koayanisgatsi

Chapter II – On Destiny’s Trial


Abby’s eyes ran carefully through the words written on that piece of paper. For four weeks she had been avoiding everything in her life, Carter, her work and this letter. But last night when Weaver called for the tenth hundredth time, telling her that either she’d show up the next morning or she’d be fired, she knew there was nowhere to run anymore, not a way to avoid reality and here she was, sitting on her bed at 4: 30 in the morning facing the first challenge. … … …

“Dear Abby, I’m sorry I left! I’m sorry I did not wake you up. I know you must hate me for doing this, you’ve spend days, weeks, trying to convince me to stay, … … … and last night when you showed up at my door I thought about staying, I wanted to, I still want to! But I can’t! I have to get rid of this, of my past, of all the pain that has been stopping me from moving on. And I know this trip, this time, will help me bury my past completely and come back as a new Luka, ready for you, for us, well, that is, if you do want us…. … … I have to say you got me confused. I thought you loved Carter, You seemed happy with him, but than, there were days, you seemed so worried about me, always trying to help me, protect me… … … I thought I still had a little hope, but the same hope didn’t seem to be found in you eyes at Susan’s, but it was there again, stronger than ever when we hugged, in the tears that escaped your eyes when you watched me leave, and God, it was there last night while we made love,… … … … but knowing you as I do, and believe me know you. When you wake up, you will regret it, you will regret every kiss, every touch and you will run back to Carter … … … … I’m sorry but I can not watch that!! I simply can’t! I can’t and I won’t.
The only thing worse then having a broken heart, is knowing that for just one more night with her, you'd go through that heartache all over again.
You know, that I’d go through, one, two, three, four, … … … … more heartaches just to have you one more time.
I love you Abby, you may not believe me, but I do. I admire you, everything about you and I am amazed by you every day more… … …
If I’m right, if you really are getting back with Carter … … … well than let’s just leave it at this, but if I’m wrong, if lat night meant to you half of what it meant to me, than please find a way to tell me, any way… … … and I will go back as fast as I can. … … … I’m only a phone call away

Love Luka”


Abby sighed staring at the words, reading them one more time.
Why couldn’t she seem to let go of him?
They were through over with and still she found herself loving him like this, why couldn’t she feel this way for Carter, Luka was right about one thing, she did regret, not him, not the night, but she regretted hurting Carter, stabbing him in the back like this. He may still not know but she did know his eyes, she could see them filled with a pain she had caused.
How could she tell him? How would she do this? She had to, there was no question about it. But how?

“You, Ok?” She heard the door burst open and Susan’s voice standing behind her, but she couldn’t answer as she found herself staring at the toilette, busy, throwing up.

Susan gently held her hair back, as her friend seemed to put out everything she had ever eaten.

“God, … … … … … Have you seen Carter?” Abby asked when she found a second to between putting her guts out.

“Uhm, I thought he talked to you”

“Nope, not for four weeks, or so. He did……………………….. call but I didn’t……………………. Dam, …………………… …………. Want to talk…………………..”

“He went to Africa. Luka needed help, and he offered. I thought he would tell you.”

“Maybe the call” Abby could not believe this. Now Carter was in Africa? Did he know? Would Luka tell him? Probably not! Luka hardly talked about his private things to anyone. But why would Carter leave like this?

“Why were you avoiding Carter anyway?” Susan wondered.

“I slept with Luka”

“WHAT???!!!! Why?”

“Because he was leaving?!!”

“ Abby”

“I don’t know why. I just did, I just needed him. … … … … you know the more I try, the less I seem to be able to get past Luka. … … He has this hold on me, … … … I can’t explain it.” She answered finishing and walking to the sink to wash her mouth.


“What do you mean?”

“God, my back is killing me… … … I don’t know. That afternoon before he left, I was looking for Carter and I walked into the lounge. Luka was standing there telling me he was leaving for Africa the next morning… … … So I hugged him. … … … next thing I knew I was at my place changing my clothes, thinking about everything I had with him… … … and than I was at his door and the rest of the world stopped existing at that second. … … … … And the worse part is … … … I don’t regret it!! … … … I mean I regret hurting Carter. I never wanted to, never indented to, I never even thought about it… … … … But sleeping with Luka, making love to him that night… … … …”

Abby looked at her figure in the mirror, what should she do now? Luka had said he needed to bury his past, besides, how could she deal with what she wanted with him if she didn’t even know what was between her and Carter, if she had never even told Carter what she had done. She did want Luka back, there was no question about it. But could they do this? Could they be a couple? First time had not exactly been the best of relationships … … … but he was in Africa to work on that. She had the time to grow, to make decisions she should make before getting into any relationship again.

“So?”

“He says he needs time to bury his past, so I’ll give him the time.”

“But what about Carter are you telling him?”

“I have to! I’m just going to have to wait, and deal with both of them when they come back … … … … Jesus, Susan, that coffee stinks like hell, throw the dam thing away for God’s sake”

Abby announced storming out of the bathroom, she felt that if she spend another second in that bathroom with that smell she’d throw up all over again.


Susan smelled her coffee wondering what the hell Abby was talking about.
The coffee didn’t smell at all, what the hell was wrong with her?

Susan froze in her place, thinking. Her jaw dropped!! “Oh, My God!< Abby!!!! Freeze. Wait, stop!!”

Abby who was half way to the front desk, stopped. “What?”

“How long ago did you and Luka… … …Four weeks, right?” Chunny’s wide eyes made Susan stop, but it was too late Chunny had gotten the message, well, who wouldn’t it was as easy to figure out as adding two and two.

“Why do you want to know that?”

“Abby think, Nausea, back pain, how long have you been having this?”

“It’s been going on for a few days now”

“ABBY!!” Susan grabbed a still clueless Abby into an exam room.

“Sit Down” Susan ordered.

Abby opened her eyes wide “Are you crazy, what the f, do you want me to sit down for? Weaver is screaming her lungs out after me, she’s about to fire the hell out of me and you want to chat?”

“Abby, You need to take a pregnancy test”

Abby jumped, standing up. “WHAT?!! I’m not pregnant, I can’t be… … … … … … “ She laughed out loud, but soon she could see Susan was serious and the laugh ended, the smile vanished. “I’m not pregnant, I can’t be, … … … I refuse to be pregnant.”

“I don’t really think it’s up to you refusing it or not”

“Susan!! … … … Oh, I’m killing Luka”

“He’s half way across the world, Abby,”

“I’m grabbing the first flight to the Congo, to kill him with my own bare hands. … … … … … … Susan, I can’t be pregnant! I can’t do this to Luka”

“What? Give him, his dream come true?”

“A Bipolar kid, is his dream come true?.”

“Abby the chance of your child with Luka, being bipolar is very low.”

“But there is still a chance”

“Ok, We’re going ahead of ourselves here. Let’s just take the test and see, we’ll talk from there.”

Abby stared at Susan for a minute.

She had gone through this before, being pregnant. No one but her mother knew, but she had taken the baby out. There was not much to think about it back than. Richard was not exactly what someone would picture as a father and with the chances of the baby being bipolar … … … there was absolutely no reason to risk it.
But with Luka, things were different. He had been a father, he wanted it, he wanted it more than anything, she had already made Nicole abort, she couldn’t do this to Luka again.
God, she hoped she wasn’t pregnant.

“Fine, let’s get this over with.” She sighed.


Hours passed as if they were days, weeks, months, work did nothing to help hr forget she seemed to be on destiny’s trial, either sentenced for life to make a decision that could either hunt her to her death pad or turn out to be the biggest dram come true for the man she loved, or just forget today ever existed.

As guessed Chunny had announced to the world that Abby had slept with Luka, and every one seemed to judge her for this, some threaten to tell Carter themselves. Frank kept complaining that women tent to say man cheat but seem to forget they commit a worse mistake when they take this action.
Jerry kept asking why. As much as she tried to avoid them, to ignore them, they were getting on her nerves and she felt she was about to explode.

Outside she light up a cigarette, but before she could put the comfort between her lips, Susan grabbed it away from her. “Here” She handed Abby the piece of paper, folded as if no one had looked at it.

“I labeled it Jane Doe, so no one else knows.

Abby held the paper in her hands, her eyes searching, the entire piece but not yet daring to look at the results.

“Do you know?” She asked thinking maybe if it was given to her like that it be easier.

“No, figured you wanted to be the very first to know.”

Abby smiled, “The rest of my life depends on what this piece of paper is going to tell me”

“Oh, stop the drama, just read it please.”

“I need my cigarette!”

“Forget it! Not until we know the results”
Abby shot Susan a look but finally looked down on the paper.

Abby bit her lower lips. God, this was wild!

“So??” Susan stared.

Abby had tears in her eyes. “Well, I guess I can forget about the cigarette right now”

“Oh, My God!! … … …”

Abby sat down on the bench behind her with the paper still in her hands,.

“This is wild.”Abby looked at the results again. She could still not believe it.

Susan sat down beside her.

“So are you keeping it?”

Abby looked into Susan’s eyes. She didn’t know the answer, how could she? She laid her head back on the bench. Her head was spinning.

“Nurse Lockhart?!” Weaver’s voice came barking in their direction.

“I suggest you get you ass back to work at this instant. You have missed four weeks of work, trust me you can not afford another minute!”

“Lay off, Dr Weaver, she just got some really wild news.”

“I don’t care if you dog died, your, … … … …”

“She’s pregnant and it’s Kovac’s”

“Thank you Susan.” Abby stormed

“She’s going to have to know eventually, Abby”

“Not exactly”

Weaver stared at Abby; both women looked at one another for a minute until Weaver send Susan back to work and took the seat beside Abby.

“Look, Abby, I don’t like to meddle into anyone’s private lives and even less into people’s decisions. But I know Kovac and I think all of us in this hospital know what this means to him. You of all people know this better than anyone.. … … …”

“Dr Weaver if you really don’t mind, I want… … …”

“Abby, I just want you to think. Think this over, really think and most importantly understand that this life inside you is not only yours. … … … And if you decide to talk to Dr Kovac, I have the number where to find him. Go home if you have to but think this through”

“Thank you Dr Weaver” Abby smiled.

Left alone she sighed staring at the paper in her hands.

What to do next? She sank her face in her hands. God she wished this was a regular workday. Her life felt so twisted around, so … … … out of balance and she could tell this was only the beginning of this story.