Just Listen

Catherine sat across from Grissom’s mom in the break room. “So tell me. Has he always been so dumb? With people I mean. With everything else, he’s brilliant. Throw a person into the mix and he becomes a complete idiot. I’m sorry, I know he’s your son Mrs. Grissom, but…”

“Elizabeth. Call me Elizabeth. Or Liz if you like. Mrs. Grissom just sounds so old. But yeah this is how he’s always been. I used to think it was my fault. After his father left it was just the two of us. My sister tried to convince me to send Gil to live with his father, or send him to live with her or our cousin. But I couldn’t do that. It was hard enough for him adjusting to his mother going deaf and his father leaving. I couldn’t add anything else to that. But with my hearing gone, we didn’t talk much. I still spoke and learned to read lips, and Gil learned to sign, but we didn’t talk much. We just got so in tune to each other we really didn’t need to talk. He read a lot, kept to himself, and ran his experiments. Although I almost didn’t let him run anymore experiments. God there was the one time he had something going down in the basement. Aaron thought it would be great to get Gil a chemistry set, and less than two days after he had it he nearly blew up the house. Luckily Aaron was down there with him, saw something didn’t look right and tossed the container out the basement door. As it was when the thing exploded it blew a 3 foot wide hole in the yard and burnt the grass around it.”

Liz saw someone out of the corner of her eye and looked over to see three men standing there laughing. The youngest of the group with spiked hair sat down next to her. “You can’t possibly be talking about Grissom. The man actually flubbed an experiment?” Liz laughed, “Well he was only six at the time. You’re Greg aren’t you?” Then she looked over that the two men still standing. “And that makes you two Nick Stokes and Warrick Brown.”

Warrick was taken aback. “OK so you know who we are. Just who might you be?” Liz smiled. “Well I might be the Easter Bunny, but I’m Elizabeth Grissom.” “You’re Grissom’s mom?” Warrick and Nick sounded extremely surprised, which made Liz laugh. “What? Did you think he sprung from the head of Zeus or something? Although with his IQ that does make sense.”

Nick was completely confused. “Now wait a sec. Didn’t Griss mention once that his mom was deaf?” Liz smiled at him, “I am. I read lips very well. So no talking about me behind my back, ok?” Warrick got his coffee and stepped back in front of Elizabeth. “So if you’re here in the break room, where’s Grissom?” Catherine jumped in explaining to the guys how Grissom had neglected to tell his mother anything about his resignation or the shooting. “So he’s probably hiding somewhere stalling before he has to actually talk to her.” Elizabeth Grissom knew her son was doing just that. He had always been a boy who kept to himself, and if something threw his balance off he reacted just like his father used to; he ran.

“You’ll probably find him somewhere playing with some sort of bug.” “Actually I’m not.” Grissom walked in, sat down beside his mother, and handed her an envelope. She grinned and took it to a corner like it was a precious treasure. Elizabeth knew her son had a hard time expressing his feelings. At an early age they had developed the habit that if something were bothering him, he would write her a letter explaining everything. He had knows the shooting was something he needed to tell her about, but Grissom felt the need to give her that letter in person. Catherine looked over at him and scowled. “Grissom if you think an envelope is going to smooth things over with your mom, you better think again.” Grissom explained their system for communicating things they found difficult to talk about and that seemed to appease the blonde’s wrath.

Elizabeth Grissom opened the envelope with trembling hands. When she saw the envelope in his hand, she knew whatever he had just been through was worse than she imagined while reading the article. They had an understanding for their letter writing: completely honesty and no holding back. She missed being able to tell when someone wasn’t telling her everything by the sound of their voice, so she compensated by getting her son to not hold back at all when he wrote her. Over the years she had read some disturbing letters that brought tears to her eyes, but she knew if the words had the effect on her, her son’s pain was ten times worse. Usually the letters came by email or he’d write her on IM. The fact that she didn’t get the letter until he could hand it to her in person told her this would be the worst of them all. She glanced over at her son and the group she referred to as his family, then unfolded the pages and began to read.

It’s been a while since I’ve had to write so much, but I’m hoping that our “talks” can help me put an end to the nightmares.

It was a typical night at work. I went with Warrick to a crime scene at one of the hotels. Brass was there and we were headed to the banquet room where the actual crime scene was. I remember seeing someone down the hall, then I heard the shot and there was a pain in my head that blinded me. There was another shot, and several more. My head hurt so bad I couldn’t count. I remember Warrick pushing against my chest and I thought that was strange since it was my head that hurt.

I woke up from a coma four days later in the hospital and found out I had been shot twice. One bullet hit me in the head near my right temple. One bullet hit me in the chest just above the vest. I had a skull fracture, a concussion, and a lot of blood loss. The second bullet apparently nicked a main artery, but the bullet to my head glanced off. The doctors said my heart stopped on them in the ER and then twice in surgery, and they said I was lucky to be alive. If either bullet had been a fraction of an inch off in any direction, it would have been over before I hit the floor. Now you know why this is one letter I had to hand you in person.

After I woke up I had a lot of time to think. Then I was released from the hospital and had even more time to think. Sometimes thinking can be a dangerous thing, especially after being shot. I started thinking about my life and it suddenly hit me just how empty it has been. Sure I have you and my work, but is that really enough? I used to think so. I once read "A man without ambition is dead. A man with ambition but no love is dead. A man with ambition and love for his blessings here on earth is ever so alive." By that, I’ve been dead a long time. I thought that when I woke up from the coma, that was the most tired I had ever been. I was wrong. Once I realized that I had lived for nearly 50 years and yet my life was empty, THAT was the most tired I had ever been. Not just tired physically. I’m tired of the politics, and mostly I’m just tired of being alone.

Something else happened while I was in the hospital though. For a while I could hear voices and music off and on. Then the times where I could hear them got longer and longer, until I could hear everything that was happening in the room. That was a day Sara was there. The crew from the nightshift had been taking rotating shifts sitting with me and talking, hoping I would wake up soon. But that day I woke up will always be clear in my mind. She had a CD playing. I don’t know what the songs were, but they were nice and all of them had some underlying message of love. After the first couple of songs played, she started talking. She started telling me how she felt when we met, how that seminar changed her life. She told me about how she tried dating and tried to get over her feelings, but she couldn’t. I thought I was dreaming for a while. This couldn’t possibly be happening. This young, intelligent, beautiful woman can’t possibly be telling me she loves me. But she was. I wasn’t dreaming. She opened up and told me everything I had longed to hear for so long, and when I opened my eyes she was lying there in tears at my bedside.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Sara and what she said even after I went home. I had told her we needed to talk in the hospital, but from then on she avoided me. She worked constantly, didn’t come to see me and wouldn’t return my phone calls. So after two weeks I went back to work. Technically I was on medical leave, but I always have a backlog of paperwork that needs to be done, so I went in. Even in the lab she avoided me. Brass told me she was “pulling a Grissom”. That’s when it hit me. For years I’ve been doing the same thing to her. I would inadvertently say something that hinted at my feelings and then pull away and avoid the subject, and avoid her.

You know how I feel about Sara. You’ve known for years, even before I realized it myself. It’s kind of ironic that I had to almost die in order to admit to myself what’s missing in my life. I love her and I can’t stand the thought of living another day without her. I don’t care about the age difference anymore. I don’t care what people think anymore. You were right when you told me I had been denying myself happiness. It’s time to change that. The only things really in the way of being with Sara are her avoidance of me, and that damn department policy. I finally figured out what I had to do, so I resigned effective at the end of my medical leave. That gave me enough time to clear up the paperwork and not leave Catherine stuck with it, and gave me time to work on Sara. She had to talk to me eventually.

When I dropped the bomb on the crew that I was resigning, they were all in shock. I think Sara took it harder than the rest of them. I saw it in her eyes, the doubt, and the fear. I honestly think she thought I was leaving so I wouldn’t have to work with her anymore. After she poured her heart out to me in the hospital, she was embarrassed and thought I was running from her. She didn’t have to say anything; with her insecurities and our history I just know that’s what was going through her head.

Hopefully by the time you read this I’ll have had a chance to talk to her. The crew is planning on taking me out for a party the night after my last shift. If I don’t have a chance to talk to her before, I plan on cornering her then. She told me once that by the time I figured out what to do about this, it could be too late. I just hope she’s not right. From the way she sounded at the hospital, I don’t think I am. But I could be. I don’t even want to think about that. I can’t be too late. If I am, I don’t know what I’ll do. But I’m certain flowers and an obscene amount of begging will be involved.

It’s time to move on and get a real life. I’ve put my work first for so long I’m not even sure how to do that. I’m hoping I’m not too late and Sara will be there to help me figure it out. Even with occasionally consulting on cases and going back to the lecture circuit, I’ll still have plenty of time outside of work for other things. With any luck Sara will be one of them.

Elizabeth Grissom looked up with tears in her eyes. She had almost lost her son. Then again she felt as if she had lost him to his work years ago. In a way, the shooting gave her son back to her. She folded the pages back into the envelope and Grissom walked over to her, kneeling in front of her. Liz reached for him and lightly traced the still red scar by his temple. Grissom looked at her and took her hand. “I’m all right. Really.” He was all right. He was alive, sitting there with her, and for the first time in years he seemed happy. Liz didn’t trust her voice so she took her hand back from her son and switched to sign. “The person who shot you?” “Gone.” “Gone?” “Warrick shot him.” She took a deep breath and then she spoke. “Are you happy?” Grissom looked up. “I don’t know if I’m happy, but I’m more relaxed and feel like myself again. Happy I’m working on.”

Sara walked into the break room and saw Grissom kneeling in front of the woman from the hallway. Regardless of what Brass had said, and Catherine’s comments after she walked away, there was something about the woman she didn’t find threatening. “Hey guys. Trace has the samples, the rest of the evidence is logged into the vault, and Griss your bugs are waiting for you in the layout room.” Grissom stood up and smiled at her. “Thanks Sara. There’s someone I want you to meet. This is my mother. Mom, this is Sara Sidle.” Sara exchanged pleasantries with the older woman and they made small talk for a few minutes before Sara had to excuse herself and get back to work. Elizabeth also needed to get going back to the airport for her flight and Grissom had bugs waiting for him. Elizabeth waited until Sara was out of sight and then grabbed Gil’s arm turning him to look at her. “Sara? That’s Sara? As in The Sara?” Gil nodded. Liz smiled. “Now I can see why she had that effect on you. Still does I’d say. I’ll be in New York all this week getting some things set for the gallery. When I get back, I expect you to come visit now that you have all this time on your hands. While I’m gone you have time to work on being happy. Now if you want to make your mother really happy, bring Sara with you.” Gil looked a little surprised at his mother’s request. “Now Gil, don’t argue with me. I know what I’m talking about. She’s good for you. If you want to be happy and have the life your letter spoke of, she’s the ticket. I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to realize it and you still haven’t made a move on the girl. So talk to her, make your move, and bring her home when you come visit. Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for you to bring a girl home? I’m not getting any younger here Gil.”

Grissom saw Catherine behind his mom laughing at all this. When mom got an idea in her head, she didn’t let go. “A lot like Sara,” he thought with a smile. “Mom, relax. I’ll be there. Call me after you get back from New York and I’ll come home for a while. As for Sara, I don’t know. We talked the other night and we’re taking things one step at a time. Besides she might not be able to get the time off.” Catherine looked up and grinned at Grissom. “Oh yes she can. Just tell me when. She’s got enough vacation time on the books for the whole team. You convince her to go, I’ll get her the time.” Grissom smiled at his mom. “Ok so her boss over there says she can get the time off. I’ll just have to see if she wants to go. She might think going away together is rushing things.”

His mom patted his chest and smiled. “No Gil after the way you’ve been avoiding your feelings for her, dragging her down to one of those tacky chapels would be rushing things. Taking her away to visit your mother is about damn time.” Grissom walked her out intending on driving her to the airport, but she knew he had work to do so she let him off the hook. But not before she got him to promise to do something special for Sara. Grissom knew of just the thing, but it would take some time. But with Sara working the evidence in trace, time he had.