Palmdale on a Saturday Night

(Author’s Note: I'm a feeb and couldn't get italics in here. Figger it out when the naugty green guys -- ie, aliens -- are "talking.")

They are very restricted to this two-gender reproduction, are they not?

Indeed, it must feel very limiting, to have only two.

Perhaps not, my friend. By having only two, or in some cases of Earth life, none at all, it would allow for a greater freedom to choose a mate.

You may be correct, friend. The Humans have two genders, but they certainly do not limit themselves to that. Observe this group of Humans, at what they call an “orgy.” It is akin to our own reproduction, it appears, if only with two genders, male and female. What they call XY and XX.

Yes, the majority of Humans favor the gender not of their own. This is necessary for the proper sharing of genetic material, as our extensive research has shown. But like many sentient beings in the cosmos, they enjoy the simple act of reproduction, for the sensual pleasure it instills. Some choose to remain with their own gender, perhaps from a sense of loyalty?

No, recent studies have shown that these particular Humans do not choose at all, but are engendered into it.

They cannot ‘help’ it, as they would say?

I would say not.

The two paused, pondering what that implied.

Friend, what do you think a Human who normally favors the opposite of their gender, for purposes of reproductive recreation, would do if he or she was in a situation such as thus with the same gender?

The alien to whom the question was addressed didn’t reply for several moments, thinking about the suggested situation. They had the ability to experiment and find out, but it was most decidedly against The Rules. They had certain directives by which to follow, and violating those directives could bring a penalty on them both. But they were scientists, and the chance to know and find out was too enticing for those who constantly thirst for knowledge.

I would be most intrigued to find out, but if we are discovered, we will face harsh punishment, perhaps even banishment from this post. I would not want to lose this posting on Sol III, it is fascinating to a scientist such as I. A garden planet, such a rare and precious jewel, is not to be squandered.

You are a poet and tourist at heart, friend. Let us view this as another experiment, that is all. If we are discovered, we can present the information we may learn as partial explanation. Perhaps they will see it as justifiable. Besides, we will only use a team with a suit. We are already known to them, so it will not be as if we are revealing ourselves to a Human who thinks he or she is all there is in this great wide universe.

Which team? Sol III only has five at the moment.

The two alien scientists pulled up the information on the five Human teams with special suits.

This one, and this one, will not work. They are already male and female. The British team seems to already be ‘in love’ and sharing an intimate relationship.

Hmmm, yes. And this one, the one in the nation-state of Hungary: it is a male team, but they have already discovered one another sexually. Our experiment would be meaningless.

Two teams remaining, the team in the nation-state of the United States of America, and the one in the nation-state of Egypt.

The Egyptian team is the newest, and possibly the most resistant to our endeavour. Let us view them for a moment, and see if they would be receptive enough.

The alien touched a button, and the Egyptian team with a suit appeared. It was nighttime in Cairo, and the two were apparently working on a case. The aliens watched, amused as always when seeing the suit-wearing member of the team in one of the ridiculous red suits.

An hour, as Humans would calculate, passed while the aliens silently watched, not commenting, merely gathering information and saving it for analysis and discussion as a proper scientist would do.

After a time, the first alien, who proposed the unofficial experiment, thought I do not think we should use this team, friend. While they are good, and show much potential, they do not know one another well. Same-gender relations, whether long-term or a ‘one night stand,’ are forbidden in their culture. If they are found out, even by implication, they could be executed.

Yes, we would not want that. Neither partner should be hurt, of course. Physically, at least. I am curious how our subjects will fare emotionally, mentally and psychologically, however.

That leaves the American team. Retrieve the information we have on them. They are the second oldest team we have at present, after the British team.

Analyses coming up on your screen now. Our predecessors researched them both thoroughly before making the decision to give them the suit. You have read the case file, I am sure. Since their initial meeting, Mr Maxwell and Mr Hinkley have become very close friends, what they call ‘best friends.’ They also refer to one another as ‘partner,’ as a team with a suit should. To all appearances, they seem quite dissimilar, yet there is a bond between them that is unbreakable and firm. Both have an extremely strong loyalty to one another.

Yes, we have seen already that one is quite willing to lay down his life for the other. Remember the affair where Mr Hinkley was brought aboard the ship, to be healed? He had thrown himself in front of Mr Maxwell, without his suit, to stop a projectile from harming his partner.

I believe this is our team, then. There is already much more to their relationship than many sexual relationships include. They clearly love one another, and are very devoted partners and friends, even if they ‘bicker’ a lot. That is merely a façade, as we both know.

The two aliens began pressing buttons, in preparation for the experiment.

When do we begin, friend?

First, we must bring them to Palmdale.

Is that wise? A monitoring station is in effect throughout their geographical region, tracking them as we just saw on the display.

The alien reached into a hidden drawer at the computer station, and withdrew a small device.

With this, we can intercept the signal of the suit going to the monitoring station. Mr Hinkley will not notice; he seems unaware that we track him every second of his day, when he’s wearing the suit. If we are careful, we may be able to access the suit, and make it do things that it normally does not do.

Can we do that with your device? The alien asked, amazed.

As long as he is wearing it, yes. We must think of a way to get to him physically, and Mr Maxwell as well, to see this experiment to its logical conclusion, because by then, Mr Hinkley should not be wearing the suit. Or anything else.