Reap the Whirlwind

Bare feet lightly touched the marble steps of Hera's temple as a few loose, black feathers stirred in the wind. A pair of malevolent peacock blue eyes glowed in the sky just above the temple. "What news do you bring me, Eurus?" she asked the being with black wings.



"Terrible news, my lady." said Eurus. "About your stepson, Hercules. I observed him as per your bidding, and this is what I saw...." Eurus conjured a glowing ball in his hands that replayed a scene he had seen earlier. It was a casual scene of Hercules relaxing with friends, laughing over some dirty joke of the thief's. Hera glowered. Her anger came to a flash point when Iolaus fondly nestled his head against Hercules' shoulder. Hercules responded by toying with a few golden curls.



"No!" growled Hera. "I destroyed that! His ability to laugh, to love, I was sure I had destroyed that if I was unable to destroy him!"



"Oh, I'm sure you're quite able, madame." said Eurus. "It's only that Zeus won't allow it."



"I take no orders from Zeus!" screamed Hera. "Too often that mongrel has sown the wind, now, he shall reap the whirlwind!" Lightning cracked the sky as the wind swirled about. Down from the clouds descended a beautiful woman with whippy purple hair that blew about her face. She was dressed in skimpy black leathers emphasized by black thongs tied about her wrists and waist that blew in the wind. As she touched earth, she opened her eyes to reveal black, soulless orbs. "You have your duty, my new enforcer." said Hera. "Kill Hercules and all those close to him!"



"Kill Hercules." the wind enforcer said mechanically, before she turned and walked in the direction of Thrace.



"You have done well, Eurus." said Hera. "Services such as yours will not go unrewarded."



"In that case," said Eurus. "How 'bout giving me your next virgin sacrifice? I mean, let's face it, it's not like you'd have any use for a virgin girl."



"I will think about it." The malevolent eyes vanished.



"Eurus, what have you done?" Eurus turned to the source of the sad, soft voice to see a young man with wispy blond hair and iridescent wings.



"Well, well, well." grinned Eurus. "If it isn't my baby brother, Zephyr. Mommy let you out to play today?"



"This is wrong Eurus!" said Zephyr. "You know what Hera's enforcers do. It upsets the balance of nature!"



"It upsets the bawance of naychoor!" Eurus simpered, mocking his brother. "Please, you're starting to sound like that blow hard Boreas."

"Eurus, why?"



"Why? Cuz sacrificial virgins are fun to fuck! What are you gonna do about it? What can the God of Gentle Breezes do to the God of the Maelstrom?" Zephyr had no answer. "Now, go fly a kite, or go fuck that harpy you call a girlfriend." Zephyr glared at his older brother as he bit his lip. "Aw, whatsa matter, Zeppy? You gonna cry?" Zephyr whirled about and left with a great flutter of his wings.



/I can't let this happen!/ Zephyr decided. /I'll tell Boreas! He'll know what to do./ Zephyr spent the rest of the night flying north to his eldest brother's cave.

***********************************************************



Hercules woke up lying on a fur rug with Iolaus lying on top of him. Low snores came from the nearby bed. He toyed a bit with Iolaus' hair, then gently eased the sleeping man off him. As he sat up, he heard Joxer grunt and mumble "Ow."



"You OK, Joxer?" Hercules asked.



"I will be if you stop jumping up and down and tell your twin brother to go away."



"Sounds like you had too good a time last night."



"Not as good a time as you had."



"What?"



"I-um-wasn't completely asleep."



"Oh." Hercules blushed as he thought about what Joxer must have seen and heard. "Well, um, sorry if we kept you awake."



"Oh, no apology is necessary." Joxer laughed. Then he grabbed his aching head and rubbed his temples. "I need to take something for this headache. And maybe I'll head for the baths."



"That sounds like an idea." said Hercules. "Iolaus loves baths. Maybe he'd like to come." Hercules nudged Iolaus' limp form. He gurgled once and turned over. "On second thought, he'd probably drown. I'll let him sleep." He stood up.



Joxer tossled Auto's hair for a bit before getting out of bed. Then he smiled as he got a wicked idea. "Hey, Hercules, let's put 'em in bed together!"



"What?"



"We know they won't do anything. It'll give 'em a bit of a shock."



"Well, Iolaus would probably be more comfortable in a bed." Hercules reasoned. He picked up his sleeping lover and put him on the bed next to Autolycus. Joxer positioned their arms so that they were in an embrace, biting his lip to keep from giggling. Hercules pulled a cover over them and kissed Iolaus on the cheek. Joxer likewise gave Autolycus a quick kiss.



Meanwhile, in a small village inn in a valley about five miles from Thrace, the innkeeper was opening up shop for the day. He was halfway through washing the breakfast dishes when a strong gust of wind blew the door open. Suddenly, a woman with whippy purple hair stormed in and demanded "Where is Hercules?"



"Gettin' his knob polished by Iolaus!" the innkeeper snapped.



"Where?" the woman asked



"How in Hades should I know?" Didn't the woman know sarcasm when she heard it?



"Must find Hercules!" said the woman. "Must kill...must kill...."



"Yeah, whatever, lady." said the innkeeper. "Now will you close my door? Sheesh, were you born in a barn or something?"



"I was created by the hand of Hera."



"Yeah? Well she can stick her hand up her ass!"



"You dare insult the Queen of the Gods?" A strong gust of wind formed in the room, knocking things over.



"Uh, listen..." said the innkeeper, suddenly becoming afraid. "I-I didn't mean nothin' by it. I'm sure Hera's a lovely woman!" But the enforcer would not be placated. The wind began to swirl about the room, faster and faster. The force of the air threw the innkeeper against a wall. The air pressure built higher and higher, creating a gale force wind that the wooden structure could never withstand. It exploded with the force of an entrapped tornado, wood whirling about in all directions. The only thing standing in the midst of the destruction was the nonchalant enforcer and the innkeeper cowering in terror.



"OK, OK!" said the innkeeper. "He and his buddy were here night before last. Said they were going to Thrace. Please don't hurt me!"



"Must find Hercules." she said as the wind whipped her hair and leathers. "Must kill Hercules...must kill...." She turned in the direction of Thrace and raced in that direction with all the speed of the wind.

************************************************************



Joxer and Hercules made use of Thrace's public baths. "Headache any better?" Hercules asked as he washed his hair.



"Yeah, I'm better." Joxer said as he stretched out a bit in the water. "Y'know, I used to think you didn't like me."



"Where would you get that idea?" Hercules asked as he rinsed.

"I dunno." Joxer twirled a finger in the water. "I just, kinda got this vibe that you didn't like me. I get that a lot. I mean, I used to be this sorry, boastful excuse of a wannabe warrior. I was probably an insult to real warriors like you and Iolaus. I mean, first time we met, I was picking up a lot of hostility from you."



"Joxer, when we first met, I had my mind on other things. I had just met Serena and I was trying to get her to marry me. She was hesitant, Ares was causing problems for everyone. At that point, Serena was the central focus of all my thoughts."



"Oh, yeah, I heard about what happened." said Joxer. "Sorry."



Hercules sighed. "Iolaus says that when I'm hurt, I push people away. Maybe I do. I'm sorry if I said anything that day that hurt your feelings."



"It wasn't anything you said. I just got the feeling that you didn't like me. Let's face it, I was kinda jerky. I should apologize to you."



"Forget it, Joxer. Anyway, Serena's OK now, thanks to Autolycus."



"What did he do?"



"He never told you about the time he stole the Chronos Stone? We used it to change things so that Serena was never murdered. However, it changed things so that we never met. She married someone else and had a family." Hercules sighed. "Well, things worked out for the best."



"But, wait a minute..." said Joxer. "If you changed time so that you and Serena never met, it would mean that you and I had never met, which means we're not having this conversation...and I think my headache just came back."



"I'm sure the gods sorted it out somehow." said Hercules, leaving the pool they had been bathing in. "I'm going to have a look around town." he said, drying off. "Maybe check in on our 'boyfriends' and see if they've woken up yet." The two shared a laugh. "Coming with me?"



"Nah. I've been composing a new song and I'm almost done with it."



"You compose too?" Hercules asked as he dressed.



"Um, yeah." Joxer said, surprised by the genuine awe in Hercules' voice. "Just a little. Gabby wrote a poem and gave it to me to see if I could compose some music to go with it."



"I'd really like to hear it when you're done."



"I hope I can have it done by this evening."



"Great. See you later."

************************************************************



Autolycus cuddled the body nestled in his arms. He kissed the smooth forehead and fondled silky curls. Wait, since when did Joxer have curls? He opened his eyes and looked down just in time to see a pair of blue eyes open. Both men pulled apart screaming, then grabbed their heads and moaned in pain.



"Oh, gods, tell me we didn't!" whined Iolaus.



"I didn't drink that much!" Autolycus groaned. "There's not enough wine in Greece to make me wanna do you!"



"What's that supposed to mean?"



"It means I'm hung-over, I don't remember everything, and Joxer's gonna kill me!"



Iolaus had to laugh for a moment at the idea of someone fearing the wrath of Joxer. He tried to remember last night's events. "I-I distinctly remember having a cock in my mouth at some point." His panicked expression soon gave way to relief. "But it couldn't have been yours. The cock I had was huge."



"Tell me why it couldn't have been mine again?"



"Autolycus, we were chained together naked for a day, remember? I saw everything. Every /little/ thing."



"Little? Little!" Autolycus sputtered. "That's not fair! When you saw Little Auto that day, he was at ease. Face it, you're not all that and a bag of olives."



"Oh, really? Well half the women in Greece, a few men and Hercules will tell you otherwise!"



"Iolaus, let me tell you the difference between you and me." Autolycus said. "On the day I was born, the midwife slapped my ass and I cried. On the day you were born, the midwife slapped your ass and you said 'Thanks, babe.'"



"Are you calling me a slut?"



"Well, if the sandal fits...."



This started a physical fight that quickly ended with the two men grabbing their own heads.



"Whaddya say we go downstairs for a little hair of the dog?" Autolycus suggested. "Then we go back to killing each other."



"That's an idea." Iolaus said, rubbing his temples.



"Hey, I still have my pants on." Autolycus observed. That's a good sign, right?"



"Are they on backwards or inside out?"



"No."



"Good sign."

***************************************************************



Joxer found a barn where he could be alone to compose his song. He looked over the lyrics Gabrielle wrote for him. He had gone over them so many times, they were committed to memory, but it helped to look at them while trying to come up with the right notes.



I can feel the magic floating in the air

Being with you gets me that way

I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I've

Never been this swept away

All my thoughts seem to settle on the breeze

When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms

The whole world just fades away

The only thing I hear

Is the beating of your heart



Beautiful. Absolute poetry. It was an ode to love that needed just the right music. Joxer decided to work on the chorus first.



‘Cause I can feel you breathe

It's washing over me

Suddenly I'm melting into you

There's nothing left to prove

Baby all we need is just to be

Caught up in the touch

The slow and steady rush

Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be

I can feel you breathe

Just breathe



The sound of the notes played on the lute were soon drowned out by the harsh whistle of wind and the bang of the barn door. The sudden wind blew away the parchment. Joxer turned his head to see a woman with purple hair and skimpy black leathers. "Where is Hercules?" the woman demanded coldly.



Joxer took one look into her soulless black eyes and instinctively knew it would be a bad idea to tell her where Hercules was. He decided to play dumb. "Afraid I don't know." he said with what he hoped was a casual shrug. Joxer got up and tried to walk away, but the woman blocked his path.



"Where is Hercules?" she demanded.



"I don't know. I've never even met the guy."



"You are lying."



"No I'm not!"



The woman gripped Joxer by the arms and picked him up. Joxer was no heavyweight, but there was still no way a wisp of a girl like this should be able to pick him up. "You will tell me where to find Hercules or you will die a painful death." she said coldly.



"I-I-I don't know! I honestly don't know!" Partly true. Joxer only knew Hercules was somewhere nearby. Hopefully close enough to help him. Couldn't let this creature know even that, though.



"You asked for it." She mashed her mouth against his in a cruel mockery of a kiss. Joxer tried to struggle, but the vise-like grip kept his arms pinned. Kicking did nothing. Joxer could feel the very air being sucked out of his lungs. He soon felt limp and lightheaded. He dimly felt his lute slip from his fingers. He hoped it wasn't too damaged. /Crazy lady is trying to suffocate you and all you can think about is your lute?/ Joxer thought dizzily.



She took her face away and grinned at him. "Breathtaking." she said, just before tossing him aside and storming out the door. Joxer lay where he was, unable to move. He felt as if his lungs were replaced by molten lead. He could neither take in or let out breath. It was agony. The pain got even worse when Joxer found himself thinking about Autolycus. He wanted more than anything just to hold him once more and tell him that he loved him. He suddenly felt bad about the prank he pulled on him earlier that morning. /Please, gods, let Hercules find my body first./ Joxer prayed. /He'll clean me up and lay me out so Autolycus won't be too upset when he sees me. I love you, Auto. I'm so sorry..../



His vision was blurry. He wasn't sure if it was from tears or blood leaving his brain. A pretty face framed by wispy blond hair filled his vision. A set of sparkling wings fluttered just beyond the lovely head. /An angel?/ Joxer thought. /Is Hades outsourcing?/



"I'm sorry, I can't help you." the angel said, sounding genuinely concerned. "I don't breathe the way mortals do. I'll get help." The face faded away, as if blown by the sudden warm breeze.



/Please hurry!/ Joxer thought, just before he passed out.