In The Dark

“Back so soon…?” Dan asks, as he slams his car door shut and heads to the front door.

Nathan heads up the drive, angry expression on his face, but he doesn’t say a word. Just follows his father inside.

“Three visits in one day.” Dan drops his keys on the side and turns to face his youngest son. “Lucky me.”

“Lucas isn’t going to ask you for anything. He’s not coming near you again.” Nathan starts, focused and emotionless. Just like dear old dad. “So you’re going to do the right thing for once and keep paying for his medicine.”

”I am?” Dan asks, with a patronising smile. “Nathan, the only thing I want for you boys is for you to be at home. With me. Seeing as you both insist on being independent, Lucas will have to find someone else to pay for the pills.”

Nathan shakes his head in disgust. “I knew you were sick, but this, dad?”

”Nathan, you didn’t come here just to say that.” Dan interrupts, casually. “You should have known what my answer would be.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.” Nathan agrees, finally looking his father in the eye. “Lucas isn’t going to come back.”

”You’ve mentioned that.” Dan smirks, crossing his arms while he watches Nathan squirm.

“He needs the medication.” Nathan adds, hoping his dad will say what he’s trying to say for him. He doesn’t. “So, what do I have to do to get you to help him?” It’s so painful to say, Nathan almost doesn’t say it. And when he does he wishes he could take it back. Seeing the look of triumph on Dan’s face is excruciating.

“What happened to calling the police, Nathan? Did you change your mind about that?” Dan torments him.

“We will if you force us to.” Nathan explains. “You should count yourself lucky I got to Lucas before he decided to call them.”

“You know what your problem is? You have no respect for me.”

“Yeah, but you make that very easy, dad.” Nathan retorts.

Dan backhands his son before Nathan can even register the movement. He collides with the wall, falling as he loses his balance. The blow stings, and Nathan’s head spins for a minute. When he looks up, Dan is towering over him, no remorse on his face whatsoever. “You deserved that.”

“Sure, I did.” Nathan says, sarcastically, attempting to stand.

“Stay down there.” Dan commands, ruthlessly. “You want to know what you can do to help Lucas?”

Nathan pales immediately, his words coming back to haunt him.

“It’s your choice, son. Is Lucas worth it?” Dan knows he’s won, its evident in his smug tone of voice and more so in his eyes.

Nathan doesn’t move, but he does stay on the floor, eyes cast down, right back where he started a few years ago when he first realised his dad was an abusive bastard.

“I haven’t got all day, Nathan.”

A quick decision is made. Nathan’s had to do this before; he knows he can do it again. At least this time it will benefit someone other than Dan. “How do I know you’ll keep your promise?”

“You’ll just have to trust me, won’t you?” Dan sneers.

Nathan shakes his head. “Not good enough.”

Sighing, Dan takes out his wallet and pulls several notes out. He drops them on the side. “That’ll cover it.”

Nathan glances at the money, hoping this will be worth it. “I hate you.”

“I don’t care.” Dan replies, unzipping his fly. “But I’m sure Lucas will appreciate your help.”

Nathan refuses to cry, hating the idea of his dad seeing just how much this is killing him. Instead, he forces his mind to concentrate on the task, knowing it’ll be worth it to ensure Lucas is safe. He watches numbly as Dan pulls his cock free and begins stroking his hands across it, waiting for Nathan to make the next move. Nathan hesitates, but finally moves forward, a hand in his hair to guide his mouth down onto the erect cock.

“Do anything stupid and I’ll make you regret it.” Dan warns, the hand in Nathan’s hair tightening.

Wincing in pain, Nathan tries to accommodate the cock in his mouth, sliding it gently down his throat as far as he can take it. Not being much of an expert, he fumbles along, trying to remember what Peyton used to for him.

“You can do better than that!” Dan complains, pulling Nathan away, violently. “If you want this money, you better work for it.”

Nathan’s face reddens as he returns to sucking cock, trying to put more effort in. He quickly starts to pick it up, listening to the sounds his father makes and adjusting accordingly.

“That’s better.” Dan encourages. “Just like your mother.”

Nathan tries to pull away, indignantly, but he can barely move with the hand on the back of his head. He gives up and lets Dan drive his cock deeper and deeper down his abused throat.

“Are you sure you haven’t been practicing?” Dan moans. He continues to thrust until he feels himself coming. He forces every inch of cock down Nathan’s throat, ignoring the cries of protest, and comes with a satisfied grunt. As he pulls away from Nathan, the teenage boy begins to cough and choke, his face twisted in disgust. “If I’d known you were such a good slut, I wouldn’t have bothered teaching you basketball.”

Nathan glares at him, desperate not to cry.

Dan picks the money up and drops it on Nathan’s lap. “Say the word and you can come home, Nathan. None of this has to happen. I’ll give you everything you want and ask for nothing in return. Until then, look forward to whoring yourself out to pay for your brother’s medication.” Dan walks away, doing up his fly and heading into the kitchen.

Nathan sits there, looking down at the money. He grabs it, despite the pure disgust he feels at what he has just done to earn it, and leaves.

*~*~*~*

Lucas stares at the television, not paying attention to the show, but at least trying to. When he hears Nathan’s key in the lock, Lucas jumps up and unlocks it from the inside, allowing Nathan in.

“Feel better?” Lucas asks, studying his brother’s face carefully. “You look worse. Did something happen?”

Nathan can barely meet Lucas’ gaze as he sits down at the kitchen counter. “I got the money for your pills.”

Lucas frowns as Nathan puts the cash down on the counter. “What? How? Nathan, what did you do? You didn’t sell anything, did you?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Nathan states, simply. “Now you can buy more.”

“Well, I don’t need more right now. I have enough to last me a few weeks.” Lucas says, awkwardly.

”And you tell me this now?” Nathan asks, incredulously.

“I didn’t expect you to go out and get the money straight away!” Lucas argues. “I never said I needed more right this minute.”

Nathan is just so tired of the whole situation. Things were so much easier before Lucas stumbled across their little family secret. Why did Dan have to ruin everything? “Well, you’ve got enough for more now. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to tell your mom. You know Dan, he’ll tell her first chance he gets.”

“Where did you get the money, Nate?” Lucas asks, worriedly.

“Drop it, okay? It’s my problem.” Nathan dismisses him, standing up and heading to the bathroom.

“Please tell me you didn’t go back there…” Lucas begins, trying to read Nathan’s stony expression.

Nathan shuts and locks the bathroom door behind him, leaving Lucas to stare at the money, lying precariously on the edge of the counter.

Nathan leans on the sink, looking at his face in the mirror. He almost doesn’t recognise the face looking back. It’s so much older some how, so full of anger. Not even Haley had managed to take him this low. For the briefest of moments, Nathan thinks he sees Dan standing behind him. His heart stops as he turns round, only to find he’s alone. Shaking from the combined events of the day, Nathan finally lets himself go, tears rushing to his eyes as he sits down and curls into a ball, silently sobbing into his knees. It takes him a good twenty minutes to get all the tears out, but that’s all the time he allows himself. He quickly grabs toilet paper and wipes away the signs of his crying. One more look in the mirror and Nathan’s ready to face Lucas. He opens the door and heads back into the living room.

“What did you do?” Lucas asks, tears in his eyes. “He wouldn’t just hand over the money like that, so what did you do?”

Nathan looks away, his eyes red enough without another round of tears.

“Please tell me you didn’t do what I think you did? Nathan?” Lucas collapses down on the couch. “I’d rather die than let you do that! Especially for me.”

Nathan’s chest tightens once again. He can’t do this. “I didn’t do anything, Luke. I just made some promises. Not bad stuff, just promises between Dan and me. Okay? You don’t have to worry.”

Lucas doesn’t know whether to believe him. Wants to, but isn’t sure he can. Nathan wouldn’t be this close to breaking down over promises. “Don’t lie to me, Nathan, please. You’re telling me you look like this over a few stupid promises?”

“No, I look like this after my dad thumped me and enjoyed it. After he raped my brother because I was naïve enough to believe he wouldn’t try anything and didn’t stop it. Not to mention what I’ve had to put up with alone for the last two years.” Nathan argues. “I know a few taps on the cheek might seem like getting off lightly when it comes to Dan Scott, but I’ve had to put up with a lot more from him before that. Besides, he’s my dad! Despite what you might think, he’s always been there for me. He was never like this before. It’s only the past few years he’s changed. I just can’t believe this is the same man that raised me. If I look like shit right now, that’s why.”

Lucas immediately feels guilty. “I’m sorry, I was just worried…”

“I know.” Nathan forces a smile. “And I appreciate it. Just don’t think you’re the only one who’s struggling to deal with all of this.”

Lucas nods, looking down at his lap, dejectedly. He doesn’t move as he feels Nathan sit beside him, but when his brother’s arm wraps around his shoulder, he leans in and rests his head on Nathan’s shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to yell.” Nathan murmurs, gently. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t. I deserved that. I’m just so paranoid that he’s never going to stop.” Lucas explains, weakly. “You’d tell me if anything happened, right?”

Nathan tightens his grip on his tormented brother. “Of course.”

*~*~*~*

Lucas finally summons up the courage to talk to his mom the next morning, mostly because Nathan is so insistent he does. He’s not sure whether he likes being bossed around by his younger brother, but it has its advantages. Namely, he doesn’t have to make decisions for himself, which at this particular moment in time is a blessing.

He walks into the café sheepishly and isn’t surprised when his mother barely acknowledges him. He knows how much he hurt her when he lied about wanting to live with Dan. The custody hearing was possibly the worst thing he could possibly have done to her.

“Mom, can we talk?” He asks as she passes him with a cup of coffee in each hand.

“Not now, Lucas. I’m busy.” She says, coldly.

”Its important.” Lucas tells her, catching her eye.

When she sees his expression, Karen quickly forgets she’s busy and leads him out back, asking the kitchen hand to take care of the customers. Alone in the kitchen, she finally turns to look at him. “What is it?”

Lucas swallows nervously, wishing he could just be held like a child while he explains the whole story. She’d make it all better. Or rather, she’d try.

“Lucas, I’m really busy.”

”Mom, I have HCM.” Lucas says, quickly, before she leaves.

Karen’s eyes open wide, she’s not quite prepared for this. “Wh..what? You got the all clear…the letter…”

“I forged it.” Lucas admits, guiltily. “I knew you couldn’t afford the pills, so I moved in with Dan and he paid for them.”

“That’s why you moved in with him?” Karen demands. “That’s why you put me through all this hell? What is wrong with you?! You think I’d rather you live with that man than buy you lifesaving medication?”

“Mom, I didn’t want to lie to you…” Lucas starts, hating the look in her eyes right now. “I’m so sorry.”

Karen nods, but she is far from forgiving. “All this, Lucas? Was it worth it? Do you like living with your father?”

Lucas flinches, but says nothing.

“If you want him to pay for your medication, go right ahead!” Karen states, indignantly.

“Mom, please, listen to me.” Lucas argues, desperately. “I’m not living with Dan anymore. I’m staying with Nathan for a while.”

“Oh no you’re not.” Karen shakes her head. “I might not like you spending time with that man, but I won’t have you living with another teenage boy. Nathan is a mess right now, and by the sounds of it, so are you. You need a parent. So choose. Who’s it going to be?”

Lucas shakes his head. “Sorry mom. I’m not coming home yet. I need to stay with Nathan. I can’t explain why, I just need you to trust me.”

”Like you needed me to trust you on your decision to live with your father?” Karen pointed out.

“This is different. Nathan’s helping me get the money to pay for the pills.” Lucas explains. “You can’t afford them. I won’t let you go into debt over this.”

“Nathan?!” Karen doesn’t quite believe she is hearing such a stupid excuse from her once intelligent son. “He hasn’t even been turning up for work lately. He can barely afford that apartment. Even if both of you worked full time, you’d still never have the money!”

“We’ve already got money for next months.” Lucas says, defensively.

“And how long is that going to last?” Karen demands.

“I’m not staying there forever. Just until I’m ready to come home.” Lucas tells her. “Please don’t make this hard on me, mom. I’m going through enough right now.”

“And that is exactly why you need to be home with me.” Karen replies.

Unable to explain anymore than he has, Lucas just sighs and turns around. “I’m sorry, but I have to do this. Nathan needs me.” It’s not a lie exactly, but it certainly isn’t the truth. Lucas has never liked lying to his mother, but this time, he knows he has to. It’s for the best.

“Lucas, don’t you walk away from me! This isn’t over!” Karen calls after him.

The kitchen door swings shut.

*~*~*~*

Lucas heads down the street with his hands in his pockets, eyes cast down at the sidewalk. He barely notices the people who pass him, even when a female someone calls out his name. He doesn’t want to face whoever it is. Peyton? Brooke? Whoever.

He can’t help but wonder what he’d be doing now if he’d followed his instinct and called the police. Would Dan be locked up? Would he and Nathan be giving statements, consoled by their mothers? He tries not think about it, positive he’ll go insane if he linger too much on the ‘what ifs’.

He’s so lost in thought he doesn’t see someone step out in front of him and they promptly collide, knocking him into a parked car, face first. The parked car is Dan’s. Lucas steps away from it, turning round with a strong sense of dread forming in his chest.

“You should watch where you’re going.” Dan smiles, looking at the pedestrians around them. “Why don’t I drive you home? You don’t look like you’re in any state to be walking.”

“No.” Lucas says, quietly, trying to walk around Dan so he can get the hell out of there.

Dan grabs his shoulder, stopping him. “Don’t worry, after my talk with Nathan last night, I can assure you I’m not looking for a repeat of the other night.”

Lucas frowns. The so-called talk with Nathan. The one Nathan wouldn’t discuss. He gathers together what little courage he has left and looks up at Dan with hate-filled eyes. “What talk?”

“Oh, he didn’t tell you?” Dan feigns ignorance. “Jump in. I’ll explain it to you.”

Even though he is eager to find out, Lucas isn’t stupid. “I don’t think so.”

Dan keeps his grip on Lucas and manages to open the passenger door, ushering Lucas inside. “Just do as you’re told for once, will you?”

Lucas’ heart starts beating too fast. He looks at the door as it shuts, knowing he could open it and run as Dan walks round the front to the drivers seat. He goes to open the door, his hands shaking. He can’t be here…

Dan slides into the drivers seat, slams the door and starts the engine. He locks all the doors, smirking as Lucas’ hand drops back to his side. “Like I said, I only want to talk.”

”Then why did you lock the doors?” Lucas mutters, tensely.

“Precaution. Can’t have you drawing attention to yourself, can we?” Dan pulls away and starts driving Lucas to his mom’s house.

“I’m going to Nathan’s.” Lucas explains, reluctantly.

“Oh. You’re staying with him?” Dan asks, casually, changing lanes to head in the right direction.

“What talk?” Lucas asks again, staring at the road ahead but focusing on one thing and one thing only. Dan’s hands.

“You mean to say Nathan didn’t tell you how he earned that money?” Dan laughs, pretending to be shocked.

Lucas immediately knows what Dan is getting at and closes his eyes in realisation of what Nathan has done.

“You know, I told him this didn’t have to happen. That all you have to do is come home and I’ll pay for your medication with no strings attached.”

“Except there are strings attached.” Lucas interrupts, angrily. “You think you can get drunk and rape whoever’s nearby whenever you want with no consequences. I’d say that qualifies as a string.”

“Lucas, what happened was a mistake. You can lock your door whenever you want if that will make you feel safer.” Dan suggests, amused by Lucas’ newfound courage. “Listen, don’t make a decision now. Talk to Nathan. He’s happy to pay for your medication by whoring himself, but if you feel like it should be your responsibility, you know your options.”

Lucas wants to reach over and strangle Dan to death. He almost does, but they’re not far away from Nathan’s apartment and Lucas wants to make it back there alive. If only so he can kill Nathan for lying to him.

“How are you feeling, anyway?” Dan asks, actually having the decency to sound somewhat responsible for needing to ask that question.

Lucas shakes his head in disbelief. “I’m in constant pain. I have nightmares whenever I sleep. I can’t face anybody and I wish I was dead. Happy?”

Dan pulls up outside the row of apartments and turns to face Lucas. “Don’t blame Nathan for what’s he’s done for you. He’s become quite attached to you, you know that? He’ll do anything to keep you safe. The question is, will you let him?”

Lucas pulls on the door handle, waiting for Dan to release the lock.

“You know where I am if you want to talk.” Dan says with well-acted sympathy. He releases the lock and watches as Lucas bolts from the car. “Give my regards to Nathan!” Dan drives off with a huge smile on his face.

Lucas, meanwhile, stands there watching Dan leave, his knees threatening to give way. He forces himself to move, letting himself into the apartment. “Nathan!”

“What?” Nathan appears from the bedroom, still not dressed from this morning. He’s by Lucas’ side in a second. “What happened? What did she say?”

Lucas glares at Nathan. “My mom hates me. But that I can deal with. You promised me, Nate.”

Nathan frowns, not realising Lucas knows.

”You said nothing happened.” Lucas accuses, angrily. “Why do I have to hear this from him of all people?”

Nathan’s heart sinks. “You saw him? What happened, Luke, are you okay?”

“I’m not okay, but that’s not the point. You lied to me!” Lucas storms away from his brother. “You whored yourself out to him for money?”

Nathan breaks eye contact, utterly disgraced with what he’s done. More so now Lucas knows. “That’s a nice word. I’d call it blackmail myself, but then you’re not going to believe me anyway.”

”Why should I?” Lucas turns away. “You should never have done that! I’m not worth it. There could have been another way, you didn’t even try!”

“For a start Lucas, you are worth it. And I’d do it again if it meant you staying alive.” Nathan argues, adamantly. “And secondly, I couldn’t think of any other way. When I went there, I didn’t expect him to be like that. I thought if I begged him, he’d be the dad I remember, not this monster he’s become. But yeah, I knew if it came down to it, I’d have to give him something in return. And I hate myself for it. But that’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

Lucas turns back to face him. “You did it for me, Nathan! Don’t ask me not to feel guilty.”

“I’m not. I just wish you didn’t have to.” Nathan looks desperately at Lucas. “I fucked up, I know, but we have to stick together, it’s the only way he can’t get to us.”

“But he is getting to us! He had no problems forcing me into his car today, in front of people! And he obviously doesn’t have to try very hard to get to you.”

Nathan winces at the implication. “It’s not like that. I’m not going back again.”

“So when I run out next month, what will you do then?” Lucas asks.

“Are you saying you want me to go back?” Nathan asks, confused.

“No, I’m wondering whether you will. You’ve done it once!” Lucas point out.

Nathan is close to losing it and that’s something he knows he can’t do around Lucas. Not now. He walks away, straight into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

Lucas stands there, still fuming, still completely overwhelmed by the trip home with Dan. He doesn’t know what to do. He’s not even sure why he’s arguing about this. He gives Nathan a minute to cool down, then follows him, opening the bedroom door and stepping inside.

Nathan is on the bed, crying, curled up in a foetal position, looking as vulnerable as Lucas feels. He doesn’t notice he has a visitor. Lucas climbs onto the bed and lies beside him, placing his hand on Nathan’s.

Nathan immediately stops crying, looking at Luke through teary eyes. “Do you think I’m a slut?”

“No!” Lucas answers, obstinately. “I think you’re sacrificing yourself for me and you shouldn’t be.”

”I just want to make it up to you.” Nathan explains. “I should never have let it happen. I’ve done nothing but make this worse since I got involved. Why are you even here, Lucas? You should be reporting me to the police.”

“I’m here because you’re the only one who can help me.” Lucas states, grasping Nathan’s hand that little bit tighter. “And because I want to be.”

Nathan just looks at Lucas, his mind running places he can’t quite make sense of. He feels that familiar feeling of wanting to just lean over and kiss someone, as if it’ll make it all better. He even thinks he sees that same thought process running through Lucas’ mind. They’re both so close right now, it seems like the only natural thing to do. Neither is moving away or for that matter, moving at all. Nathan is just about to lean over a kiss Lucas, when Lucas does exactly that, gently pressing his lips against Nathan’s. It’s all too brief, and Nathan doesn’t want it to end, but when he sees Lucas’ expression, he knows it has to.

”I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that.” Lucas stutters, climbing off the bed quickly. He’s panicking again, the room seeming a million times smaller than it was before.

Nathan soon picks up on it and rushes to his brother’s side. “Calm down, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I kissed you!” Lucas exclaims. “I kissed my own brother! How fucked up am I?”

“How fucked up are we, you mean.” Nathan points out, pulling Lucas into an embrace. “I wanted it to, okay? It wasn’t just you.”

”This is his fault! I would never have…” Lucas pushes away from Nathan. “I’m not like him!”

“I know that.” Nathan attempts to calm Lucas down. “Stop blaming yourself for everything. It happened, okay? It’s not the end of the world.”

Lucas shakes his head and walks out. “You can’t keep doing this for me, Nathan. You save me, you make me feel safe, you practically give yourself to Dan to help me, then you make allowances for me when I do something like that?”

Nathan follows Lucas back into the living room. “Those things you just listed, they’re exactly why you did what you just did. You’ve just been through so much, we both have. It was totally normal under the circumstances.”

“Maybe I should just go home.” Lucas sighs, miserably.

“Lucas, please!” Nathan begs. “I need you here. Before Dan at least pretended not to know what he’d done. Now its out in the open and he knows he can get away with it, he’ll never leave us alone. You’ll have your mom, but who will I have? My wife’s off staring a music career and my mom’s in rehab. I don’t want to be on my own right now.”

Lucas hesitates, knowing what Nathan is saying makes sense. “I’m such a mess right now.”

“You and me both.” Nathan agrees, opening his arms as Lucas moves to hug him.

”I promise I won’t try and kiss you again.” Lucas swears as they embrace.

Nathan tries not to register just how disappointed he is by that.

*~*~*~*