Lost

Disclaimer: I don't own the Magnificent Seven, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warning: Angst, Slash

Rating: FRT

Lost
Chapter 17


Chris quietly pushed open the door to Vin's room, having been warned by the nurse that the younger man had just recently completed another treatment. Thank God they were able to sedate him for the necessary procedure, he could only imagine how painful it would have been for his friend otherwise. Even so, he still experienced a fair amount of residual pain when he did wake up, something Chris was in no hurry to see happen.

"I'm so sorry I didn't find you sooner sweetness," Buck whispered as he brushed the hair back from Vin's face. It was pure hell to watch the doctors treat the younger man, the treatment a constant reminder of what he had suffered at Browner's hands.

Chris was surprised and worried to hear his old friend's words. He knew Buck wouldn't force himself on Vin, not when given the choice, but he wasn't at all sure Vin was ready for more than friendship. For a moment he didn't say anything, only watched and listened as Buck spoke soothingly to the younger man. "Buck?" he quietly called, surprising the other man.

Buck's head snapped up at the unexpected voice, muscles tensing in preparation for a fight. When he saw who stood there, he visibly relaxed. "Chris," he softly acknowledged the other man's presence. "Vin ain't really up to visitors right now."

"The nurse told me, thought maybe I could buy you a cup of coffee."

Buck's gaze immediately fell to the figure in the bed. "I don't know Chris, I hate to leave him alone."

"The nurse said he'd probably sleep for at least another hour, you'll be back long before that," he assured him. "Come on, I'll buy you some breakfast."

"Nah, thanks anyway stud."

"Buck, you won't do Vin any good if you collapse from exhaustion." Chris sighed heavily when Buck made no move to join him. "I'm sure the nurse can page you if he wakes up," he added, hoping it would be enough to convince him.

"I don't want him waking up alone, it always takes him a few minutes to remember where he is."

"He won't be Mr. Wilmington." Ezra had arrived at almost the same time as Chris, but had thought it would be best if he gave the team leader a chance to talk to Buck and Vin before he made his own entrance.

"You two plan this?" Buck asked, a shadow of his normal self showing through in the faint twinkle of his blue eyes.

"Surely you don't believe I would conspire with Mr. Larabee," Ezra quickly protested.

"Yeah I do, and don't call me Shirley," Buck smirked.

Ezra heaved a long suffering sigh. "Really Buck, must you trot out that tired line from that insipid movie at every opportunity?" Though he would never admit it, Ezra secretly loved the Airplane movies, in his opinion Leslie Nielson was a genius at deadpan delivery. He was not, however, prepared to inform his friends of this, they would never let him live it down if they knew.

"Of course," Buck replied with a grin.

"Come on Buck, let Ezra stay with Vin and I'll buy you breakfast," Chris encouraged.

"You're not going to give up, are you?"

Chris shot a sardonic grin at his old friend, "Nope."

"Fine, I'll come with you but we're not staying long." Standing up, he reluctantly stepped towards the door, letting Ezra take his seat. As he put his hand on the edge of the door, he shot a last look over his shoulder. "If he wakes up have the nurse page me, okay?"

"Certainly," Ezra agreed giving a regal tilt of his head.


Buck looked across the table at his old friend, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Why'd you really invite me to breakfast?"

"I heard what you said to Vin."

"So? Wait a minute, you mean me calling him sweetness?"

"Yeah, you think he's ready for that Buck?"

"I ain't gonna push him if that's what you mean."

Chris sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. Damn, he knew he should've sent Josiah over to talk to Buck. "Aren't you? You've been hovering over him since we found him, hell Buck you haven't let anybody else stay with him at all. I was already worried about that, it's part of why I came by this morning, now I'm even more concerned."

"Worried, concerned," Buck nearly spat the words. "You still don't trust me, that it? How about the rest of the team, they feel the same way?"

"You hold it right there Buck, I never said you weren't trusted. I said I was worried about the way you've been hovering, but it wasn't because I don't trust you."

Buck glared, why would Chris be worried? There was only one reason that made sense, he thought Buck was going to do something to hurt Vin again. He couldn't help feeling hurt by the mistrust, he had really believed they were past that.

"I know how you feel about Vin and I'm worried, we're all worried, that you're going to run yourself into the ground trying to be here for him. You're not the only one who cares about him Buck, we all do and if you'll let us we're more than willing to take some of the load off your shoulders."

"Ain't a load, it's a privilege to take care of him," Buck countered.

Chris sighed again, "Maybe that wasn't the right word. I don't mean it's a burden for ya and I know you don't feel that way, but it is a lot of strain on a man. Let us help Buck, give us the privilege of helping you both." He didn't mention that Travis was beginning to question why Buck needed so much time off. He'd readily accepted Chris' explanation, backed up by Josiah and Nathan, that Buck had been traumatized by what he had witnessed in that ghost town. However, he was starting to hint that if Buck was so badly effected perhaps he should see the department shrink. Something Chris was sure Buck would never go for.

Buck gave his old friend a sheepish look, "Guess I have been kind of selfish, ain't I?"

"You've been worried and I think maybe feeling guilty, it's colored your judgment a bit."

He nodded, "I suppose it has."

"So you'll spend some time at the office? Let the rest of us help Vin too?"

"Yeah, I guess." Swirling the coffee in his cup, Buck considered his next words carefully. "About what I said Chris, what I called Vin."

"Yeah?"

"I ain't pushing him, but I'm not going to hold back so much anymore either."

One eyebrow shot up, "What's that mean?"

"I've been holding back, moving slower than I ever have in my life. I didn't mind, I'd do anything for that man and hell he deserves it after what I did," he quickly added. "Thing is, while he was missing all I could think about was the what ifs. What if he was dead? What if we never found him? What if he was alive but so badly damaged by what they did that he couldn't recover? What if I had missed the chance to show him just how much I love him?" Looking up from his coffee, he fixed tear filled blue eyes on his oldest friend. "When we found him, he clung to me Chris, like he was afraid I'd disappear on him if he didn't. You know what he said to me?"

"What'd he say Buck?" Chris quietly asked.

Buck smiled softly, "Said he knew I'd find him. Not that he knew we'd find him, he knew I'd find him. I couldn't believe that he had that much faith in me Chris, especially after...well you know. I knew then Chris, it's time to stop pussyfooting around, time to show him what he means to me."

"What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"Then nothing'll happen and no hard feelings, but I have to try Chris. You can see that can't you?" Buck was nearly pleading for the other man's understanding, he just hoped his friend could understand.

Chris listened closely, not only to the words but to the feeling behind them. The thickness of Buck's voice, the heartfelt emotion that was clearly there, reminded him of another time and place. Buck had never faltered in his support of Chris as he pursued the lovely Sarah Connely. Not even when her father was threatening to court martial them both if Chris didn't stop seeing her. Chris could do no less, "Yeah Buck, I see it and for what it's worth you've got my support, just..."

"Don't hurt him," Buck finished. "I won't Chris, I swear it."

Chris smiled, "Actually I was going to say just try to keep the mushiness out of the office."

"What's the matter Chris, afraid somebody might get ideas?"

Chris nearly choked on his coffee, "What?"

"You okay stud?"

"I'm fine! Who do you think is going to get ideas?" he demanded.

"Hell Chris ya don't have to get so uptight about it, I was just teasing. I know Ms. Travis is just a friend."

"Mary, of course," Chris mumbled.

"Who else would be getting ideas?" Buck asked, all innocence and light.

"Nobody," Chris quickly, too quickly replied.

"Can we go back to the room now? I really don't want Vin to wake up with me gone, he's kind of used to me being there."

"Yeah we can go." Chris stood up, quickly hurrying after Buck who had took off almost before he had finished speaking. "How bad is it?" he asked with some concern, as he rejoined his friend.

Buck sighed as he pushed the button for Vin's floor. "Not as bad as it could be, but when he wakes up he's usually disoriented, takes him a minute or two to realize he ain't back there in that saloon. Then there's the pain he goes through from the treatments."

"I thought they were sedating him for those?"

"They are, but the pain is still there when he wakes up."

"Aren't they giving him something for it?"

"Hell Chris, you know how Vin is about pain meds. Don't blame him any either, growing up like he did, seeing the things he did, I'd be afraid of getting hooked too if I was in his shoes." The elevator doors opened, admitting two young women, bringing a halt to their conversation. A couple of minutes later, the doors slid open again, allowing Buck and Chris to step out of the small car.

"Damn Buck, you do have it bad," Chris teased. "Did you even notice them girls?"

"I noticed them, just not in the mood to flirt."

"Like I said, you got it bad."

"Didn't see you flirting either," Buck pointed out, trying to deflect attention from himself.

Chris grinned, "Not likely to." Chris pulled Buck to a stop as they neared the door to Vin's room.

"What?" Buck snapped impatiently.

"Calm down Buck, I just want to talk to you for a second."

"I'm calm."

"I want ya to go home, after Vin wakes up and is calm enough. He won't be alone, one of us will stay with him, but you need to get some rest and at least put in an appearance at the office."

"How long do I have to stay gone?"

"Six hours, and I want you to be at home resting for at least four of them."

"Then I can come back?" Silently Buck winced at the plaintive tone of his own voice. He realized he sounded like a little boy being told he had to wait until after school for a treat, knew Chris would probably tease him about it later, but he just couldn't help himself.

Chris smiled, amused, "Yes Buck, then you can come back. Think you can survive that long away from him?"

"Shut up Chris," Buck ordered, but there was no real heat in his words.

"Shutting up," Chris grinned, enjoying his friend's embarrassment.

As the door opened, Ezra looked up from the book he was reading. “Did you enjoy your repast gentlemen?”

Buck ignored the question, making a beeline for Vin. Silently he picked up the lax hand, gently caressing it as he leaned forward to whisper soothingly in the younger man's ear.

Chris glanced at Ezra, sharing an amused glance with the undercover agent, “It was okay for hospital food. He wake up yet?” he asked, nodding towards the bed.

“I am afraid he has not, though perhaps that is not entirely a negative event, considering the pain which undoubtedly awaits him. The nurse was in, she informed me as to what should be expected if he awakened,” he explained in answer to Chris' questioning look.

“No...please,” Vin mumbled as he began to wake up, pulling away from Buck's soothing touch. “Buck? I'm in the hospital,” he stated with a relieved sigh. Damn, but he hated waking up like this, always thinking, if only for a minute, that he was back there; being tortured.

“You are,” Buck softly confirmed, as he did after every treatment. “How are you feeling?”

“'m okay,” Vin mumbled.

Buck smiled sadly, “Try again.”

Vin sighed, it never worked and yet he always replied to the question the same way. “Hurts a bit,” he finally, reluctantly, admitted.

“You want me to get the nurse? She could give you something.”

“Not just yet, don't want to fall asleep again.”

Buck knew that wasn't the real reason, but he didn't argue the point. A man had his pride after all and if Vin didn't want to admit to his fear of addiction, he wasn't going to force the issue. He glanced over at Chris and Ezra, “Got some extra company.”

Vin turned his head, smiling at his friends, “Hey cowboy...Ez,” he greeted. “Y'all been busy at the office?” He had been wondering where everybody was. He had been glad of Buck's presence each time he woke up, but this was the second morning he'd opened his eyes with only their resident rogue for company. He had been beginning to wonder if maybe the others were avoiding him. Maybe they thought he didn't deserve any sympathy after messing up so badly.

“Yeah, had a pretty good amount of paperwork to take care of and some meetings about Browner. We took our time with it, made sure we were thorough so there'd be no chance of him getting away with what he did,” Chris explained. “Besides, your guard dog there wouldn't hardly let anybody else see you.”

Vin smiled, relieved to know that it had only been work that had kept them away. “Yeah? So how'd ya get him to let ya in today?”

“Bribery and threats,” Chris whispered conspiratorially.

“That usually works,” Vin solemnly agreed. “You staying for a while?”

“Thought we might, that okay with you? Be nice to see you when you're not asleep,” he added.

“I'd like that, and it'll give Buck somebody new to talk to,” he teased, almost giddy with relief as he realized his friends had been to see him; he'd only slept through the visits.

“Actually Buck won't be here, I'm sending him home to get some rest.”

“Oh,” Vin quietly responded, his good mood fading a bit. Glancing at Buck, he silently cursed himself for not noticing sooner.

“I don't have to go Vin, I can stay if you want me to,” Buck quickly offered.

“Nah, that's okay Bucklin, you look like you could use the rest. I'll have Ez and Chris here to keep me company.”

“You sure? I don't really need to go,” Buck tried again.

“You're coming back, aren't you?” Damn he hated that almost frantic tone his voice had taken on. He hadn't meant to let any of them know how important Buck's presence had become to him in the past couple of days.

“Of course I will, wild horses couldn't keep me away,” Buck smiled down at him. His smile hiding the sadness he felt each time Vin reacted to something ordinary in a way that was anything but normal for him. “You get some rest while I'm gone,” he softly instructed, as he absently brushed the hair from Vin's face. Get a grip Wilmington, he silently ordered himself as he fought the almost overwhelming urge to lean down and brush a soft kiss over those warm lips. With effort he straightened to his full height, knowing that Vin wasn't ready for anything beyond a soft caress of his stubbled cheek. Hell he wasn't even sure that was true, not having gotten the nerve to try it when Vin was awake. The closest he'd come was brushing the hair from his face and he could always claim he was only getting it out of the younger man's eyes if Vin questioned the action. Worried that if he lingered any longer he would lose the battle with himself, Buck turned and quietly left the room.

TBC

Sorry it took so long to post this chapter, the muses just didn't want to cooperate. Hope y'all liked it, please feed the muses with reviews.