Unholy Matrimony

Unholy Matrimony

Flora Winters

I do not own Smallville or any of its amazing characters.

Summary: Two houses of the undead are joined and that is when everything, including the bedroom, goes straight to Hell. All of this will take place in an alternate universe. There will be lots and lots of boy love, language, and bloody violence for everyone to enjoy.

Chapter One

Kal was seated at a grand looking table which was decorated in fine china. He had no idea as to why. It wasn’t like his kind ate anything. They were on a strict liquid diet. Why the hell was he sitting here? Were they going to bring out a human and uncork him or her like a bottle of fine wine? Well, at least the crystal goblets were pretty. He did like his shiny.

“Oh, where is that child of mine?” His host, Queen Lydia asked with a girlish giggle. The lady had to be over a thousand years old and she laughed like a fourteen year old. She was nothing like his mother. Perhaps it was because his mommy had yet to go batty. “He is such a silly goose.”

“You’re Vincent,” Kal said, looking across the large wooden table at the muscular giant. He silently prayed to Evil herself that Nicholas looked nothing like him. Sure he was very good looking, but, he wanted to be the man.

Vincent silently nodded his head. Well, Kal thought, looking him over, he sure is a talkative one. He was so bored.

“I simply adore your hair, Martha,” Lydia said, grinning with pearly white fangs. “You must tell me who your stylist is.”

“Ah,” Queen Martha of House Crimson said, touching her do ever so carefully. “I did it myself.”

Lydia gawked and then laughed. “We simply must have ourselves a girls night.”

Martha nodded. “We’ll have a sleep over.”

Kal rolled his eyes. “Mom…”

She glared at him with raging red eyes that burned like the heart of a volcano. “Yes?”

He looked away. “It’s nothing.”

Okay, so, maybe she was starting to go batty. Why did his dad get to stay at home? It wasn’t fair! He hated dressing up. He felt like a stuffed turkey in all this silk and lace. Was getting revenge really worth all this shit? Yes! Yes it was! He wanted to drink Lex’s tears of anguish as a wedding present.

“Kal?” Lydia asked, leaning over her empty plate. “Which side of the coffin do you sleep on?”

Kal blinked. “Side?”

“Oh, you know you what I mean,” she giggled, waving his silly question away as if it were an annoying fly. “Do you like to sleep on top or the bottom?”

He blinked again. “That’s not a side…”

Martha mentally smacked him across the back of the head, making him slightly yelp in surprise.

Vincent snorted.

“Bad Snizzy!” Lydia suddenly roared like a deadly rock slide down a steep mountain slope. “It’s not nice to piss in front of guests!”

The giant scaly puppy whimpered.

“Aw,” Vincent cooed, sliding his chair out. “Come here, boy.”

“Oh, and another thing, you stupid slave,” A really loud voice growled like a deep chasm. “The next time this happens…I’ll personally dropkick your ass into the Vatican…into the midst of horny old priests with wrinkled cocks!”

Snizzy ran the hell away and Vincent shook his head with a sigh.

“Ah!” Lydia cried, rising to her feet in a hiss of silk. “My baby’s finally here to meet his man!”

Kal just looked at her and then at his smiling mother. Was she really all for this? This ruling family was all crazy. How were they in charge of the vampire nation?

The large double doors swung open with a violent bang. The seething darkness parted like a thick velvet curtain, and Hell itself stepped through. Kal’s crimson eyes went slightly wide with shock. The vicious rumors didn’t do this stunning vision justice at all. Wow, he made Lex look like an aged prune.

“I guess I should apologize and say that I am sorry for being so late,” those full cherry red lips said, shimmering like blood diamonds in the light. “I just want you all to know, I blame God.”

“As you should,” Lydia clapped in joy. “Time is such a bother. We really should just meet when we feel like it. After all, what is time to us anyway?”

“Um, patience?” Kal asked. “You see, I have none.”

Martha smacked him again, much to Vincent’s amusement.

Molten cerulean eyes fell on him like glittering jewels. They were beyond radiant and his face was mythical in all its flawless wonder. He possessed high cheekbones, a straight nose, a stunning yet soft chin, and such sensuous lips. The beauty had his hair up in some exotic twist that had his dark curls splayed out like hissing serpents. Oh, he was indeed fine.

“I saw, I came,” Nick said, turning to leave. “I’m off to church.”

“Hold it right there, young bat,” Lydia said, sitting down in a silent roar of power. “You set your moth white butt down in your seat across from your fiancé. Mommy is hungry and wants her bloody froth.”

Kal understood now. He understood all to well. The crazy queen hid her power behind insanity. Oh, she was scary.

Nick ever so slowly turned around in a snap of shimmering black and violet silk. His beautiful head was cocked to the side. There was a delightfully crooked sneer on his face and it was very erotic looking.

“I would rather fuck myself with a barbed crucifix,” he said, looking right at Kal with seething hate. “Than to marry this Kevin Klide wannabe model!”

“That’s Calvin Klein!” Kal roared, breaking the table in two with his hand. “And I’d rather fuck myself with an ear of corn than to marry this Disney looking whore!”

“Ah!” Martha squealed in such brilliant delight. “They love each other! It’s destiny!”

She and Lydia held hands, jumping up and down in girlish motherly glee.

Vincent bit the inside of his left jaw, remaining silent. All the pretty china was broken. Oh, he was so sad. It had been his favorite.

“You ass!” Nick hissed, snapping his fangs.

“I’ll tear out your eyes!” Kal roared, advancing on him. “And give them to my werecow to eat!”

“Bring it on!” Nick laughed, flexing his fingers like deadly talons. “I’ll tear out your heart, and I’ll eat it, too!”

Lydia and Martha both squealed in delight.

“Oh, such moving vows,” Lydia cackled. “It reminds me of my betrothal.”

“Mine, too!” Martha howled with joy. “Do you know that Jonathan said to me when we first met over dinner…it was a lovely young brunette…”

“Oh,” Lydia asked, loving story time. “What?”

“He swore to pull out my ovaries and rub them in my face.” She said, trying to blush and couldn’t. “Isn’t that just romantic?”

“Aw,” Lydia cooed. “My Boo told me he’d rip out my intestines, tie them to the back of his black chariot, and drag me kicking and screaming through the town square.”

“That is so beautiful,” Martha said, wiping tears from her eyes.

They both held each other close, saying at the exact same time. “How did we get so lucky?’

Vincent’s left eye twitched.

“Oh, yeah!” Nick yelled, swiping at Kal’s face. “I’ll rip off your nuts and make me some oil!”

“And I’ll rip off your cock and ram it up your dog’s ass!” Kal snarled in rage, dodging.

“Oh, such silver tongues,” Lydia smiled.

Martha nodded. “I approve!”

“Excellent!” Lydia cried in joy. “Love is in the air!”

Nick and Kal both pounced with demonic screeches, screaming at the same time. “I’ll kill you!”

They both were suddenly jerked backwards before making their impact. They landed hard enough on their perfect asses to shake the dining hall. The two were panting heavily for breath they didn’t need.

“Invitations!” Lydia cried, releasing the invisible strings she had tied around their waists.

Martha nodded. “Decorations!”

Vincent shook his head. “I’m hungry…”

“I’m like so out of here,” Nick sniffed, suddenly on his feet in a blink, gliding from the room in lava hot rage.

Kal fumed. “Prick!”

Nick spun around like a deadly maelstrom. “Even the most beautiful rose has its thorn, douche!”

He was gone in a shrieking blur.

Kal snarled like an angry lion that was about to tear into a safari bitch. He was suddenly gone, too.

“What do you think of blue?” Lydia asked.

“Oh, how about red?” Martha asked.

“Perfect,” Lydia grinned. “And we’ll add yellow just for highlights.”

Both queens of darkness cackled.

Vincent sighed, slowly walking from the hall. “So…hungry…”

TBC…

Please review and tell me what you think.

Flora.