Lacrimosa

Doctor Fraiser finished the standard examination of SG-21 and asked Major Mirkwood to stay behind. Major put on her black combat outfit and waited when her teammates had left the Infirmary.

“Did something happened today, Ilmatar?” asked Doctor Fraiser, “I heard Daniel babble about something like he was possessed.”

“Tell me, if I’d kill him, would he stay dead this time?” asked Major with a smirk. Doctor laughed and shook her head.

“Probably not. He’s been dead for several times but he’s like a weed, never really dies out,” said Doctor Fraiser with a wide grin and sat down next to Major. “Well, you know our Daniel, when he gets his hands on something, he won’t let it go so soon.”

“Why? Why this had to happen?” Major asked, almost whining, “I always kept my hands off of stuff like that.”

“It’s in your blood, honey,” said Doctor and patted her on the shoulder. “There’s nothing you can do. Ilmarinen is your father, like it or not.”

When she was five, her mother had told her that her real father was an angel and she had believed her. Ten years later she had met her father and her whole life had turned upside down. Yes, angel he had been and much more to keep in secret for the rest of her life.

“Ilmatar, try not to be too alarmed. Daniel only means good,” said Doctor and hugged her.

“Yeah, thanks. I can always tell my father to shut him up. Better yet, I can shut down the whole SGC!” snarled Major and hopped off the hospital bed.

“I’m sure we can prevent that from happening,” said Doctor positively.

“How? Make Jackson and all the others swear secrecy?”

“Perhaps.”
***
Major Mirkwood stepped into the Mess Hall and looked around. She noticed Major Lorne and his team eating and laughing around one table and of course then there was AT-1 with Colonel Sheppard who had already fixed his eyes on her since she came in.

It’s just the genes drawing him, she said to herself and grabbed herself a sandwich and left. She didn’t need everyone to stare at her like she was some lunatic. Well, perhaps she was but the stress can be killing. She had lost so many marines under her command when fighting against the Wraith or against the Ori back in SGC. Her only responsibility was to keep AT-13 teammates alive and keep an eye on Atlantis Project while solving mysteries of Ancients. She was for the eyes of Senator Mirkwood there on Atlantis and the thought of the power Chairman of Appropriations Comity held was soothing enough. She could easily tell his stepfather to shut it all down.

Doctor Weir knew the power she had over Senator Mirkwood and never dared to go against her. She was the only thing keeping the project alive. Keeping the project devouring billions and billions of dollars each year. The only thing between two Galaxies that could decide the fate of one over the other. She was everything.

Major Mirkwood walked along the corridor back to her quarters ignoring everyone on the way. She didn’t even notice Doctor McKay jogging after her and trying to catch her attention.

“Mirkwood!? Are you even listening to me?” he finally screamed, making her jump a feet into the air.

“What?!” growled Mirkwood and glared at McKay who suddenly wanted to be in the other part of the city.

“Um, er, I sorta, um… need you to…” stuttered McKay and really wanted to be on another planet.

“What?” demanded Mirkwood and noticed she had scared the poor genius into a puddle of wobbling goo. She sighed and reached out her hand. McKay mistook it and thought she was going hit him. But instead she put her hand on his shoulder and looked at him.

“God, you men are really so bloody weak,” muttered Mirkwood, “Tell me, for what you need me?”

“I, uh, there’s a lab I discovered and I need your help to make it work or at least you could tell me for what it was used for,” he said it all with one breath and looked desperately at her. Major gripped hard at his shoulder and let go.

“Sure,” she said and let McKay show the way. He kept quiet for some time while they walked to the transporter but after that he just couldn’t shut up. She wondered if it was a good idea to give in to McKay.

They walked through deserted corridors that once were flooded. McKay was still talking but Mirkwood had tuned him out. Finally he showed her the doors that were pushed ajar just enough to slip through. Mirkwood stepped closer and took a peek inside before going in. McKay followed her.

“So, what do you think?” he asked. Mirkwood looked around. All the lights went on by just her being in the room. McKay looked at her and then up under the ceiling to where a star chart had appeared. Consoles lit up like Christmas trees and the screens came to life.

“Uh-uh, give me a sec here,” told Mirkwood and sat on a chair that looked very much like the one used to operate the drones. She leaned back and closed her eyes to communicate with the system. It was a bit rusty, a bit damaged and so it had gaps but Mirkwood tried to get some data from it. A smile graced her lips and McKay almost choked as he saw her beauty glowing under the starry ceiling.

“It’s a match-maker,” she said and opened her blue eyes.

“A what?”

“Yes. See all these stars and planets? This… this thing says you where is your soulmate and pinpoints it out for you,” told Mirkwood and got out of the chair. McKay stared at the ceiling and then at Mirkwood.

“Oh, could you…”

“I don’t believe this thing works properly. It can just pick randomly for we know,” said Mirkwood and added, “But you can hook yourself up and play some scenarios with your soulmate. Have fun. Use your imagination,” she whispered and patted him on the shoulder. Before she slipped through the door, she added: “It’s like virtual sex.”

McKay was stunned. He didn’t know what to do or what to touch.
***
Major Mirkwood walked back towards her quarters. She had finished eating her sandwich and wanted to turn in for the night. She was tired. She wanted her bed. And then she wanted an assignment to get out of there. She needed to speak to Doctor Weir to get her team on a move. Yeah, she wanted all that in that order.

“Mirkwood!” called someone from behind her and she knew who it was. “Ilmatar!”

“John,” muttered Mirkwood and stopped but didn’t turn around. She was ready to fall asleep standing up.

“Hi,” he said and strode around her to look at her. Her long dark hair was covering partially her face and she was glad for that.

“I just wanted to know how you were doing.”

“Absolutely fabulous,” she lied and really felt drowsy.

“You don’t look like that. Should I call Beckett?”

“No. I don’t need a doctor. I just need sleep,” sighed Mirkwood and brushed past him.

“Ilmatar,” he whispered in a pleading voice and grabbed gently at her hand.

“John, I am going to my bed and if you don’t let go, I’ll use you as one,” she tried to threaten him but it only seemed to muse him.

“Use me as much as you like!” he joked and Mirkwood managed to conjure a smile.

“I’ll think about that,” she promised but before she was released, he kissed her wrist.

“Good night,” he wished with a wide smile.

“Yeah, night,” answered Mirkwood and went straight to her door.

It felt like one minute had only past when someone entered her room and sneaked up to her bed. Mirkwood contemplated who might be stupidly bold enough to creep into her room. A warm hand traced her bare shoulder and the rough texture of the palm told her that the intruder was a male.

That’s it, cursed Mirkwood and with one swift move she had kicked her leg at the trespasser and after hearing a groan and a thump, she was out of the bed and strangling the man on the floor. The room was dark and she didn’t see with whom she was wrestling but the sound of it he seemed to be someone she didn’t know. Suddenly she was thrown over his head and she managed not to hit herself against something that could have knocked her out cold.

“Come here,” she heard a deep growl as he grabbed at her ankle and yanked. She twisted around and kicked him right into chest and hearing a crash, she smirked and barged for the door.

“Damn it, woman,” he howled and was on his feet again, coming at her with great speed and hurtling her against the door, pinning her under his weight. “Just stay put and listen.” Mirkwood only struggled to find a leverage to get him off of her.

“Ilmatar, I’m not letting you go if you continue this,” he hissed to her ear and she considered hurting him real bad.

“What do you want?” she hissed back and found that she could kick her elbow quite easily into his ribs, probably even crack some.

“Rodney, he’s in trouble,” he said quietly, listening her heavy breathing.

“Call Zelenka,” snapped Mirkwood and elbowed him ruthlessly. He coughed and loosened his grip just for a moment but that was enough to slip from his grasp and to grab a training baton from the rack on the wall. She waved her hand over the crystals and lighted the room. She saw Specialist Ronon Dex holding his side in front of her. He looked like was in pain but she didn’t give a damn. She was too tired of feeling for them.

“It was Zelenka who called for you,” told Ronon and tried to stand up straight.

“Oh please, these two geniuses can’t handle something without me? Cut the crap and get the hell out of my room,” ordered Mirkwood and waved her baton with carved symbols and ribbons in a very promising way to kick his ass.

“I’m not leaving before you come with me,” he said and swallowed a groan. Major Mirkwood stared hard at him and then remembered she was wearing a very skimpy nightgown. Some idiot had messed with thermostats in that section of the city and so the nights were overheated. She swirled the baton, thinking some way out of this.

“You are getting out of this room one way or the other,” she stated the obvious and pushed one end of the baton right into his chest, shoving him to the door.

“I said…”

“And I said you are getting out of here. I have to dress, you know,” she retorted and pushed him out of the open door.
***
Major Mirkwood knew the way to lately discovered lab McKay had showed to her. Ronon followed her every step like a bloodhound not trusting her. She entered the lab and found Doctors Zelenka and Beckett surrounding the chair in which McKay sat with an excruciating look on his face. Mirkwood looked up to the ceiling and noticed the whole displayed galaxy was falling apart, eating itself away.

“He’s going into shock,” said Doctor Beckett who had monitored his vitals. Zelenka was trying to shut off the chair but was too afraid to screw it up. Beckett noticed Mirkwood staring at the screens with Ancient writings running over them with great speed.

“No, he’s not. He’s gonna be brain-dead real soon,” she called out and strode to McKay. He was trapped in a nightmare he had created. Mirkwood looked at the wiring Zelenka was trying to reroute and shook her head. That wouldn’t have worked; she had to do it old-fashioned. She crawled up on top of chair and straddled McKay’s lap with no shame. She cupped his face with both hands and felt the tight cheek muscles rippling under her touch.

“McKay, wake up,” she ordered and closed her eyes. She hadn’t done that for a very long time. Calling someone’s mind out of abyss was a tricky business and his mind was so far off. She saw darkness and then the wasteland littered with carved up dead bodies. Blood was gushing out of their wounds like rivers and soon it covered the whole land, reaching up to her ankle.

“McKay?” She looked around and recognized some corpses that belonged to people on Atlantis or to some back on Earth. They were so many.

“I killed them,” came a weak voice behind her. “I only wanted to…”

“Hush,” murmured Mirkwood and turned around, “Don’t worry about them,” she said and hugged the ragged man. The world around them faded away and the lab came forth. McKay was still clinching to her like a little lost child and sobbed quietly. Mirkwood opened her eyes and looked right at Doctor Beckett who read great grief in those deep blue eyes. She let McKay cuddle a bit longer; waiting for him to come to his mind again.

“He’s gonna be okay,” she whispered and stroked her hand over his back.

“Aye,” said Beckett and checked the vitals again. They had started to go back to normal and he thanked Major who carefully entangled McKay from her. McKay was confused for a second when he lost the contact with her and stared blankly at Beckett and Zelenka.

“Whaz up?” he slurred dully.

Major Mirkwood marched out of the lab and hit for run. She ran as far as possible and as high as possible. She felt the angry tears scraping her throat as she finally collapsed on a catwalk bridge high above the storage hall. It was a short cut she used when running laps. She always beat Sheppard by using it.

Cold metal under her felt comforting and she cried out. She cried for the pain she felt inside her, cried for the lives she had lost and cried for the souls she had took. And then there was nothing left. Only a great void filled her and ate her inside out. She rested her back against the railing and spread her long legs before her.

Minutes ticked by and even an hour could have past when someone’s army boots stopped right in front of her. Mirkwood didn’t bother to look up so the man crouched down.

“Ilmatar,” he whispered and reached out his hand to touch her cheek that felt cold under his fingers. “I’ve been looking for you.”

“And you found me, John. Now you can leave,” she said with no emotions in her voice. It was just hollow and that worried him. Sheppard brushed the loose hair out of her face and smiled as he dipped her chin up a bit to look at her properly.

“I know what you did. Rodney told me,” he said and traced his thumb over her delicate jaw line. “Carson wants to see you.”

“He can wait,” told Mirkwood and tried to get up but her ass and feet had fallen asleep. She stumbled a bit and almost landed on Sheppard who caught her and stood up with her. Mirkwood only nodded her thanks and was about to walk away when she was yanked back. Sheppard had her hand in his grip and he was reluctant to let it go. She only shook her head.

It’s just what I am that gets to him, she thought wretchedly and looked at him. There was hope in his face but she didn’t want to hear it. She’d just destroy another life and she wasn’t going to risk with it. She was cursed just like Ilmarinen. Mirkwood stepped closer to him and ruffled her free hand through his messy hair like he was a little boy.

“Be a good boy, John, and tell Weir I’m ready for a next mission,” she said and managed to smile.

“But, Ilmatar…”

“John, please,” she practically begged and hoped to make him do what she wanted. Her hand lingered on his cheek and then fell away. She didn’t need him to be excited over something that wasn’t there.