The Long, Lonely Road Ahead

The following events take place after Hotch’s divorce but prior to JJ’s giving birth.

Yes, I know it’s a Mary Sue in some ways, but it was fun to write, so I’m throwing it out there for you to read and see what you think.
Please, read and review. Or at least vote on this story. I know you’re out there…

The Long, Lonely Road Ahead

Chapter Seventeen

So I began my story. I told them how I’d been sexually abused from the time I was six, when we’d first come to the compound, to the time I was seventeen, when my father finally rescued me. The first thing my mother was required to do in order to become a member of the Militia was sacrifice something she held most dear—me. Josiah and Frank would take me—and other girls under fourteen, sometimes boys too—into Josiah’s house, where they would make us perform oral sexual acts on them, until we were big enough to actually have sex with. That was around age eight. This would happen at least three times a week; for some reason, I was Josiah’s favourite until I was too old.
“They videotaped and photographed us too,” I said with a sigh.
“You mean there could be images of this abuse somewhere?” Morgan asked, appalled.
“A child porn factory,” Reid mused. “That’s one way to subsidize the Militia’s activities.”
“It’s only one part of it,” I said, continuing my story.

From that same early age, I was trained in combat of all kinds. I could kill an animal or a human in a dozen different ways by the time I was twelve. I was taught to be an expert in all kinds of firearms and bladed weapons. All of us were, girls and boys, women and men. We were schooled in history and geography—albeit a twisted version, which I later learned to be completely false—and any time of the day not spent on chores was used to train us.
“You remember I told you I was tattooed at twelve when I earned my sharpshooter certification?”
“Yes,” Aaron answered.
“Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I did get the tattoo when I was twelve—we all did, provided we passed our test—but the test… well, it wasn’t at targets, if you get my drift.”
“What are you saying?” Reid asked.
“She’s saying she had to kill someone to prove her loyalty,” Rossi replied. “Right?”
“There were always people wandering around outside the compound. Josiah was.. is paranoid. He used this test as a way of removing possible threats. We had to site a target and… well, a head shot was best.”
“Can you still do that?” Reid asked.
“Reid,” Aaron said.
“Sorry.”

Once we’d earned our tattoos, we were members of the Militia. We took our turns on patrol, helped run the compound, and continued our studies. It wasn’t until age fourteen that the difference between boys and girls was made clear to us. That was when I was married off to Matt Shaum. He was twenty-eight at the time, and well on his way to becoming a lieutenant. I was married in a group ceremony; Josiah performed the rite. Five of my friends were married off at the same time. After the wedding, we were required to stay with our husbands until we got pregnant. I got pregnant about three months after the wedding.

“He raped you for three months?” JJ asked, horrified.
“More like four months. But after, what? Eight years of abuse at the hands of Frank and Josiah, what was another four months of rape? At least Matt tried to act like he thought a husband should. He tried to be nice… Whatever. I got pregnant, and I headed back to live with my mother until I gave birth nine months later.”
“And then?” Rossi asked.

I looked at Aaron. He seemed livid, but somehow was keeping his anger in check. I wish I knew how he did it. His mouth was a sharp line, his jaw clenched.
“And then it was time to try again. Matt didn’t want to sleep with me when I was nursing, but Josiah made him. He liked to use public humiliation to get his way.”
“He did what?” Morgan asked.
“You need it spelled out? When Matt wouldn’t sleep with me—and I have no idea how Josiah knew we weren’t having sex, maybe there were cameras in all the rooms. I wouldn’t put it past him. Anyway, when he found out, he had us both dragged out into the centre of the compound’s dining hall, had us stripped, and then forced Matt to have sex with me in front of the rest of the Militia.”
“And he was able to perform?” Reid asked. “That’s unusual.”
“Josiah gave him something first. He couldn’t seem to help himself after that,” I said, looking at my hands. “After that, Matt had sex with me every night until I conceived again, which took about a year.”
“A year.” Morgan’s voice was flat.
“Yup. Nine months later, Samara was born. I was seventeen. When Samara was about four months old, my father staged a raid on the compound and he rescued me and my brother. It took about six months of deprogramming, but I came through it and out the other side.”
“I think we have enough evidence here to justify a raid on the compound,” Rossi said. “I’ll call our friends in the DHS and see how soon we can set it up.”
“You’ll never get to Josiah,” I said.
“Why not?” Aaron asked.
“He’s got tunnels under his house. I don’t know where they lead, but he’s got at least a dozen different possible escape plans prepared in case there’s a raid. He’s ready. And the Militia are dangerous. Every single person there is a sharpshooter, a sniper, ready to defend their home.”
“I’m sure we’ll find a way,” Rossi said. “Thank you for telling us what you know.”
“Whatever.”
“Aaron, can I talk to you outside, please?” Rossi asked, and the two men left the room once again.


(“Do you think she’s still a threat?” Rossi asked Hotch.
“I do,” Hotch said, passing a hand over his face. “She’s been through hell, and it’s made her all the more determined to seek justice on her own terms. If she’s left to her own devices, she’ll get the information she needs and head out to kill all three men.”
“That’s what I think too,” Rossi said. “So what do you want to do?”
“What I want is irrelevant,” Hotch said with a sigh.
“I don’t think so,” Rossi said. “If we can keep her from acting until we can raid the compound and arrest Josiah and his followers, then she’ll no longer be a problem. If there’s no Militia to connect her with, then she won’t be a security risk and the Bureau won’t have a problem with you seeing her.”
“I’m not sure I don’t have a problem with my seeing her,” Hotch said.
“Why? Because she’s a grandmother?”
“That’s a part of it,” Hotch admitted. “It’s a bit hard to deal with.”
“I can see that,” Rossi agreed. “But she’s still the same person she was before you found all this out about her. She’s still essentially the same person.”
“I know. It’s just a lot to take in, that’s all.”
“I know it is.” Rossi shook his head. “We’ve got to make a decision here, though, Hotch. We can either place her under house-arrest for her own safety, ostensibly, so she can’t run off to the compound, or she can stay with you here in DC.”
“What about Garcia?” Hotch asked.
“Do you really think Garcia could stop her if she wanted to leave? The woman has small arms training. She works out with ex-marines, you told me so yourself.” Rossi laughed. “Cousin or not, she’d make short work of Garcia. No, if you don’t want her under arrest, then you’ll have to keep her with you at all times. The raid should happen in the next week, I imagine. We just have to get DHS to get the proper warrants, get the paperwork in place, that kind of thing.”
“I have work to do, David. I can’t keep her with me.”
“You could take some time off. You need it,” Rossi suggested.
“This is insane,” Hotch said, running a hand through his hair.
“I know,” Rossi agreed. “But it is what it is. You’ve got two choices.”
“Why don’t we see what she’ll agree to first?” Hotch asked, heading back into the conference room.)


“The way I see it, you’ve got two options,” Rossi told me. “We can put you under a form of house arrest, for your own protection, while the DHS and the FBI raid the compound.”
“Not. The other option?” I asked.
“You can stay with me,” Aaron said from where he stood in the back corner of the room. His hands were in his suit pockets and he scowled.
“How is that any different from house arrest?” I asked. Reid and Morgan looked at each other; Reid shifted in his seat uncomfortably. Rossi merely looked amused. Aaron looked down at his shoes.
“I’ll have to take some time off if you choose the second option,” he said to his shoes. “I won’t be a part of this case or a part of the raid.”
“That’ll be hard for you,” I said. I scrunched up my nose as I thought.
“Yes, it will,” he answered truthfully. “But I’m willing to do this to help keep you safe.”
“You mean to help keep me from hunting them down and killing them,” I said. He looked up at me.
“Yes, if that’s how you want to put it,” he said. “Your primary motive is revenge. If the reason for that revenge is removed, your need to kill should dissipate as well.”
“You assume. I’m damaged goods, Aaron, you know that. You’ve been working cases like mine for years. How do you know I won’t try and… I don’t know… put a hit on them in jail, or something? Go to the courtroom and shoot them there?”
“Killing them from a distance won’t satisfy your need for revenge. You need them to know it’s you that’s killing them. The only thing that will satisfy you is to watch them die at your hands.” He shrugged slightly and looked up at me. “If we can hold you off until they’re in custody and beyond your grasp, then you won’t be able to kill them.”
“But the behaviours won’t change, Hotch,” Reid said. “All of the things Terra’s been doing… all the things you’ve been doing to prepare yourself for this day—if you don’t have the opportunity, ever, the behaviours won’t go away.”
“Those behaviours aren’t the problem,” Rossi said. “Working out extensively, hunting and tracking animals in the woods, even working with small arms… none of that is a problem as long as there’s no target.”
“Why on earth would I agree to this?” I snapped, standing up.
“Terra,” Pen started, her hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged her off forcibly.
“No seriously,” I said, moving so my back was to the wall. “There’s no good reason for me to put up with this. If I wanted to get out of here right now, I could.”
“We know that,” Morgan said, standing up and holding out his hands. “There’s no reason to get upset.”
“No reason? I think there’s plenty of reason. You want to lock me up! You want to keep me from doing the one thing that will finally give me peace!”
“You don’t know that. My guess is that even if you had a chance to kill those three men, you wouldn’t feel any better afterwards. You’d feel guilt, immense guilt. You’re a good person, Terra,” Rossi said.
“You don’t know who I am,” I snapped. “You profile people for a living based on case studies, on interviews… but I’m a person! Not a case study! So fuck off!”


“That’s enough,” Aaron said. “Make a choice. You can sit in a one room apartment by yourself with only armed guards for company for the next two weeks, or you can stay with me until this is over. You’re lucky you’ve got a choice.”
“You don’t want me!” I cried. I lunged for the door, but Morgan grabbed me. In seconds, he was on his back and I was almost out of the room. Aaron was faster than me though; he had me in his arms in a second. “No! Let me go! You don’t want me! You hate me! I’m just some profile to you!” I struggled in his arms, but he didn’t let me go. He held me tightly and his scent, and his breath against my hair slowed my struggles.
“I do want you,” he whispered into my ear. “God help me, but I do. With everything I am, I want you. There is no way in the world I could hate you, Terra. You’ve been hurt, hurt beyond anything anyone should ever have to deal with, but you came through it. You’re stronger than this. You know you are. So come with me. Be with me. And let me take care of you. Please.” I went limp in his arms, leaning against him, taking in his strength. He held me to him, looking over me to the others. “She’s coming with me. I’ll take her home now and call you when we get there.”
“Of course,” Rossi told him.
“Come on,” Aaron said to me, walking me slowly through the bullpen. “We’re going home.”