Necessary Indiscretion

During the drive, Nathan wondered when it had become like this between him and Peter. Such easy flirtation now. Probably when Peter was first able to read minds; Nathan couldn’t hide anything from him after that. He wondered also when he’d given up the self-loathing and guilt that came from a forbidden sexual relationship with his brother. Nathan loved his wife, loved women, would never even think to look at another man like that. But with Peter, none of the rules applied. When Nathan would think of the things they’d done with each other, the fierceness of their emotional love, the tenderness of their physical love, he would feel that he was somehow abusing that love, taking advantage of having the undying adoration of his little brother. Now that he accepted it, and he knew that Peter enjoyed it just as much as he did, it had become just something they did. Their little secret. Peter had never seemed to feel guilty about it; in fact, Nathan suspected Peter loved him more because of it. The one difference though, Nathan thought, was that Peter could control himself a lot more easily. He was never jealous of Heidi, and he didn’t eye-fuck Nathan across the table at important functions.

“And neither should you, Nate. Mom already has her suspicions. She noticed one night when we stayed over that I wasn’t in the guest room at two o’clock in the morning.”

“Damn it, Peter! Get the hell out of my head and let me drive!”

Peter chuckled, and they drove the rest of the way to their mother’s house in silence. Heidi and the kids were already there; Angela Petrelli had arranged for a driver to pick them up earlier in the afternoon, so that Nathan could get Peter.

Nathan pulled up to the house. The sun was starting to go down, and the house of his and Peter’s childhood glowed with lambent light from every window. The hustle and bustle of the party guests and soft music was audible even from the driveway. Nathan parked in the last empty space in the garage. The brothers exited the car, and Nathan looked over at Peter, who had a look of dread on his face. “What’s the matter, Peter?”

“Nothing. Nothing, I’m fine.”

Nathan placed his hands on his brother’s shoulders, eliciting a shaky sigh from the younger man. “You sure don’t look fine, Pete. You’re really tense. Maybe you’ll feel better after a few drinks. What do you think?”

“Okay. Sorry.”

Nathan pressed his fingers into his brother’s shoulder muscles a few times, and instantly felt him relax from the touch. “All right, give me a smile, Pete, let’s go.”

Peter did as his brother asked, and they walked up to the house, where Angela Petrelli, matriarch extraordinaire, could be seen standing in the open doorway holding a glass of red wine. She looked polished and regal, wearing a burgundy evening gown, a wrap made of some sort of dark brown fur around her shoulders, and pearls at her ears and throat. Her chestnut hair was styled exquisitely, pearl-tipped combs holding it all in place.

“Hello, Nathan. I thought I asked you to get here early. Never mind, never mind, I’m elated that you’re both here. Peter, you look marvelous! Come and give your mother a hug.” Nathan took the glass of wine from her so she could encircle her younger son in her arms.

“Missed you, Mom,” Peter said, kissing her cheek, smelling the sweet perfume that was her signature scent. His heart ached a little, to think he hadn’t wanted to see her; she was the only one he had left, besides Nathan. “You look beautiful, Mom. Like always.”

“Thank you, dear. I’ve missed you too, Peter. Really. Now come inside, I’ve got plenty of people for you to meet, and your sister-in-law and your nephews want to say hello to you.”

Peter hoped he sounded sincere enough when he said, “Can’t wait, Mom.”

Angela took both her sons by their waists and led them into the party.

***

After an hour of meet-and-greet, Peter was growing tired of smiling so much at these people he couldn’t care less about, and would probably never see again. He excused himself and went out on the balcony for some air; he was feeling a little claustrophobic, and a little drunk. He’d already gone through four glasses of wine in that hour, not wanting to drink anything harder than that and risk his mother’s wrath. He noticed during his wanderings that Nathan had barely touched a drop.

Yeah, yeah, gotta make a good impression, Nate, so they’ll vote for you. Look at that perfect marriage you have, Nathan, the perfect family image that you present. Definitely wouldn’t get elected if they knew that you spent quality time in your brother’s bed, now would you? But that’s the Petrelli way, isn’t it, deep dark secrets, skeletons in the closet? Dad’s bullshit with Linderman had you fucked before you even started this whole thing. Your ‘suicidal brother’ almost ruined it for you too. It’s not gonna work, Nathan, no one is fooled.

Peter bit his knuckles so that he wouldn’t give in to the wave of jealous sadness that almost overtook him. He thinks I don’t get jealous. I’m not jealous of Heidi, Nate. She’s family now. I’m just so sick of having to share you with everyone else.

“Peter? Peter Petrelli?” a soft, shy female voice said behind him.

Peter turned around, hoping the tears wouldn’t show in his eyes. “Yes?”

“Hello, do you remember me? I was in your graduating class in high school. Amanda Patterson?”

Peter eyed her, and realized he knew her from somewhere else, not just from school. He said, “Yes, I remember you, you used to sit in front of me in almost every class. I’ve seen you. You volunteer for my brother’s campaign. How have you been?”

“Oh, I’ve been just great! I recently finished my Master’s degree, I’m married, and I have a child, she’s a year old. How about you?”

Peter opened his mouth to speak, but it seemed that Amanda’s husband was beckoning her back to the party. “Oh, I’m sorry, that’s Steven, can’t keep him waiting. Your brother is going to make a wonderful Congressman, I just wanted to tell you that he has my vote.”

Peter felt nauseated.

It’s always about Nathan. To think that she was coming over to actually talk to me.

“Okay, well, nice to see you, Amanda. Enjoy the party, and I’ll be sure to pass along the message.”

Peter sighed. Not even including the terminally ill patients he cared for in his chosen profession as a hospice nurse, people seemed to drift in and out of his life like snow that fell when it wasn’t really cold enough to stick. Each snowflake carrying with it a promise, to whitewash the world, blanket the ugliness and painful reality of the city below, only to melt before even touching the ground.

The only person who stayed was Nathan, and even their relationship seemed to be suffering the ill effects of Nathan’s pursuit of power.

“Peter, what are you doing? Why are you being so antisocial?” Nathan’s voice was right in his ear, that low whisper that when used with other words could drive him crazy. There was too much anger building in him now to even think about that. Nathan was wrong. Peter did feel guilty. For letting his brother do whatever he wanted to him.

What about what I want, Nate? Doesn’t fit in with your plans, does it? What he really wanted to do was turn around and punch Nathan right in the mouth. This is why we do what we do, Nathan. Because you need to own me. To control me. You need to keep me trapped right under your finger. You need to keep me quiet.

Nathan placed a hand on the back of Peter’s neck and said, “I know it’s hard to smile and pretend that you even give a shit about half these people. Just a few more hours, all right? For me?”

Just keep your mouth shut and come back into the party. Don’t fuck this up for me, Peter.

Peter wished he hadn’t done it, that he hadn’t pulled those thoughts from his brother’s mind. Okay, that’s it.

Peter whirled around, nearly stumbling over his brother’s feet he was standing so close. Peter stared into his brother’s eyes, those eyes that were the same exact color as his own, eyes that were pleading silently for Peter not to lose his composure. Too late, Nathan.

“It’s always for you! Everything I do is for you! Goddamn it--”

Nathan’s eyes darkened, and he took Peter by the front of his suit jacket. Nathan threatened, “Whatever you say next, Pete, I’m warning you. Lower…your…voice.”

Peter slapped Nathan’s hands away and shoved. Nathan staggered back, but Peter hadn’t even laid a hand on him. “Back the hell off me, Nathan, and don’t ever touch me again. This is over. You’re sick. You don’t care about me. You care about you. Manipulating everything around you, making your little world work out just the way you want it. Just like Dad. I’m not gonna let you do that to me anymore, Nate.”

“Pete--”

“No. I’m done. Have a good time by yourself. It’s all that matters to you anyway.” Peter walked past him, planting a hard shoulder in to his brother’s as he passed, inadvertently knocking Nathan’s glass out of his hand. The glass smashed on the floor of the balcony with such force that a small shard flew back and hit Nathan in the face. Nathan swore.

Angela Petrelli had heard Peter shouting, and the glass breaking, and she ran outside to see what had happened. Nathan wiped a smear of blood from under his eye, and Angela asked, “What has Peter done? I knew he was drinking too much. Did he hit you?”

“Nothing, Ma. I’m fine. I dropped my glass and a piece got me.” Not to mention that Peter pushed me without even touching me. What the hell is happening to him? Christ, Pete, if you’re listening, I’m sorry.

Angela clicked her tongue. “You were right, Nathan. I should have never had you force Peter to come. He ruins everything.”

“No, Ma, don’t blame him. It isn’t his fault. It’s mine. Did you see where he went?”

“He went upstairs, Nathan. Don’t go after him. Leave him alone. He is a liability to everything that you’ve worked for. I’ll find him, and tell him to leave. You just try to enjoy the rest of the party, dear.” Angela pressed a cocktail napkin to Nathan’s cut to stop the bleeding.

Nathan pushed her hand away gently and kissed his mother’s cheek. “You don’t have to do that, Ma, I’m fine. I’ve got to go talk to him. Everything he said, goddamn it, he’s right.”

Angela sighed. “All right, but if he gets out of line again, you make him leave. I won’t have him make this family look any worse than he already has. Do you understand?”


“Yeah, Ma. I understand.” Nathan went back inside, and tried not to make eye contact with the onlookers who were craning their necks, trying to see what had happened. He made it to the stairs, and took them two at a time. Nathan hoped Peter was listening to him now.

Peter was his brother. How could Nathan have been so naïve, so ignorant, to think that Peter was just okay with everything? How could Nathan care so much about everyone else and ignore the one person who loved him more than anything?

He pulled on the doorknob of the room that had been Peter’s during his childhood, but the knob wouldn’t turn. There were no locks on these doors. Did he jam a chair underneath it or something? Ma would kill him for using her antique furniture like that.

“Pete, it’s me. Let me in.”

He heard Peter sigh deeply. “I know you’re there, Nathan. Leave me alone. I told you. I’m done.” Peter’s voice was no longer angry. Just hurt.

“Pete, please, I want to tell you I’m sorry. I’ve been treating you like shit. I know that. Open the door, Pete, I want to fix this.”

“You can’t.”

Silence. Then the sound of Peter choking back a sob.

Oh, Pete, don’t do that. Don’t sit in there by yourself. Please let me in. You know I love you, Peter.

Nathan was leaning on the door, his hand still putting force on the knob, and the doorknob abruptly gave. The door swung open. Nathan fell through the doorway, but he stopped in mid-air before he hit the floor.

“Look what I can do now, Nate.” Peter lowered his outstretched hand, and settled Nathan down on the thick carpeting.

“That’s how you pushed me before, when we were outside? And the door? How did you--”

“I don’t know, Nate. It’s a new thing. Like the flying, and the mind reading, and the healing.”

“That’s really something, Pete. What do they call that? Telekinesis, right?”

“Yeah.” Peter wiped his face with his hand, and looked at Nathan. Nathan couldn’t bear to see that hollow, lost look in his brother’s eyes.

“Look, I’m sorry about all this, Pete.” Nathan got to his feet, crossed the room, and sat down next to his brother. “This whole election, this crazy stuff you can do, that I can do…it’s hard for me. You’re my brother, Pete, and I’ve been putting you last. You don’t deserve that. You don’t.”

Peter saw the blood on Nathan’s face, and he said, “Oh, shit, Nathan, you’re bleeding. Is that my fault?”

“Yeah, when the glass broke a piece hit me in the face. But it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I forgive you. But, do you forgive me?”

“Nate…just let it go for now, all right?”

Nathan knew that meant, No, I don’t forgive you, not before you prove to me why I should.

“Let’s go back to the party, have dinner, make Ma happy. After that, we can go wherever it is you wanted to go. All right? Just you and me.”

“Nathan, I’m meeting someone there, don’t you remember? Just go home with Heidi and the kids. I’ll go by myself.”

“A girl?”

“Yeah.”

“Good for you, Pete. Who is she, what’s she like?”

“She’s…a woman I met. You don’t know her. Shit, I don’t even know her. But she’s beautiful, and she’s smart. An elementary school teacher. I’d like to see what happens. Maybe someone normal like her will make me feel normal, for once.”

“Yeah, Pete, maybe you’re right. Come on, give me a hug.”

Peter leaned into Nathan’s arms, and rested his head on Nathan’s shoulder.

“Let’s go back downstairs, they’re gonna be serving dinner soon. Ma will be royally pissed if we don’t get down there.”

***

Nathan and Peter descended the staircase, Nathan’s arm still around Peter’s shoulders, and met with their mother, who was standing at the bottom of the stairs. “Are you going to act your age now, Peter?” she asked, her lips tightening into a stern look of disapproval.

“Yeah, Mom, everything’s fine.” Peter gave his mother a totally fake, placating smile. “What are we having, anyway?”

“Don’t think you’re getting away with fighting with your brother at my dinner party, Peter,” Angela countered, with her own conciliatory smile, equally fake. “Get in there and sit.”

“Ma, he’s fine. Right, Pete?” Nathan asserted.

“Yes, Mom, I promise, no more fighting,” Peter said.

Angela patted Peter’s cheek condescendingly, and tucked a stray strand of his hair back into place. “Don’t touch another drop of alcohol in my house tonight, Peter, do you understand?”

“Ma!” Nathan exclaimed. “Would you give him a break?”

Angela fired a look of scorn at her elder son. “Of course. Go and sit down.”

***

After dinner, Peter, Angela, Nathan, and Heidi sat with the two Petrelli children, listening to tales of school, and sports, and puppy love. Angela kept an eye on her sons, and disapprovingly watched as Nathan started drinking more heavily. Peter had obeyed her demand and was drinking water. The two of them seemed to be getting along, though, so Angela didn’t worry about it too much. After another hour, the guests began to depart, and the Petrelli family thanked them all for coming with the usual pleasantries, air kisses and handshakes.

After the last guest had left, Angela shut the door, took Peter by the arm, and left Heidi, Nathan, and their children in the front room. Nathan said, “All right, boys, time for bed. Go on upstairs and wash up, brush your teeth. You’re staying here at Grandma’s tonight.”

The boys obediently clamored up the stairs, leaving Nathan and Heidi in blessed silence. “Everything all right?” Heidi asked, taking Nathan’s hand. “Angela told me what happened outside earlier.”

Nathan pulled his hand back sharply. “My God, Heidi, why does everyone in this family know everything the minute it happens? Peter and I had a little disagreement, that’s all, and it’s between me and Pete, all right?” His words came out a bit louder and a bit more aggressively than he had intended.

“Nathan, what is wrong with you? Calm down, please,” Heidi said. “I’m very tired, honey. It’s been a long day. I think you’ve had too much to drink tonight. Make that one your last, and then let’s go to bed.”

“For Christ’s sake, Heidi, I’m fine. You can go to bed if you like, I’m not tired.” Nathan blew out a forceful sigh, turned his back to her, and refilled his glass.

“Nathan, I’m serious. That’s really enough, don’t you think? Nathan? Are you even listening to me? Talk to me. Please.”

Nathan turned around and used incredible restraint to keep from yelling. “Goddamnit, Heidi! I’m not going to tell you again, it’s no one’s business but mine and my brother’s! That’s it, I’m leaving.”

Heidi began to cry. “Don’t you dare drive drunk, Nathan!”

Nathan stormed out of the front room, leaving Heidi alone with her tears.

He went into the kitchen, where Angela and Peter were talking softly. He clamped a hand on Peter’s shoulder and said, “You ready to get the hell out of here?”

“Where do you think you’re going, Nathan, as inebriated as you are?” Angela demanded, getting to her feet and blocking Nathan’s exit.

“Out. Peter, let’s go.”

Peter took Nathan by the arm and stepped between him and his mother. “It’s okay, I’ll drive, Mom. I’ll make sure he’s all right.”

Angela’s anger was palpable. “Don’t come back here tonight with that attitude, Nathan. Go home, or stay with your brother, and sleep it off, I don’t care what you do. Go. Get out of my house.”

Peter nearly had to drag Nathan out of the house to prevent him from going off on their mother.

Peter guided Nathan to his car, fished the keys out of Nathan’s jacket pocket, and opened the door on the passenger side.

“Shit, Nate, what was that? Heidi was crying, you pissed Mom off big time. Are you going to be all right, Nate? I can cancel my plans and take you home, if you want.”

“No, I don’t want to ruin your night, Pete. I need to sit down, clear my head.” Nathan was leaning heavily on him, sweating and pale, and Peter had drank enough times with him to know what that meant.

“Okay, get in the car, then. You’re not gonna be sick, are you?” Peter asked gently.

“Yeah, if I don’t sit right now I will, and it’s gonna be all over your shoes,” Nathan laughed weakly.

“Very funny. Come on, there you go,” Peter said, easing his brother into the car.

Peter turned the key in the ignition and flicked on the radio, and watched his brother until his color returned. “You’re okay now?”

“Yeah, I’m fine now. Thanks. You’re a better brother to me than I ever am to you. I don’t deserve you.”

Peter said, “Yeah, well, too bad, you’re stuck with me. The bar’s not too far from here. But promise me you’ll go easy for the rest of the night, Nate.”

Nathan held up his hand and said, “Scout’s honor.”