One Step at a Time
folder
CSI › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
21
Views:
4,816
Reviews:
26
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
CSI › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
21
Views:
4,816
Reviews:
26
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own CSI, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 19
A/N: Thanks as always for your support! (***HUGS*** to Electra and yoblossom!) I’m still procrastinating like crazy, so I was able to get this next chapter out pretty quick. Hope you enjoy! Love, D
Chapter 19
Gil watched the young man who was sitting in the reception area, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. The criminalist stayed out of sight, wanting to observe him, study him, try to understand him. The receptionist had called to let him know a visitor had arrived wanting to talk to Nick, but the Texan was out on assignment. Gil’d had her tell the visitor that Nick probably wouldn’t be back for another couple of hours, but the receptionist said the young man didn’t care and was going to wait. Something about that had inspired Gil to abandon his desk to see who this person was, and oddly enough, he wasn’t all that surprised to find Jack there sitting on one of the blue plastic covered benches.
What was so important that Jack was willing to wait all night to see Nick? Rick and Greg had surely talked to him by now. Perhaps something had happened, though after all they’d been through, he didn’t even want to imagine what might be left.
Perhaps it had something to do with Nick. Why else would he be the first one Jack ran to? Was there something going on between them that he didn’t know about?
Gil’s eyes narrowed. That wasn’t an option. His mind was overreacting--Jack probably only wanted to talk.
He walked into reception and the young man’s head snapped up, clearly hoping to see Nick. He didn’t appear too disappointed to see Gil, just a little unnerved.
“Jack,” he nodded.
The musician rose to his feet. “Gil. Hi.”
Upon getting a closer look, he could see that the brown eyes were bloodshot, the olive skin pale. Gil hadn’t seen him look this bad since his days in the hospital--something was definitely wrong. He wanted to sigh and just kick everyone out of the building, allowing in only those who promised to leave their personal lives at the door, but instead offered the young man a congenial smile. “Jack, why don’t you come on back to my office? Would you like something to drink?”
“You got anything with a bite?” he asked with a weak attempt at humor.
“Just the coffee, but I warn you, it bites back.”
“Water will be fine, thanks.”
They stopped by the break room and Gil handed him a bottle of water, which Jack opened and finished in one long drink. Arching an eyebrow, he grabbed another couple bottles before continuing on to his office, Jack following behind.
“Please, sit,” he said, gesturing to a chair. He gave Jack the second bottle and placed the third on the desk in front of the musician. “Just in case.”
“Thanks,” Jack said, rolling the second bottle between his hands, looking as if he were deciding whether to open it and drink it all that second, or just hold onto it a second.
“Are you dehydrated?” Gil asked, sitting down behind his desk. He found it to be somewhat remarkable that the young man on the other side had been the subject of a vicious argument held in the same office only a few hours earlier. When had his office become the center point for controversy?
“A little thirsty,” he shrugged.
Hardly the case, but Gil decided to let it drop. “So, how can I help you?”
“Oh, um, actually,” Jack said, glancing nervously around the office and wiping his palms on his jeans, the water bottle held between his knees, “I was hoping to talk to Nick.”
“Nick’s working. I’m afraid I don’t expect him back in the office for several hours. Jack,” he began as he placed his arms on the desk and leaned forward, “did something happen?”
“Something?”
“I know Greg and Warrick left work this evening to talk to you. I take it the talk didn’t go well?”
“No--I mean, yes--I mean, it was fine. We. . . we managed to get a lot of our problems out in the air.”
“And did that help?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t really stick around long enough to find out.”
“I noticed,” he said wryly, and Jack looked up at him with surprise, then smiled a deprecating smile.
“Yeah, kind of obvious, huh? But we did talk and I guess everything went well.”
“So what are you doing here?”
Instead of talking, Jack opted to open the second bottle of water and started drinking. When he finished it, Gil nodded to the third.
“Want to answer my question or do you want to go for three?”
Jack moved to grab the third bottle of water and Gil snatched it out of his reach.
“Jack.”
The young man sighed. “You really want to get involved?”
“I believe I already am.”
“Because I’ll be happy to wait for Nick.”
“You’ve got a willing pair of ears here ready to listen--you might as well take advantage of me.”
“Fair enough,” he nodded and looked up, locking his brown eyes onto Gil’s pale blue as he gathered his strength, “but remember, you asked for it. The problem is that I don’t think I love them anymore.”
Well, Jack was right--he’d asked for it. He couldn’t have waited for Nick to return. No, he had to go ahead and get involved and now look what had happened. Gil instantly decided to cease his campaign to get to know his team better and just stay out of their lives from now on.
Except it was too late for that. If he didn’t get Jack straightened out, Warrick and Greg were going to be hurt, and he couldn’t just sit back and watch that happen when there was a chance he could protect them.
“Let’s start at the beginning. What makes you think your feelings have changed?”
“For one thing, I can’t say it anymore,” he answered, bitterness in his voice. “In the past twenty-four hours, they’ve each told me they love me, and I couldn’t say it back. I don’t even know if I wanted to say it back.”
“Jack, your relationship has been put under an incredible stress over the past couple of months. Just because you managed to talk a few things through, you can’t expect everything to instantly go back to normal. It’s going to take time for you three to repair the damage that was caused.”
“And I know that. I would have even accepted that it would take time, but I didn’t know. . . I thought we would work through it all because we loved each other. I thought that once we made it through the hard times, we’d finally have a chance to be happy again. But if I don’t love them. . .” He sighed, his shoulders slumping as he stared down at his hands.
Gil wanted nothing more than to reach across his desk, grab Jack by the arms, and shake some sense into him. He couldn’t believe the kid was going to ruin three lives based on insubstantial fears most likely brought on by his prolonged unreleased anger at his lovers and his increasing frustration at being unable to communicate with them. He couldn’t let Jack throw everything away, not like this, not without a fight. Didn’t he realize there were some things in the world too important to just let go?
“Have you thought about what you would be losing if you left them?”
Jack glared at him. “No, not at all. That’s why I’m sitting here with a huge grin on my face and not a care in the world. I know what I’m losing, Gil. I’m losing two of the most wonderful men I’ll ever know.”
“You’re losing more than that. You’re losing two men who love you so much that they walked away from their jobs tonight in order to be with you, who threatened to leave for good if either Nick or I tried to interfere with their personal lives again. These are also two men who have been killing themselves with worry for you, who have been putting their sanity and their health at risk as they try to balance their jobs and trying to take care of you and trying not to give into their horror at almost losing you. It’s taken every ounce of their energy to keep themselves from falling apart, but they’ve done it without complaint.”
No matter how hard he tried to control his voice, he couldn’t keep it from rising as he grew more angry with the young man sitting in front of him. It was all just so senseless.
“Seeing you safe and well again has been the one thing that has kept them going. It is selfish of you to take that away from them because you’re afraid of being in a committed relationship where emotions as strong as theirs are even possible. You’re terrified of actually being involved in something substantial and now you’re going to punish them for your cowardice? I should tell you to leave because you don’t deserve them, but that would hurt them more than you’re worth, so I want you to go back home, look at what it is you’re lucky enough to have, and stop acting like such an idiot!”
Well, from the unblinking shell-shocked look on the musician’s face, he’d certainly gotten Jack’s attention. He’d also managed to get his own. Where had all that come from? How much of it was even true? How much actually had to do with Jack?
He didn’t want to know.
Gil sighed.
“Go home, Jack. No matter how confused you’re feeling right now, you love them. No matter how much you might try to deny it, you love them. Accept them, accept yourself, and be happy, for gods sakes. The three of you have certainly earned it.”
Jack stared at him for a minute, then slowly started to nod, still looking as startled as if Gil had reached across the desk and slapped him. “Okay.”
“You know I’m right, don’t you?”
“I. . . yeah, I suppose I so.”
Not quite the affirmation Gil was hoping for, but it would do. “Good. And Jack, the next time you have a problem, come to me, not Nick. It isn’t fair to him to be dragged into the middle of his friends’ problems. He shouldn’t have to choose sides.”
A guilty flush spread across his face and Jack nodded, again staring down at his hands. “I should apologize to him.”
“I think that would be a good idea.”
Jack tilted his head thoughtfully as he looked at Gil. “You do understand that I only see Nick as a friend, don’t you?”
“I’m sorry?”
“I can see it in your eyes. You have your suspicions.”
“It does seem a little odd,” Gil conceded, “considering you barely know him.”
“Nick’s one of those guys you can’t help but instantly like. There’s something honest about him that makes you want to confide in him, but you don’t need to worry. Nick may be gorgeous, but if I were to leave Greg and Warrick for anyone in this office, it wouldn’t be for Nick.”
It didn’t take a man of his intelligence to understand who Jack was talking about. Gil shifted beneath the intensity of the young man’s gaze, his body growing uncomfortably warm. “I’m flattered.”
Jack shrugged. “You shouldn’t be. I’m surprised you’re not used to it by now.”
He smiled, shaking his head. “Men thinking I’m attractive is not a common ailment.”
“Gil, you’re intelligent, intriguing, you have excellent taste in music, and I, for one,” he said, giving the criminalist an appraising look, “find you to be extremely sexy. I can’t be the only one. As a matter of fact--”
“Jack,” Gil said, quickly interrupting him, “go home to your boyfriends before you get yourself into even more trouble.”
“You think I’m trouble, Gil?” he asked with a cheeky grin and the blue eyes narrowed.
“Home, Jack. Now. Unless there’s anything else you need to talk about.”
He shook his head. “I can’t think of anything at the moment, but if I do. . .”
“I suggest you get yourself a therapist. I’m hardly the person you should be talking to about the complications of the human heart.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” he said, looking a little crestfallen.
“Having said that, you’re more than welcome to come see me any time.”
Jack smiled, perking up again. “Thank you, Gil.”
“Anything to keep you out of trouble.”
“Admit it, you just like my company.”
“Well, you are fairly easy on the eyes,” Gil said with a hint of a smile, and Jack laughed as he stood up.
“Yeah, and I’m the one who’s trouble. You might want to rethink that theory, Dr. Grissom.”
“There’s nothing to rethink. Go home, Jack, and take good care of my guys. Take good care of yourself, too.” When he didn’t say anything, Gil sighed. “You love them. Give them another chance to remind you why.”
“I’ll. . . I’ll try,” Jack said with an uncertain smile and left the office.
Gil could only hope he would go straight home and not give Warrick and Greg anything else to worry about. He was half tempted to have someone tail him. He was even more tempted to drive the kid home himself, but this was something Jack needed to be able to find his own way home.
Leaning back in his chair, Gil steepled his fingers in front of him and stared at the remaining unopened bottle of water sitting on his desk. Thinking on his visitor, he was unaware of the smile that crossed his face as he contemplations moved from the trio’s relationship problems to being the object of Jack’s admiration. It was rather nice to know there might still be some hope for him. Of course nothing would ever come of it, but it made him smile nonetheless.
[September 16, 2005]
Chapter 19
Gil watched the young man who was sitting in the reception area, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. The criminalist stayed out of sight, wanting to observe him, study him, try to understand him. The receptionist had called to let him know a visitor had arrived wanting to talk to Nick, but the Texan was out on assignment. Gil’d had her tell the visitor that Nick probably wouldn’t be back for another couple of hours, but the receptionist said the young man didn’t care and was going to wait. Something about that had inspired Gil to abandon his desk to see who this person was, and oddly enough, he wasn’t all that surprised to find Jack there sitting on one of the blue plastic covered benches.
What was so important that Jack was willing to wait all night to see Nick? Rick and Greg had surely talked to him by now. Perhaps something had happened, though after all they’d been through, he didn’t even want to imagine what might be left.
Perhaps it had something to do with Nick. Why else would he be the first one Jack ran to? Was there something going on between them that he didn’t know about?
Gil’s eyes narrowed. That wasn’t an option. His mind was overreacting--Jack probably only wanted to talk.
He walked into reception and the young man’s head snapped up, clearly hoping to see Nick. He didn’t appear too disappointed to see Gil, just a little unnerved.
“Jack,” he nodded.
The musician rose to his feet. “Gil. Hi.”
Upon getting a closer look, he could see that the brown eyes were bloodshot, the olive skin pale. Gil hadn’t seen him look this bad since his days in the hospital--something was definitely wrong. He wanted to sigh and just kick everyone out of the building, allowing in only those who promised to leave their personal lives at the door, but instead offered the young man a congenial smile. “Jack, why don’t you come on back to my office? Would you like something to drink?”
“You got anything with a bite?” he asked with a weak attempt at humor.
“Just the coffee, but I warn you, it bites back.”
“Water will be fine, thanks.”
They stopped by the break room and Gil handed him a bottle of water, which Jack opened and finished in one long drink. Arching an eyebrow, he grabbed another couple bottles before continuing on to his office, Jack following behind.
“Please, sit,” he said, gesturing to a chair. He gave Jack the second bottle and placed the third on the desk in front of the musician. “Just in case.”
“Thanks,” Jack said, rolling the second bottle between his hands, looking as if he were deciding whether to open it and drink it all that second, or just hold onto it a second.
“Are you dehydrated?” Gil asked, sitting down behind his desk. He found it to be somewhat remarkable that the young man on the other side had been the subject of a vicious argument held in the same office only a few hours earlier. When had his office become the center point for controversy?
“A little thirsty,” he shrugged.
Hardly the case, but Gil decided to let it drop. “So, how can I help you?”
“Oh, um, actually,” Jack said, glancing nervously around the office and wiping his palms on his jeans, the water bottle held between his knees, “I was hoping to talk to Nick.”
“Nick’s working. I’m afraid I don’t expect him back in the office for several hours. Jack,” he began as he placed his arms on the desk and leaned forward, “did something happen?”
“Something?”
“I know Greg and Warrick left work this evening to talk to you. I take it the talk didn’t go well?”
“No--I mean, yes--I mean, it was fine. We. . . we managed to get a lot of our problems out in the air.”
“And did that help?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t really stick around long enough to find out.”
“I noticed,” he said wryly, and Jack looked up at him with surprise, then smiled a deprecating smile.
“Yeah, kind of obvious, huh? But we did talk and I guess everything went well.”
“So what are you doing here?”
Instead of talking, Jack opted to open the second bottle of water and started drinking. When he finished it, Gil nodded to the third.
“Want to answer my question or do you want to go for three?”
Jack moved to grab the third bottle of water and Gil snatched it out of his reach.
“Jack.”
The young man sighed. “You really want to get involved?”
“I believe I already am.”
“Because I’ll be happy to wait for Nick.”
“You’ve got a willing pair of ears here ready to listen--you might as well take advantage of me.”
“Fair enough,” he nodded and looked up, locking his brown eyes onto Gil’s pale blue as he gathered his strength, “but remember, you asked for it. The problem is that I don’t think I love them anymore.”
Well, Jack was right--he’d asked for it. He couldn’t have waited for Nick to return. No, he had to go ahead and get involved and now look what had happened. Gil instantly decided to cease his campaign to get to know his team better and just stay out of their lives from now on.
Except it was too late for that. If he didn’t get Jack straightened out, Warrick and Greg were going to be hurt, and he couldn’t just sit back and watch that happen when there was a chance he could protect them.
“Let’s start at the beginning. What makes you think your feelings have changed?”
“For one thing, I can’t say it anymore,” he answered, bitterness in his voice. “In the past twenty-four hours, they’ve each told me they love me, and I couldn’t say it back. I don’t even know if I wanted to say it back.”
“Jack, your relationship has been put under an incredible stress over the past couple of months. Just because you managed to talk a few things through, you can’t expect everything to instantly go back to normal. It’s going to take time for you three to repair the damage that was caused.”
“And I know that. I would have even accepted that it would take time, but I didn’t know. . . I thought we would work through it all because we loved each other. I thought that once we made it through the hard times, we’d finally have a chance to be happy again. But if I don’t love them. . .” He sighed, his shoulders slumping as he stared down at his hands.
Gil wanted nothing more than to reach across his desk, grab Jack by the arms, and shake some sense into him. He couldn’t believe the kid was going to ruin three lives based on insubstantial fears most likely brought on by his prolonged unreleased anger at his lovers and his increasing frustration at being unable to communicate with them. He couldn’t let Jack throw everything away, not like this, not without a fight. Didn’t he realize there were some things in the world too important to just let go?
“Have you thought about what you would be losing if you left them?”
Jack glared at him. “No, not at all. That’s why I’m sitting here with a huge grin on my face and not a care in the world. I know what I’m losing, Gil. I’m losing two of the most wonderful men I’ll ever know.”
“You’re losing more than that. You’re losing two men who love you so much that they walked away from their jobs tonight in order to be with you, who threatened to leave for good if either Nick or I tried to interfere with their personal lives again. These are also two men who have been killing themselves with worry for you, who have been putting their sanity and their health at risk as they try to balance their jobs and trying to take care of you and trying not to give into their horror at almost losing you. It’s taken every ounce of their energy to keep themselves from falling apart, but they’ve done it without complaint.”
No matter how hard he tried to control his voice, he couldn’t keep it from rising as he grew more angry with the young man sitting in front of him. It was all just so senseless.
“Seeing you safe and well again has been the one thing that has kept them going. It is selfish of you to take that away from them because you’re afraid of being in a committed relationship where emotions as strong as theirs are even possible. You’re terrified of actually being involved in something substantial and now you’re going to punish them for your cowardice? I should tell you to leave because you don’t deserve them, but that would hurt them more than you’re worth, so I want you to go back home, look at what it is you’re lucky enough to have, and stop acting like such an idiot!”
Well, from the unblinking shell-shocked look on the musician’s face, he’d certainly gotten Jack’s attention. He’d also managed to get his own. Where had all that come from? How much of it was even true? How much actually had to do with Jack?
He didn’t want to know.
Gil sighed.
“Go home, Jack. No matter how confused you’re feeling right now, you love them. No matter how much you might try to deny it, you love them. Accept them, accept yourself, and be happy, for gods sakes. The three of you have certainly earned it.”
Jack stared at him for a minute, then slowly started to nod, still looking as startled as if Gil had reached across the desk and slapped him. “Okay.”
“You know I’m right, don’t you?”
“I. . . yeah, I suppose I so.”
Not quite the affirmation Gil was hoping for, but it would do. “Good. And Jack, the next time you have a problem, come to me, not Nick. It isn’t fair to him to be dragged into the middle of his friends’ problems. He shouldn’t have to choose sides.”
A guilty flush spread across his face and Jack nodded, again staring down at his hands. “I should apologize to him.”
“I think that would be a good idea.”
Jack tilted his head thoughtfully as he looked at Gil. “You do understand that I only see Nick as a friend, don’t you?”
“I’m sorry?”
“I can see it in your eyes. You have your suspicions.”
“It does seem a little odd,” Gil conceded, “considering you barely know him.”
“Nick’s one of those guys you can’t help but instantly like. There’s something honest about him that makes you want to confide in him, but you don’t need to worry. Nick may be gorgeous, but if I were to leave Greg and Warrick for anyone in this office, it wouldn’t be for Nick.”
It didn’t take a man of his intelligence to understand who Jack was talking about. Gil shifted beneath the intensity of the young man’s gaze, his body growing uncomfortably warm. “I’m flattered.”
Jack shrugged. “You shouldn’t be. I’m surprised you’re not used to it by now.”
He smiled, shaking his head. “Men thinking I’m attractive is not a common ailment.”
“Gil, you’re intelligent, intriguing, you have excellent taste in music, and I, for one,” he said, giving the criminalist an appraising look, “find you to be extremely sexy. I can’t be the only one. As a matter of fact--”
“Jack,” Gil said, quickly interrupting him, “go home to your boyfriends before you get yourself into even more trouble.”
“You think I’m trouble, Gil?” he asked with a cheeky grin and the blue eyes narrowed.
“Home, Jack. Now. Unless there’s anything else you need to talk about.”
He shook his head. “I can’t think of anything at the moment, but if I do. . .”
“I suggest you get yourself a therapist. I’m hardly the person you should be talking to about the complications of the human heart.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” he said, looking a little crestfallen.
“Having said that, you’re more than welcome to come see me any time.”
Jack smiled, perking up again. “Thank you, Gil.”
“Anything to keep you out of trouble.”
“Admit it, you just like my company.”
“Well, you are fairly easy on the eyes,” Gil said with a hint of a smile, and Jack laughed as he stood up.
“Yeah, and I’m the one who’s trouble. You might want to rethink that theory, Dr. Grissom.”
“There’s nothing to rethink. Go home, Jack, and take good care of my guys. Take good care of yourself, too.” When he didn’t say anything, Gil sighed. “You love them. Give them another chance to remind you why.”
“I’ll. . . I’ll try,” Jack said with an uncertain smile and left the office.
Gil could only hope he would go straight home and not give Warrick and Greg anything else to worry about. He was half tempted to have someone tail him. He was even more tempted to drive the kid home himself, but this was something Jack needed to be able to find his own way home.
Leaning back in his chair, Gil steepled his fingers in front of him and stared at the remaining unopened bottle of water sitting on his desk. Thinking on his visitor, he was unaware of the smile that crossed his face as he contemplations moved from the trio’s relationship problems to being the object of Jack’s admiration. It was rather nice to know there might still be some hope for him. Of course nothing would ever come of it, but it made him smile nonetheless.
[September 16, 2005]