The Past Returns

Disclaimer: I don't own High Mountain Rangers, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, Out of Character, Disturbing Themes

Rating: FRT-13

The Past Returns
Chapter2

"Jesse you will send him to spend a few weeks with me, won't you?"

"I'll talk to him some more. I'm sure he just needs to get used to the idea," Jesse assured her.

"Thank you Jess."

Jesse nodded, obviously distracted, "I need to go now, we've got some things to take care of today." Standing up, he leaned down, placing a kiss on Jackie's cheek, "Goodbye sweetheart." Without another word, he walked away from her. Stepping through the door, he breathed in the crisp, clean air, his eyes already scanning the area for Cody. Cooper was still tied to the hitching post, next to Jesse's own horse, but there was no sign of his son. Remembering the scene in the barn, Jesse felt his worry rising as he began to search for the boy.

"Mr. Hawkes?" Aaron Bass' granddaughter Jen called.

"Hello Jen, what can I do for you?" Jesse smiled.

"Are you looking for Cody?"

"As a matter of fact I am, do you know where he is?"

"No sir, but I saw him run off that way," she replied, pointing towards the treeline. "Mr. Hawkes, is something wrong with Cody?"

"Why do you ask that Jen?"

"He just looked, well he looked scared."

Jesse took in the sheen of tears in the girl's eyes and the look of concern on her young face. He knew this was no trick of a childish imagination. "He's just a little upset with his mother right now, you don't need to worry honey," he assured her.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure, but I do need to catch up to him. Tell your grandpa I said hi." Walking away, he quickly made his way to his horse. Mounting the champion Appaloosa, he grabbed up Cooper's reins, leading him behind as he set off in pursuit of his son. As he approached the treeline, he could clearly see Cody's footprints. It was clear the boy was running, as Jen had said. Entering the forest, he followed the path his son had left, the prints telling him Cody was in a blind panic as he ran. There were several places where he had obviously stumbled, others that indicated he had been thrown off course as he slammed into passing trees. It didn't look like he had slowed any, indicating to Jesse that Cody probably didn't even notice the collisions he was having. "What is it that's driving you son? What are you so afraid of?"

Cody's headlong run had come to a halt as he bent over, hands resting on trembling legs as he struggled to quell his terror. Absently he rubbed at his shoulder, his eyes taking in his surroundings. For the first time since he'd been very young, Cody had no idea where he was. There was one thing he knew though, he was going to be in trouble for leaving the lodge without a word. "Time to backtrack," he mumbled as he turned around and began the trek back through the woods.

Jesse pulled up on his horse, bringing him to a halt as he watched his youngest coming towards him. He sighed sadly at the picture of despair the boy presented, trudging along with his head down, hands buried in his pockets. "Thought you weren't going far?" he quietly asked as Cody neared him.

Cody jerked, his head snapping up at the unexpected voice. "Sorry, didn't mean to go so far."

"You want to tell me what's wrong son?"

Cody shrugged. How was he supposed to tell him something he didn't know himself?

"That's not an answer Cody."

"Only answer I have," he mumbled.

"What happened to no secrets between us?" Jesse calmly asked. He didn't miss the small flinch his words caused.

"I'm not keeping any secrets, I don't know what's wrong."

"So you just took off running for no reason?"

"I...yes sir."

"Get on your horse, we need to get to Dr. Robert's office."

Reluctantly Cody took the reins from his father's hand and mounted the horse.

"How's your shoulder?"

"Sore, how'd you know?"

"Saw you wince when you got on Cooper and saw where you'd ran into a few trees when you were running."

"That explains it," Cody mumbled.

Raising an eyebrow, Jesse made no comment, but he did make a mental note to mention it to the doctor. Leading the way, he turned his horse around and headed off at a trot.



Cody stared at the doctor's office, funny, he thought, it never looked that imposing before. Resigning himself to going inside, he tied Cooper and followed his dad into the building.

"Cody Hawkes," Jesse gave his son's name to the receptionist at the front desk.

"Yes sir," the young blonde acknowledged as she searched for Cody's name in the appointment book. "If you'll just have a seat in the waiting room the doctor will be with you shortly."

"Thank you," Jesse acknowledged. Taking Cody by the elbow, he steered the boy into the waiting room. "You doing okay son?" he asked, noticing how pale he looked.

Cody nodded, he was almost afraid to speak, not sure what would come flying out of his mouth. Taking a deep breath, followed quickly by several others, he tried to tamp down on the panic attack he could feel coming on. He knew his father was worried about him and he wished he could reassure him, but he couldn't. Not when he felt like he was about to fly apart. He wasn't sure which was worse, feeling this way or not knowing why. He did know he was scared, while he didn't know why for the most part, there was one fear he could easily name; the fear that he was losing his mind.

Jesse watched Cody, his worry for his son growing with each passing minute. He'd never seen the boy act like this, if he didn't know better he'd almost believe Cody was on drugs of some kind. He was certain however, that wasn't the case, not that it gave him much comfort.

"Cody Hawkes."

Cody looked up as the nurse called his name, eyes wide with panic.

Seeing the panic in his eyes, Jesse grabbed Cody's wrist in a firm grip. "You okay son?"

Taking a deep breath, Cody nodded shakily, his father's grip the only thing keeping him from running...again. Slowly he rose to his feet, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other he let his dad lead him into the back to an exam room. Sitting down on the exam table, he was silent as the nurse took his vital signs and left the room. Apparently it was a slow day, no sooner had she left and Dr. Roberts was stepping into the room.

"Hello Cody, what's going on with you today?" he asked as he examined the chart.

"He's had a couple of strange episodes today doc," Jesse replied when it became obvious Cody wouldn't.

"Episodes?"

"I'm not sure what they are. I found him this morning in the barn, curled up on the ground and shaking. I had to slap him to bring him out of it, he had no idea what had happened when he came back to himself. Then just a little bit ago, we were meeting Jackie at the lodge and he got upset and left. I told him not to go far, but when I came back outside he was gone. He'd left his horse and ran off, I followed his tracks. It was pretty obvious he was panicked, looks like he ran into a few trees along the way. When I found him, he didn't seem to remember running off or running into the trees." Jesse explained, his voice thick with concern.

"I see," the doctor nodded, taking notes. "Let's start with you running into trees young man. Do you have any injuries from that?"

"Shoulder hurts," Cody quietly admitted.

Carefully the balding doctor opened Cody's shirt. He winced sympathetically when he saw the bruise on the boy's shoulder. Gently he prodded the shoulder and surrounding muscle, "Well seems you just bruised it good. Put some ice on it, aspirin for the pain and take it easy for a few days, you'll be good as new. Now about these panic attacks, what can you tell me about them?"

"I don't know...I don't remember anything about what happened out in the barn."

"What about the lodge?"

"My mom wants me to come stay with her for a few weeks this summer."

"How does that make you feel?"

Cody glanced at his father, his hero, sighing heavily in resignation. "Scared," he admitted, looking away from his dad, unable to take the look of shame he was sure would be there.

"Why is that?"

"I don't know, but the thought of staying at her house scares me, bad."

"Is that why you ran?"

"Maybe...all I remember is going outside and feeling like I had to run, get away and then next thing I knew I was in the woods, breathing hard and covered in sweat. Didn't even know where I was, I was backtracking when my dad found me."

"I see," the doctor glanced at Jesse. "Jesse could you give us a minute alone?"

"Why?"

"Sometimes it's easier for a patient to talk without their parents in the room," Jon Roberts diplomatically replied.

"You want me to leave Cody?"

"It's okay dad."

"I'll be right outside the door if you need me."

"Yes sir."

Dr. Roberts waited for Jesse to leave, making sure the door was completely shut before turning back to his patient. "Cody I need to ask you some questions that may be difficult for you to answer."

"Okay," Cody agreed in a small voice.

"Cody has your mother ever hurt you?"

"No!"

"Maybe a boyfriend of her's?"

"No sir," Cody tenatively replied.

The doctor noticed Cody sounded less certain now. "You know you can tell me Cody, anything you say is confidential."

"No it's not. I'm a minor and if you think I've been abused you'd have to report it."

Jon sighed, "Yes you're right, but not if it's something that happened years ago."

"I haven't ever been abused, not by my mom or anybody else," Cody insisted.

"Then why are you afraid to stay with your mom?"

"I..." Cody dropped his head, his chin hitting his chest. "I don't know...but I don't remember being abused. Wouldn't I remember it?"

"Not necessarily."

"You think I was abused?" Cody asked in a horrified tone, he was sure there was no way his mom could've hurt him. She might not have been very good to him, distant, cold, but she'd never physically hurt him.

"It's a possibility. I'd like to bring your dad back in, is that okay?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Dr. Roberts walked to the door and pulled it open, inviting Jesse back into the room. "Jesse given what you and Cody have described, it sounds like he's suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, or at least some aspects of it."

"That doesn't make any sense doc, Cody's never been to war or been involved in anything like that."

"He doesn't need to be in a war or be a cop to suffer from pstd Jesse. The symptoms you've described are classic pstd, combined with his lack of memory about the episodes, I'm reasonably certain that's what we're dealing with."

"What could be causing that?"

"There's no way of knowing at this point Jesse. My best guess, given his age is some type of abuse, but Cody denies it."

"Abuse?" Jesse growled, instantly angry at the thought of anybody hurting one of his boys. Forcing himself to calm down, he moved closer to Cody. "Son, you know you can tell me if somebody hurt you...no matter who it was."

“I know Dad, but nobody ever did, I swear.”

“Cody...”

“Jesse, it's possible he doesn't remember,” the doctor interrupted.

“It never happened!” Cody yelled. “I'd remember if it did!”

“Calm down son, the doctor's only trying to help,” Jesse soothed, wrapping his hand around the back of Cody's neck.

“I know,” Cody sagged. “Nobody ever hurt me though Dad, I'm sure of it.”

“Alright son,” Jesse soothed him, ending the argument. “Doc is there anything else that could be causing these symptoms?”

“Well, it's possible that it's just stress. There are a few other possibilities though too Jesse, some pretty serious ones. I'd like to run some tests to check for any chemical imbalances.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

“It will take time for the results to get back on some of them, so in the meantime I'd like Cody to see a counselor. Perhaps it will...”

“No! Please Dad don't make me talk to some stranger,” Cody plead.

“It could help Cody,” the doctor pointed out.

“It won't if I won't talk to him,” Cody stubbornly responded.

Jesse sighed, the stubborn set of his son's jaw clearly telling him that right now it was useless to continue this conversation. “Doc why don't you run these tests and we'll talk about counseling later maybe.”

“If that's what you want,” the doctor agreed. “I'll send the nurse in to draw some blood Cody and then you're free to go. I want to see him back in two weeks Jesse.”

“He'll be here,” Jesse firmly stated. He watched the doctor leave the room, not speaking as they waited for the nurse. One thing he'd learned over the years was when to talk and when to remain silent. This definitely wasn't a time for talking. His mind was anything but silent however, as he watched his son, his eyes filled with worry. He didn't miss the nervous way Cody fingered the paper covering the exam table, or the way he jumped when the door opened, admitting the nurse. The moment the nurse had left the room with the blood samples, Cody jumped off the table, his body tense as he held back the urge to run from the room. Jesse quickly grabbed the boy's elbow before he could give into that urge. Steering him from the room, he made an appointment for two weeks from today before leading him outside.

As they rode home, Jesse found himself praying the doctor was wrong, even as his instincts screamed at him that the man was right. 'Please God help my boy through this, help us all through this trying time. Give us the strength, give me the strength to provide my son with whatever he needs to heal. Amen,' he silently prayed.


TBC

Hope y'all liked this chapter. Please review and let me know what you think. Take care.