The Las Vegas Move

Nick sat in front of his computer, staring at the screen. His fist hit down on the desk once more. It had been a few years since he had check on the recommendation for having sex with someone that was HIV positive. Ben had made him promise when they woke up that he would check out this site today.

He knew all the issue that related to his work but he really hadn't felt the need to check on the sex aspect of it until now. Sure he should have checked sooner but having sex last night really hadn't been part of his plan. And he knew Ben would be careful after all, his husband had been negative. Now as Nick stared at the screen it told him not even oral sex was okay without a condom.

What the hell was he thinking?

One of his favorite things had been the taste of cum, letting the salty sweetness flow over his tongue and down his throat. And with Ben, he would never know Ben's special flavor.

They had both known that last night had gotten out of hand, due in a large part to the pain and need that both were going through. Ben wanted Nick to face the issues that they would deal with, and maybe on a daily bases. And then really think about if he wanted to stay just friends or continue to let their relationship grow.

Nick sat back in his chair his eyes not really even seeing the screen anymore. His mind flowed back to almost four years ago. His boyfriend at the time was Tim and they had been dating for a little over a year. It wasn't always easy for them as they worked different shifts and had different days off. But the sex was great and they had an easy rapport with each other. It was around this time that Nick stopped having sex with anyone else. A few months later Tim had reveled to Nick, that Nick was his only sex partner. They hadn't planned it or even talked about it but both had just done it. And yet they never stopped using condoms.

Nick had been in a monogamous relationship nearly three years when the first stock hit him. Tim came by one day and made love with Nick. But instead of curling up to nap like usual Tim announced that he was leaving the next day for Australia. Nick watched Tim dress as Nick's world spun out of control. Tim told Nick how he had gone after the job then accepted the offer a month ago. Yet this was the first Nick was hearing of it. Tim continued on with how he felt that his life was at a stand still. Tim reveled how he saw it as a chance to start over with a whole new life, that this would be his chance to find real love. Nick was too stunned to make a sound but his mind screamed "what are we." Tim continued telling Nick how sex had always been great between them but he still felt like they were just friends, fuck buddies at best, adding as he kissed Nick one last time that he didn't want any big goodbyes and no more contact with Nick.

Tim turned and headed out of the bedroom dropping the keys to Nick's place on the dresser. Nick moved out of the bed following a short distance behind Tim. Nick stopped at the edge of the living room, watching in a stocked silence as his lover opened the front door and left. The man didn't say a thing or even look back; he just pulled the door shut. His lover of four years had just walked out the door, cutting all ties, no email, no calls, nothing. Nick was numb.

The second shock came about a month later when Nick ran into Tim's best friend. The friend bubbled on about how Tim called to invite him down for a visit, continuing with how Tim was fucking every hot guy he could get his hands on. That he was having the best sex that he had had in years. Nick departed the scene as fast as he could.

The third shock came when Nick's friends had dragged him to the club one night. Some of the people that Tim use to party with came over to find out how he was doing. One of them slipped and reveled how for about the last six months or so Tim had been a regular in the private rooms. Or as the blond hair, maybe twenty-one year old boy hanging on the man's arm called them, the fuck rooms. Nick slipped out as soon as he could without it causing a scene with his friends.

And then the coffin thing happened.

The last and worst shock about Tim came out about two weeks after Nick returned to work. Tim's brother had called a few days after he heard about the coffin thing. He had called to see how Nick was doing. He showed great concern for Nick but hung up without saying a thing about Tim. When Nick told Catherine about the call she tried to change the subject but Nick had seen the look on her face. She finally gave in and told Nick that she had called Tim who told her he didn't care if Nick was found or not but demanded to know how she had gotten the number, yelling at her to never call him again or give Nick the number.

That was when Nick first started to really looked back at the relationship, but it's in the light of this day that Nick finally was seeing a clear vision of it.

Several things glared at Nick about it. One thing that should have told him something was wrong with the relationship was that in all the time they had been together neither one had suggested they move in together. They spent three to four nights/days together and the rest apart. They had been, at least Nick had thought it, in a monogamous relationship for three years and never talked about not using condoms.

The second thing was that during the first few years they spent as much time together alone as they did with each other's groups of friends. During that last year they hardly ever went out with their friends as a couple. Nick would go with his friends to one place and Tim went out with his friends somewhere else. Nick at the time had just thought it was due to the work schedules, but now he saw it differently. Nick also started thinking about how he never even tried to change his schedule to fit better with Tim's. During the time they had been together Nick had only asked about a dozen times for time off to be with Tim and six of those had happen in that first year.

Nick snapped back to the present as the phone rang.

Nick logged out of the internet as he talked with Catherine. She had called to check on him when she realized what yesterday had been. Hanging up after convincing her that he was okay, Nick walked into his spare room. The picture of Tim and Nick from their last Christmas together still sat on the dresser in the room but not for much longer. Nick walked over and picked it up. The lies swirled in his head as he looked at the loving couple in the picture. Then the picture flew out of his hand and into the wall, the wood and glass frame breaking just as Tim had broke Nick's life into pieces. What Tim had left behind was finished off by the man that put Nick into that coffin as an act of revenge.

Nick faced the emptiness that his life had become. He moved as if he was a puppet and cleaned up the mess, dropping the broken pieces into the trash.

The picture he carried into the kitchen with him. Grabbing a sandwich, drink and the picture, Nick return to his office. He took a bite of the sandwich then fed the picture to the shredder. Nick remembered feeling that Tim had cut his life to pieces just as quickly as the shredder had cut the picture to pieces. Nick realized as he watched the pieces fall that it was the betrayal and the way Tim had broken up with him that had caused so much pain. But not the lost of the relationship for there wasn't really much to lose.

Nick turned to the pc after eating where he played games letting his mind zone out for awhile. The zoning turned into flashes of Ben.

The man calmly sitting as chaos reigned around him. The blue eyes of calm that Nick wanted to fall into. The openness at the scene offering all the help he could. The peace Nick had felt. Ben's approach as he asked Nick out at the fateful meeting in the gym. The many breakfasts they shared together where small talk reign, letting only little pieces of their past lives come through. The empty feeling as he missed Ben on that day only to find out later that Ben also was in need. The call to Ben that let Nick hear the sound of grief that spoke volumes of Ben's love for his lost husband. Ben opening the door to let Nick in then sharing his pain and accepting the comfort that Nick offered. Nick revealing his own pain, Ben acknowledging it then giving what comfort that he could. The ease at which they found a moments rest in each others arms, the feeling of peace, safety, and comfort.

And later the feeling of love something he never remembered having before. A kiss that burned from his lips to his heart and out through every pore in his body. Then the pain of Tim, the coffin, the ants and HIV positive overwhelm Nick cascading in a flow of grief and pain as he felt the fates bearing down on him once more. They held out happiness only to pull it away.

A knock at the door forced Nick to move. Taking a deep breath he opened it expecting it to be Catherine; instead there stood Ben.

"Hi Nick" Ben could see the anguish that gripped Nick

"I thought you had classes and then a meeting until late tonight." Nick was using the door to hold him up.

"I felt that you might need to talk, so I got out of the meeting and let my last class go early." Ben smiled then continued when Nick didn't move, "Can I come in?"

Nick reacted by hanging on to the door and stepping back then swung his arm in an inviting manner, "please…sorry."

Nick closed the door and turned to find himself pulled into a very passionate kiss. His whole body just melted into Ben's arms and they sank into the couch. Ben landed with his back in the corner and Nick on his lap. After they broke the kiss off, Ben held Nick close letting him take what strength he needed. Nick's head rested on Ben's shoulder and he was cradled in Ben's arms.

When Nick finally started speaking it was as if a dam had broken open. His words flowed like the waters of a river. Nick told everything to Ben about Tim and the break up continuing with the incident after the coffin. Soon Nick was the one that had tears flowing as the grief and pain finally was allowed to escape. Ben just listened and gave comfort just as Nick had done for him.

"Nick" Ben whisper as the sobbing noise died out.

Nick responded with the barely audible, "yes."

"Are you hungry?" Ben felt the nod of his head. "Do you want to go out? Want me to go get something? How about I cook? That leaves delivery?" Nick moved his head in answer to each question at last agreeing to delivery.

Ben wondered if this question would be as hard to get an answer as the last one, "What do you want?"

To Ben's surprise Nick moved quickly off his lap and over to the phone table. Nick opened the door and pulled out a stack of menus then return to Ben. Nick stopped and looked down, first at the couch then at Ben, who patted his lap. Nick smiled and sat on his lap where the two of them check out the menus. Finally picking out a place and what to order, Nick returned to the phone then placed the order. Ben went into the kitchen and returned with drinks.

Nick snuggled into the warm safe comfortable place next to Ben on the couch, his arm lying lightly across Nick's shoulder. The talk turned to a lighter subject as they waited for their dinner. Flipping the TV on, they stopped on a cooking show. They laugh as the watch the two men interact with each other.

Nick could feel his whole mood changing in the presence of this man. Nick thought back to all the relationships that he had had before. He couldn't remember a time when he felt this kind of peace and comfort, especially not with Tim. Four years, four long years Nick had given to that man and in the end had nothing but lies and pain. Nick's thoughts snapped back to the present. He looked to his upper arm where Ben rubbed it before shifting his look up. Ben's eyes shone with the questioning look, you okay?

Nick smiled back, "Just thinking,"

"About what?" Ben lowered the volume on the tv.

Nick leaned forward and set his glass down then turned to face Ben, "The feeling I have around you." Ben started to say something but Nick placed his finger on Ben's lips. "When I'm with you I have this feeling of peace and calm that just seems to settle on me. No matter what is happening, it comes. Sometimes it takes but a breath and other times it takes minutes but it always comes." Nick lowered his eyes then looked back. "A moment ago you rubbed my arm because you felt me start to tense up again?"

"Yes, I wanted you to know I was here."

"That's what snapped me out of the thoughts. I was trying to remember if I ever felt this way before. And not only don't I remember ever feeling this before, but the four years with Tim..." Nick let go of a slow deep sigh, "all you did was touch my arm and I felt the peace and calm returning."

Ben wanted to move, to kiss and embrace this man next to him. But something in Nick's body language spoke to him of his friend's need to continue.

Nick's eyes held both a question and a need. "You asked me to look at the site, which I did. I love oral sex. The taste of cum, that sweet saltiness that is unique to each man. I know with you I'll never get to know that unique flavor that is you but even knowing that I want to be with you. If for no other reason then what I feel when we're together. The peace and calm, I'm home when I'm with you. It doesn't matter where we are or who is around, just you and I'm home. For the first time in my life nothing is more important than you."

Ben pulled Nick into a kiss before he could continue. The door bell rang as they kissed at first lost to the world. By the fourth ring they parted realizing that it must be their dinner. The delivery guy stood there juggling the box with their food and his cell phone. He snapped the phone close then slid it into the holder as Nick opened the door. The exchange of money and box happened quickly as the guy rushed to continue on his route.

The box was set on the coffee table where Ben unpacked the food. Nick disappeared into the kitchen for drinks and etc. The mood in the room was one of harmony as the two men ate and watched TV together. After finishing with dinner and the clean up they move on to playing video games, Ben explaining that he had never really played much but was will to give it a try. The rest of the evening was spent relaxing in the warmth of the growing relationship.