Occupation of the Mind
The Second Letter
Dear Garak,
I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to follow your advice. I was too afraid to say goodbye to you, though I sorely wish I could have. I didn’t want to disappoint you with how utterly weak I am. I didn’t want you to feel as if you’d wasted your time on me. I couldn’t bear to see the look on your face if I told you. I missed you every day, our little chats and my sewing lessons. I missed being around someone who didn’t treat me like I was diseased. You were nothing but kind to me for reasons I couldn’t fathom.
I tried all this time to live, but I can’t do it anymore. I pushed myself as far as I could manage. I’m sorry I couldn’t flourish the way all of you wanted me to. I’m just so tired of the grief and the confusion. I feel paralyzed. I just wanted to feel normal and experience life like it was meant to be, but it never happened. I regret not being able to pursue a friendship with you, though I cherished the time we did have. I just want to say goodbye and tell you how much your time meant to me, even if I couldn’t properly honor it. Though I’m ultimately going against your wishes, I don’t want you to think your efforts were a waste of time. They meant everything to me. You displayed kindness without wanting anything in return. You seemed to understand me though we never spoke much about such things. You treated me like a person. Like I had something of worth. You are an amazing man. I only wish I could give you something to repay you for everything. But these last words are all I have.
I wish you well. I hope you have the opportunity to return home once more and have the life you dreamed of.
Your friend always,
Tamir Paval