Beginning With Goodbye

Pairings: Sam/Dean
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Angst
Notes: This is for my dear sweet JF who is not only bummed, but sick, too. Good luck tonight, hon. *hugs*

Dean headed back to the car, pleased to see Sam was already there. Even when they were apart for only a few moments he tended to worry. It was just like Sam to land himself in trouble.

Sam was on the phone at the moment and Dean slowed as he got closer.

"Yeah, Sarah. Yeah, thanks." He laughed. "You know, I think you might just be my best friend."

Dean's smile faded and he quickly pushed aside any jealous or hurt feelings.

He was just about to say something when Sam spoke again.

"Sarah, if it weren't for this whole thing with Dean I'd be there with you right now and begging you to marry me." He laughed again.

Dean just backed up a few steps. He had thought he was helping Sam, but now he was acutely aware that Sam wasn't happy at all. Dean was actually holding him back.

Dean watched Sam say his goodbyes and add a quick "you, too." on the end of the conversation before shoving the phone back into his pocket.

Dean took a deep breath and slapped Sam on the back. "Hey, bro...did you get the food?"

Sam jumped, but believed Dean had just gotten there. "Yeah...yeah....look, maybe we should stay here for awhile. I'm not sure that there is anything going on right now that needs our attention. If there is, we can find out about it from right here."

Dean would have loved the chance to stay in the small town for awhile, but he couldn't indulge now that he knew what his brother needed. "Nah, I was thinking of just going back and hanging with that Sarah girl. There's no reason not to chill there."

"But we just came from there."

"It's either there or Roswell." He opened the door and slid in behind the steering wheel.

"Roswell?" Sam followed suit and got comfortable in the passenger seat. "Why there? Aliens aren't really our thing."

Dean grinned and handed the postcard to Sam. "Mail call, Sammy."

Sam looked at the postcard and then shrugged. "Whatever. I don't get him sometimes."

"Don't start."

"Don't start what?" He pulled the cheeseburger out of the bag and began to unwrap it.

"On Dad. Just don't start. He loves you. I would think that would make you happy."

"If this was just about love then he would have sent this to both of us. He's trying to suck up to me or something. I don't like it when he does that. Don't you ever get the feeling he's trying to put me in the role of the spoiled brat?"

Dean laughed. "You mean you're not spoiled, college boy? Really? What's in the cup?"

Sam frowned. "It's a vanilla cream latte...what's that have to do with-"

"What's in mine?" He took a sip, trying to prove his point that he didn't need any of the fancy crap.

"Double mocha with creme de menthe."

Sam smiled as Dean spit the mixture out. "What the hell, Sammy!"

Sam smirked. "Just try it. You might like it."

"I guess I've got no choice, loser." Dean sighed and drank some more. He hated to admit to the little shit that it was really good. "I'll never get this taste out of my mouth."

Sam just looked at the postcard again. "Is that all the mail?"

"Uh...no. Actually we got a few others. We'll worry about it later. Just credit card apps and one article about one of the cases we worked."

"Oh. Sucks for you, huh?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean started the car and drove off, figuring Sam must have been using his 'powers' on him or something.

"Just that you didn't get anything."

"Who says I didn't?"

"But you just said-"

"I didn't want to talk about it."

"Bad news?"

"Nope."

Sam could tell Dean wasn't going to talk about it anymore so he dropped it for the time being. "Seriously, we need to find a room for tonight at least. I don't want to travel right now. I just want to sit and eat and veg a bit."

"That's fine. We can take off in the morning."

Dean found a hotel and pulled into the parking lot, letting Sam get the room while he gathered up some of their things in the car.

By the time Sam came back, the car was unloaded and locked up. The two men grabbed their things and Sam led the way to their room.

Dean called the shower first and Sam was about to argue with him that his food would get cold, but Dean had already closed the door to the bathroom.

Sam sighed and made sure the food was wrapped well to hold in some of the heat.

As the shower started, Sam began thinking about the postcard his father had sent. He looked around and grumbled when he realized he'd left it in the car.

"Keys...keys..." He saw Dean's jacket lying on the bed and started fishing through the pockets. He tossed the letters onto the table and then stopped when he felt one crumpled up. He pulled it out and recognized the return address as Cassie's.

He tried not to let his anger get to him. This woman had hurt his brother twice. He didn't like the idea of her trying to get back into his life. He listened carefully and, sure that Dean was still showering, opened the letter.

He felt himself dreading the words as he began to read, but then he saw she had met someone and was relieved. Dean could do better.

But then he saw something that made everything go red.

You're a good man, Dean, but you can't settle down. I'd never be happy with you. Look at what happened to your mother. Look at what happened to Sam's girlfriend. I don't want to be killed by some freak who just wants to hurt you. I'm sorry. You're special, but not that special. I won't die for you. And I'd never have children with you without knowing they'd be safe from this thing and you can't guarantee that.

He was vaguely aware of the mirror above the dresser starting to crack down the middle. His jaw clenched and he could feel the tremble of the muscle. He sucked in air through his nostrils and knew if Cassie was standing there right then he would have punched her in her smug face.

He heard the shower shut off and he quickly put the letters and keys back before putting the coat where he had found it.

He sat at the table with his food that was only half eaten and allowed his leg to shake about a mile a minute while he waited.

Dean stepped out of the bathroom five minutes later wearing only his boxers and Sam's anger turned to amusement. "Uh....Superman?"

Dean looked down and realized he was wearing a pair of Superman boxers with the Superman logo right over his happy parts. He rolled his eyes. "I needed a pair of underwear and all I could find were boxers and they were at the dollar store so what do you expect? Remind me we need to find a laundromat tomorrow."

Sam just rolled his eyes and then thought about the letter again. "Hey, I'm going to make a phone call. Be right back, okay?"

Dean lifted an eyebrow. "Sarah?"

"What?" Sam hadn't expected Dean to bring her up, especially considering the conversation he'd just had with her.

"Is that who you're calling?"

"No...I mean yeah...just shutup." He walked out leaving Dean wishing he'd never pushed them together.

Now no matter what happened he still had three choices. Dead, living with dad, or being alone. At that moment he decided he'd make sure the first choice won out no matter what.

He sat down and started to eat.

-----------------------------------------

Sam took a deep breath and searched through his numbers. Finally finding the one he needed, he hit the button on his cell and waited.

"Hello?" The soft feminine voice made Sam smile. He knew he'd made the right decision calling her.

"Cassie?"

"Yeah...Sam?"

"Surprised to hear from me?"

"A little. Why are you calling? Did something happen to Dean?"

Sam wanted to reach through the phone and strangle the sympathetic worried tone right out of her.

"Yeah, something happened."

"What?"

"He got your letter."

"Oh." She didn't say anything for a moment and then sighed. "I'm sorry he's hurting, but it's for the best, Sam."

"I agree."

"You do?"

"Yes, I do. He doesn't need someone like you around him."

"Wait just a minute! I was honest with-"

"You were cruel! And you really got your facts wrong, lady. For someone in your profession you should know better than to put crap to paper before double checking some things."

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Dean is special. He's too special for you. I don't know where you get off telling him he's not that special. It's you who isn't that special. You're not fit to lick his shoes."

"I don't have to-"

"And my mother's death was not his fault and I've spent a lot of time over the last twenty years trying to get him to believe that. You shoving it in his face didn't help. And don't you ever think enough of yourself to mention Jess again, do you hear me? You aren't fit to think about her, let alone write anything about her."

"I didn't mean to-"

"Please! You just didn't mean for me to read it! At least be honest. And as for kids...how dare you! I can tell you from experience that Dean would die to protect a child. You would have been lucky to have his children. I can only thank fate, God, or whatever that he didn't breed with you. I would have hated to see the Winchester gene pool tarnished with your brand of trash."

"You little-"

"And you can forget about him ever being in your life as far as the 'paranormal'. Right now you just need to be damn thankful I'm not finding every nasty thing I can and giving them your address! If you ever contact my brother again, even if you're being chased by Dracula himself, I'll do just that. Lose any memory you had of Dean. He's better off without you and you...well....you wait a few years and you'll be kicking yourself for screwing this up."

Sam hung up then and took a deep breath. He wanted to throw his cell phone, but knew that wouldn't do much good.

He sighed and looked back at the door and began walking back to the building. He leaned his forehead against the door for just a moment and then walked in.

It was time to tell Dean just how important Sarah was to him. He only hoped his big brother could understand.

TBC...