Part 02 - Going Forward

Chapter 02 - The End of the World and a New Beginning

The TARDIS smiles to her self, it is good to see Theta happy. The guardian had said that there were things in the works that could bring him great joy, or great sorrow if he were not encouraged in the right direction. Now we have cleared the first major hurdle with the help of Alistair, Harry and Doris. They helped him come to terms with the fact he had no choice with regard to Gallifrey. In his hearts, Theta knew that, I saw that knowledge in his mind. It was just the great sorrow of our peoples loss had blinded him to it for a time and he refused to consolation. I have no delusions that he has healed I know better then to think this will be something so quickly recovered from, the evidence of my own feelings tells me this, but he has started the process.

I watch while he interacts with the human girl and feel she is the being that the Guardian had said could give him true healing and so much more. Someone who could take away the loneliness he has carried for so long. I really had not thought he would find her so soon nor had I thought that comfort would come in human form though true he has always loved the humans. I had originally thought it might be partly because he had had so little time with his own human mother. That may have been true when we started out, but as I have watched over the years, it has became obvious, that he loves them for their vitality, exuberance and their constant quest to squeeze every bit of experience out of their short life spans. A characteristic so many Gallifreyans and even many of the Time Lords had lost. They had always thought there was a tomorrow, never realizing that someday, all their tomorrows might suddenly run out. I know in many ways, it was the Time Lord’s own hubris that had destroyed them. Their confidence in their control of time had blinded them until it was far too late for them to stop the oncoming Dalek disaster.

It was only the rebellious ones, like my Marnal and Theta, who could see the flaws in their logic. Marnal was stripped of his Time Lord rights; he was forced to live as an ordinary Gallifreyan and he was refused access to me and I was never allowed to see him again. Oh, they were such fools not to listen and we all paid. It was only Thetas being half human that had prevented him from facing the same fate. They had been ashamed of him and wanted nothing more then to get rid of him. From his earliest days at school, they had made sure that he would never want to stay. They had always made things harder on him then any of his contemporaries. It was in that forge he was tempered and made far stronger then the lot of them in the end. It was also just one of the many reasons why the loss of Gallifrey had hit him so hard. Even as they knew they were doomed, they gave to him the worst job of all, the job of their destruction. If it didn’t hurt so much I would be glad they got what they deserved for they destroyed not only themselves but all of my kind as well.

The Council of Time Lords had never given him the credit he so richly deserved even when they had made him president for a time. They still never accepted him, still made it clear he was the half-breed inferior even though he was just as pure blood as they were after his first regeneration, his human genes unable to survive the transition. Although with their destruction, even the infinitesimally small hope that he had of acceptance had been banished. The irony is not lost on me that I the ‘obsolete type 40’ as they so often referred to me of as and the Gallifreyan ‘half breed’ are all that is left of their pompous race. True I may be old but Theta has always been far better then any of them taking the very best of his two heritages and becoming far better then you ever were.

Now, I watch as he grows more attached to Rose. I am amazed at the way she has drawn him in like a moth to a flame. I watch his confusion at his own feelings and his need for her approval. I become more and more certain that Rose is the one the White Guardian had mentioned. So, I encourage him to ask her to come with us. When Rose rejects our offer, I am stunned. I have to know why and I do something I almost never do. I look at Rose’s immediate future, and I see so many time lines where Rose regrets not coming when she remembers his comment about Genghis Khan knowing with certainty that it wasn’t just space she had turned down, but the ability to go through time as well. There are more and more lines appearing by the nanosecond where she comes with us on his second request. So I make the decision where to take him for him and go back to a few moments after we have just left materializing even as he concludes he wants to do so.

When he begins to get agitated as to where to take Rose I suggested the logical, ‘why don’t you let her choose Theta?’ At which I feel the warmth of his agreement to the idea.

When Rose dares him to take her somewhere impressive he decide on the far future, someplace that would make sure she saw aliens. I watch and wait unsure how he will react to her dare, preparing to take Rose back and dump her off if she hurts Theta with her careless words. I nearly do drop her off when he decides with a twist of morbid humor, to show her planet’s destruction but as I see his other reasons, I with trepidation comply with his request. I know if Rose can’t handle seeing her world end then she can’t be the right being, she would never be able to be of any help to him if she can’t understand what he has lost. For her it will only be a temporary loss. I worry though how he will handle seeing another planet destroyed. At the same time I know that his choice has as much to do with him facing his fears as it does trying to impress Rose. I carefully monitor him all time as he watches Rose’s reactions. I am also observing Rose’s reactions as I translate for her as I have always done for his companions. I delight in his delight as he shows off for her and am amused as he thinks to me ‘No way she can’t be impressed, what with all the ‘aliens’ here.’

I become wary as I feel Rose begin to grow anxious as culture shock starts to set in, I feel her growing panic as even the things she thought she knew, no longer seem to have the same meaning here. I shift my concentration to Theta as I felt his pang of loss as the steward mentions the dying earth and then I feel his flash of concern as he watches Rose react to the words of Cassandra the stretched skin, trampoline look a like human, began to speak of being the last of her kind.

I find my self reassured a bit regarding Theta as Cassandra makes a joke and disrupts his train of thought, even though immediately after he again notices Rose’s unease.

Shortly there after Rose bolts from the room as the surrealness of her situation slams home with the beginning of the and socializing and music which for her is newly released pop music. Theta is hard on her heals until Jade the beautiful tree woman temporarily distracts him by taking his picture. It’s just a moments delay but more then enough time for Rose to have run down numerous corridors to come to a halt at an observation window panting as she catches her breath.

‘Theta, she is fine’ I send to him to ease his worry ‘Just a bit of culture shock I am keeping track of her and your presence will not help her right now.’ I tell him reasonably, ‘enjoy the party I will let you know when she calms down and then you can go to her. I relax as he reluctantly agrees knowing he can trust me to watch out for her. I know the party atmosphere will help sooth and distract him even as the quiet will help Rose. I keep track of Rose and despite a brief spike in her anxiety levels, she is regaining her equilibrium. When she settles down in one of the observation rooms and begins to get bored, I let him know where he can find her.

At first, he is delighted to see her and I relax even more comforted that things seem to be getting back on track. He sympathies with her as she continues to come to grips with the unusual environment she now finds herself in not the first time he has had to deal with this situation after all, even though her distress causes him concern. It is when she asks him where he is from and he freezes for a moment before answering and cracking a joke to try reducing the stress that I begin to get worried again. Now she is asking about language, I feel his pride in my abilities, and feel warmed by his the feelings of happiness. I am pleased that he is letting go of the anger he has been feeling about what I have done recently to protect him.

Oh no she’s panicking again, how dare she verbally lash out at him like that! I feel anger rise, and for the briefest moment I am unsure to whom it belongs, him, her or me. She is lashing out at him demanding to know that which he is not ready to give her. I send him comfort but he just gets angrier that I am interfering. I feel him run from her anguished at his need to put physical space between them. At the same time he is trying to put emotional space between himself and the sudden wash of grief that begins to flood through him as he realizes that almost everything that he defined himself by no longer has any meaning to anyone else but us two.

Then she is approaching he licks his lips trying to figure out how to deal with her next demands. I want to protect him want to shelter him from this pain but I have no arms to comfort him and he’s made it clear my waves of emotional comfort are not welcome. Then she’s there making jokes and I can almost feel the stress wash out of them both as the tension breaks. He blaming himself for her distress, I want to yell at him tell him it’s not his fault she can’t cope, but instead I watch as he giving her a peace offering adjusting her phone so she can talk to her mum. I feel her emotional broadcasts of her disbelief and joy, and I can feel his sadness knowing that no amount of jiggery pokery will ever let him have even that simple banter she is enjoying. They are worlds apart even though standing next too each other.

Then the whole station shakes setting his excitement levels spiking up as he realizes he has just found a mystery to solve, shoving away more depressing topics from his mind he takes off to find out what the other passengers know.

In speaking with Jade the tree person I feel his attraction to her and Rose’s amazement and annoyance when he begins to flirt with the other woman. When Jade starts to try to figure out what Rose’s relationship is to Theta his amusement rises at almost the same rate as Rose’s annoyance levels. At Jade’s mention of maintenance access I can feel him humming with suppressed excitement at the same time I feel Rose decide to make the best of the situation and sate her curiosity that has now kicked into high gear. I sigh with contentment as I realize things are starting to go in the right direction again. It’s been a long time since I watch bipeds interact this closely outside of life or death situations and I had forgotten that it could be really fun and interesting.

Theta is having fun bantering with Jabe and solving his mystery and that makes me very happy he really hasn’t had this kind of fun in years, in war there is rarely time for fun. Rose too has found her own form of distraction as she takes the trampoline tramp to task over the outrageous lengths she has taken to stay alive and her blatant speciesism.

Figures it wouldn’t last, sigh. Why are the bipeds all so nosey? Why is this tree pestering him about his ancestry? I can practically feel his every muscle tense as she starts asking him personal questions. I have to be so careful I have to keep my silence can’t let him know how closely I am watching. It will just make him angry if he think I am eavesdropping, but I cannot bear the thought of him needing me and not being there or worse that he would shut me out completely again. NO! I rage silently wanting to yell at her, your hurting him, why can’t you just let this go why are you doing this? He’s listening to you but he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to think about this, what purpose does it serve you hurting him like this what do you want from him? I keen to myself in distress, I just want her to stop now before she makes him cry, oh please let her stop! What? She’s sorry, she’s comforting him, is that what this was all about? There you happy now tree bitch you made him cry! Oh my dear brave Theta! Even when you’re hurting you accept her sympathy with grace; instead, you do as you always do, you shut down those emotions that hurt you, you continue to do what you need to do, and move on. Would that I could send you comfort but I dare not, I can’t let you know what I felt, you’re embarrassed enough by this show of emotions you feel is so inappropriate for a Time Lord. It makes sense you’re so attracted to the British with their ‘Stiff upper lip’ philosophy.

No! Rose! ‘Theta, something has happened to Rose’

‘Where?’
‘She’s unconscious, I’m not sure.
‘Find her! We have a saboteur on board and I need to find the steward’

I feel his panic rising I even as I search for her; His anger is like a beacon flare in my mind, as he smells the burned flesh of the Steward. He so wants to believe that he’s not to late to save him as he scrambles to get the sun filter back up knowing in his hearts that the man is past saving. As you work, you find the system registering another sun filter coming down. He runs for the location indicated by the computer in the hopes that he won’t be too late at the next location.

‘I have found her Theta she is on an observation deck.’
‘Yep me too…’ he almost screams telepathically in his stress ‘figures she is in the room where the sun filters is coming down!’ I feel his panic as he desperately tries to get her out and both their relief when the sun filter starts back up. A bolt of fear from him and fear and anger from her immediately replaces the relief as she thinks he has triggered the filters decent.

He’s terrified, and in my fear for him I reach out in a way I never knew I could. I find the time lines that will lead to the reality he wants and needs so desperately. Before I am even completely aware of what I have found I am showing him where to place, his hands to get to the circuits that will push the filter back up and disable any override.

I am stunned I don’t understand how I could know, yet I did, never before have I seen specific time lines so clear and precise as they were moments ago. My own confusion almost drowns their relief that she is safe.

As I try to grasp what exactly I did, I sense his mind racing thinking though who might be the saboteur who would have the most to gain and how to find out and make them stop, before anyone else is killed. I feel his cold fury as he discovers Cassandra is behind this sabotage, that this is just a ploy for the rich to get richer no matter how many get hurt. I feel his tremor of fear as Cassandra disables all of the safeties. As Cassandra teleports out, I can already sense his mind again racing for a way out of this mess. Never does he think once of his own well being only of how to save the lives of those on board.

Then he off racing back to the maintenance access corridors, knowing that a full system reboot will be the only way to get the safety systems back on before the sun expands destroying us all. I won’t try to stop him from trying to save them; to do so would be for me to ask him to deny his very nature. Nevertheless, I can insure that he doesn’t die. Rarely have I gone somewhere completely without his direction but I cannot, I will not let him die. I lock coordinates on him and calculate the last possible moment I can materialize around him before it would be impossible to save him. With that done I wait to see how he saves the day yet again, and when he does he will never know what I have planned.

‘No, no, no!’

Theta! I feel his mental screams of anguish as he sees Jabe go up in flames, she believed in him and was willing to give her life to see him succeed. Such trust, and it rips at his soul that he couldn’t save her. It is only the sure knowledge that it would waste her sacrifice if he doesn’t succeed that keeps him going. Cassandra you will pay for his pain if I have to hunt you down myself to do it. Never have I felt such anger as this and the ferocity of it scares me. I forcefully shove those vengeful thoughts away and focus fully on Theta as I feel him reach into himself and draw on our combined energy. Using that which makes him now unique in the whole of time and space, those abilities, which make him a Lord of Time. The ability to come into sync with the function of time itself, to understand and feel it even as one feels their own breath and step between it’s moments, it is in this almost trance like state time itself is his to manipulate. The turbine blades in the ventilation shaft he has been moving though would sweep any other life form from the platform with their speed, but speed is a function in time and so he steps though the wickedly fast moving blades unscathed. He lets go his conscious control and time returns to normal around him as he opens his eyes and lunges for the reset and with but moments to spare he screams “Raise Shields”.

I watch though his eyes as slowly he walks back through the now sedately spinning turbine blades. His grief harnessed by the pure, bitterly cold, fury that earned him the names of ‘Oncoming Storm’ and ‘Destroyer of Worlds’; few have faced that anger and lived, and those that did universally wished they had not.

He stops at the still smoking ashes that had once been the tree woman Jabe and that fury grows a few degrees colder. I can’t help but wonder what Rose will make of this side of my Theta. Reaching out I find her, she is moving amongst the survivors, shell shocked, stunned by the grief of those around her mourning and still cowering in fear barely believing their luck to still be alive. I realize something unique about Rose, she’s empathic. Bombarded with all the emotional and psychic energy of this trip the ability she had which previously had been marginally active, hardly noticeable, has now fully formed. Much to my amazement, she is not freaking out at all the new stimulus.

I feel Rose’s concern when she sees him, I sense her feel the energy he is putting off as he stalks over to Jabe’s companions and tells them the news of her death. She asks if he is ok knowing without question that this is a man she had never seen before. The doctor she knows, and has trusted on a level she couldn’t understand from the moment she first touched his hand is still there but the man now pacing the room is cold and hard and she knows instinctually is very, very dangerous. Rose is not afraid of him for which I am glad, though I can tell Rose is very worried about him. I watch through Rose’s eyes how he paces around the room his anger an almost physical presence in the room. I feel Rose’s compassion as she watches Cassandra begin to dry out, her stretched skin body unable to stand the increased heat of the room. Her compassion causes her to ask for Cassandra’s life even in the face of Cassandra’s unrepentant attitude for the people who were suffering around her and those that had died because of her actions.

I can feel Theta’s anger even more clearly then Rose and I know there is no pity left him after seeing Jabe die. Jabe had offered him compassion for his loss, and believed in him enough to die for him, a belief in himself he had lost in the face of what he had to do to Gallifrey.

Even though she can sense his anger Rose has no clue how Jabe’s death has cut him to the quick once more. Yet, even in the face of his harsh justice and anger, she doesn’t want to run from him, she is not afraid of him, but instead she is afraid for him. She understands rationally why he has done nothing to save Cassandra. If there had been any questions left in my mind, these things assure me that she is the one the Guardian had meant.

With Cassandra dead, I can feel his anger beginning to dissolve and his grief emerging. I can feel how he is struggling to come to terms with yet more loss and I pour out all the comfort I can to him as he comes to me for a private place to cry; a place where none but I will see.

Rose was too stunned to do much but stand lost in her own thoughts and sensations one by one the people leave each to their own place. No words were spoken to her and when she actually realizes her surroundings, again most of the people are gone. Her mind is absorbed in all that had happened and she wanders to the tall observation window, and stands and watches the remains of her home float past the exo-glass lost in her thoughts.

Theta cries for a time and as he recaptures his composure firmly shoving away the remainder of his grief his thoughts turn to Rose. I feel his breath catch as he realizes how much time he has left her alone immediately beginning to berate himself for his lack of consideration. I assure him she had not missed his presence and feel a sharp pang of regret lance through him that she has not noticed he was absent causing me to regret my wording.

Moving from my safe confines, he makes his way back to the main observation deck. For a short time, he stands and watches her viewing the burning planet. She turns to watch him approach as she hears his footsteps. I feel the ache of his hearts at her words of mourning for her planet, her feeling echoing our own feelings of loss. Soon the pain grows too strong, and he offers her his hand, which to my relief she takes without hesitation. We know her pain will soon end, as soon as we return to her time, her point in history and her people once again surround her. She can go home again, Theta and I cannot and we are both keenly aware of that fact. So we do that which we can and return to her time, show her that everything is still where she left it, alive and vibrant.

Rose stands for a time in the middle of the walkway taking in the life surrounding her trying to reconcile the life surrounding her and the death she just witnessed as well as the new emotional sensations coming from those around her.

He watches her and I can feel his bone deep grief as deep as sharp as my own at knowing there will be no such happy ending like this for us. His next words surprise me as he begins to tell her of our loss, tells of the only future he can see for us in his grief, that of us traveling on our own.

Her next words surprise us both when she says “there’s me” much as I can tell he would like to believe he is forced to say “You’ve seen how dangerous it is,” pausing not wanting but needing to ask “you want to go home?”

If I had breath I would be holding it, and I am afraid to look to see the answer in her mind.

“I don’t know,” she says causing both of us to cringe. Until that moment I hadn’t realize how fond I too was becoming of this young human.

“I want…” She begins to speak again only to take a deep breath and asks, “Can you smell chips?”

I feel his amusement as he replies “Yeah”

Then suddenly I feel his hearts speed up, my own hopes rising with their speed as she states she wants chips before she comes back to join us.