Dear Diary

Well I guess it's been awhile since I wrote anything down, well, since I wrote anything here. Sure, I keep filling out the Captain's Blog and I get all the necessary paperwork done, at least most of the time. What can I say; these fingers weren't made for putting pen to paper, if you know what I mean. I have much better uses for these babies, I assure you. Just ask Ianto. Or John. The Doctor. Gwen? Captain Jack Harkness, both versions of course. (Of course I stick my own finger up my own ass, don't try to lie and pretend like you don't ok? You are reading my diary after all, and if you have gotten this far well then you must be pretty damn pervy. Why else would you come back for more?)



I know it might seem odd that I am talking as if someone will read this, but trust me; someone will read it, dammit, even if I have to post it myself on one of those fan boards that Ianto was telling me about. That reminds me, I really have to go check that out. I hear there is some good stuff out there, might give me some ideas.



So what have I been up to since last time? Well let's see, the typical Torchwood bullshit of course. Owen didn't try to kill me this time, but what do you know, someone did try to kill him. Actually, someone did kill Owen, poor bugger. But, turns out Ianto was right (who am I kidding, he's always right) and that the Risen Mitten was indeed part of a pair. Got that, long story involving many Weevils and a creepy little girl, and managed to bring back Owen, well, sort of anyway. Honestly, it hardly seemed worth it. Guy can't eat, drink, fuck....Good Gods, imagine if I couldn't fuck? Eternal hell right there. Shame too, seemed like he and Martha might have had a chance at a go, and then there is that whole thing between him and Tosh....Shit, he could have had a nice little sandwich there with those two....Anyway.



Yeah, so Martha was around for awhile. That was awesome. Wow, I never sound more American than when I say things like awesome. But it really was. Ianto was a little jealous at first, but once Martha started going on about quantum energy or whatever the hell it's called he lightened up. In fact, if she went on further with her geek talk I think he might have been able to come right there on the spot. That shit turns Ianto on. Oh yeah. Shit, everything turns that boy on. Yeah, it's good to be me. Oh and let me tell you, red really is his color. Martha sent us a little present when she left in the form of a U.N.I.T cap. All I can say is DAMN. And thank you Miss Martha Jones! I knew she had that little streak of kink in her. Anyone who is able to spend that amount of time with The Doctor has to have some kink in them. Oh yeah, The Doctor is a kinky man my friends, really, might even put me to shame. Maybe. But only because he has years more practice than I do. I mean, come on what is he nine hundred years old or some shit like that? I am but a baby in comparison. Besides, he learned from The Master....Oh forget it, not going to get into it. Another time, another place maybe.



Moving on. I feel like I should talk about Gwen and her wedding. Is it so bad that I don't want to? This is my diary, I should be able to talk about the only thing that truly interests me, and that is, well in a word, me. No, that isn't true. Sex interests me, and the person I am having sex with interests me as well. And aliens interest me, in a really odd sort of way....Too much info? Yeah, maybe. But Gwen, I mean, sometimes she interests me. No, not even really. She interests my lower region. Most people do. She isn't special in that way or anything. Honestly, I'd rather get it on with Rhys. Now he looked hot at the wedding, I mean really, he was really showing his Alpha tendencies and that gets me going. But, it would have been wrong to cut in and dance with him at his wedding, so instead I cut in and danced with Gwen. I admit I got a bit nostalgic dancing with her, made me think of my own wife from a life I had a long time ago. I got a little sad, shit, I am still human people. It happens. Anyway, as it was, Ianto cut in (and that was pretty damn funny, Gwen totally thought he wanted to dance with her and not me.) and effectively flung himself out of the closet. I think maybe knowing that the entire reception party would be retconned may have helped a bit, but still, it was a step in the right direction. I always wanted to go home with the DJ anyway....



I feel like I am missing something. I probably am, but you know, there is this hot as sin Welshman walking towards me right now stripping off his tie. Gods that's hot.....



Details later. Maybe. Oh who am I kidding, full news at eleven.