a holiday for the brokenhearted

Walking despondently down the hallway of Community General Hospital the next day, Jesse cringed as he saw doctor Mark Sloan heading towards him, a determined look in his face. Panicking, Jesse turned and headed back the way he'd came, ignoring the older man calling his name, and darting into the room closest to him when he was out of Mark's sight.

It turned out to be an empty exam room and he collapsed onto the bed with a weary yet relieved sigh. Closing his eyes, he once again fought back tears. Why was everything so difficult? It wasn't his fault that he'd fallen for Steve so why was he being punished for it?

"Jesse?"

Jesse's eyes flew open in shock to see Mark standing next to the bed looking at him with concern. "Jesse, I've been looking for you everywhere and when I finally find you, you run away. What's wrong?"

"Amanda and Steve didn't say anything to you?" Jesse asked in disbelief, hope evident in his eyes.

"Amanda told me what happened, what I don't understand is why you're avoiding us. I'd also like to know what happened when you went after Steve. We've been worried about you Jesse."

"Wh...what? If you know what happened, then why are you still talking to me? Or is this where you tell me that you don't want me working with you anymore?"

Mark sat down on the bed next to him before replying. "Why would I do that Jesse?"

"Because I'm gay.....and in love with your son." He said quietly, tears of shame and fear finally falling again.

"Oh Jess." A comforting arm was wrapped round him and he was pulled into a fatherly hug. "That doesn't matter, you're still the same person you were before we found out."

"Thanks but obviously it matters to Steve. He's switched all the rota's round at the restaurant so he doesn't have to work with me." Jesse said sadly.

"Oh, I'm sorry Jesse, I had no idea."

"He hates me, Mark. I wasn't ever going to tell him in case I ruined our friendship but I've done it anyway. He'll never talk to me again. I want you to know though, that I honestly never planned on doing anything about my feelings so you don't need to worry about it."

"Jesse, listen to me. I'm not upset or angry with you and neither is Amanda. You can't help who you fall in love with and if Steve was going to be in a relationship with another man I'd be thrilled if it was you, so stop worrying about that. As for Steve, I don't know what's going on with him, I didn't bring him up to be this closed minded. I'm sure he's just a little shocked and once he's had time to absorb it he'll be fine."

"I hope so. He's one of my best friends, I don't know how I'll cope if this ruins our friendship forever."

Mark stood up, pulling Jesse up with him and putting a hand on his back in support. "Come on, let's go and see Amanda, she's been worried sick about you and she'll want to know you're ok."

Jesse allowed himself to be led to the pathology lab, knowing that Mark was being honest about Amanda and he didn't want to be a cause of worry for the woman that had become like an older sister to him. As they entered the room, she looked up from her desk, her face breaking into a gentle smile as she saw him.

"There you are! We've been so worried about you." She scolded gently, enveloping him in a hug.

"Yeah I know, Mark told me. I'm sorry I didn't come back after I left yesterday."

"Why didn't you? It would have been nice to know that you were ok."

"He thought we'd hate him for being gay." Mark answered when Jesse seemed to have trouble finding the words.

"How could you think that? We could never hate you Jesse, you're still you."

"Thanks Amanda. Well I guess two is better than none right?" Jesse tried to joke, his weak smile not reaching his eyes.

"Is Steve not...." Before Amanda could continue, Steve walked through the door, stopping as soon as he caught sight of Jesse. They locked eyes for a moment before Steve looked away focusing on his dad instead.

"Hey dad, I just wanted to let you know that I won't be able to make it to our dinner tonight, the captin's got me working on a new case that's got everyone baffled so I'll be working til late."

"Anything we can help you with son?"

Steve's eyes flickered to Jesse once more before answering. "No, I think I can manage this by myself. Thanks anyway. See you later dad, bye Amanda." He turned and walked out of the room, not bothering to look back at a broken looking Jesse.

He couldn't bring himself to look at Mark or Amanda, the embarrassment of being completely ignored like he was nothing was too painful. He heard more footsteps but didn't bother looking up until he felt an arm round him and smelt Amanda's perfume.

"Don't let him get to you Jess. I know it hurts but everything will get better, you just need to be patient."

"That's easy for you to say." He snapped, instantly regretting his sharp tone as Amanda flinched. "I'm sorry Amanda, it's just that you're not the one who's going to lose your friend and business partner because you opened your big mouth and admitted to everyone that you're in love with him."

"Look, we're all trying our best and Mark's already gone to talk to Steve about it, there's nothing else we can do."

Slumping down in Amanda's office chair, Jesse let out a heavy sigh. "I know. I'm sorry for being so ungrateful, I'm just scared."

Amanda just stood and watched her friend choke back tears knowing that nothing she could say or do could make it any better.

Meanwhile, Mark had followed his son down the hallway determined to talk to him. "Steve.....Steve would you wait for a second, we need to talk."

The cop finally stopped by the elevator, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He didn't say a word, not even bothering to pretend that he didn't know what his dad wanted to talk about.

"What's going on with you Steve?" Mark asked and Steve inwardly flinched at the disappointment in his dad's voice. "Jesse doesn't deserve to be treated like this, he's done nothing wrong."

"What the hell am I supposed to say to him? I've known him for years and now I find out that he's been lying to me the whole time."

"You know he didn't lie to you on purpose, he was just worried about how you'd react and obviously he was right to. Why are you so worried about his sexuality?"

"I'm not." Steve sighed as the elevator doors slid open and he stepped inside. "I'm worried about mine." He didn't allow his father time to reply, letting the doors close so he wouldn't have to deal with whatever his dad would have to say on the subject.

He let his head rest against the cool wall of the elevator, finally letting the stress of the last couple of days show on his face. He hated knowing that he was hurting Jesse so much but he didn't know how else to cope. Ever since his best friend had dropped his bombshell of feelings, Steve hadn't been able to stop thinking about it and the thing that disturbed him the most was that they weren't all bad thoughts.

There were some that he banished almost immediately from his mind, thoughts of him and Jesse entangled beneath the sheets of his bed, sweating and panting their way to completion. As the doors pinged open again to let him out he shook off his sense of melancholy and adopted his professional, almost expressionless facade. He didn't have time to worry about Jesse or his conflicting emotions, he had a job to do.

Back in the pathology lab, Mark found Amanda still trying to console an obviously distraught Jesse. Hopeful eyes looked up quickly as he entered the room but the gaze quickly fell back to the floor in dispair when he saw who it was.

"Oh. I thought you'd got him to.....never mind." Jesse sounded tired and defeated and it was obvious to even the most heartless of people that he was in a lot of emotional pain.

"I'm sorry Jess, I couldn't get him to come back and talk to you but if it's any consolation, I don't think that him acting like this is your fault."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he just admitted to me that it's his sexuality he's worried about, not yours."

"You mean, maybe there's a chance hge might feel something for me back and it's scaring him?" Jesse asked, hope colouring his words.

"I think so, it definately sounds like it."

Jesse's face lit up in his first smile all day then immediately frowned again. "So what am I supposed to do? He's still ignoring me."

"I don't know." Mark sighed. "I think we'll just have to let him come to terms with it in his own time, but at least you can relax a bit knowing that he doesn't hate you."

"Yeah I know. Thanks for talking to him for me Mark, I really appreciate it."

"No problem Jesse, now lets get back to our rounds before Norman's blood pressure gets higher than normal."

**********************

Steve finally walked through the door of the beach house he shared with his father around 11pm. he'd been working hard on his case but if he were honest with himself he could admit that he'd put off going home for as long as possible so he wouldn't have to continue the conversation with his dad that they'd started in the hospital.

It wasn't until he entered the lounge to find his father waiting for him that he realised that after so many years of living and working together, he really should have stopped expecting his father to give up so easily.

"Hello son." Mark greeted cheerfully. "How was work?"

Steve knew that tone. That extra kind, innocent old man tone that his dad used to talk to criminals right before he revealed all their dark secrets to the world. Suddenly he felt a little bit of sympathy for all the criminals that had had to face it in the past.

"Busy and tiring, so I'm off to bed I've got another hard day tomorrow. Night Dad."

He moved as fast as he could down the stairs and into his bedroom, away from his father's all-seeing gaze and brilliant deductive mind. Finally he was safely in his room and he let out a sigh of relief. That relief wasn't to last long though.

"Don't you think you should talk to someone about it?" Steve jumped in surprise as he heard his dad's voice behind him.

"Geez dad, don't you know it's a bad idea to sneak up on someone like that? Especially someone with a gun."

"I wasn't sneaking, I was walking. Besides, who else were you expecting it to be? As far as I know, we're the only two people living here."

Steve sighed, not really in the mood for his dad's banter, especially when he knew there was a hidden agenda. "Is there something you wanted dad? Because I really need to get some sleep."

He tried to keep his tone even so he didn't hurt his father's feelings but he wasn't quite sure if he managed it.

"I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk, I'll always listen and I won't judge you, you know that."

"Thanks but I'll be fine. I've been solving cases by myself long before you started helping."

"I wasn't talking about the case Steve and you know it. I just want you to be happy and I know that avoiding him is making both you and Jesse miserable. Just think about it."

As Mark left the room, Steve slumped onto the bed, dropping his head into his hands. How had everything gotten so complicated? Just a short week ago everything had been great. He'd been so sure about everything in his life and was enjoying owning his own restaurant with his best friend.

Now though, his life had been turned upsidedown. He couldn't be in the same room as Jesse without wondering if he was checking him out, a small voice deep in the back of mind kept wondering aloud if maybe he wanted Jesse to be checking him out, and his dad was right, he was miserable without Jesse around.

Finally, after dragging his tired body into a hot shower then climbing into bed, he made a decision. No matter how awkward he felt about it all, as soon as he had a spare moment he was going to find Jesse and attempt to salvage their friendship.