Shattered Illusions

Chapter 17.

I decided to take some personal time off from work. I didn’t tell anyone about Luke. I only told them I had family problems to deal with.
I went to see the lawyer to set up all the paperwork I needed to become Luke’s power of attorney and executor of his estate. With Johnathon’s help, I hired a business lawyer to dissolve Luke Blade Productions. We all knew he wouldn’t be performing again. I met most of the people who worked with Luke in his shows. They were all very sad and spoke highly of Luke. I can see why he called them family.

At our last meeting to finish up business, Jonathon had tears in his eyes as we parted. He was truly a good friend to Luke and I could see how hard he was taking all of this.
“Julianna, you’re a special person with a good heart. I can see why Luke loves you so much. I’d like to keep in touch with you but I need to get away from all this for a while. I need to take a vacation and relax before Luke’s trial.”
“Sure, Jonathon, you do what you have to do for yourself. You’ve been a good friend to Luke and he’s going to need you. He’s going to need both of us. You go get yourself together. Get in touch with me when you get back.” I hugged him and he kissed me on the cheek.
“If you need anything call me.” he told me.
“I’ll be fine but thank you. I’ll keep that in mind but I want you to take care of yourself and I’ll see you when you get back.” I told him.

A couple of weeks later, right after Lainey’s 11th birthday, I sat her down and told her Luke was her father. I told her how much we loved each other and how I knew the good part of Luke. I tried to explain to her what had happened to Luke and the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I tried to explain to her why Luke never came around, why I hadn’t told her until now that Luke was her father, and how deep down Luke was a good person. Trying to explain that Luke was really a good person sounded completely absurd even to me but I guess I’m the only one who will ever truly know and understand Luke.

A week before Luke’s trail I was allowed to see him. I was nervous but happy. We sat across from each other in a booth. I couldn’t contain my tears when I saw him. He was pale and thin but his eyes lit up when he saw me.
“Jules, when I imagined seeing you again this wasn’t what I pictured.”
“I know, Luke, me either.” I said. “Luke....” I whispered, choking back tears.
“Don’t” he said, “there’s no time for tears. I want to thank you for taking care of my personal affairs. I’ve made sure you and Lainey will be taken care of financially.”
“I know. Thank you for that.” I told him, wiping the tears away.
“It’s the very least I can do for the both of you and all i’ve put you through. Jules, I’m so sorry about everything i’ve ever put you through. It seems like i’m always apologizing for something i’ve screwed up when it comes to you.” Luke said with tears forming in his eyes. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take.
“Luke, I loved you and I still do. I don’t regret anything. I stuck by you when I should have left.”
He lowered his head. “I know. Instead i’m the one who left you when you needed me most.”
“Luke, don’t. Let’s not do this. I didn’t come here to make you feel guilty about the past. I came here because I wanted to see you.”
“Jules, there is so much I want to tell you if I can ever find the words. It’s stuff you may not want to hear but I feel I have to tell you, to explain to you why I did what I did.”
“Later Luke. I can’t deal with that right now. There will plenty of time for that.” I told him.
“True. I’m not going anywhere.” He smiled at me. I wanted to reach out and hug him so bad but we weren’t allowed to. I started to cry.
“Oh Jules, don’t cry for me. I deserve whatever I get.” he told me.
“Luke...” was all i managed to say through my tears.
“Jules, I want you to do something for me. I want you to write the book you’ve always wanted to. I want you to write it about me. I want the world to remember me for being more than just a murderer. You know me better than anyone and you’re the person to do it. I don’t want you to make excuses for me I just want the world to know there is more to me than this.”
“Sure Luke, I can do that for you.” I told him.
“Plus, that will give me an excuse to get you to come visit me often.” he winked at me.
“Oh Luke, you know I would anyway.” I said.
“Jules, you’re the only woman i’ve ever loved. I want you to know that. I also want you to tell my daughter I love her and i’m sorry.” he said, suddenly solemn.
I smiled at him. “I still love you too, Luke. I’ve thought about you every day since you left. Of course, I do have a little reminder.” I smiled. “She looks just like you. “
“Maybe i’ll get to meet her one day.” Luke said. “When she’s ready to meet me.”
“I’m sure in time she will.” I told him.

I drove the entire way home in tears. I cried for us, never again able to touch each other. I cried for Lainey who would never really get to know her father and what a wonderful man he was. Most of all I cried for Luke. He wasted his life by letting his rage control him. He would never again feel the touch of a woman, never hold his daughter and never fully realize his dream as an illusionist. It was up to me to let the world know that Luke Blade was a beautiful person with a dream.

End