Whipped

(Trigger warning!)

I was suspended in endless darkness; I could not move no matter how hard I tried.

There was nothing but the darkness, the thick darkness that seemed to have mass.

It grew hands, several hands and they were all pulling at my limbs; forcefully shoving me around and it made me feel sick to my stomach. I couldn’t even cry out. The sound didn’t make it past my lips.

My body had become a shell and I was trapped helplessly inside it.

The hands only got more vicious and insisting.

Laughter echoed around me, a strange laughter. It sounded recorded and it even skipped and started over again.

I was being held down, and open by hands and a shadow crawled on top of me. I felt the weight, I felt his breath… I felt everything…

I was desperately trying to thrash, to get away from it; I felt how my throat burned from forming the desperate screams that never made it out.

 

…

“NO!!“ I howled and it woke me.

My cheeks were soaked with tears; I was sweaty and gasping for breath.

I kicked myself out of bed and stood there shivering. The tears wouldn’t stop falling and I hugged my arms firmly.

I could feel the hands on my body still. Cold and slimy. Disgusting.

My skin was crawling and I couldn’t find peace.

I tried to sit on the bed and find my breath and convince myself that it was just another of those stupid nightmares.

I could vividly feel the hand from the dream that had held my left wrist; it was sliding over my skin and it made me gag and arch my back.

I wasn’t in control of my own body any longer when I got on my feet and left the room.

I knew I was naked but there was no stopping my feet from taking another step… and then another.

…

 

I found myself in the kitchen.

As silently as I could I was opening drawers searching for relief.

Every hair on my body was on edge, vibrating. My skin shuddering. The hand still holding onto my wrist.

The drawers were suspiciously lacking the one thing I was after. My upper lip lifted much like a snarling dog’s.

How dared she? How the hell did she dare treating me like some sort of addict?

I couldn’t even find a dull butter knife!

I got antsy and desperate. I needed that relief. I needed something to take away that feeling that just wouldn’t go away.

Please!

I checked every drawer again; hoping I had missed something… or perhaps a sharp object had magically appeared to save me.

My fingers ran curiously over one utensil. A potato peeler. I was feeling the texture of the handle.

A smile on my lips… the calm was already seeping through my pores.

I grabbed it and slid to the floor; my back against the kitchen cabinets.

My hands were shaking and I almost dropped it.

If only this had been my ‘friend’. I would know just how to hold it and how to apply the right amount of pressure.

Would this even work? Would it be enough to take away all the bad feelings that were trapped inside me?

I could feel the pressure inside; my entire body ached.

There was only one way to stop it.

I put the peeler to my skin on the side of my left wrist; where I could feel the grip of the invisible hand tighten painfully.

I tried to make a cut but it barely broke the skin. Several pathetic attempts later I was sobbing. My finger clawing at the plastic handle.

I put it to my skin again; using it as intended. The second time I was moving down my arm it was peeling off a layer of my skin.

I bit my lip hard; drawing blood… oh!

It took 3 peels of my own skin before I was satisfied.

I leaned back against the counter and let go of a sigh. The bloodied potato peeler fell from my hand and my entire body relaxed.

My wrist was on fire; throbbing and the pain was shooting through my entire arm. Every nerve ending dancing.

But my head was empty. The pressure was gone and no more tears fell from my eyes…

Everything was okay…

I took a deep breath. Oh how I loved that scent. The metallic scent of blood… my blood.

Time stood still. I was in my own little bubble and I was happy. I was safe… I was high.

It was wonderful… right until a harsh slap on my cheek brought me back to the land of the living.

 

Oh no. What had I done??