Golem

*

Julian awoke just before dawn to find Brian’s side of the bed empty and cold. He sighed. After today, he wouldn’t have to worry about waking up alone any more.

Rubbing his eyes, he rolled out of bed and padded to the bathroom to empty his bladder and splash water on his face. Still half asleep, but feeling considerably better, he made his way down the hallway to check on Noah. He switched on the hallway light and pushed open the door to the boy’s bedroom, then abruptly stopped at the threshold; a contented smile crept across his face as he watched his lover and their foster child sleep, curled together in Noah’s tiny bed. After a few minutes, he padded almost silently across the room to stand beside the bed. He smoothed the slightly sweat-damp hair back from Noah’s brow and then carefully pulled the covers up over him and Brian.

The unexpected sensation of the blanket settling against his bare chest startled Brian awake.

“Sorry,” Julian murmured. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“Nightmares?”

“Yeah. I didn’t think he was ever going to go back to sleep.”

“Come back to bed?”

Looking up into his lover’s face, Brian understood; there were times when grown-ups needed someone to chase the monsters away, too. He slipped out of the bed, being careful not to wake Noah, and led Julian back down the hallway.

They lay there, spooned together beneath the blankets in the still darkness, silent but not sleeping. Brian could feel the tension in Julian’s body. Not knowing what else to do, he tried to offer comfort with his body; he wrapped his arm tightly around his lover’s waist, his hand resting over Julian’s heart, and nuzzled aside his hair to press soft kisses to his neck.

“I’m a terrible father,” Julian said at last.

“No, you’re not. Jack was a terrible father. You – you’re not so bad,” Brian said reassuringly.

“I let him get hurt.”

“No. If you had known what was going on and done nothing to stop it – that would have been letting him get hurt.”

“But I should have known. I should have been able to see it. God....” Julian shifted, bringing his hand up to cover his face.

“No matter how much you want to, you can’t always protect him. I learned that with Gus. You can’t always be there.” He paused, feeling Julian’s breathing hitch slightly. “Are you crying?”

“No,” Julian lied. He sniffled and wiped away tears.

Brian smiled and pulled his lover even closer. “He’ll be okay, you know.”

“Thanks to you.”

“Yeah, that’s me: foul-tempered advertising executive by day, defender of small children by night,” Brian quipped, drawing a laugh from Julian. “But since the child in question is tucked in all safe and snug in his ridiculously small and uncomfortable bed, I can think of better things to do with my night.”

Julian turned in Brian’s arms. “So can I,” he agreed, and then claimed Brian’s mouth with his own.

*

Brian returned to the loft early the following morning to be on hand when the movers arrived. Julian stayed behind to oversee things there and to talk with his sister about Paul. By noon, they were all gathered at the new house.

Noah dashed from one room to the next, reveling in the relative emptiness and dodging the ever more exasperated moving men. The child’s antics were only slightly more annoying to the movers than was Brian’s meticulousness with respect to the placement of the furniture and his criticism of the workers’ handling of his and Julian’s belongings.

By the time the movers left, Noah was bored with running amok in the still mostly empty house and wanted to unpack his toys. Not wanting a mess in the way when the new furniture arrived for the boy’s room, Julian was forced to quell the idea of unpacking, leaving Noah restless and unhappy. His boredom and fidgetiness was, in turn, grating on Brian’s nerves and making him irritable. Just as Julian began to seriously consider putting the both of them in time-out, help arrived.

“Knock, knock!” a familiar, cheerful voice called from the open front door.

“Emmett! Come in.”

Emmett sauntered into the house, a platter in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. “I just thought I’d drop in and bring a little pick-me-up,” he explained as Julian led him into the kitchen. He set the platter on the bar and then pulled out the contents of the bag: plastic party plates, heavy-duty paper cups, napkins, a carton of milk, and a thermos.

Prying up the lid on the platter, Julian’s face broke out in a bright smile. “Oh, Emmett. I could kiss you!” he cried.

“I wouldn’t if I were you,” Brian teased as he entered the kitchen, Noah following behind.

“But, Brian, he brought cookies,” Julian replied, snatching up a giant chocolate chipper and taking a bite. “And they’re still warm. Oh, bless you, Emmett.”

Emmett smiled, but didn’t respond. His attention was riveted on the obviously shy little boy hiding behind Brian. “You must be Noah,” he said. “Gus has told me all about you.”

“He did?”

“He sure did. He’s pretty excited about having a big brother,” Emmett added, glancing up at Brian.

“Me, too. Um...about having a little brother, I mean. I never had one before.”

“I never had a little brother, either,” Emmett confided. “I used to wish for one, when I was a kid. I thought maybe a younger brother – or sister – might be different from an older one.” He sighed.

“I had a younger brother,” Julian said. He brushed the cookie crumbs from his hands. “We were best friends, just like you and Gus.”

“Really?”

“Come eat some of these fabulous cookies Emmett made for us, and I’ll tell you about him, if you want.”

Noah hurried to the bar, lured more by the prospect of cookies than the story, Julian settled him in with a couple of cookies and a glass of milk. Brian dropped down on the barstool beside Noah, drawn by the prospect of learning something new about his lover and mentally kicking himself for not making more of an effort to know these sorts of things about Julian.

“There’s coffee, too,” Emmett told Brian, pointing out the thermos.

“Thank God,” Brian breathed, snatching up the coffee. He ignored the paper cups and drank straight from the thermos, sipping carefully at first to test the temperature and then drinking deeply once he was certain the liquid wasn’t too hot.

“That’s disgusting,” Julian said affectionately. He munched on another cookie, taking a moment to just stand and watch his son and his lover.

“Your brother?” Noah prompted.

“Gabriel,” Julian said. “His name was Gabriel. He was less than a year younger than me, so we were in the same grade in school. Everyone thought we were twins. Gabriel was forever leading me into mischief. We never did anything to hurt anyone, but we were always in trouble for some sort of prank or whatnot. Dad was secretly kind of amused by it all, but Mom – bless her – tried everything she could to get us to behave. Of course, nothing worked.

“He was the first person I told when I figured out what it meant that I couldn’t stop drooling over the men on MTV. I had the biggest crush on Steve Perry.... Anyway, Gabriel was very supportive. He talked me into coming out to our parents, which turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

“We had all sorts of plans and dreams for the future: we were going to live in London for a year after we graduated college; I was going to find the perfect partner, and he the perfect wife, and we were live next door to each other so our kids could grow up together.” Julian’s voice cracked, and he turned away to hide his tears.

Instantly, Brian’s arms were around his lover, offering what little comfort he could. A moment later, another pair of arms wrapped around both of them, and Julian could feel Noah’s face pressed against his side. “I’m all right,” he said softly.

“Obviously,” Brian remarked.

“It’s just...it was so sudden,” Julian said as he stroked Noah’s hair, both to comfort himself and to reassure the boy. “And so pointless. He was young brilbrilliant and he had his whole life ahead of him....” He trailed off, looking up at Brian, whose hazel eyes shone with understanding and the pain of his own loss. “But I guess you know all about that.”

Brian didn’t say a word; he couldn’t, having no idea what to say. He pressed a kiss to Julian’s forehead before resting his own against it.

Emmett felt like he was intruding on what was clearly a very intimate, emotionally-charged moment, but he had no idea what to do about it. He silently retrieved a napkin from the counter and dabbed at his eyes.

Only after he pulled away from Julian did Brian remember Emmett’s presence. He wasn’t really comfortable with anyone other than his lover and their kids seeing him with his emotions hanging out, so he muttered something to Julian and slipped out of the room.

A moment later, Noah was back in his seat at the bar, finishing off his milk and trying to cajole Julian into letting him have one more cookie.

“You’ll spoil your lunch,” Julian said dismissively. “Go and play, or find something useful to do.”

“I’m not allowed to,” Noah huffed, crossing his arms across his chest.

Julian closed his eyes and counted to ten. “I just don’t want you unpacking until your furniture gets here, love. I’m sure if you try, you can come up with some other way to entertain yourself?”

Noah pondered for a moment. “Will you play a game with me?”

Looking sad and a little guilty, Julian sighed. “I really nto hto help Brian. We’ve a lot to do, still.”

“Just one game? Please?” Noah begged.

Emmett sat down beside the boy. “Can I suggest an alternative?” Noah nodded uncertainly. “Why don’t I entertain you while Julian gets some work done?”

Noah’s eyes narrowed slightly, as if suspicious. “You’ll play with me?”

“If you want me to.”

Noah considered. “Are you any good at ‘Go Fish’?”

“I’ll have you know that when I was a boy, growing up in Hazlehurst, Mississippi, I was a champion ‘Go Fish’ player.”

Julian grinned and left the two alone, knowing his boy was in good hands.