Second Chances Part 4 - The Holly and the Ivy

Second Chances Part 4 – The Holly and the Ivy by Bethhawke.


Hawke was sitting in Dom's kitchen feeding the baby when Marella called to tell him that Beth would be staying at the clinic for a couple of days.
Dom was bustling around getting the house ready for Holly who was arriving the next day. With only three bedrooms it was going to get a bit crowded and sleeping arrangements needed to be made. He put Le and the baby in with Hawke, Holly in Le's room and Caitlin on the sofa, where she was expecting to sleep anyway.


The next morning Dom picked Holly up from the airport and brought her home.
“String! I missed you,” Holly squealed with delight and hugged him hard. He reluctantly returned the hug not wanting to give her the wrong idea about his feelings for her.
“Good to see you Holly. You're looking well.”
“I am. We're going to have a great time. Show me to my room String.”
He carried her bags up to the bedroom that Le had vacated. She chatted all the way and as they passed his room a noise made her stop, “What was that. It sounded like a baby?”
“Yeah, you woke her with all your yacking,” Hawke answered dryly, opening the door and picking his daughter up out of her cot, “Holly, meet Symphony,” he introduced his daughter proudly.
Holly recoiled slightly but Hawke was too busy looking at his daughter to notice. She quickly pulled herself together, “Who's baby is it?” she asked him.
He looked at her, surprised at the question, “Mine. Didn't Dom tell you?”
“No. But who's the mother? It's Caitlin isn't it?” she sounded hurt and angry.
“Holly, I told you before, there's nothing between me and Cait. We're just friends. Her mother's name is Beth, she's in hospital for a couple of days.”
“Oh,” Holly sounded thoughtful, then looking around the room noticed the camp bed, “she sleeps on the camp bed?” she asked hopefully.
“No. That's Le's bed. You've turfed him out of his room.”
“Who the hell is Le? What's been going on here since I left?”
“Le is my nephew who lives with me and Beth. He's at a friend's house, should be back for dinner.”
“Oh. So....Beth is away for a couple more days?” Holly asked, her voice thoughtful.
“Yeah. Let's get your bags to your room. Someone needs feeding.”

Holly hovered over Hawke as he fed his daughter, her hand resting on his arm. Hawke wanted her to move away but Dom was watching them affectionately and he didn't want to upset him so he said nothing.
The rest of the day was the same; she wouldn't leave him alone, always sitting next to him and touching him. After Symphony's last feed of the day he decided to go to bed, just to get away from her. Caitlin was due to arrive the next morning and Hawke had a feeling that it was going to be a very stressful day.
Lying in bed unable to sleep, Le's gentle snoring and Symphony's slightly snuffly breathing were suddenly too loud and he pulled on his jeans and went downstairs. He had heard Dom and Holly go to bed earlier so the coast was clear.
After chugging down a glass of water he slumped onto the sofa, his feet up, and closed his eyes.
He was tired and in no time at all was asleep.
The room was dark and at first he thought it was Beth next to him kissing him, caressing his chest, one hand fumbling to undo his jeans. But as he woke he remembered where he was and abruptly sat up, shoving aside whoever was with him.
“It's okay String. I'm here,” Holly whispered, trying to get hold of him again.
He struggled to his feet and snapped on the light.
“What the hell d'you think you're doing Holly?” he asked angrily, glaring at her.
“I just want to be with you. I know you feel the same.”
“No Holly. I don't,” he was in no mood to let her down gently like he had done the first time.
She looked hurt but advanced on him, her intentions obvious, “Let me love you String. I know you are lonely with Beth leaving you.”
“She hasn't left me she's......oh this is hopeless. I'm going to bed and I suggest you do the same.” He stormed out of the room and upstairs to his bed, leaving her standing in the doorway watching him.
“I'll make you suffer for that Stringfellow Hawke,” she muttered, “You're mine!”

At breakfast the next morning the atmosphere was tense. Even Symphony noticed and was grizzly and out of sorts, not taking her feed.
“Dom, I think Symphony is coming down with a cold. I'm gonna take her out for some fresh air,” Hawke announced after breakfast.
“I'll come with you,” Holly said, standing up and grabbing her coat from the back of the chair where she had left it the night before.
“I'm going to call into the clinic so I'd better go alone,” the idea of visiting Beth had only just occurred to him, as an excuse for Holly not to go with him, but the more he thought about it the better the idea seemed.
“Give Beth my love,” Dom said as Hawke left.

Hawke stopped on the way to pick up flowers for Beth not wanting to arrive empty handed. At the clinic he struggled with Symphony in one arm, her bag slung over the other and the flowers. He was recognised and a nurse took the flowers from him and showed him to Beth's room, promising to return with the flowers in a vase.
He stopped outside her door, needing time to gather his thoughts. He wasn't sure if he would be welcome. Five minutes later the nurse returned with the vase and he was still standing outside the door.
“Are you alright Mr. Hawke?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he replied, as she opened the door giving him no choice but to enter behind her.
“You have visitors,” the nurse declared cheerfully, putting the flowers down on the bedside table and leaving the room.
Hawke stood awkwardly, waiting to see what Beth's reaction was.
“Sit down String, I'm getting a stiff neck looking up at you.”
He grinned and sat on the bedside chair, resting Symphony on his knee, “How are you feeling? Why didn't you say you were unwell?” he tried to keep the accusation out of his voice.
“I don't think I realised I was until Marella arrived. I guess I thought how I felt was normal for a new mum. She must hate me!” Beth had tears in her eyes and looked away.
“Who must hate you?”
“The baby of course. I'm a crap mother, I can't even look after myself never mind her.”
“You do just fine. She's healthy and happy, that's what matters,” Hawke was a bit confused by Beth's comments. It was the first time she had spoken to him about this and he had no idea she wasn't happy being a mother.
“She never stops crying, I must be doing something wrong,” she sobbed and Symphony sensing her mother's distress started to cry too, “See, she always cries when I'm around!”
“She's a baby. Babies cry.”
“Not that much. She was fine until she saw me. Just leave and take her with you!” Beth's voice had risen and Symphony's cries got louder. The door opened and the nurse entered.
“What's all the fuss about? You'd better leave Mr. Hawke,” she ushered him out of the room.

Standing in the corridor, a screaming Symphony in his arms, Hawke looked around wondering were to go. He didn't want to leave, hoping that Beth would see him when she had calmed down. He started to walk towards the canteen when he saw a familiar figure in white coming towards him.
“Hawke, Beth's room is that way,” Andrea said, pointing back the way he had come.
“Yeah, I know. I've just come from there. Beth is...upset. The nurse made me leave,” he sounded disgruntled.
“What did you say to upset her Hawke?”
“Nothing! She just got upset, said she was a bad mother. Then Symphony started crying and.......” he had to stop as he felt a lump developing in his throat. Andrea took Symphony from him and her quiet voice soon calmed her down.
“She can sense when you're upset, that's probably why she cries a lot around Beth. We've had a talk but it looks as though I haven't got through to her yet.” she handed Symphony back to Hawke.
“Go and get a coffee. I'll see her now, try to calm her down. I'll come and get you in a while.”
Hawke nodded and continued towards the canteen. It was quiet and the staff insisted on playing with Symphony while he enjoyed his coffee.


An hour and three cups of coffee later Andrea reappeared.
“We've had a chat and Beth wants to see you, alone. I'll take Symphony. Just remember Hawke that you might think what she's feeling is silly but to her it's very real.
Hawke nodded and gave the bag to Andrea, “She'll need feeding soon, there's a bottle made up, you just need to heat it.”


Hawke sat on the chair by Beth's bed and waited. She had been crying, her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked even paler than usual. He was reminded of the first night he had seen her after her kidnap and rape. She was broken then and looked broken now.
“Beth? Talk to me.”
“I don't know if I can.”
“You talked to Andrea.”
“That's different.”
“How?”
“She doesn't judge me.”
“When have I ever judged you? What you have to say can't be worse than what I'm imagining.”
“What are you imagining?”
“That you're going to leave. Something has gone wrong between us and if you don't talk to me then what else can I think?”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No! I just want you to be happy, for us all to be happy. But if you don't tell me what's wrong then I can't help.”
“I want to be happy too,” she patted the bed, inviting him over, then whispered, “I've forgotten how to be happy. I'm too scared.”
He put his arm around her, “What are you scared of?”
“Everything! Remember the old days, before he took me? We were happy then, weren't we? I mean I know we had our moments, fights and stuff, but mostly we were happy.”
“I know I was. I loved you, I still do. I'm just not sure who you are now, you've changed so much..”
“I'm sorry.”
“No! I didn't mean it like that. I just don't know what you want, what you need from me and you've pushed me away.”
“I don't mean to. I....you wouldn't understand.”
“You haven't given me a chance to.”
Beth drew her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see his reaction, “The birth was horrible! I was terrified, not knowing what to expect.” Hawke started to speak but she put her hand up to stop him, “Oh, I know Marella went through it all with me and I knew in theory what was going to happen, but the pain.....and they left me alone during the night with the lights on low and they wouldn't let me eat and I got so hungry...” she couldn't carry on as the memories resurfaced and she started to sob.
Hawke gathered her in his arms and held her tight, “Dammit! What the hell were they thinking?”
She returned the hug, accepting his comfort, relieved that she didn't have to explain too much. He knew that since her kidnap and rape she couldn't stand to be alone in the dark and hunger brought back memories of what she'd had to do to get food from her kidnapper.
The door opened and the nurse stood looking fiercely at him, “Mr. Hawke I insist that you leave immediately and stop upsetting my patient.”
He returned her look with one of his own, “Get out! This is between me and Beth and if you had treated her better before this wouldn't be happening now.”
Beth didn't want him to leave and tried to pull herself together, “He's staying.”
The nurse backed off with a warning that she would be back in ten minutes and Beth had better have calmed down by then or else she was calling security. The door slammed behind her and Beth smothered what was the start of a hysterical laugh, “You've incurred the wrath of the dragon,” she told him.
“The dragon?” he asked starting to smile himself, “an appropriate name if you ask me. Now stop changing the subject.”
She sighed and continued, “I couldn't think straight. I started to doubt everything.”
“Like what?”
“Were Marella's tests right. Were you really the father or could she have got it wrong. And what if he had given me some dreadful disease that was passed on to the baby. Giving birth to her was so painful and brought back so many memories that I can't help but resent her,” the last sentence was whispered, she was so ashamed of the thought.
“It's not her fault. You can't take it out on her.”
“I know that! I'm depressed not stupid!” she pushed him away, cross that he didn't understand.

He was having none of it, he stood up and faced her, “No! You won't push me away any more, physically or emotionally. Dammit I want you but I won't play games. The way things are now it's just not fair on any of us. We're supposed to be a family but it feels more like strangers sharing the same house. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around you and I want some say in my daughter's
life. Either let me back in or you can leave, go back to your apartment.”
It was a long speech for him and he was breathless at the end, wondering if he had made a big mistake.
She just stared at him. He very rarely shouted at her and it was always a shock when he did. But what was most shocking was that what he said was true. She had pushed him away and wallowed in self pity and it wasn't fair on any of them. What he had said in anger had more meaning than all the sympathy in the world.
She looked at the turmoil in his face and held her arms out to him, “I guess a 'sorry' won't cut it?” She smiled tearfully at him as he accepted her open arms
“Actions Beth, not words. Come home and we'll try to make it work. What d'you say?”
“Give me another day, I need time to think things over and I have another session with Andrea in the morning. Can I talk to her about us?”
Hawke shrugged, “I guess, nothing too personal though,” he wasn't sure what it was that Beth wanted to talk to Andrea about but didn't like the thought of her discussing their relationship with anyone. He gave her a quick kiss and left her, promising to return the next day to take her home.