The Aliens Are Coming

The Aliens Are Coming

Flora Winters

I do not own Smallville and I do not own Project A-Ko either. I’m also not making any money off writing this either.

Summary: It is the year 3000. A cross dressing, gender confused alien, and the richest boy in school butt heads for the friendship of a certain blond boy. Who needs terrorists when you have an alien and an evil genius running amuck at K-City High? Clark/Whitney/Lex. SLASH.

Warning: This story will contain sin, horrendous blasphemy, and all that other religious bullshit that makes people blow chunks out their asses. If you are a religious fanatic, turn back now. You will go and burn in your hell for reading this, I promise. All flames will be danced in by my demonic worshippers.

Chapter One

I am such a fucking genius!” Lex cackled manically as he drew out plans on a huge ass piece of paper that took up most the room he was working in. “With the awesome power of my armor suit and this robot, Clark Kent is shit!”

Zen was standing to bald teen’s left, looking the giant robot plan over and put a finger to his mouth. “What is with the giant bowling ball gun thingy for?”

“I just threw that in for shit and giggles,” Lex laughed as he stenciled in some pink dice to hang over the robot’s control panel. “This God of Death will destroy that fat bitch once and for all!”

“But, that’s what you said the last time you created a giant robot,” Zen said, shivering at the memory. “And you ended up destroying half the school, the entire Astro Dome, and my favorite tree. I still cry at night over that one, Lex.”

“Daddy easily re-grows all that crap,” Lex said, waving all that past bullshit away. “Luthorcorp owns this city and I’ll do whatever the fuck I please to it in order to get my way with Whitney.”

“Lex!” A loud voice bellowed which caused the two young men to jump.

“Shit,” Lex hissed, looking around with wild eyes. “Daddy’s home.”

Lionel Luthor was pissed. He was pissed as Hell on a very hot day. His son had went and blown up that goddamn school…AGAIN! Why couldn’t that boy just find another hobby? He could easily collect ancient comic books, he could fucking collect crystals from Pluto. Fuck, he could even collect men’s sperm. “What the fuck is all this?” He screeched when he opened the door to Lex’s room, seeing the entire doorframe blocked by a huge piece of paper.

“You’re home early, Daddy,” Lex sighed unhappily. “No chicks to bang at the office?”

“You watch your mouth, young man,” Lionel reprimanded as he pushed the paper in and moved along the wall until he found an opening to get through. “Or I’ll beat that ass.”

“And I’ll blow this goddamned castle straight to Satan’s panty drawer!” Lex bellowed. “If you so much as lay one hand on my lovely ass!”

“What the fuck is this damn thing?” Lionel yelled when he saw the plans for a raging robot that looked like it had enough firepower to wipe out the whole city. “Do you have any idea how much this thing will cost me?”

“But, Daddy,” Lex said all teary-eyed. “I just want to destroy Clark Kent.”

Zen had hidden behind the sofa. He did not like getting in the way of the elder and young Luthor when they were like this. Sharp objects tend to get thrown through flesh and explosions could be heard for miles around.

“You will stop blowing up your school,” Lionel said as he calmly pressed a button for a robot to pour him a nice drink. “Or I will see to it personally that all your toys are taken away.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Lex seethed, narrowing his eyes into slits. “Do you have any idea how much pain I would inflict upon you?”

“Son,” Lionel smiled evilly. “I raised you…well the robot raised you, but I know you.”

“Then you know I can make a bomb out of a saltshaker and a toothpick,” Lex said, looking around for just that.

Lionel rolled his eyes. “And these little theatrics are going to have to stop.”

“But,” Lex cried, hugging his lightning machine. “I love my theatrics. It is what makes me so wonderful.”

“And this is why Clark Kent would never be your boyfriend,” Lionel roared, pushing a button for a robot to throw his drink at the nearest expensive object for him. “No boy in his right mind would want to date a nutcase like you!”

“You take that back, you rotting old scrotum!” Lex screamed as he pulled a crystal from his pocket, pushing the little purple button on it. “Or I’ll blow this place to bits!”

“Go ahead,” Lionel cackled. “Blow up our home and your wonderful little plans at your feet.”

Lex hissed and threw the crystal through the nearest window. A shrill shriek went off and then a loud explosion shook the grounds. The whole room quaked and Let just glared at his daddy.

“I’ll be in my office,” Lionel wearily sighed, massaging his temples, walking from the room with a hidden smile on his face.

Zen peeked out from behind the sofa. “Is it clear?”

Lex’s left eye twitched. “Get over here and help me role this goddamn thing up and get it out of here before he comes back.”

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Whitney was laying on Clark’s bed completely naked while the bigger boy was giving him a wonderful massage. Practice was really starting to become a drag. The coach was literally trying to murder them all. It was not their fault that the Astro Dome was destroyed…again. He looked over at the three empty tissue boxes on the side of Clark’s bed and sighed. He had cried enough for now.

“Does this make you feel better?” Clark asked as he massaged the soles of Whitney’s aching feet. The poor guy had to run around all day on them.

“Oh, yeah,” Whitney sighed in content as those skilled hands moved up the backs of his muscular legs and down to his toes again.

“Good,” Clark said as he put some Landrias Oil on his hands that his mom had bought at the oil shop right next door. It is a place that sells all kinds of oils from rare plants all over the galaxy and even beyond the solar system. This particular oil was great in easing tense muscles and soothing the troubled mind.

“Poor, Jenny,” Whitney mumbled and then moaned when Clark massaged out a knot in his broad back. “That girl is always getting herself maimed or something.”

“She does seem to always be in the wrong place at the wrong times for something bad to happen to her,” Clark agreed as he squeeze Whitney’s tight ass. “At least skin can easily be regenerated.”

“Yeah,” Whitney moaned under those strong hands of steel. “Remember when my knee got burned in that fire.”

“How could I forget?” Clark asked. “It was your own fault for trying to save your ball.”

“Hey!” Whitney snapped and then hissed in pleasure when Clark discovered another knot to conquer. “That ball cost me 27 Dulas.”

“You could have died, Whit,” Clark said as he straddled him so that he could get at his shoulders with ease. “And then who would I have to play masseuse with?”

“How about your other best friend?” Whitney asked with a laugh. “Let?”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you say that,” Clark said as he began to massage the blonde’s neck. “So going to pretend.”
“Clark,” Whitney gagged, kicking his legs from under him. “Can’t breathe…”

“Oops,” Clark said, and moved back down to his shoulders. “So sorry about that.”

“Why do you two hate each other so much?” Whitney coughed and turned his head over to the other side so he could gaze at Clark in the mirror while he worked on his tired body. “You two have been at each other’s throats since elementary school.”

“You would have to ask his dumbass,” Clark said. “He’s the one that has always instigated the fights that have led to certain destruction, pandemonium, chaos…you get the point.”

Whitney nodded his head and then gave him a very horny smile. “Do you want to…”

Clark grinned wickedly. “But, my parents could be home at any moment.”

Whitney rolled over just to show Clark how hard he was. “Please…you know you like the taste of my creamy goodness.”

Clark licked his lips. “I’ll get the chocolate.”

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“Captain,” Bane said I n a guarded tone as the taller man poured himself another glass of ruby red wine. “We’re now passing the planet known as Jupiter.”

“Great,” the captain glared. “Now we’re flying through a goddamn asteroid belt, and I don’t even have my net.”

“The ship will be quite fine, Sir,” Xan said as he looked out the fazeblast windows. “Our lasers are more than capable of blasting our way straight to Earth if need be.”

“Yes,” Bane agreed. “And why would you need a net, Sir?”

“What the fuck are you fools talking about?” The captain hissed as he downed the whole glass in three gulps. “Just get me to Urth so I can save our fucking prince.”

“We’re not going to blast the pace to bits are we?” Xan asked as he turned to look at Bane with wary eyes.

“I don’t know,” the captain told them as he poured some more wine, only to freeze in his tracks. Bane and Xan’s eyes widened in horror when only a single drop dripped from the now empty wine bottle. The captain spun around in a violent hiss of flaming red hair. “Oh, God!” He cried as his hands started to shake uncontrollably and pulled on his hair. “I need a drink! Someone get me a goddamned drink!”

The Earth was fucking doomed.

Time passed and the captain of the ship was pacing around in frantic circles, doing his best not to snap and kill a bitch for doing so much as breathe the incorrect way in his presence. He needed a drink. By all the gods in all the fucking known universes he needed a fucking drink. Why were these incompetent bitches torturing him so? Where the fuck was all the fucking booze? He needed a drink. He had to have a fucking drink.

“AH!” He shrieked at the top of his lungs when the ship blasted a huge asteroid out of their flight path. “I GOT TO HAVE A DRINK!”

The second in command ducked when a chair went flying by his head to crash into the empty liquor cabinet. Glass went flying all over the place. He didn’t dare do anything for fear that the captain would go and snap his other arm like a twig. It was moments like this that made him wish he had never signed on for this mission. But, the captain was the strongest and the best in the whole fleet…when he had a stable head. When he did not, well, you’d be better off just getting the fuck out of his way.

“I’ve got to have a drink,” he chanted over and over as he paced around in maddening circles. “I”VE GOT TO HAVE A FUCKING DRINK!”

A voice came over the loudspeaker. “Now clearing the Asteroid Belt.”

That was when the captain’s crazy Whitney Houston crack voice was all over the loudspeakers. “BOBBY! GET ME A GODDAMN DRINK!”

The thongs and the panties hit the fan.

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“Jonathan,” Martha Kent said when she unfolded Clark’s bed sheet she had just taken off his bed. “I think you need to have a word with them boys.”

Jonathan chuckled when she put a black light over the sheet. It had glowing stains all over the surface. “Boys will be boys, Martha.”

“That may be so,” she said, looking at all the stains. “But that is no excuse to just let it spew anywhere.”

Jonathan took the sheet from her and handed it to their android. “Clean this please.”

“I’ll get right on that,” the android deadpanned. “Mr. Kent.”

“Thank you, Cindy-2,” Martha smiled as she waved her off.

If Cindy-2 had real eyes, she would have rolled them right there.

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“And now,” the dark and terrible space incubus said in all his sexy glory. “I shall suck your soul out through your cock like I have all the other young men of your vessel, Captain Klyne.”

“Eek!” Whitney squealed and grabbed a hold of Clark’s arm. “Look at the size of that cock! I’m surprised he hasn’t tripped over it chasing all those young men out of the locker room.”

Clark almost spilled his popcorn and cracked up laughing when the poor captain started to moan as the terrible space incubus had his wicked way with him. This movie was a trip and it gave him some vulgar ideas for later. He would Whitney moaning like that under him.

“Oh, give me a break,” the space incubus snarled on the big screen as he spanked the poor Captain Klyne’s naked ass. “Is that all you go, Spaceman?”

“Oh, my,” Whitney said, and started biting his thumbnail in anticipation. “Look at his eyes rolling up in his head. That must be some good head.”

Clark laughed. “You do that when you’re just about to shoot your load down my throat.”

Whitney looked away from the galactic cock sucker and punched Clark’s arm. “I do not.”

“Yes, you do,” Clark snorted, rubbing his arm out of habit. “Your whole body spasms ever so nicely, and then you grunt real deep as you cream my throat.”

“Clark,” Whitney hissed, thanking the gods that they were the only ones in the whole room. “You’re so dirty.”

“Only when I want to be,” Clark smiled.

“No!” Captain Klyne cried from the screen which got the boy’s attentions once more. “I will not allow you to greedily suck the galaxy dry of cock.”

The terrible and handsome space incubus laughed evilly as he hovered over the captain’s weeping cock. “And just how do you plan on stopping me?”

“With this,” the captain said, holding up a device that had the incubus hissing in horror and the two boys cracked the hell up as they watched.

“No!” The incubus shrieked, floating away from the captain. “Not the Rainbow Condom of Doom!”

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Lex was cackling madly as he welded some components into place. This robot was going to kick Kent’s fat ass. He threw back his visor and laughed as lightning flashed all around him. “Soon, everyone will see that I’m the fucking head bitch in charge up in this mother fucker!” He howled with laughter. “And Whitney will be mine, all mine!”

Zen hated it when Lex got like this. There was just no reasoning with him. The last time he tried to reason with him, well, it didn’t go over too well. He was still having trouble explaining everything to his therapist. If only his therapist wore pants when he had an appointment.

“Oh, Whitney,” Lex cooed to the solid golden statue that he had made to look just like Whitney. “I will make you mine no matter how much blood I have to decorate the walls and floors of that school with.”

Zen shivered and turned the page. He just loved romance novels. Why couldn’t love be like it was in this book? He really was asking too much.

“Zen!” Lex shouted as he twirled around with wrench in his left hand and a blowtorch in the other. “It’s almost ready to be unleashed.”

“Yippy,” Zen said, putting his book down. “Now you can take me to the Space Cream Shop like you promised.”

Lex rolled his eyes and cackled in glee. This robot was perfect.

“I want Superman,” Zen giggled.

Lex’s left eye twitched. For some odd reason, he really hated that flavor and that name. It tickled his cock the wrong way.

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Clark and Whitney were now walking hand in hand down the street, looking at all the cool things in the shop windows. Whitney really needed to figure out what to get Clark for his upcoming birthday. He had no idea what to get him. Maybe a new skirt, or a bikini? He didn’t know. Maybe a nice pair of pants. Clark looked hot in a skirt…but even hotter in pants.

“I can’t believe you talked me into watching that,” he said, shaking his head. “That was the worst and funniest comedy I’ve ever seen.”

“No worse than The Witch From Planet Vagina,” Clark said with a hoot of laughter. “That had be shying away from Lana and Chloe for almost a week.”

“Afraid them tentacles were going to bite down on your cock and suck out your life force?” Whitney teased as he tickled the alien’s muscular chest.

“Cut it out,” Clark laughed. “That stuff was freaky.”

“No freakier than watching that incubus suck cock to stay young,” Whitney pointed out.

“True,” Clark said. “But there were no fanged tentacles shooting out of a witch’s vagina.”

Whitney rolled his eyes. “Let’s get something to eat.”

“All right,” Clark said, leading the way. “I want something warm and creamy.”

“Beware the Tentacle Vagina Queen,” Whitney whispered right into Clark’s ear. “Stay in the rubber, Clark.”

Clark squealed.

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“Crap!” Clark cried as he raced down the steps louder than a heard of stampeding buffalo that were now only seen in zoos. “I can’t believe I’m late again!”

Ding-dong went the doorbell, and before Whitney could so much as take his next breath of cool morning air, the door flew open, his wrists were gripped, and he was in Clark’s powerful arms, moving faster than the winds.

“Clark!” He cried as he wrapped his arms around the alien’s neck. “Slow down!”

“I can’t!” Clark yelled. “We’re late and Mr. Buttecake will eat our dicks for lunch! I need my dick, Whitney! You need your dick, too! I can’t live without our dicks!”

“We’re not late!” Whitney yelled as he squeezed his neck tighter. “I sat your clock twenty minutes ahead.”

Clark froze in his tracks which jerked Whitney like a mother-fucker. Clark glared down at him with glowing ruby eyes. “You did what?”

Whitney cringed. That last time Clark spoke in that deep voice, the whole cyber mall had to be evacuated. This was not good. “You said that you were tired of always being late,” he said, wondering why Clark wasn’t putting him down. “So, I turned your clock ahead.”

“So, what you’re trying to say,” Clark hissed angrily. “Is that I could have gotten nineteen more minutes of sleep.”

Whitney bit his bottom lip in terror. “At least you’re not late.”

Clark sat the blond down on his feet and sighed. “I’m too sleepy to strangle you dead right now.”

Whitney laughed and took his had. “Come on. It’s a beautiful morning, Clark.”

The alien yawned. “An I was having such a great dream, too.”

“What were you dreaming?” Whitney asked in curiosity.

“You were sucking my cock,” Clark smiled wickedly. “And fondling my ass.”

“That was no dream,” Whitney told him. “I hooked you up to the Astral Sexerater last night before I climbed out your window.”

“Oh,” Clark smiled.

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“Sweet Lizzie Bathory all bloody in the bathtub,” Chloe whistled when she saw the giant robot in front of the school and hearing Lex cackling insanely from somewhere above. “This can’t be good for the learning environment.”

“What in the name of the great God Cyberix is going on here?” Pete asked as a choir of cyber angels started singing in tongues from behind her. “I there going to be a demonstration or something?”

“I don’t think so,” Lana piped in, walking up with pearl lipgloss in hand. “Lex is going to try and show up Clark again.”

“Oh, shit,” Pete said, backing slowly away. “I just remembered that prostate examination appointment I don’t really have today, see you two bitches later.”

Chloe rolled her eyes as he ran off with his tail between his legs. “Pussy.”

“Do you think Clark can beat this one?” Lana asked in a not so worried at all tone. The bitch actually looked like she was bored out of her pretty little head.

Chloe yawned. “Yeah.”

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“Clark?” Whitney asked as he paused on the walkway. “Please tell me in the name of the one true god that I can’t remember right now that that is not what I think that is.”

Clark just stood there half asleep and blinked several times in order to register what was going on around him. That so could not be another one of Lex’s dumbass robots waiting for him in front of the school like always. It was too early in the morning to have to deal with this shit. Couldn’t that bald fuck wait until after lunch?

“Oh my goodness,” Whitney suddenly squealed in delight, making Clark jump. “The Astro Dome has been re-grown. I’m so happy!”

“KENT!” A loud voice filled with insanity called out to him. “PREPARE TO DIE!”

Clark dropped his head and realized that he was actually kind of hungry. His tummy growled which had Whitney looking at him in mild concern.

“Hungry?”

“Yeah,” Clark nodded, scratching his head. “I was so panicked this morning that I simply forgot to eat.”

“HEY!” Lex yelled. “ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?”

“I have an apple here somewhere,” Whitney said as he took his backpack off. “Let me get it for you.”

“Thanks,” Clark said as they started walking towards the school again.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING IGNORE ME!” Lex screamed. “I BUILT THIS BITCH JUST FOR YOU, KENT!”

“Here it is,” Whitney smiled, happily handing him the juicy red apple. “Enjoy.”

“Thanks,” Clark said, taking it from the grinning blond. “Its so red.”

“DON’T YOU FUCKING WALK BY ME AS THOUGH I’M NOT EVEN HERE!” Lex roared from his robot. “I’M THE MOTHER FUCKING HEAD BITCH IN CHARGE IN THIS MOTHER FUCKER, KENT!”

“This isn’t that kind of apple is it?” Clark asked, sniffing it. “Mommy read me all about Snow White and the Seven Pricks.”

Whitney cackled like a wicked drag-queen. “Of course not, dearest Clark.”

Clark rolled his eyes and took a big bite of the juicy red apple.

“GODDAMN YOU!” Lex shrieked. “FIRE FOR JESUS!”

The giant robot’s massive arm rose up and took aim right at Clark’s back. People took of running and screaming for their lives when a missile was fired right at him. Clark let out a sigh and pushed Whitney to the side. He spun around and drop-kicked the missile right back at the giant robot.

Lex’s grey eyes widened in shock. “Well, I’ll be goddamned.”

He ran along the arm of the robot and jumped off just as the missile struck it in the chest. A loud explosion shook the school yard when the robot exploded for all to see. It then fell over backwards and promptly exploded once more for good measure.

Chloe was taking pictures and Lana was jumping up and down while clapping her hands. That had been totally awesome. No wonder Clark was president of the K-City Highs Kick Ass Club.

Lex was snarling like a fanged bunny on crack and Redbull. He pointed his finger. “I’ll kill you, Kent!”

But, there was nobody there…except for Zen.

Lex’s nostrils flared in outrage. “DAMN YOU, KENT!”

“Mr. Luthor,” an angry voice shouted. “You will clean up this mess right now.”

Lex’s proud shoulders slumped. “Yes, Mr. Buttercake.”

“And I shall be seeing in you detention,” he said, strolling on by, twirling his parasol.

“Back to the drawing board,” Zen said.

Lex grinned evilly. “Maybe not.” If you want to kick a bitch’s fat ass, you do it yourself.

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“I am one with this universe,” the captain chanted along to the soothing calm sounds of the Sea Leo’s from the ocean planet, Sena. They were a cross between a dolphin and a bat. “I am calm, relaxed, and peaceful. Nothing can touch me in this glowing bubble of cosmic light that is my soul.”

He breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly. The calming incense was sweet and aromatic as the tendrils of smoke danced around him like serpents. Nothing could touch him in this glowing bubble of peace.

Bane and Xan made sure that nothing could disturb the captain’s meditation ritual. It was the only think keeping him from killing everything that moved in his sobered line of sight. The Order of the Ancients on their home world hid away from modern Utopia so they could chant and feel at peace with the universe everyday. It was not the kind of life they liked but as long as it calmed the captain’s thirst for blood, why gave a flying fuck?

“Nothing can tempt me from the path of that which is righteous,” the captain chanted and hummed in tune. “I cam calm, relaxed, sober, and peaceful.”

“We’re now passing by the planet know as Mars,” the voice over the loudspeaker announced. “Earth is just ahead, Captain Morgan.”

That captain smiled in agitation. “Nothing can tempt me from the path that is…”

“I found one!” A young man shouted as he busted through the sealed double doors with a head-butt. He was wearing a solid black bikini. “And it is a very good bottle, Sir!”

“Except for that!” Morgan shrieked in excitement and was looming over the young man with glowing eyes. “Give me that goddamn bottle, you little bitch!”

Both Bane and Xan fell to their knees in exhaustion. The captain was just too much to handle. Those fucking Ancients needed some new goddamn rituals. The kind that actually worked.

TBC…

Review if you laughed.

Flora.