Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide

It wasn’t safe on the ship anymore. It wasn’t safe. And that was why he had to go to Kobol, she said.

Nothing to do with avoiding Starbuck, with avoiding his duties as Vice President, of course, and even less to do with wanting space, wanting to clear his head and get away. So he decided to go to Kobol, the birthplace of mankind, on a vacation, because it was easier to listen to the voice in his head than anything else.

As he was dressing to go to Kobol, finding the communal locker room fairly uncomfortable, he felt an arm slip around his waist, and pair of lips furtively pressed themselves against his neck. Assuming he knew who the owner of the lips was, he continued the rather distasteful task of slipping a chain of dog tags around his neck, but as they fell across his bare chest he noticed that the arm was clad in military dress blues, not bare like he’d expected.

“Lieutenant?”

Felix kissed his neck again, with a little moan, “Doctor… I figured I wouldn’t see you for a while.” Underlying in his voice was worry, concern, and an edge of lust that Baltar wasn’t quite sure what to do with.

Normally, Gaius would have embraced this opportunity, as well as the Lieutenant, but he was too fragile, too much on edge to really be able to enjoy him, and what made things worse was the way the touch roused the part of his mind that let him knew that Six was coming. The way she was acting, accusing him… he couldn’t let her see this moment between them. He didn’t want the Lieutenant to become off-limits as well.

“Felix, please, I don’t have time…” It was a weak excuse and Gaius knew it, as he pulled away from the arm around him, and amended, almost to weaken it further, “And this isn’t a terribly discreet place, is it?”

He glanced back to see the Lieutenant frown, a gentle expression that tugged at Baltar’s emotions, evoking his guilt. He couldn’t quite help himself and paused, glancing around and then pulled Gaeta close for a moment, kissing his lips for just as long as he thought he could get away with. The other man gasped softly and tensed against him, sliding a hand into his hair to prolong the kiss, his tongue probing into his mouth, demanding his attention. Gaius went weak at the subtle show of control, letting his lab assistant draw out the kiss as long as he wanted, until he was needy and clinging to his jacket, helped along by a hand that had snuck its way into his ill-fitting military trousers.

Before he’d quite figured out what the Lieutenant was doing, he’d been pushed down against the bench, cut off from his lips, but surprised to find nimble fingers at work on his belt buckle, his fly buttons as Felix sought to expose him. He was rewarded for his compliance by another kiss, less thorough, and then the younger man bent down, trailing his tongue up the doctor’s length to suck lightly at the head. Gaius whimpered softly in frustration at the gentle touch, the soft plea earning him a thorough reward as Gaeta took him into his mouth, sucking hard, finishing all of the work that his hand had started. He leaned back to get a better view, staring at the officer whose beauty was increased incredibly in this position, at least in his opinion…

“Felix- oh…” he moaned as he neared completion, and contrary to his expectations, his lover continued to please him, his mouth even more focused, his lips sliding up and down his length as he worshipped him. Gaius had expected teasing, to be cut off, denied his pleasure, and he didn’t quite understand why he was disappointed when Gaeta allowed him to come, helped him along with his fingers and very graciously licked him clean. He glanced up at the doctor with an adoring little smirk, catching him by his dog tag and pulling him close for another kiss, dominating him the way he liked best, making him taste himself.

“Any return to Kobol carries a cost in blood.” He paused, wary of quoting scripture even he wasn’t sure he believed. “Doctor… don’t let it be your blood.”

The Lieutenant rose and checked himself in the mirror to make sure what he’d just done wasn’t too obvious, and then left, leaving Baltar exposed and a bit shaken. That had been sudden and unexpected, though he found the concern rather touching, and almost romantic. Once Felix was gone, he pulled on the rest of the standard uniform, none of which suited him or seemed even to fit properly, and examined himself in the mirror.

From over his shoulder, Six examined him, stern as she had been lately, unemotional and impossible to read.

Kobol came very close to taking his blood, and the young man’s warning did little to keep him safe, and when he returned, he discovered that he’d been stripped of any importance he might have had. Everything was in such chaos, he hardly had the opportunity to talk to his hallucinatory girlfriend, as much as her antics were starting to bore him, and he was starting to suspect her claims of what she was. The whole issue was beginning to wear heavily on him, without relief.

Seemingly, too, the Lieutenant had started to avoid him. Part of it was likely his duties, the increase in stress for the Lieutenant under Commander Tigh’s oversight and his own more unpleasant tasks with the Crew Chief. Now, Tyrol had certainly been on his list, farther down after the CIC officers he’d been testing when he’d left for Kobol, and for security reasons, he’d had the lab locked while he was gone. As much as he would have enjoyed letting the Lieutenant continue to grind away at the testing, it would have been disastrous to allow the honest-seeming officer to uncover any cylons on his own.

Once the voice in his head began to sew dissent, however, all he wanted was the Lieutenant’s company, and desperately enough to nearly beg for it, especially when his brain scans turned up negative. He made the decision to loiter around the bridge until he caught Gaeta’s attention, a blatant move he wouldn’t have considered under other circumstances. The soft brown eyes fixed on him for a moment with concern, but then the officer tapped his headset, I’m on duty. Gaius gave him a wild-eyed look and tilted his head to the door, as if to say, please, I need your help.

“Doctor, can I help you with something?” The voice was not the pleasant lilt of the Lieutenant’s, but the sharp bark of the Corporal’s. Ah, that was right, Adama was down on God’s forsaken planet.

“No, I’m sorry, Corporal.”

“Then what are you doing on my bridge?” It was obvious and Gaius decided to be wise and take the hint, turning to exit as Tigh muttered some none-too-choice adjectives in his direction.

The Doctor retreated to his laboratory, where he paced aimlessly.

“Maybe he thinks you’re crazy, too.” Six had herself perched on the table behind him.

“Well, he’d hardly be wrong, would he?” Gaius snapped.

There was no response, and he turned to stalk over to her to demand one, but by then she was gone, and he was staring at dead space.

A gentle knock at the door frame called his attention and he turned to see the man he’d been waiting for peering in at him with an exasperated frown.

“…Doctor?” He seemed to have been watching for a moment, though there was no telling how much of the interchange he’d seen.

“Lieutenant, come in. I wanted your opinion on something.” Gaius crossed the room to pull the door closed behind Felix, locking it from the inside. The grating of the wheel made the other man tense, though whether it was at the potential loss of an escape route or simply the sound, Gaius wasn’t sure.

“Of course, Doctor.”

Gaius rifled through the papers on the desk to offer the largest view of his brain-scan to Mr. Gaeta, holding them in such a way that to see them, he had to stand very close against his side to be able to examine them. The other man moved in as he’d expected, but stayed farther away than he had to, maintaining a professional distance that alarmed him, reminding him that there had been distance between them ever since Kobol.

“Do you see anything unusual here?”

“No, nothing. What is this, Gaius?” Felix’s eyes darted up from the paper to examine his, and Gaius was glad for the barrier of his glasses for a moment, as he felt himself searched.

“These are mine. I’ve been worried… Felix, do I seem… strange, to you?” Gaius tried anxiously to read from him what he was denying in himself, a reaction, but he decided for effect to reach up and remove his glasses, setting them on the table to show the worry in his eyes, the panic.

The Lieutenant looked down, at the paper, and then looked away like the effort was too much for him. “I don’t have time for this right now.”

“Please, Felix… I need your help.”

Gaeta stepped away from him, to the door. “I’m sorry, doctor.”

Desperate, Gaius paced between him and it, bodily preventing him from the hatch, and slipped a few of his fingers in between the buttons of his jacket, pulling him close for a kiss. It was gentle, just lips to lips, and he felt the stirrings of a response, but he was denied, as Gaeta stepped back, and removed Gaius’s hand from his chest.

“I have to go.” Tension evident in his voice.

Gaius looked heartbroken for a moment, his eyes pleading, but then he looked down and away. He’d needed this, any sort of familiar contact that was real, tangible, and to be denied something so simple made him feel helpless, like there was no help of salvation for him now. “Of course, Lieutenant.”

“What the frakk do you want from me?” The sudden burst of anger caught Gaius’s attention immediately, the glare making him shrink against the door. “I’ve got people pulling me in every direction, I can’t remember the last time I really slept, and you want me to answer a question like that?”

And Gaius felt torn. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to be angry back, or submit meekly... but he was on the edge, too, and he shook his head. “I'm sorry, but things haven't been much better for me, and I was hoping you'd be kind enough to take a few minutes to help me avert a mental breakdown.”

Gaeta stepped closer, forcing him back against the door and invading his space, “Oh, its that simple, is it? And what if you don’t like the answer I give you?”

It wasn’t terribly fair, Gaius thought, for the Lieutenant to use his height to intimidate him. “I don’t care, Mr. Gaeta. I asked you a question, and the very least you could do would be to answer it.”

“What I think, Doctor, is that we have enough problems as it is without you inventing them.”

“Well, then, I’m terribly sorry to have bothered you.” Gaius stepped out from between Felix and the door, stalking back over to the table to sit, pouring over his brain scans again.

“Didn’t like the answer?” Gaeta followed him, stalking over to stand behind his chair.

“No, because it wasn’t an answer, it was a dismissal,” he replied in a calm, measured voice.

“Not at all…” Felix purred against his neck, threading fingers into his long hair to pull hard, jerking his head to the side to expose his skin, making room for his mouth. Gaius cried out softly as teeth dug into his neck.

“Nn, Felix… I thought you didn’t have time.” Gaius whimpered at the touch, at the hand that fumbled with his tie, removing it and unbuttoning his shirt to bare his shoulder, which, as it turned out, was just more of a ground for his teeth.

“I thought you wanted this,” Gaeta murmured against his skin, “Get up.” His tone had reverted to professional, almost military, giving him orders. Gaius obeyed, standing up and turning around for him, offering him a look of mixed anxiety and lust. He was promised, “It’ll be fast.”

The Lieutenant pushed Gaius down against the desk, something that seemed altogether too familiar, hand back in his hair, hurting him again. He undid his own pants, baring himself, and caught Gaius’s hand up off the table, directing it to himself, wrapping the doctor’s fingers around his cock and demanding, “You want me?”

Gaius knew what was expected of him, and he teased his fingers along his length, and then his hand fell into a rythym, stroking the Lieutenant to full erection. His efforts, however, were met with a growl of, “Faster,” and the other man’s hand sliding over his to do the moving for him, using Gaius’s hand as a tool for his own pleasure. Gaeta moaned low in his throat and caught the Doctor in a demanding kiss that lasted until he’d deemed himself ready and pulled back, halting Gaius’s efforts to rub himself up against his torso, to gain some pleasure himself.

That apparently amused the Lieutenant as he pulled back to smirk at him, removing his hand from Gaius’s to trace his cock through his pants, clearly too pleased by the state of arousal he’d worked him into without even touching him, but then he undid his pants, jerking them down his hips and rolled him over onto the table, forcing him down so that the edge of the table cut into his stomach, holding him so that there was nothing Gaius could move into, nothing he could rub against.

“So this is how you like it, hm?” Gaius teased, as part of him was almost disappointed. Kinky as it was, he couldn’t help but remember their last coupling, when he’d been forced into much the same position. He widened his eyes in surprise as a hand cupped itself over his mouth, up against his nose to effectively cut his oxygen intake, and he tensed considerably as he felt the head of the Lieutenant’s member tease against his entrance, as dry as it had been in his hand.

His whimpered protest went unheard, as Gaeta pushed himself in, guiding himself with his hand, slow just as he gained entrance and then finished all in one thrust, leaving Gaius dizzy with pain. He heard Felix hiss softly in discomfort, but that didn’t seem to stop him, his hand tense on his hip, holding him still as he thrust into him, ragged and uneven.

The pain, dull and sharp at once, the ache that Gaeta’s continued thrusts did nothing to alleviate, brought about a tremendous, almost lucid clarity for Gaius. The lack of oxygen, too, made him drowsy and aroused, the hand that served to muffle his cries only added to the experience. He knew he should struggle, he should have stopped this before it started, but on some level, he knew he deserved this, punishment for his selfishness. Almost everything he felt was pain, except for the scant friction against his prostate, which was inconstant at best.

And then he felt it, the very thing that had driven him to this point, the phantom lips trace themselves up along his cock, a hint of a tongue darting out from between them. Gentle, soft hands traced over his inner thighs, and he felt those lips wrap around himself, the gentle suction of his lover’s best efforts distracting him, soothing him through the intensity of the pain. He heard Felix moan, his breath ragged against his bare shoulder, and Gaius begged, “Oh, God…” against his hand, kissing his hand, sucking lightly at his fingers.

Felix pulled back to press against his entrance again, and then slid into him with one thrust, inadvertently forcing Gaius deeper into Six’s mouth, something she seemed to accept. Her efforts intensified, she sucked greedily at his cock, eager for his release, and his hands sought purchase on the edge of the table. He gasped, “Please, please…” against his hand, something Gaeta allowed him, and the Lieutenant bit his neck, pushing him over the edge to an orgasm that made him shiver at the release. The Lieutenant came with him, hand on his hip holding him so hard as to leave a bruise, and then withdrew himself, leaning against his back for a moment, not quite ready to move.

“Gaius…” he murmured, resting his face against his neck for a moment, as Six kissed his hip, clearly pleased with the situation. Gaius stood up as the other man stood up to fix his clothing, and he turned to face him, realizing just how wary the other man was, what an exertion it had been for him to act that way for him.

“For what its worth, I don’t think you’re crazy.” He stepped closer and caught Gaius’s lips, tense edged with romantic. “I need to go,” he murmured, “But I’d… appreciate your company if you can spare the time.”

“I’d love to,” Gaius purred as he fixed his pants. He was still a bit shaken from Felix’s efforts, but that wasn’t to say he wouldn’t invite the man to share his bed. “You know where my bunk is?”

Felix nodded, and slipped off, probably figuring it would be less conspicuous if they didn’t travel together. Six crawled out from under the table to retake her perch on the desk, coyly licking her lips.

“He is an instrument of God’s will.”

“And what does that make you?” Gaius mused as he picked up his glasses.

She just smirked. “You’d better get going, or he’ll be angry at your disturbing his rest.”

Gaius decided as usual to take her advice, and walked rather awkwardly back to his room, where he silently undressed to his boxers and lay down alongside a similarly dressed officer of the Colonial Fleet, who said nothing but lay against him, contentedly drifting off to sleep.