Infinity

TITLE: Infinity (15/?)

AUTHOR: Master F&M

FANDOM: Law and Order: SVU

RATING: Everything from PG to R—just like life.

SUMMARY: A Fin fic— to give him a life that the show refuses to give him

DISCLAIMER: L&O: SVU and all its characters belong to Dick Wolf, NBC, and whomever

                          else puts the show out for our enjoyment. I just get to play with them.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sam is a character of my own creation. She does not exist on the show.

FEEDBACK: Please give some. For entertainment purposes only.

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CHAPTER 15

            Munch sat across from Fin’s empty desk mulling over the situation. As expected, Fin
would not be coming in today. For the past five years he had called out on this date. It was only
three years ago that Munch had learned the reason why: Today was Dorian’s birthday. 

            Apparently, Fin had decided some time ago to sit this day out instead of not being able to
concentrate on the job and possibly putting his partner’s life at risk. It was the one day a year he
truly allowed himself to mourn the loss of his son. He usually spent it holed up in his apartment,
replaying in his mind every memory he could summon of him. Fin would then run a mental list of
all the things he could and should have done differently. In short, he tortured himself for having
lost Dorian.

            Last year Munch had tried to persuade him to forgo the painful process. He invited Fin to
go out for a walk in the park, to go see a movie or a show, or do anything at all to get his mind
off the past, but Fin had refused. He needed this day, spent alone with his thoughts and
memories.

            Munch had tried to impart this to Sam when she called earlier. She had tried reaching Fin
all morning and had finally called him when she couldn’t get through. All Munch would say was
that today was Fin’s son’s birthday, and that he was adamant about spending it alone. Sam had
listened and given him a lot of ‘ah-huhs’ and ‘okays’; which usually meant she was going to do
what she wanted to anyway.

   
#160#160;       Munch sighed as he thought about them. Sam had as much as admitted to him that she’d
fallen for Fin. They rarely had a conversation anymore without his name coming up. Munch
didn’t think she’d said anything to Fin about it though. After the mistake with her ex-fiance, Sam
was willing to go very slowly with this relationship. Besides, she didn’t know for sure how Fin
felt about her. It was this last part that was starting to worry Munch.

            Up until a few weeks ago, he had thought Fin was pretty smitten with Sam as well. Then
suddenly something changed. Right after that whole ordeal with his brother- and John had raked
Bernie over the coals for it- Fin was somehow different. He and Sam still went out, and they still
had that way about them that made people smile whhey hey saw them together, but Munch could
sense a change in him.

            It was nothing overt enough for Sam to notice, yet big enough to get Munch’s attention.
Like the way he avoided making those small physical contacts most men love to have when
they’re interested in a woman: a hand to the small of the back to lead her out a door, or a brief
touch to the shoulder during aversversation. All the signs were there before, and none of them
now.

            Munch didn’t want to think about how Sam would feel, knowing how vested she was in
him, if Fin didn’t feel the same way about her. For the first time since he started this little
operation, John began to wonder if he’d done the right thing by bringing them together. He hated
to think that, despite his good intentions, he might end up having hurt the one person in the world
who trusted him most.

            He’d thought about asking Fin point-blank how he felt abut Sam, but he knew better than
to back Fin into a corner. That would never work. He’d just have to wait, and hope his first
instincts had been right.

................................................

            Sam stood outside Fin’s door ringing the doorbell. When he didn’t answer, she knocked
loudly on it.

            “I know you’re in there, Detective. You might as well open up.” Still, there was no
answer.

            “I have pizza,” she offered, holding up the box.

            Fin opened the door looking the surliest she had ever seen him. “You shouldn’t be here.”

            “Yeah, you kinda made that obvious.” She walked past him and into the apartment. Fin
remained at the door holding it open. She looked at it, then at him.

            “I’m not leaving.” She put the box down on the table and returned his stare.

            Fin looked away, his annoyance with her clear. “I don’t have the patience for this right
now, and I don’t want to say something to you that I’m going to regret, so could you please just
go?”

            Sam studied his face, then walked over to the door and closed it. “If you didn’t want me
here,” she said softly, “you wouldn’t have opened the door.”

            Fin said nothing. Instead, he went over to the sofa and sat down wearily. Closing his
eyes, he laid his head back on the cushions.

            “Munch told me it was your son’s birthday today.”

            Fin’s eyes flew open. Now he was angry. “That’s none of your business. He had no right
to say anything to you about it.”

            “Don’t be mad at him. He only told me to warn me away.”

            “Then why didn’t you listen?”

            “Because, Detective,” she moved over to the sofa and sat next to him, “we’re a lot alike,
you and I. And I know that whenever I say I want to be alone, it’s when I least need to be.” She
waited for a response but got none.

            “You want to talk about it?”

            “No.”

            They sat for a few moments while she tried to figure out a way to get to him.

            “Fin.”

            It registered with him that she had called him by his actual name instead of the ‘Detective’
she usually used. He turned his head to look at her.

            “You can’t be the only one of us who gets to be a friend. You’ve been there for me every
time I needed you. Let me do the same for you. I don’t know what’s happened with your son,
but I know you well enough to know that it’s hurting you. Let me help. Even if it’s just by
listening.”

            Fin couldn’t help but soften toward her. He knew his resolve to maintain a line between
them was faltering, but he couldn’t stop it.

    㺼&60;      “Dorian.”

            “Dorian?” She shook her head indicating she didn’t understand, but somewhere in her
memory the name rang a bell.

      㼠160;    “My son. That’s his name.” After a pause he added, “I haven’t seen him in fifteen years.”

Fin’s voice was small and sad. Sam wanted to reach out and touch him, but she restrained herself.

            “Why is that?”

            “His mother took him from me.” Sam felt a small pang of jealousy at the mention of his
son’s mother, but quickly dismissed it.

            “Tell me about him,” she encouraged.

            Fin talked for several hours. He started slowly at first, not being used to discussing his
son, but soon continued with everything he could remember about him. Sam occasionally asked
questions, but mostly just listened as Fin poured out what he obviously had kept bottled up for
some time.

            He told her everything, including about Charlene, which led to the topics of law school
and his family. He shared with her his sadness over not being close to any of them, and even
admitted that sometimes he envied her relationship with her uncle. Sam’s heart broke for him.

            “I’ll tell you what,” she said, finally reaching out to take his hand. “So that you’ll always
have family who cares about you, I hereby proclaim you an honorary Munch.”

            Fin looked at her skeptically. “Is that a good thing?”

            “Of course. I’m a Munch. Aren’t I a good thing?” she teased.

            Fin brought his hand up and caressed her cheek. “Yeah, baby. You are.” After a moment
he stood up.

            “Then I guess it would be okay if you helped me put it away.”

            “Put what away?”

            Fin went to his bedroom and returned with a small gift-wrapped box. “This. It’s his
present. I know it’s probably dumb, but I got it for him anyway. Just in case,” he added quietly.

He took Sam’s hand and led her to a hall closet. Opening it, he not only revealed fifteen years’
worth of birthday and Christmas gifts, but also others wrapped for high school and college
graduations. Sam was dumbfounded.

     㼠160;     “You do this every year?”

            Fin looked at the gifts, then added the one he was holding to them. “I don’t want him to
think I forgot about him.” He closed the door and turned to Sam, awaiting her judgement.

            She gave him the tightest hug she could manage. “I think it’s beautiful. I think you’re
beautiful.”

            As they drew apart, she noticed the sadness that had returned to his eyes. She laid a hand
on his face.

            “Do you want me to stay?”

            Yes! Please. Stay with me . . . “It’s alright. I’ll be fine.”

 &;
          She looked into his eyes again. “Why don’t I stay anyway? Only this time, as comfy as
the sofa was, why don’t we try the bed? It’s bigger.”

            Fin gave her a disbelieving look. “You sure?”

            “Don’t worry, Detective. I won’t bite.” Touch, kiss, and lick maybe . . .

            Smiling, Fin shook his head then led her, hand to the small of the back, to his room.
Determined not to make a big deal of it, Sam quickly took off her shoes and climbed into bed. Fin
hung back for a moment, savoring the sight of it, then climbed in next to her. They immediately
folded into one another, both thinking it felt glorious.

            Fin kissed the top of her head. “I’m glad you came by.”

            She snuggled further into him. “I know.” They chuckled some, then lay together quietly
until they fell asleep.

            Holding her closely as he drifted off, so much, Fin thought to himself, for keeping my
distance.