Good Things Come to Those who Wait

Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.
Rating: R for language.

Part 2

Over the course of the next few months, John and Cam seemed to dance around each other. Cam trying to ignore the ache in his chest when John actively avoided him or the anger he felt as John chose to communicate with him as little as possible in short sentences devoid of emotion.

He found it hard at times because John was an excellent soldier, always willing to do everything in his power to keep the people of Atlantis safe, willing to die in order to do so. John was an excellent XO and commanded the military personnel with a firm, but fair hand, making those soldiers under his command respect him and follow his orders without question. Cam was more than willing to say that John was the best XO he had ever had and did everything he should.

It might have been easier if John had been sullen or disrespectful, angry and out of order, but John kept his private issues with Cam just that, private.

Those who didn’t know John very well didn’t pick up on his cold nature towards Cam or his quick disappearance from a room when Cam entered. However, a few took notice of John’s stiff stance when forced to be near Cam or the way he looked at his CO when he thought nobody was looking. Cam had been approached by Teyla, Dr. McKay and Kate Heightmeyer, all asking with different levels of undisguised interest on what was happening between Cam and John.

Cam had politely evaded Teyla, ignored Dr. McKay’s thinly veiled threats of bodily harm should Cam hurt John and deflected the problem with Heightmeyer as John just adjusting to Cam as his new CO and leader of Atlantis. He knew Heightmeyer as the Psychologist for Atlantis was there to deal with issues like Cam’s, but he was still leery of broadcasting that he was a bi-sexual male in the Air Force.

Cam sighed tiredly as he rubbed his hand down his face. It had been a long day with the new arrival of Atlantis personnel on the Daedalus. Cam and John had spent the past fourteen hours assigning crew quarters, giving introductions of the new staff and taking care of unloading the latest supplies sent from Earth.

He was tired, hungry and could use a shower, though not in that order.

Making his way out of the mess hall with a plate of sandwiches and a bottle of water, he made his way to his quarters for the night. Stepping up to the transporter, he waited for the doors to open and then walked inside. As he pressed the location of his quarters he heard more than saw someone squeeze through the closing transporter doors at the last second. Turning his head he met the vacant green eyes of his XO.

“Uh… evening, Colonel…” Cam said evenly as he turned away from John.

“Sir.” John said as he turned away from Cam and stared vacantly at the closed transporter doors. .

Sighing in defeat he waited impatiently for the transporter to arrive at the area designated for the senior staff of the expedition. Almost immediately the transporter doors opened and John walked out toward his quarters. Cam followed behind him as his quarters happened to be a few doors down from John’s.

“Have a good evening, Colonel.” Cam said quietly as he reached his door.

“Sir.” John replied.

Cam sighed again and felt his ire grow. It seemed like all he did lately was sigh in regards to John. Whether it was sigh of frustration, anger, sadness or defeat, in the end it was all the same. As he walked into his quarters he turned and saw an expression on John’s face that he wasn’t quite sure could be real just before the doors closed. The look was so familiar he had trouble processing it. It was a look he knew had been practically carved into his features in the last few months.

He stood there staring at the closed doors for what felt like forever, his mind whirling as it tried to piece together every little blip of information he had seen in that look. Heart racing a mile a minute, he cataloged every emotion he had seen on his face. Longing. Fear. Pain. Love… and about a dozen others as well. After that first night on Atlantis he had spent the last few months hoping to see any time of emotion on John’s face, even anger would have been preferable to the absolute lack of emotion from him.

Cam wanted to go to him and just grab hold of him and never let him go. All these years without John he’d spent wondering what he did wrong? If he did enough to show John how much he cared? Why he couldn’t just let go and accept that John was never going to be able to be what he needed? At times he wanted to be able to just forget, to dull the pain of losing John twice… but he wouldn’t even if he had the option, no matter what John was his first real love… his only love… oh who was he kidding, John was the love of his life. Shit! John was the love of his life and he was just letting him go without a fight. How idiotic was that?

The look on John’s face flashed again in his mind and he made a decision. He wasn’t going to give John up without a fight. It may be a couple years pass due, but better late than never.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Cam woke up feeling better than he had in a long time. He had spent most of his evening trying to figure out how exactly he was going to get John to talk to him, let alone consider giving their relationship another try. Finally he had decided on good old fashion wooing like his pop did with his mama. It had taken quite a while for his dad to get her to give him the time of day, but after fifty years of marriage, three kids and seven grandchildren it was obvious he did something right.

So with that in mind he made his way to breakfast. As luck would have it John was already there and sitting alone at one of the table outside. Cam put on his most charming smile and made his way to John. “Colonel, do you mind if I join you?”

John looked up at Cam with a frown on his face and then began to get up from the table. “Actually Sir, I was just about finished.”

John’s plate was still filled to the brim, his coffee cup full as well.

“John, you haven’t even touched your breakfast…” Cam said with a raise of his eyebrow.

“Suddenly lost my appetite, Sir.” John said briskly as he gathered his meal and walked away.

“Dammit.”

Over the next few weeks Cam did his best to try wooing John. He sat at his table during meals and tried to engage him in conversation, planned carefully coordinated run-ins with John around the city… all the while John did his best to ignore Cam. Towards the end of the week John became more and more agitated with every effort Cam made until finally John pulled him into an empty office while Cam was walking by.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” John hissed as he paced the length of the office, occasionally stopping to glare at Cam. “Stop it… just fucking stop it!”

John’s hair was even more messy than usual as he repeatedly ran his fingers through it. His cheeks were flushed, hands clenched beside him and his usually outward calm was replaced by anger and frustration. Cam felt his body reacting to the sight of John and tried to ignore it.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about John?”

“You condescending son of a bitch, don’t even play that… we both know what you’re doing and it’s stops now!”

“John…”

“See! You haven’t called me John once since you got here and all of a sudden you start? What about the fact that even though this city is massive I still manage to run into you at least ten times a day and that’s not including you trying to corner me during meals!” John stopped pacing and walked up to Cam and pointed his finger against Cam’s chest in a hard jab. “I’m not kidding, stop it.”

Cam stayed quiet for a moment, debating the whether or not the question in his head would help him or make the situation worse. It probably couldn’t hurt… “Why didn’t you ever return my calls?”

“This conversation is over. Just stop or we’re going to have a problem Colonel Mitchell.” John said firmly and then stormed out of the room without a second glance.

Cam stood there for a while after John left and tried to get his emotions under control before he left the room. He had expected John to not like what Cam was doing, even to say something about it, but he had never expected that level of hostility to come from him. Was he kidding himself? Was it too late for them? John was so angry and Cam couldn’t even figure out why and he hated it.

Maybe it was too late… love wasn’t supposed to be this hard was it? John had addressed him formally the last time he spoke and Cam couldn’t just ignore it. No matter what, he was still John’s superior officer and even with relaxed fraternization regs he would be crossing a line if he pursued him any longer. John had made it clear; he wasn’t interested in Cam any longer.

After that day Cam stopped pursuing John. He returned to the impersonal interaction they had before, only talking when it was absolutely necessary and he even went so far as to actively avoid being in John’s presence any more than required. Cam loved John, would always love him, but he had to give him up.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, what the hell did you do to Sheppard?” Rodney asked belligerently as he stormed into Cam’s office. “He’s been quiet and withdrawn since you arrived, but lately he is downright depressing. He doesn’t smile, spends all his off duty time in his quarters, hardly eats anymore, looks like shit… Tell me what you did, right now Colonel!”

Looking up from the file he was reading, Cam sighed. “Doctor McKay, this is a private matter between Colonel Sheppard and myself and is none you’re your concern.”

“Bullshit! It is now affecting me, our team and the general morale of Atlantis. So it does concern me.” McKay argued.

Cam couldn’t disagree with McKay because he had noticed the same thing. John had steadily gotten worse over the last few weeks and Cam had no idea how to fix it. “I’m sorry McKay, but I do not feel comfortable speaking about this. John just needs to work through some issues and I am sure he will be fine once that happens.”

McKay’s calculating eyes narrowed as they watched him and Cam tried to keep the poker face held firm on his face. Atlantis’ CSO was a determined SOB and Cam knew if he gave any hint of what was going on, McKay would sniff it out like a blood hound.

“A month and a half ago you started acting differently towards Sheppard… Smiling, talking to him, seeking him out for meals, calling him by his first name… John was twitchy and distracted the entire time and then it stopped and Moody John came back with a vengeance. Why?”

He was observant, Cam would give him that. “I treat all the staff on Atlantis the same Doctor; I’m not sure what you’re referring to.”

“Uh huh.” McKay said in a voice laced with annoyance. “Since you arrived in Atlantis John hasn’t been his usual self and I want to know why.”

“McKay I am not going to speak about this, if John wants to let you in on the issue I have no problem, but this matter is finished.” Cam said briskly as he began to stand.

McKay’s eyes widen as if something monumental occurred to him and Cam knew he was in trouble.

“Shit! You’re him, aren’t you?”

Cam sat down in his chair again and said, “Pardon me?”

“John’s like Fort Knox when it comes to his personal life, but you get him drunk off his ass and he’s not as quiet.” McKay said smugly as he bounced on the tip of his toes in glee. “God, I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before…”

“McKay I’m not sure what you talking about, but I don’t think Colonel Sheppard would appreciate his personal life being discussed like this.”

“Please, if this weren’t about him he would be standing right here with me. For a military man, he’s pretty up on the gossip floating around Atlantis.”McKay snorted in amusement. “Anyways… so last year when the Ancients decided to boot us from Atlantis we all went back to Earth a little down. John took it pretty hard at first, but he kept it together like the rest of us. Until one night he comes to visit me in Nevada with a bottle of Tequila and a look on his face like someone kicked his puppy. Before long he and I were pretty drunk, him a little more, and he started to tell me about this guy he used to be involved with. Another pilot in the Air Force. Seems he was in love with this guy and it had ended badly a few years before that and John hadn’t seen him since. Until that morning at the SGC and from the way he was talking, it hit him pretty bad seeing the guy again. I get the feeling that what happened nearly destroyed him. He passed out not much longer after that, but just between you and me… I do not want to see him like that ever again and he’s getting close to that, so Colonel you better fix the problem quickly. You think I’m hard to deal with now, wait until you see me when I’m really angry. I know a thousand different ways to make a murder look like an accident, I can build a bomb out of things lying around the house and I just so happen to know how to castrate a bull… just saying.”

The fierce protective look on McKay’s face was pretty intimidating for a geek and Cam was trying to decide if he should laugh or quake in his boots. He decided to do a little of both. Giving a small reassuring smile, Cam spoke. “I’ll fix it McKay, but it may take some time. John’s not exactly willing to talk to me right now.”

“I don’t care how you do it, but my friend better be back to his old self soon.” With that McKay stormed out of the office and left Cam to think.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cam spent the next two days trying to get John to talk to him, but he was using every skill he had to evade Cam. McKay wasn’t making things any easier either; he seemed to constantly be hounding Cam asking why he hadn’t done anything yet. Finally at his wits end, Cam decided to take a page from John’s book and pulled him into a deserted room away from prying eyes and confronted him.

“I was going to give you space. I know that whatever it is I did or didn’t do back at McMurdo hurt you, but I can’t fix it unless I know what it was and with McKay threatening to castrate me if I don’t fix this, here I am. So, tell me why you never returned my phone calls?” Cam backed John against the wall as he spoke, his voice quiet and filled with sadness. “Please.”

John leaned back against the wall, his breath heavy and warm on Cam’s cheek as he turned his head away from Cam. It was quiet in the room for the longest time and Cam began to wonder if John was going to answer the question when he spoke.

“I saw him Cam.” John said quietly, his voice catching on the name.

“Saw who?”

He heard John take a few breaths and then he spoke again. “After I left your apartment, I spent the next week waiting for you to call. I knew that you wouldn’t call right away because of the attack, but as the week went on I started to get a little worried.” John finally turned his head and caught Cam’s gaze. “You were gorgeous, smart, funny and had a career that was going somewhere. Me, I had a black mark on my record, a problem with authority and a career headed nowhere fast. I was worried that being with me didn’t mean as much to you as it did to me and I got even more worried as the week went on.”

Cam tried to speak and reassure him that their time together had meant a lot to him, but John started talking again.

“Then I happened to hear a couple of officers talking about you getting shot down and I freaked out. I got to the hospital in record time and after spending twenty minutes with the nurse from hell telling me she couldn’t allow me to see you, I finally got a friend who works there to get me in to see you… He was sitting there holding your hand and looking at you like you hung the moon. You were laughing and I… it was obvious he was your lover…”

“He was before that night with you, but it wasn’t serious. Neither of us were in love with each other… it was just two friends who occasionally fucked when we weren’t seeing anybody else, it wasn’t a relationship. I had already made the decision that I was going to end it with him.” Cam took a few steps closer to John and wrapped his arms around John. “I was in love with you…”

“I knew you might not call me back right away, especially with you getting shot down, but it had been a week… I would have wanted to be there with you, sit with you like he was and then I realized that maybe you had thought the same thing. So, I figured you were just cheating on him with me and didn’t want to have to worry that I would meet him or vice versa.” John whispered as if he hadn’t heard Cam speak. “You called me the next day and I didn’t want to be that person, the other… man… so I ignored your calls. And then a few weeks later I was asked to join the Atlantis expedition and you know what happened after that.”

Cam tightened his arms around John and pressed his face into the curve of John’s neck. “John, I was in love with you, I’m still in love with you… I didn’t wake up until six days after I was shot down. I was groggy and heavily medicated and was having trouble remembering the fight let alone the few hours before it. When I remembered what happened between us I called you right away, but I guess you had already come and seen Henry by then.”

John leaned back in Cam’s arms and looked into his eyes. “I loved you too… it took me a long time to get over you Cam, I don’t know if I would survive it again.”

“We can take it as slow as you want, but I’m in it for the long haul, you have to know that. I’ve spent the last thirteen years of so waiting for you John…” Cam lifted a hand and cupped John’s cheek. “…I can wait a little longer.”