “Close your eyes, go back to sleep darling.”

I stroked her dark hair and kissed her forehead just like I had done to her brother and left her room when she was finally asleep. Next, I trotted across the hall to my smallest daughter’s room. She would only be about three years old.

When I got to her door I was immediately concerned. It was closed. My little girl’s door is always open.

I opened it a crack and whispered, “Daff? Daffodil?!”

I hrew her door open and gasped. Her bedroom was a home office! I spun around and around in circles trying illogically to place her! Where was she?! The only other room on this floor was the bathroom!

I ran back to the master bedroom finding Ianto exactly where he’d said he’d be. I shook him fully awake this time.

“Where’s Daff?!” I bellowed.

“What?!” he cried.

“Daff! She’s gone!” I hissed trying not to wake the other children and send them into a panic as well!

“Who?!” he asked, his eyes wide with alarm and concern.

“Daff?!” I asked. This was unbelievable! “Daffodil Alexandre Harkness?! Your daughter?! How can you not know your own daughter?!”

He raised a questioning eyebrow at me.

“You’ve turned her bedroom into an office!” I yelled not being able to contain myself anymore.

He glanced out in the direction of the hallway, a confused expression on his pale face. I let out a wail. How could he not know his own child?! This time around we had actually made a conscious effort to make her! It had been our decision, he wanted another girl and we made it that way! What was going on?!

“Ianto why aren’t you panicking?!” I wailed. “She’s missing! Our girl is missing!”

Had I been transported to another dimension where our little daughter didn’t exist?! Where no one in my family except me remembered her?! No! I couldn’t live that way! She had to be somewhere!

“Our daughter-!”

“Is right here! Just here…” he said smiling sweetly.

“Where!” I begged at wits end.

Ianto took my hand and slid it gently beneath the covers of our bed, past the comforter and past the sheets. Soon my hand touched something round and firm.

“Calm down Daddy,” Ianto said still smiling.

“What…” I asked breathlessly.

“She hasn’t even been born yet and you’re already overprotective of her…” he murmured gazing at me with unexpected awe. I looked at him with frightened disbelief. “She still has a couple of months to go… at least let her get her fingernails and toenails on…”

My mouth dropped as he uncovered what I had thought was a large pillow around his waist. I threw myself around it and rested my head on it to hear his heart beating. My breathing was quick and I could feel the tears of relief spilling out of my eyes. My baby girl was alright…

“That’s a lovely name by the way,” he yawned starting to stroke my hair and my back. “I like it…”

“I’m sorry about that,” I said with my eyes closed.

“Shh Jack…” he muttered holding my head and rocking us both gently back and forth.

“I had a nightmare…” I muttered back, kissing his belly over and over.

“Tell me about it…” he whispered kissing my head.

FINIS