Letters

They stepped back into the sleeping alcove. Spock had a certain endearing awkwardness in the way he moved. Kirk felt that impulse boiling up in him again, suddenly wanting to feel him on his skin, to just... relent to...to something....

With some vague sense of unease at how inevitable it seemed, Kirk gave in to the urge. He slid his hands up and around Spock's arms, down the small of his back, rubbing his cheek against his collarbone. Just touching him. Indulging himself.

With a groan like a tree falling, Spock yielded to it, sliding a hand up the back of his neck and getting a good handful of Kirk's hair. It made Kirk feel...anxious somehow, like even as he was, pressed tight to Spock's chest, he wasn't getting close enough. Frustrated, he clamped his arms around the vulcan until it hurt.

Spock sighed, lips to his Captain's hair. Kirk felt strands flutter in the exhalation. Then Spock released him, drew back, and Kirk let him, confused on more than one level. Looking suddenly very tired, Spock sat on the bed with a muffled thump. He put a hand up. Touched his own forehead. Kirk's confusion ratcheted up a level to mild alarm.

"Spock?" He sat beside the taller man. Spock took a deep breath. He looked...uncomfortable. Kirk leaned in, his eyes softening, and waited. Sometimes he could do it, he could get Spock to open up, if he was patient and had the right look on his face. Spock glanced up at him and faltered a little.

" It is...a comfort, touching you. But I must be cautious."

Kirk got a good jolt of surprise from that. Not from the sentiment, but that Spock had actually said it... then he frowned, narrowing his eyes. Spock spoke quite a few languages. When he used a word, he used it precisely.

"A comfort. From what?" Kirk asked.

Spock sighed.

"When a marriage between two vulcan adults is dissolved, for whatever reason, there is always some damage done. Pain is expected." Spock explained quietly.

"Damage." Kirk said sharply." You mean...what you said, about...feeling each others thoughts." Silently, Spock nodded. "And it's normal, not to heal with time?"

"Everything heals in time." The sigh in Spock's voice seemed to imply something on the order of decades.

A comfort. Experimentaly, Kirk lifted a hand, touched the hair behind Spock's ear. Let it fall through his fingers.

"Jim." He said, and it was almost a protest, but he was leaning towards him, turning his head into the touch. Kirk had a sudden ache between his shoulder blades that felt like a knife twisting and he grabbed a handful of Spocks shirt, pulled him forward into a kiss.

Spock got ahold of the edge of Kirk's uniform top, tugged on it. He was having trouble-he was pressing Kirk into the mattress with his heavier body mass, and couldn't get it off easily. Kirk squirmed, breaking the kiss and yanking the tunic off himself. Spock stripped himself shirtless and leaned down.

They both sighed at the touch of skin. Spock leaned more heavily against him and all Jim's tension, even the memory of tension, seemed to fall out of him, draining out of his fingertips. He tilted his head back on the bed and shut his eyes as Spock put his mouth to the exposed curve of his neck. Jim could almost taste himself, could almost taste what Spock was tasting....

"Oh, I can feel you...." He sighed, and could have slapped himself, because Spock stopped. Spock pushed himself up, rested his forehead lightly against Kirk's. Jim was getting little tingles down the sides of his face and it didn't feel like the start of anything, it felt as natural as the beat of his own heart. Something wasn't adding up. Something-

"A moment," Spock panted. "I must not-"

"Spock." Kirk said suddenly, grabbing at his arms. He pushed Spock back so he could look at his face. " What if it's already done?"

Spock looked startled. He did not, however, immediately tell Kirk it was impossible. Kirk twisted his hips and rolled over on top of him. He had a hunch that was grabbing him by the throat. What if wasn't her thoughts? What if it was him? If Spock was shutting him out....

Kirk leaned down and kissed him. He slid both of his hands around the sides of Spock's head and gave it his all. At first there was just a warmth, extending down the sides of his neck and pouring over his shoulders. About the time he started to pick up that...pulse, that vibration through his skin Spock had enough convinvcing and dug his heels into the bed, arching up underneath him. Or maybe he just didn't care anymore... the sudden increase in friction had Kirk tearing at the waistband of Spock's pants. Spock lifted up so he could yank them down to his knees until they caught on his boots.

There was much squirming and hurried shifting of cloth, and an awkward moment for Kirk with a tangled pant leg, before he could sink down between Spock's knees in comfort.

Kirk sighed as their cocks brushed, leaned forward on his hands, rocking against him. Spock lifted his head to kiss him and it was messy, leaving his mouth and chin wet from the jerking as they thrust into one another. There was a warm prickle under his skin that was rising like the tide and he tried to tamp it down, remembering what had happened before, wanting it to last. After an anxious moment he found he could hold it, could make it recede until it was bearable. Spock let out a relieved-sounding breath, surprising him. Could he feel-?

"Yes," Spock murmured, stroking up his chest with one hand, down his back with the other. "yes," He sighed, propping himself up to place his mouth at the base of Jim's throat. Jim got a hand up behind him and held him there for a moment. Just held him.

Then he was sliding down, a trail of wet kisses down Spock's abdomen, down- He glanced up, and yes, Spock was watching. He scooted back, ducking down between his legs for a moment, turning his head to press his mouth to Spock's inner thigh. He took care, and did no more than breathe warm air onto his erection as he turned his head, applied his mouth to the other thigh. Spock's leg twitched as he accidentally brushed against him with the side of his face.

Turning, he licked at the tip of his penis, then one slow line up from the base. There was that strange, wetter-than-water lubricant he'd experienced the first time. It seemed to be seeping out of the shaft and he tounged it, tasting, trying to locate by touch the pores it came from. It was a little fruity, a bit bitter. Very body-fluidish, but not unpleasant. Kirk cocked an eye up Spock's way. Spock eyelids were lowered, and, watching him, Spock licked his lips.

Kirk faltered for a minute, suddenly so hard it was nearly painful. He pressed himself into the mattress. The pressure helped and made it worse.

He dipped his head, taking Spock whole into his mouth. He curled his hand around the base, letting him nudge up against the back of his throat.

Above him, Spock hissed in a breath.

Jim took a breath through his nose and started moving his head. Firm pressure from his tongue all along the length. When Spock's breath started getting ragged he pulled back, tucked his teeth more securely behind his lips and sucked hard.

Spock started to struggle with little abortive jerks of his hips, trying not to thrust into Jim's mouth and only partially succeeding. Jim paused when his mouth tired, ducked his head down. Stroking him lightly with one hand he started to lap at his balls. They were already moist with Spock's own fluid and Jim's saliva, so, slurping slightly, he drew Spock's sac into his mouth.

Spock choked, and his erection practically jumped in Jim's hand, thickening. Straining.

Almost, Kirk decided, and rose from his spot. Straddled him. Spock's eyes were bright, and he went to grab Jim by the hips, to grind against him. Jim lifted himself up, away, and answered the question on Spock's lips.

"Can you hold on?" Jim breathed gently. There was a flash of amusement behind the vulcan's eyes.

"Not indefinately." Spock replied, and Jim smiled, suddenly breathless. He lifted Spock's hand to his own erection, watched him stiffen as Jim had him masturbate himself. The strange, resonating warmth tried to surge, and he held it back, felt Spock there, with him, holding it back. It was just a moment or two, but it was a view Jim memorized with careful attention. Then he lifted Spock's hand away, leaned forward to kiss him as he pressed the newly slickened fingers just...there.

Spock's mouth froze against his. He pulled back, eyes wide, his free hand kneading at Kirk's hip.

"You...wish me to..."

"Yes." Jim sighed, letting his eyes slip shut. Leaning back against Spock's fingers. Spock took an uneven breath and gently started to push inside him. Jim relaxed against it, pushing back, opening his mouth. He felt Spock's other hand bracing him, taking some of his weight. His fingers started to move more easily, and Jim relaxed further.

"Oh...that's good...oh.." Jim murmured and Spock let his hand fall away. Jim reached behind him, angled Spock's erection, eased himself back. A shudder passed through the taller man, and Kirk felt it in his thighs. He tensed the muscles in his legs, lifting himself, sat back with a smooth thrust.

Spock started to make noise, moving against him. Just a little, a soft moan with each thrust, each penetration. He reached out with long fingers and curled them around Jim's bobbing erection. The tide was rising again, warm and cloying, and he didn't think either one of them had it in them to beat it back again...

Jim felt himself suddenly resonate, he was ringing like a bell and he felt...felt how firm his erection was in Spock's hands, the delicious sense of penetration, could feel the pleasure coiling inside his friend tight, tighter...and Spock released inside him with a hoarse moan that he felt in his throat...

Jim pushed back again, and he was coming, it was...It was the strangest orgasm of his life. He sat back, felt Spock hit just the right spot and...he relaxed. He relaxed and let it ride him, let it trail off into Spock's climax and back to him again. He just poured himself out, it went on and on...

The next thing he felt was Spock's hand, gently stroking his back. For a while he just laid there, feeling the light trail of fingertips, listening to soft breathing. He moved his head a little with a contented sigh, felt something firm on his cheek. Jim blinked, realized he'd fallen forward, his head resting on Spock's shoulder. He shifted a little, almost obscenely comfortable.

Sticky, though.

Regretfully, he pulled back, propped himself up. And got very, very still inside.

Spock was looking at him, and Jim got exceptionally serious, extremely quickly.

He'd never seen...he'd never seen anyone look at anyone (much less him) the way Spock was looking at him now.

Like he'd just seen the sun for the first time.

This was serious. For Spock, this was as serious as things got. 'We haven't really talked' wasn't going to cut it. Jim knew, with a sudden, sick certainty that he was going to screw this up. In the next breath he knew that if there was even the slightest chance, he'd better grab on with both hands and hold tight. Spock's expression had faded a little with Kirk's continuing silence, and he didn't like that. He leaned down, rested his forehead on Spock's, shut his eyes against the sudden doubt on the vulcan's face.

He took a breath, and felt lighter.

"All right, " He murmured, half soothing."All right." he let himself sink down into Spock's arms with no intention of moving. All right.

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He woke at the sound of the door opening, to an empty bed. Frowning, he rolled over, wondering why he was dissapointed. As he adjusted the covers the synapses in his head clicked and he sat up sharply, looking around.

Someone was in the bathroom, and the muscles in his back relaxed. Spock. He glanced over at his desk, did a doubletake. He stood and rounded the partition for a closer look. Then he turned his eyes on the bathroom door with an exasperated smile.

He'd delivered the letters.