Breaking The Cycle

Chapter 17. Past Memories

February 1536

Thank God. My courses had come and I was not with child. I can now stop making false excuses to Alejo in the night. I can finally lay with my husband. Alejo was not at all angry with me and he was kind enough to not question me. Perhaps one day I shall tell him of what happened last month, and tell him of how the twins were concieved. My twins have grown on Alejo, he loves them so very much. No matter how they were concieved. I will never allow my rape to cloud my love for them. Now that I think about it, my rape was not the first time Henry assulted me sexually. I sat in my bath as I began to think of past memories. 

-Flashback-

"How could you! Why would you want our daughter to marry into THAT family! They are Protestants, I do not wish for her to be around those people. They will devower her religon!"

"Do not worry about what family I choose to marry my daughter into.." Henry said loud. We argued over him conducting a marriage between Mary and my family's sworn enemies. The Lefebvre's. They are Protestants who unfortunately had an interest with my child. They are known for beating their wives, and I will not have that.   

"Those Protestants deny the Popes authority. She will be respected by no one. Do you really want that for your only daughter?" I asked. Henry wants to marry my child to a Protestant French family, over my dead body.  

"It is your fault I only have one daughter." Henry said. It hurt me deeply that he blames me. "Do not interfere with my political business. It is none of your concern."  

"You are practically selling my child to Protestants. How could you use our daughter for your own political gain. She is only but a child and not to be used. You are using her like the men at court use their daughters to gain your favor!" I yelled. I was outraged at his behavior. His face reddened with anger. Henry grabbed me and push me violently and shoved me into the wall. It was so hard that a guard came in the King's office. 

"Your Majesty!" he said with disbelief in his voice. 

"Tis well, Her Majesty and I were only speaking, right Katherine?" Henry asked. He looked at me with a mean scowl. I nodded in agreement. 

"Return to your post." he ordered. The guard looked at me and came to help me up. Then he bowed and stood returned to his post. Henry looked at me with anger in his eyes. 

"I do not appreciate you telling me I am whoring my daughter. You will never insinuate anything of that nature again." he seethed through his teeth. Then his face softened. 

"I love Mary and hearing you say that hurts me." he said with hurt in his eyes. 

"I did not mean to hurt you. I only want what is best for her. She is my entire world and all that I have." I said quietly. 

"She is all that I have also, she is the future of England and I want her married to a good family that have a good political background. It is bad enough I have to settle for a girl, I will not have you disrupting my plans for her." he said the last part with venom in his voice. I looked at him with hurt in my eyes. 

"Henry please, they will..." he quickly cut me off. 

"Did I not just say stay out of my business!" he yelled. He squeezed my arms tight. Then he began to kiss me roughly on my mouth. He then bit and suckle my neck. I hissed in pain. Henry grabbed at my skirts and put his hand in my underlinen. He was so rough with me. 

"Henry you are too rough." I pleaded. He took his hand away from me and walked to the door and opened it. 

"Go to my bedchambers and stay there. Go there now and withOUT your ladies." he ordered. I quickly obeyed. I left and dismissed my ladies. I went straight to his bedchambers and waited there. While I waited, I snuck a peek inside his closet. It was filled with all his favorite jackets and breeches. His cloaks were hung in the back of the large closet. As I walked in I noticed his scent is still on a recent worn garment. I put his jacket up to my nose and inhaled. His musk scent filled my nostrills, and I closed my eyes and continued to embrace his manliness. When I was done I explored his room. I had not been here in so long, and almost forgot the last time I slept in here. Once I finished looking around I set on the bed. My hands run over his soft linens, and the pillows had the royal rose embroidered on them. A few minutes later I became tired. I leaned over and lay my head on his pillow. It is soft to the touch. I am going to rest my eyes only for a minute. I shall relax and get up when Henry comes.   

(Warning: Sexual abuse is about to accur. If you do want to read it. Skip ahead) 

One hour later...

Henry came in his bedchambers and slammed the door. I dozed off but woke up with a start. I stood up from his bed. I was about to speak when Henry pushed me back down on his bed. I fell back in surprise. He climbed on top of me and savagely and violently took off my dress. He left me in my chemise. I gasped and was speechless. Henry kissed forcebly on my mouth and he bit down on my bottom lip. 

"Henry please." I said as he loosened the opening of my chemise and pulled down my brassiere exposing my breasts. Taking them into his mouth Henry began to suckle and bite me. I hisses in pain as he switched breasts. After he finish he climbed off the bed. He stood in front of me and ordered me off the bed. Cautiously I obeyed.  

"I hate when you contridict me on affairs dealing with the Kingdom. I HATE IT. You WILL obey me, I am your King and husband." Henry seeth. 

"Henry I am only..."

"Shut up before I slap you!" he roared. He was breathing hard and anger consumed him. "Get on your knees!" he said as he walk away from me. I looked at him with fear and disgust. 

"No." I whispered. "I will not allow you to treat me like your whore." Henry grabbed me by my arm and pushed me to the floor. He stood infront me and loosened his breeches with one hand. 

"Henry please." I begged with tears in my eyes. 

"Do what I say now!" he hollered. I got on my knees and Henry came closer to me. He exposed himself and put his hand under my chin. He came even closer, his thumb was rubbing my lips. As I look him in the eyes he assulted me. I couldn't breath and he moaned loudly. I heard about this sexual act. It is said that desperate women do this for money in alleys, brothels or some other filthy place. Henry knows I enjoy making love face to face. He does this on purpose and he knows I am disgusted by being forced to perform pleasure of the mouth. Grabbing my hair he began to get rough with me. I struggled under his assult against me, he put his hand down my chemise and caressed my breast. Henry's pace quickened and I barely took a breath. 

King Henry

I was so angry at Katherine, I pushed her to the floor. After I told my wife about my dislikeness I loosened my breeches after she got on her knees. Then I put my hand under her chin and massaged her lips with my thumb. I moved closer exposing myself to her. She gasped and looked at my length. She looked up at me. I opened her mouth and inserted myself. I felt the warm moistness and moaned. She began to suckle me. I moved my hips back and forth and waves of pleasure came over me. I grabbed her head just to keep balance. Katherine looked like she was having trouble with her breath. I did not care, I was deep in pleasure. I then reached down and grabbed her breast. My legs began trembling. I was at the peek of my pleasure then I released. I kept her head in place and she pushed against my waist. 

Queen Katherine  

I could not believe what I was being put through. Henry forced me to pleasure him in a dirty way. When he finally let go of my head I quickly pulled away. I doubled over on my hands and knees and tried to empty my stomach of his seed. I felt so disgusting, Henry sat on the bed and watched as I coughed relentlessly. After a few minutes Henry rose from the bed and helped me up. He sat me down on his bed and sat next to me. 

"Never contridict me again. In private or in the company of others." he seethed and grabbed me and sat me down on his lap. He lift up my chemise and slid my underlinen down to my knees. Henry pushed into me and moved my hips with his. At that point I did not care anymore. I soon heard the slapping of his hips behind me. Then I felt the warmth of his seed spilled into my body. With enough strength, Henry threw me to the side of the bed. He fixed his breeches and picked up my dress and threw it at me. 

"Put on you dress and leave." he said as he walked to the door. Then he stopped and turned to me. 

"You have given me great pleasure, and I shall expect it again the next time I take you and whenever I ask. Do you understand." he said unkindly. I stayed silent a few moments. 

"Do you understand!" he yelled. I jumped in fear. 

"Yes." I whispered. That night I cleaned my mouth out and stayed secluded to my chambers for the next few days. Unfortunately, Henry did asked me to give him pleasure of the mouth again. He forced me to pleasure him for almost two years, until he roughly stopped me one day and boasted how his current whore can pleasure him better. Later I found out that his whore was Elizabeth Blount. Two years later I learned that Elizabeth bore Henry a son. Henry had the adacity to recognize him as Henry Fitzroy and elevated the child to Duke of Richmond and other titles. This hurted me so and I kept to myself. I performed my Queenly duties perfectly and occassionally Henry called me to 'pleasure' him. But as time passed the pleasure he required of me was no longer saught after. I was thankful for that. 


-End Flaskback-

I remember as the years went by, the Boleyns came back from France. I honestly can say that Anne is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Her manipulitive ways have caused me to divorce an abusive King only to live in the most elegant and regal community in England. A community that is a golden age compare to my adopted kingdom. Anne Boleyn unknowingly saved my life. Unfortunately for her, Henry is her problem now. 

When I realized it, my bath water was cold. I carefully rose from the tub and dried off. It was now early in the afternoon. I slipped on my robe and walked into my bedchambers only to find Alejo with two fussy babies. He was making faces but that only captured their attention  for a second. I waisted two hours sitting in the tub thinking of my former husband, who is now apart of my past. 

When I sat on the bed I opened my robe and took Nicky in my arms. Once I guided my nipple into his mouth I hummed a Spanish lullybye to him. 

"Nicky is hungry this morning." I said as he suckled my breast with haste. Alejo chuckled. I fed Nicky a while longer, and after he finished I fed Bella. She suckled just as hard. I enjoyed feeding my babies. There is a connection between mother and child when I breast fed. They looked me in my eyes as I fed them. They look at me with my own blue eyes. That is one thing I thanked God for. He blessed both of them with my lite blue eys.   

"They are getting so big." Alejo stated. I nodded. Bella's feeding lasted for a half hour. Alejo and I placed each baby in their basinet. Soon the twins were fast asleep with full bellies. 

"Yes they are." I said as I turned to him. My breast was still exposed to him. Leading him to our bed I gently lowered him down. I took the robe from my body and is now completely naked. I climbed on top of my husband and unloosened his breeches. Gently pulling out his penis, I lifted my hips and lowered myself down onto him. As he slowly filled me Alejo put his hands on my hips guiding me down. Once his whole length was inside me I began to move my hips back and forth as I slowly made love to him. I have never been on top of anyone, Alejo is my first. As I moved my hips back and forth I fell into deep pleasure. Not wanting to wake the twins Alejo struggled to keep his moans low. He moved his hips into mine. I threw my head back and moaned his name. My pace quickened as Alejo caressed my breast gently with his hands. Alejo's hands slowly explored my body. Taking quick breaths he moaned my name as I swivel my hips. 

After what seemed like an eternity of pleasure, I leaned over him and placed my hands firmly on the bed so I can move my hips more strongly. As my body moves the feeling of my husband inside of me overwhelmed me greatly. Soon I was ready to release my essence unto him. Alejo put his hands on my hips and moved me back and forth faster. Not a second later I felt his release spill into me. The warmness overwhelmed me. Then I released a big orgasm all over his hips and penis. We were very worn out, and very messy. We ended up taking another bath, and this time we took it together. I sat on top of him as we bathed each other. He lathered my body with a Spanish soap. Caressing my shoulders, down to my breasts. He washed my stomach and my private area. He cleaned every inch of me. I did the same for him. I never had the pleasue of washing a man. The white and red rose pedals mixed with the thick lather. They were scattered all over us. His chest was rock hard, he and I rinsed each other and then had a good soak. After we finished our bath, we put smooth lotion on each other. Alejo and I decided to relax and spend the rest of the day together. 

March 16, 1536
I could not believe what I was going through. Dr. Carlos has confirmed feelings I have been having. The late mornings, moodswings, cravings, tiredness. After an examination he confirmed that I am one month with child. I am so very excited, I am going to give birth to my husbands child. I shall tell Alejo tonight after we put the children to bed. I must write my daughter at Hatfield and inform her that she is to be an older sibling. Again. I will send messenger to my nephew also. He will be so happy for me. Know that I think about it Alejo and I must have concieved in the middle of February. I just know he will be so happy, this will be his first child. After Dr. Carlos visit I went down to the dinning area where I saw Jane having a late breakfast. 

"Catalina." she greeted as she noticed me. She rose from her chair and hugged me. I returned the tight emabrace. 

"You look like you are glowing." she said as she offered me a seat across from her. I took a breath and took hold of her hands as I spoke. 

"Jane, I am with child." I said in a hushed tone. Her eyes widdened and her smile grew from ear to ear. 

"Catalina this is wonderful news. How far along are you?" she asked. 

"Currently I am a month along and Dr. Carlos says I am in good condition." I honestly thought the twins was going to be the last children I gave birth to. 

"Have you told Alejo yet?" Jane asked excitedly.  

"No, I plan on telling him tonight."

"That is good. Alejo always wanted a family of his own. Bella and Nicky will love having a little brother or sister. They will be twelve months by the time your little one is born." She said. The twins will be walking when I give birth, and now I have a family of my own. As my excitement swells for my child within, I noticed Jane has not been with her family for sometime now. That was sometime I almost never heard Jane speak of. 

"Jane, you rarely speak of your loved ones. Do you not wish to contact them? I am sure they miss you. " I asked her as she took a sip of her tea. She coughed a little and looked at me. 

"Well umm. My family remained in Monaco, and only I am here in England." she said as her eyes did not meet mine. The way she looks, she reminds me of someone. She looks so very familiar, it feels like I have seen her before but through someone else. 

"Jane, does your family have contact with you. Do they even know where you are." I asked concerned. 

"Catalina...my family is needed in Monaco. I chose to explore the world because all my life I have been protected from it. I only wanted to see what was so important that other kingdoms and empires were kept from me." she explained. I can see she is uneasy about me asking of her loved ones, she is keeping something inside. Something that frightens her. Perhaps she is a runaway, or wanted for something and started a new life here in England. I shall asked again but at a later time. She is uncomfortable and I will not push the subject. 

"Well Jane I hope England is pleasent for you." I said with a smile. We continued small talk about the baby while she and I had a late breakfast. 

Later Alejo came home while I was in our chambers playing with our twins. They laughed and giggled while I kissed thier belly buttons and their tiny little necks. Nicky always pulled my hair, while Bella loved to play with my face. They both grew facinated with my dark hair. Bella would pull and twist while Nicky put my hair into his mouth. They gurgled and laugh while making baby noises. I enjoyed and cherrished my time with them. During our playtime together I notice Alejo standing in the entrance way. He had a sparkle in his eyes and a smile on his face. 

"You three warm my heart everytime I see you." he said. This is a beautiful moment, it can not get better than this. This is the perfect time to tell him I am with child. Alejo came to us and stood by the twins and I kissed him with a passion, and took his hand and placed it on my stomach. Alejo looked at me with unshed tears in his eyes. 

"Soon, the four of us will warm your heart." I say as I kissed him again. Alejo knelt down and kissed my stomach.

"Are you sure?" he asked in a whisper. I nodded and he stood. He took my face in his hands and kissed me. 

"I am so happy and filled with joy. You have made me a proud husband, Catalina." Alejo smiled and caressed my face. He leaned in and kissed me again. We kiss passionate for a moment longer until the babies gurgled to let us know they where still in the room.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

Eventhough Henry put Katherine through hell, she finally has a chance to have a family she can call her own. Alejandro loves Isabella and Nicolàs very much. Now that he is to be a 'true' father to soneone swells his heart even more. He will always treat the twins as his own and love them no matter what.
I know this was a heartbreaking chapter for Katherine. With what Henry put her through and how he used her. But, there is always sunshine after the rain. Catalina's destiny will soon make itself known. 
I promise you. 

And thanks again for my sole reviewer. Katherine_Of_Aragon. I wish there was more of you.  
 
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