Bitter Enemies

Title: The Healing Begins
Series: Bitter Enemies (Part II)
Author: Darkestangel
Summary: Sheppard attempts to recover from Kolya’s cruelty.
Author’s Website: Darkness Prevails (http://home.bellsouth.net/p/s/community.dll?ep=16&groupid=137913&ck=)
Comments: angela9in@ureach.com
Archive: yes to pegasusgate.net, Area 52, and all others with permission
Warnings: language, talk of non-con situations, angst
Pairing: Sheppard/McKay (no actual sex in this part)
Rating: R
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. I am only borrowing them from the brilliant creators of the show, MGM, and the Sci-Fi Channel.
Author’s Notes:
1. This is the second story of “Bitter Enemies” (http:www.geocities.com/angela9in/bitterenemiesoct2004.txt.htm). You will need to read the first story for this story to make sense.
2. Also, I write mostly non-con stories, but this is my first attempt at writing an aftermath story. I have had an overwhelming response for an aftermath to Bitter Enemies, so I hope you enjoy it.
3. There is no sex in this part of the series because I don’t believe that a rape victim would be willing to engage in sexual activities for a long period of time. The John/Rodney relationship will heat up in later parts of the series.
4. I wrote Bitter Enemies before “The Eye” aired in Canada, so for those of you who have seen the new episode, you will just have to ignore the fact that Kolya is alive and returning later on in the season.


****************************************************

“Major, are you alright?” Teyla asked as they rendezvoused at the Jumper.

John flashed her the famous Sheppard smile, “Sure I am Teyla. Let’s get out of here”

No one but McKay noticed Sheppard gasping in pain as he sat down in the pilot seat. He wasn’t sure if someone who had experienced such a trauma should be flying a ship through a Stargate, but he wasn’t about to make a fuss over it in the presence of the others. He watched as Ford dialed Atlantis, and he wondered how Cowen would react to Kolya’s death and to Sheppard’s escape.

“So, everything is okay Major? Ford asked.

John prepared to fly through the gate, “I said I was fine didn’t I? Why don’t you tell me about Atlantis? Is everything okay there? What about the others on the Manarian world?”

McKay shook his head in disbelief; typical Sheppard worrying about others instead of himself. He always had to be the hero, and God forbid he showed a weakness to anyone, “All is safe thanks to me and Zelenka.”

John didn’t look surprised at McKay’s admission, “Good, glad to hear that, but I hate that we lost all of the C-4 and medical supplies.”

Ford corrected, “No Sir, we got most of it back. It’s on the other Jumper with Sergeant Stackhouse. We got everything back but the Wraith device.”

“Excellent work”, Sheppard smiled. “I might just have to buy you guys a Turkey sandwich for a reward.”

Aidan and Teyla laughed, while McKay sighed in frustration. Sheppard was pretending like nothing had happened to him. He had never seen someone so capable of hiding the truth. His friends were none the wiser, and if it weren’t for the fact that he walked in on Kolya raping the Major, he would be unaware of the truth as well. He wondered if he would be able to notice subtle changes in Sheppard even if he hadn’t witnessed the assault. Would he be able to notice the pain-filled walk? Would he be able to see the agony in his eyes? Would he be able to smell Kolya on him? While he picked at a hangnail in concentration, it suddenly came to him… Jesus, Elizabeth was right. He really had fallen for the Major, and no amount of denial on his part was going to make the feelings go away. Somehow he had managed to broadcast his feelings around Elizabeth, and he suspected Teyla was aware of the situation as well. He could only hope that John was unaware of his emotional state because the poor Major had no room for more complications in his already fucked up life, and he berated himself for having such bad timing.

“What kind of damage did Atlantis receive?” John asked desperately trying to ignore McKay’s studious stare.

Rodney quickly responded, “There was some flooding on the lower levels, but overall she fared well…unlike some things.”

Ford looked back at McKay in suspicion, “What’s that suppose to mean?”

John gave Rodney a cautionary glare, “He means that Kolya along with a few other Genii were killed. I’m sure that we will receive repercussions from Cowen soon enough.”

Teyla looked at John inquisitively, “How did you kill Commander Kolya? I see no weapon on you?”

“I killed him. He was going to shoot me, so I shot first,” Rodney shamefully lied.

“And then you found the Major and brought him to us?”

Rodney ignored Teyla’s eyes, “Yeah, something like that.”

Ford and Teyla exchanged a look of concern. There was obviously something they were not being told, and they hoped that all would become clear to them once they returned to Atlantis.

***************************************************

Doctor Carson Beckett waited anxiously for his patient to land the Puddle Jumper. He knew that Major Sheppard had only been gone for a few hours, but he also knew that the Genii were rather upset with him, so he was expecting to see a beaten and bruised Sheppard. He knew that the Genii would have likely interrogated the Major, and beating one’s prisoner was a common practice on Earth and on other worlds.

When McKay walked down the Jumper ramp, he gave Carson a small smile. He was glad to see his Scottish friend, and he had no doubt that the good doctor would be able to see through Sheppard’s ‘all is well’ façade.

John gingerly walked down the Puddle ramp grimacing in dread as he saw Doctor Beckett talking to the others. The last person he wanted to see was Beckett, and he wished it were possible to become cloaked.

Carson looked at Sheppard in surprise. The Major looked remarkably well. There were a few faint bruises on his cheeks, and he looked pale and tired, but other than that he looked unharmed, “How do you feel Major?”

John looked at the annoyed expression on Rodney’s face and answered Beckett the same as he had answered the others, “I’m doing fine Doc. I’m just tired.”

Rodney let out a sigh of aggravation, “More like exhausted!”

Through clenched teeth John responded to McKay’s accusation, “I’m fine Rodney. Nothing that a hot shower and a good night sleep won’t cure.”

Rodney barked, “It’s going to take more than that to…”

“That’s enough McKay! I think I know what I need and what I don’t need.”

Carson looked on at the debate in curiosity. When had McKay become so protective of the Major and what was there to protect the Major from? “Okay you two, that’s enough fighting for the moment. Major, let’s get you down to the infirmary for a quick checkup and then you can go get that shower and sleep.”

“I don’t need to go to the infirmary. I’m fine. There is nothing to be concerned over.”

Beckett was in no mood to argue, “Major you know that it is standard operating procedure to be examined upon return from another planet; especially, when you were held prisoner by the indigenous people.”

John felt the slow feel of panic creeping into his stomach, “Why don’t you examine the rest of my team first? Let me come tomorrow after I’ve showered and rested.”

“Is there is a reason why you are trying to avoid me Major?”

Sheppard looked at McKay in hopes that he would once again rescue him from another awkward situation, but all he got was a ‘let’s see you wiggle yourself out of this’ scowl. John rubbed at the tension accumulating in the back of his neck. “I’m not trying to avoid you Doctor. I simply am exhausted, and all I want to do is to go rest. I don’t feel like being poked with needles or asked a million questions. As a matter of fact, I have every intention of skipping my report to Weir until the morning as well.”

Beckett noticed the dark circles under the Major’s eyes and the tussled hair, which was messier than usual, and he decided that rest was perhaps the best thing for Sheppard at the moment, “Very well Major, but I expect to see you in my infirmary at 09:00 hours tomorrow. Consider that a medical order.” Beckett didn’t miss the look of disappointment in McKay’s eyes, “But your team can join me now. Get some rest Major and I will see you in the morning.”

“Okay,” John remarked as he slowly turned away and walked out of the hanger. Rodney once again noticed the awkward gait of the retreating man. Surely, Carson would notice the pain-filled walk as well, but instead of watching the Major, Carson was busy talking to Ford about the nasty gash on the side of his neck.

“What happened to you Lieutenant? Did you get cut by a knife while being attacked by the Genii?”

“I suspect that he finally got his first injury from an off-world alien,” Teyla proudly announced.

Ford looked at Carson in shame, “Well…umm…actually I got cut by a low hanging branch on a tree.”

Teyla, McKay, and Beckett looked at each other and smiled. They all remembered the head injury Ford received from falling and hitting his head on a rock, when Sheppard and McKay had been shot by Wraith stunners, “Well, I’m starving. Let’s hurry up and get this exam over with Doctor,” McKay remarked leading Carson and Teyla out of the hanger.

Ford watched his friends leave, “Hey, it did hurt like hell at the time and it burns a little.” His companions ignored his plead for sympathy, and Aidan found himself once again alone and injured with no one there to kiss it and make it feel better.

************************************************************

When John arrived at his quarters, he wasn’t surprised to see Weir waiting outside the door. He had hoped to avoid an interrogation until the morning, but it looked liked Weir had other ideas.

“Major, I was hoping to catch you before you settled in for the night.”

“Well, you caught me. Can’t this wait until tomorrow?”

“I was hoping you could shed more light on Kolya’s death.”

“I would rather file my report later. I’m too tired to go through the details with you. I promise that I will discuss this with you in the morning.” He stepped up to the entrance of his quarters, and the door swooshed open.

“Would that be before or after you see Doctor Beckett?”

John turned around to face Weir who had an eyebrow arched in curiosity. He hated that damn eyebrow. She always arched it when he was in trouble, or she doubted his motives or actions, “I’ll see you afterwards.”

“I’m surprised that you would go against procedures on this matter. You know that you could bring a contagion back with you through the gate, and who knows what Cowen’s reaction is going to be. You should brief me on what happened on that planet before we are possibly attacked in retaliation for Kolya’s death.”

John sighed in frustration, “Well, if you really think that it can’t wait for eight hours, then I guess I don’t have a choice.” He walked away from his quarters and headed for the briefing room, “Let’s just get this over with, so I can get some damn rest!”

Elizabeth trailed behind the Major who seemed to be having trouble walking. His steps were slow and cautious as if he were in pain, “Are you alright John?”

He turned his head, smiled, and gave her the standard Sheppard response, “I’m fine Elizabeth.”

**************************************************************************

Weir had drilled him for answers for nearly an hour. He had managed to keep the more humiliating aspects of the ordeal hidden, but he could tell that she didn’t believe everything that she had been told, “So…Doctor McKay shot Kolya in self-defense. Is that correct?”

“Yes,” John boldly lied. He wasn’t about to tell her that McKay had shot an unarmed man in the chest at point blank range. Kolya had deserved what he gotten, and he wasn’t about to let Rodney go down for his instinctive reaction. He had no doubts that he would have done the same thing if he had found Rodney in the same situation.

“So, as far as you’re concerned, Doctor McKay acted appropriately in this matter.”

“Absolutely, I have no doubts that Kolya would have killed both of us if McKay hadn’t killed him first.”

“Do you think that we can expect retaliation from Cowen?”

“It’s possible.” He sure hoped he saw Cowen again. The bastard had given him to Kolya to abuse and humiliate, and he wanted to make sure that Cowen got paid back for his cruelty.

“Do you have any suggestions on what we should do to prepare for Cowen?”

“Why don’t you get Bates on it? You made him head of security for that very reason didn’t you?”

Weir was becoming aggravated with Sheppard’s complacent attitude, “Yes, I did make him head of security, but you’re in charge of the defense of Atlantis! Now, what do you think we should do to prepare for the Genii?”

“Well, to start with, how about we don’t give the Athosians our gate code?”

Elizabeth realized that John blamed the Athosian, Doran, who had been “persuaded” to help the Genii through the Atlantis gate, “John, the Athosians needed that code…”

“Why?” he interrupted. “There were plenty of us on the Manarian home world. Why did they need the code?”

“John, listen to me. We decided months ago that the Athosians needed GDOs for certain missions. I know that you are upset about losing two men, but we can’t blame Doran for this tragedy.”

“Yes…we did decide that the Athosians needed GDOs, but I never agreed that they should keep them on all off-world missions. We were going to a world that was reluctant to have us, we had plenty of our own people to work a GDO, and the Athosians are not as committed as we are to keeping Atlantis safe from attack.”

Elizabeth was flabbergasted by John’s attitude, “John, you’re making no sense right now. Why don’t you go get some rest and we’ll talk about this more tomorrow.”

“Oh, so now you want me to rest. I tried to tell you that I didn’t want to do this tonight, but you pulled the guilt trip on me and here I reluctantly am! We’re going to finish this discussion before I go rest.”

Elizabeth stared at John refusing to be intimidated, “No we’re not! Go to your quarters Major before I have you escorted by security.”

Realizing his overreaction and threatening attitude, John looked around the room wearily and headed for the door. He stopped before stepping through the opening, “I’m going, but just for the record, I don’t blame Doran for what happened… I blame myself.”

*******************************************************************

Once again, John found himself outside his quarters hoping that there were no further interruptions. All he wanted to do was to wash the dirtiness from his body, and eradicate Kolya’s smell from his skin. He knew that he would never be clean on the inside again, but he could get the outside feeling like new.

As he entered his quarters, all hope for privacy was shattered. Sitting in a chair in the corner sat Doctor Beckett, “What the hell are you doing in my quarters?”

“Elizabeth told me what happened in the briefing room and I decided that my exam couldn’t wait until the morning.”

“You have no right to come in here without permission!”

Beckett stood up and approached the Major confidently, “Actually, I do have the right to come here unannounced. When it comes to medical situations, I outrank everybody in Atlantis, including you Major.”

John ran his hand through his hair in frustration, “How many times do I have to tell you that there is no medical situation for you to deal with?”

“Until I believe you,” Beckett challenged.

“What’s not to believe? I’m fine.”

“Of course you are Major. You’re just tired and you need rest.”

“Exactly…”

“Of course…but I figured since you’re so reluctant to come to my infirmary to be examined that I would bring the infirmary to you. Now, why don’t you come over and have a seat on the bed.”

John watched in horror as Beckett picked up a black bag from beside the bed and began pulling out medical instruments, “This isn’t necessary Doctor.”

Beckett put his stethoscope around his neck, “Of course it is Major. Now, I must insist that you come over to me. You wouldn’t want me telling Elizabeth that you refused to follow a medical order would you?”

John weighed his options. One, put up a fuss which would make Beckett suspicious. Two, let him do his damn exam and hope he doesn’t notice the bruises and bite marks. Three, run and hide, or four, call on some unknown Ancient power and make him self disappear from this plane of existence. After much debate, John chose option two. He would fake disinterest in the proceedings, and hope that Carson didn’t ask for a below the belt exam.

Carson watched the inner turmoil on Sheppard’s face and silently hoped that the Major wouldn’t put up a fuss about the exam. He didn’t want to force the man to do anything at the moment, and he sure didn’t want to have to drag him down to the infirmary. He waited patiently for John’s decision to be made, and he smiled softly when John approached the bed and sat down on the edge.

Carson attempted to ignore the small trembles coming from his patient as he pushed up the long sleeves that covered the thin bruised wrists, “I see they used metal on your wrists. They’ll be bruised for a few days, but they don’t bite into the skin as much as rope does.”

“Yeah, I suppose I should be grateful for the small things in life.”

Carson rubbed the bruises in sympathy, “I must admit that I had expected you to look worse. I thought that the Genii would interrogate you and beat you to a bloody pulp.”

Sheppard yanked his wrists from the Carson’s grip, “Well, looks can be deceiving can’t they?”

“I suppose so Major. You wouldn’t be trying to deceive me now would you?” he asked as he listened to Sheppard’s heart through the stethoscope. As he listened to the rapidly beating muscle, he noticed the finger size bruises on the Major’s neck and face, “What happened to your neck? I thought you told Elizabeth that you weren’t questioned by the Genii.”

“I wasn’t questioned. I was just held there against my will. Cowen didn’t like my attitude, so he got a little rough with me. It was no big deal.”

“How did Kolya respond to your attitude?”

John looked at the wall trying to avoid the questioning stare of Beckett, “Nothing worth remembering.”

“Take your shirt off for me Major.”

“Why?”

“I need to check you for further injury.”

“I told you already that McKay stopped Kolya before he had a chance to beat me, so there are no further injuries.”

“Well, I believed you until I got a look at your wrists and your neck. Apparently, you did suffer some injuries. Perhaps, you received others that you are unaware of Major.”

John reluctantly took off his shirt hoping that the Doctor would not insist on him losing his pants as well.

Carson did a visual exam of Sheppard’s chest and back, noting two small bite marks in close proximity to the Major’s nipples. There were also some bruises on his sides near his waistband, “So…what exactly did Kolya do to you that was so forgettable?”

“Why don’t you just come out and ask me what you want to Doctor?”

Carson looked into the sad eyes of one of the happiest men he had ever known. There was always a light of enthusiasm and adventure in the John’s eyes, but now that light was extinguished. “Did Kolya sexually assault you?”

John knew that there was no since in lying to the man, “Yes… When did you figure it out?”

“It was a combination of things; the refusal of the exam, Rodney’s concern over your well-being, your reluctance to talk freely to Elizabeth, and your awkward walk.”

Yeah, I guess I put McKay in an awkward position asking him not to say anything. I should have known that he would broadcast his feelings to everyone.”

“Don’t blame Rodney. He’s just concerned about a friend.”

“There’s nothing for him to be concerned about. I’ll be…”

“Let me guess, fine?” Carson finished.

“Maybe not fine, but I’ll get over it.”

“Major, we’re not talking about a cold here. We’re talking about a trauma that could impact your life forever, and I don’t appreciate your military handling of this situation. I know that you have been trained to deal with torture and pain, but pretending that this didn’t happen is not healthy for you.”

“I’ve already gotten this lecture from McKay! I don’t need it again. I will deal with this in my own way, and I don’t need yours or McKay’s pity!”

Beckett stared at John in anger, but he knew that the man couldn’t be blamed for his emotional state, “Well, since you’re going to get over this so easy, then I guess you won’t be bothered by me doing a more thorough exam.”

“I didn’t say it was going to be easy. I just don’t want everyone to know what happened to me and feel sorry for me. I don’t want my men to look at me and think that I am weak. They won’t respect me if they view me as damaged goods. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Major, I promise you that what we say or do in this room will stay in this room.”

“You can’t promise me that! You’ll have to tell Weir if you feel that I can’t perform my duties, and if she knows, then Ford and Teyla will know, and before you know it everyone will know what that bastard did to me!”

“John, I understand your hesitation, but if I don’t examine you and clean you up, then infection could set in, and you might have to be put into the infirmary. My medical staff will then have to be informed what is wrong with you, and then you seriously risk exposure to all. Let me help you now in private.”

“Have you ever had do this before?”

Carson smiled sadly, “Of course I have.”

“To a man?” John asked nervously.

“Yes…I’ll be finished before you know it, and then you can spend all the time you want in a hot shower.”

John’s hands shook as he unfastened his pants, “Do you have everything you need to do this type of exam?”

Carson watched Sheppard’s shaking hands fumbling with his pants, “I came prepared. Would you like me to help you with those?”

John didn’t know that he could be anymore humiliated than he already was, but nodding ‘yes’ to Carson’s question made him blush with shame. He stared at the wall as Carson helped with the pants. He couldn’t decide what was more humiliating; the rape or the exam.

Carson pulled out a hospital gown from the bag “Put this on if you like. It will give you some privacy.” John put the gown on as Carson took off his boots, “Lie down for me John. I’m going to take your pants off now.”

John held his breath as his pants were taken off. He knew that Beckett was a professional, and he knew that there were absolutely no sexual overtones to the exam, but he still couldn’t help the small trembles of dread that spread throughout his body as his legs were positioned for the exam.

“Normally, I would have you in the infirmary, and I would be able to place your legs in the stirrups, but for now, I need you to keep your feet on the edge of the bed,” Carson apologetically explained. As he put on a pair of latex gloves, Carson noticed the fingered-shaped bruises on the pale thighs, and he also noticed more bruises on the Major’s slim hips. He also took in the appearance of the rectum. It was fire-red in color with visible lacerations and blood and sperm residue covering its entirety.

“John, the first thing I am going to do is to use a Q-Tip to gather some samples. Okay?”

John closed his eyes in dread, “Okay.”

Carson pulled out the long Q-Tip and prepared to take samples of Kolya’s sperm. There obviously was no forensic need of the dead man’s seed, but he wanted a DNA sample from the Genii, and he hoped that he found no abnormalities that would harm the Major. “I’m getting ready to place the Q-tip on you rectum,” he warned John.

John held his breath as he felt he the Q-Tip being ran along his torn hole, hoping that the Doctor wouldn’t need to insert it into his body. He could only imagine what the area looked like. He felt nauseous when he thought about all of the abuse he had taken at Kolya’s hands. He knew that it could have been much worse, but he still felt sick about what had happened to him, and here the Doctor was keeping evidence of his trauma that would probably be used for research.

“Next, I’m going to clean up the area, so that I can determine if the blood I see is from tearing or if it is coming from the inside.”

“Are you going to have to examine me in there?” John hesitantly asked.

“I’m sorry, but yes I am. I have to make sure that you didn’t receive any internal damage.”

“I understand why you have to do it. I just don’t want you to have to do it.”

“I will be as quick as possible. I promise,” Carson reassured John as he poured gentle wound cleanser on a sterile medical cloth. “I’m getting ready to wipe the area clean. I’ll try to be as gentle as possible.”

True to his word, Carson cleaned the area as gently as possible, but it wasn’t tender enough. John couldn’t help the muscle clinches of pain as Beckett cleaned around the rectum. He knew that Kolya had torn him, but he had no idea it was this bad.

“I’m sorry that I’m hurting you John, but I have to get this done. I’m going to put a numbing solution on you when I get ready to stitch you up.”

“What?” John panicked.

“If I don’t stitch you up you risk infection and you might not heal properly,” Carson explained feeling the trembles returning. “They’ll fall out on their own, and I’ll put you on a liquid diet until they do. It will be all right. You will recover from the tearing quickly. I’m more worried about the inside at the moment.”

“Can you get him out of me?”

Beckett looked at John in understanding, “I will give you an enema to cleanse you out, but I can’t get him out of your head. That will take the longest time to heal.” He watched as recognition of his statement registered on John’s face, “Now, I’m going to examine your insides for damage. Just try to relax.”

John clenched his fists into the sheets and closed his eyes tightly as he felt Carson’s lubricated fingers being inserted into his rectum. The intrusion was less painful than Kolya’s penis, but it wasn’t any less humiliating. He felt the two fingers rubbing the sides of his tight channel, and he felt them gently caressing his bruised Prostate.

Carson carefully examined John keeping an eye on his patient’s face. He didn’t feel any abnormalities or internal tearing, so he slowly withdrew his fingers. Thankfully, there was no blood on his fingers, so he surmised that there was no internal injuries, “No blood John. That’s good news for you. There are no permanent internal injuries, so I’m going to stitch you up, give you the enema, and take some blood samples.”

“How long can I expect the pain to last? When will I be able to walk normal again?”

Carson numbed the rectal area and began stitching up the torn tissue, “It will take a few days, but eventually the pain will decrease. Meanwhile, I will give you painkillers to tide you over, and I’ll give you something to help you sleep.” Carson had expected an argument, but John didn’t seem to care that he would be pumped full of painkillers or sedatives.

“When will you get the lab results back?” John asked trying to ignore that he was being stitched up.

“I’ll try to get them to you by the end of the day tomorrow. Hopefully, there won’t be any complications. I think that I will put you on an antibiotic as well, just incase you’ve been exposed to an STD or other infection.”

“Will there be some sort of cream or anything I have to use to keep the area clean?”

Carson finished the stitching, and reached for the enema, “I’ll give you an antibiotic cream for you to use, but first you need to take this to the bathroom and cleanse yourself out.”

“Do I have to use that?”

“Not necessarily. His semen will stay inside you for a bit longer without it.” Beckett noticed the look of confusion in John’s eyes, “Tell you what, I’ll leave it on the bathroom sink, and if you want to use it later on tonight you can. I’ll leave the cream in there as well, and I want you to use it in the morning after using the restroom and at night before you got to bed.”

“That’ll work. Can we just wrap this up as soon as possible? I’m freezing.”

Carson pulled the gown down and helped John to sit up, “Let’s draw some blood, and I’ll be finished with you for the time being.”

As Beckett drew blood, John stared appreciatively at his friend, “Carson, I want to think you for being here for me.”

“Your welcome John, and don’t think that I’m finished with you. I’ll be coming by daily to check on you until you are healed, and I don’t mean just physically healed.”

John understood the implications. He was not going to be left alone to sort out the mess called his life. He knew that Carson and probably McKay would be readily available to help him if he needed it. The question was would he let them?

Beckett reached into his bag for more supplies, “Here are the painkillers I want you to take. Don’t let them wear off, or you’ll be in pain. I’m going to give you a sedative as well to help you sleep, but don’t hesitate to ask for more if you need it. I think that it is best if you hold off on that shower for a while. I don’t wish for you to get your stitches wet.”

John wanted a shower desperately, but he wanted to sleep more, so he took the shot of sedative with no argument and he took the painkiller and water offered to him as well, “I’m going to go get some liquid rations and oral antibiotics for you, and I’ll put the crème and enema in the bathroom. I’ll be back in later tonight to check on you. Try to get some sleep. You’ll need lots of rest to recover.”

“What are you going to tell Elizabeth?”

“I’m going to have to ground you for a couple of weeks, and I don’t know how else to tell her if I don’t tell her the truth.”

John felt the sedative already working, and his eyes felt heavy, “It’s okay if you tell her the truth, but I don’t want anyone else told.”

“Should I let McKay know that I examined you or should I leave him worried sick about you?”

John’s eyes refused to stay open, but he managed to answer, “You better tell him because he will probably be gunning for you next if he thinks you didn’t help me.”

Carson thought about Rodney’s new ability to gun down people, “John, did Rodney really shoot Kolya in self-defense or was it because of what he did to you?”

John heard the question, but he decided that the best thing to do was to play like he was sleeping. He heard Carson gathering his belongings and leaving his quarters. The last thoughts running through his head before he gave into the blessed numbness of the sedative was not Kolya or Cowen, but they were of Rodney. Why had he risked everything to kill Kolya? What drove a man to murder? Hatred? Betrayal? Love? He wasn’t sure what Rodney’s motivation had been, but he certainly had every intention of finding out, as soon as he felt whole again.

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After eating, Rodney went to his lab to find something to do that would keep his mind off of Sheppard and Kolya, but instead he only found reminders of the ordeal. Every Ancient artifact reminded him of John. He was always volunteering the Major to test Ancient technology, and it suddenly seemed like John had touched everything in the lab, except for him. Why the hell had it taken a tragedy for him to realize his feelings for John? He suspected that he had always been fascinated with the man. The first time he met Sheppard was one of the most memorable moments in his life. The man had walked into the Antarctica base, sat down in the Ancient chair, and changed the fate of the Atlantis team forever. Before Sheppard, there were a handful of people who possessed the Ancient gene, but they struggled to control it or to make it useful, but Major John Sheppard had sat down in the chair, and like a god or a superhero, he took control of the gene and used it to his advantage. If there was truly such a thing as love at first sight, then he had fallen for Sheppard the moment he saw the man sitting in the Ancient chair.

Having feelings for Sheppard was scary, but what truly terrified him was the fact that he didn’t feel any guilt for killing an unarmed man. He knew that once he got John the help he needed then he could start focusing on himself. He had never killed a person before, and the normal reaction should have been traumatic, but instead he found himself happy that the bastard was dead. He was proud of himself for rescuing John, and for making sure that Kolya never had a chance to rape anyone else. What he couldn’t understand was why everyone seemed so concerned over how and why he killed Kolya. They didn’t know the real reason why he shot the monster, so why were they questioning his motives? They never questioned Sheppard or Ford when they killed someone, why question him? He suspected that they were concerned how he would react to killing Kolya. They probably figured that poor helpless Rodney had been forced to kill, and his fragile scientific mind wouldn’t be able to handle it. He wondered what would happen to him if they found out the truth. He had basically murdered a man, and on Earth that would be a punishable offense. As far as he knew, there were no prisons in the Pegasus galaxy, but he would certainly be relieved of his position as head scientist, and he would be kicked off Sheppard’s team. There was no way in hell that he would allow that to happen, so he would not tell the truth about Kolya, and he could only hope that John would do the same.

The sound of the door opening got his intention, “Don’t you have somewhere more important to be?”

Carson looked around at the mess Rodney had made of the lab, “Why have you dragged all of the artifacts out?”

“I was doing an inventory to see if the Genii had taken any of them,” Rodney lied for what seemed like the hundredth time today.

“Oh, I thought you were just trying to keep yourself busy.”

“What do you want Carson? I’m very busy here, unlike you.”

Carson went on the defense, “I’ve been busy…”

“Doing what? “Letting patients slip through your fingers?” Rodney interrupted. He was mad as hell that the Doctor had let Sheppard postpone his exam until the morning. Couldn’t he see that John was in pain?

“Rodney, what are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

Carson was well aware that Rodney was referring to Major Sheppard, but he wanted to see what he could get out of Rodney, so he let the ranting continue, “I’m sorry Rodney, but I don’t know what you’re referring to.”

McKay had made a promise to Sheppard that he wouldn’t tell a soul about what happened, but he never said he wouldn’t point someone in the right direction, “There was a certain person on that Puddle Jumper that might have need of medical attention.”

“And that would be?”

“Good Lord Beckett! Where did you get your medical degree the University of Clueless?”

Carson couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face, “Rodney, just calm down and tell me who needs my help.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I made a promise to this person, and I’m not going to break it.”

“I see…Well, there were four persons on that Puddle Jumper, so this shouldn’t be too hard to figure out.”

Rodney began to pace nervously around the room, “No, it shouldn’t be considering you’ve already examined three of the four!”

“I didn’t notice any abnormalities in you, Ford, or Teyla. Is there some hidden injury that I should know about? You didn’t fall and hit your head or anything did you?”

“God, you are so fucking brilliant! You’re exactly right. I did hit my head and this is all a nightmare. I’ll regain consciousness in a moment and you’ll be replaced with a Doctor who actually knows what their doing!”

“Rodney, calm down before you have a panic attack.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down Carson! I was counting on you to see through the façade and help this person without me having to break my promise.”

“Rodney, I’ve already…”

“But instead you’re sitting around here with your thumb up your ass,” McKay interrupted.

Carson arched his brow in irritation, “Rodney, I’ve already examined…”

“Why the hell did they brought you to Atlantis is a mystery to me. It’s true that you have the Ancient gene, but you’re completely useless!”

“That’s enough McKay!”

“I’ll say when it’s enough Beckett! Why are you still standing here arguing with me? You need to get off your ass and go help this person!”

“I’ve already helped him!” Carson yelled angrily.

“It must be a Scottish thing to not see the obvious. I mean you guys did practically nothing to stop the British until it was too late, so why should I expect you to see what’s not right in front of your face!”

“Rodney, listen to me! I said that I’ve already helped him.”

Rodney stopped in his tracks and stared in anticipation, “Who did you help?”

“Major Sheppard.”

McKay rubbed his hands through his hair in relief, “Why did you make me think you hadn’t helped him?”

“You didn’t give me much of a chance to tell you. I was kidding in the beginning. I’m sorry that I did that to you, but I didn’t realize how bad you had it for him.”

“Had what for him?”

“I’m not sure what you Canadians call it, but in Scotland we call it love.”

Rodney rolled his eyes in frustration, “Do I have a sign on my forehead that says ‘I love John Sheppard’? You are like the second person today who has figured out my feelings for him.”

“I think quite a few of us had figured that out before today. I just thought it was lust or a crush, but now I see that you really are in love with him.”

“Yeah, and he doesn’t have a clue,”

“No he doesn’t and by the looks of him I would suggest you keep it to yourself for a while.”

“How bad is he?” Rodney asked.

“Physically, he will heal, but he will be in pain for a couple of weeks. I’ve given him a painkiller and a sedative, so that he can rest though the night,” Carson explained.

“Do you have any experience with rape? Do you know the stages of emotional recovery?”

“Everyone is different. Some get over it relatively quickly others take a lifetime to recover. There are some who pretend all is well, but behind closed doors they are a mess, and there are others who openly admit that they are in pain, and they take all the help they can get.”

“Which one do you think John will be?”

Carson looked at Rodney in contemplation, “I’m not sure yet. The fact that he attempted to hide this from me worries me to some extent, but he did reluctantly let me exam him in his quarters. It would help if I knew details of the assault. I can’t predict his reaction if I don’t know how or why he was raped.”

“I walked in on them…”

“What?”

“Kolya was still inside him when I walked into the room. John was on a desk lying on his back. His hands were pinned underneath him, and Kolya was licking him while he fucked him. John was crying and Kolya had made a comment about how prettily he bruised, and that he couldn’t wait to bruise him some more.”

Carson was stunned at Rodney’s admission, “Did you stop him?”

“Yes,” Rodney simply answered.

Carson knew in that instant that Rodney had shot Kolya in anger not in self-defense, “You shot him because of what he did to John?”

“That would be murder Carson, and I don’t go around killing people for no good reason. I told you he had a gun, and he was going to kill us, so I shot him first.”

Carson could see that Rodney was lying, but he wasn’t going to push any further, “I don’t blame you for shooting him. I might have done the same thing if I had been in your situation.”

“Of course you would have. He would have killed you and raped the Major again if you didn’t do something.”

Carson knew that Major Sheppard wasn’t going to be the only one not sleeping well for the next few days, “Would you like something to help you sleep Rodney?”

“I’ll be fine. You just need to help John.”

“What you saw and what you did today will have a lasting impact on you as well. I know that you are concerned about Major Sheppard, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. He is going to need all of us if he hopes to recover from this ordeal. Don’t make him start worrying about you too.”

“You make it sound like he cares about me.”

“Of course he cares about you. We all do, but you witnessed his humiliation, so he might try to avoid talking to you in the beginning. Don’t let him shut himself off from you or his friends, and for God’s sake don’t tell him how you feel about him. He’s not ready for that sort of information.”

“Do you think he will avoid me forever because I remind him of what happened?”

“It’s always a possibility, but together we can help him to overcome his anxiety towards you. It’s even possible that he won’t treat you any different, so why don’t we hold off on making any assumptions about his recovery.”

“What’s the first thing you want me to do for him? Should I go see him or should I wait until he comes to me?”

“Let me take care of him for the next couple of days, and I will try to see how he feels about talking to you. I’ll let you know if and when he wants to see you. I expect him to be in the bed for the next couple of days, so we shouldn’t have to worry about you two running into each other in the corridors. I suspect that he will want to talk to you, but it might take a week or so before he seeks you out. Just be patient with him.”

Rodney shook his head in understanding, “This really sucks. Why did this have to happen to him? Why the hell did he take Kolya through that gate?”

“I believe it was to save you and Elizabeth,” Carson smiled.

“Have you told Elizabeth what happened?”

“I had no choice but to tell her. John gave me permission to do so, but he is grounded for the next two weeks.”

“How did she react to the news?”

“She acts like she’s okay with it, but I think that she really is shocked about the events that took place today. She’s not putting the assault in his permanent file, so no one has to know about it but us three.”

Rodney sat back down behind his laptop, “That’s good. Somehow I don’t think that Elizabeth or General O’Neill had any idea something like this would happen when they asked John to come to Atlantis. He was happy in Antarctica, and that is where he should have been left. He doesn’t deserve to be this miserable.”

“He’s pretty much been in trouble since he stepped foot through that gate on Earth, but I don’t think that he regrets coming here.”

“Not until today anyway,” Rodney frowned.

Carson reached into his lab coat pocket and brought out a small white envelope, “Here are some mild sleeping pills if you need them. There is enough for five nights.”

“Thanks for everything Carson, and I’m sorry about being such an asshole.”

“Not a problem. I’ll see you tomorrow. Get some rest.”

He watched his friend leave the lab, and he took the white envelope, and emptied the five small pills into his hand. He wondered what would happen to him if he took all of the pills at once. He knew it wouldn’t be enough to kill him, but he wondered if it be enough to block out all thoughts of John Sheppard out of his head. Life without John would be boring and unchallenging, but life with John was proving to be difficult. He was sure he had developed ulcers over the last six months worrying about the Major. The man was always getting into trouble, and he was finding it more and more difficult to overcome the panic that settled into his chest with each new challenge. He was sure the man was going to give him heart attack one day, and he lost sleep with worry on more than one occasion. While life with John was full of panic and worry, life without John wouldn’t be worth living, so he put the pills back into the envelope for safe keeping, and he prepared for the next storm to hit Atlantis. He had a feeling that he would suffer more injury from John’s recovery than he did with the hurricane that had hit Atlantis, but he was determined not to run and hide from this storm, but to face it head on and ride it out.


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Part III coming soon…
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