To Speak it Aloud

Spencer drove back to his flat with a stone in his stomach. His eyes burned with tears of frustration he refused to let fall.

Pulling into his parking spot and turning off the engine, he rubbed his long fingered hands over his face.

Why was this so hard? He knew he had no grounds to be angry at Morgan. He was a coward and hadn't said anything. It's not like he hasn't had a billion chances to speak.

How many nights in shared hotel rooms, pouring over case files?

How many afternoons off, spent on the sofa in Derek's living room watching weird movies, eating pizza and drinking beer?

How many long drives between points A and B when they were alone in the car?

Face it, Spence, you had plenty of chances but you were too terrified to speak the words aloud.

Cursing under his breath at himself, Reid got out of the car and gathered his things. Walking up the stairs, he pondered masochistically what Derek would be doing when they left the club.

Would he say good night to her in the same parking lot?

Would he ask her back to his place for a night cap?

Was she staying with him?

He shook his head in aggravation at his own pathetic self-flagellation.

Fumbling with his keys, he opened the door and slunk into his flat.

Dropping his things by the door, he crossed the small cluttered room and flopped down on the couch.

*******

Morgan was frustrated and tired. After Reid had left the evening had lost it's shine.

He struggled his way through a few more hours of reminiscing with Ronnie and the rest of the team.

When he couldn't pretend any more, Garcia took notice and called it a night. She gave him a sideways questioning look as they all got up to gather their things. Morgan raised his brows in a 'Not Now' look.

Walking out to the parking lot, they all called out goodbyes and well wishes. Soon the sound of doors closing and engines starting left only Derek and Ronnie standing alone.

Morgan looked from her to his boots while stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"It was great to see you, Ronnie." he said and she crossed her arms over her chest.

"You don't sound like it was great." she said and tilted her head as he looked up.

"You sound like seeing me was like kicking a puppy." she snarked and shook her head when he opened his moth to protest. Holding a hand up she raised a brow.

"Don't try to bullshit me, Morgan, we go too far back." she said and tipped her head toward her SUV.

"Walk a girl to her car?" she asked and then looped her arm through his.

Morgan shook out of his daze and walked with her. He was confused by the events of the night and wasn't sure he was reading anything right.

"I'm sorry, I got a little lost." he said and gave her a sideways smile. Ronnie smiled back and leaned a little more against him.

"So you got it bad for the kid?" she asked, sounding a little snotty in her tone. Morgan slowed his steps as they reached her car.

"I've not been able to say it to him. Some fucking tough guy, huh?" he said with a self-depreciating smirk.

Ronnie gave him an odd look and leaned back against the door of her car.

"Maybe there's a reason for that." she said and licked her full lips slowly.

"Maybe there is a part of you that doesn't feel the same." she suggested and reached out a hand, pulling him by the belt loop closer to her.

"Tell me, Derek, when was the last time you had a woman? I mean, you've not abstained since you developed this little fixation, have you?" her voice dipped to a low purr.

Morgan blinked and tried to clear his thoughts. Ronnie always fucked up his senses. It was the main reason they had been more the just partners back in the day.

It was a purely chemical reaction they had to each other. His heart thumped hard as he tried to stifle his response to her warmth.

"The object of my affection isn't a woman, so I haven't sought company with one." he said and leaned a little back as she tried to lure him closer.

"Huh, so how do you know it's not more of a..oh... what do they call it? Bromance?" she said and smiled like a cat.

"I mean, really, is that skinny kid what you want?" he said leaning closer and pressing her full curves to his chest. Any reply he had was cut off by her lips as she pulled him into a kiss.

******

Spencer woke to the sound of his alarm on his cell buzzing at his hip. Groaning, he realized he had fallen asleep on the couch in his clothes, again.

Turning off the noise, he got up and moved toward the bathroom. He tried not to think about the night before as he showered and got ready. It wasn't easy.

He kept seeing Morgan smiling so wide with Ronnie in his lap. It made his stomach knot up and he slapped the shower off in a moment of pure upset.

Finally in desperation, he turned his mind to the consultation cases he had to focus on when he got to work.

With the pull of his job keeping him off thoughts that hurt too much, Reid got dressed and left for work. He stopped to get coffee for the team, per usual and made his way to the office.

Exiting the elevator with the tray of hot drinks, Reid encountered Emily walking with her eyes on the file in her hands.

"Oh hey." she said, smiling and taking her cup from the cluster. "You feeling better?' she asked sipping from the coffee and looking at him with wide affectionate eyes.

Reid smiled awkwardly and nodded his head.

"Yeah, sorry I just get overwhelmed by all the colognes and perfumes in those places." he fibbed and then turned to hand out the rest of the coffee.

Swallowing hard as he headed for Morgan's desk, Reid tried to look casual.

He set the cup on the desk and gave a hesitant smile.

"Your usual." he said and held his breath. Morgan didn't look up from his paperwork.

"Thanks, Reid." he muttered and the boy felt his chest tighten. Turning quickly he made his way out of the bullpen to bring Garcia her latte.

He had a really bad feeling.

TBC.....