You Can't Fight a Tidal Wave

"He did WHAT?!" Emma exclaimed. She had explained all that happened between her and Data the previous night and that afternoon. And she told Deanna how lost he seemed and then how closed up and inaccessible he became in one moment in the turbolift.

"He probably turned his emotion-chip off." Deanna told her again on a calm voice.

"I can't believe I heard that right! He can turn his emotions off?!"

Deanna nodded and turned up her palm "Yes, he can. He is always reluctant to do that. At least, this is what he told me earlier. Because the emotions would return with multiplied force, when he turns the chip back on. But sometimes he does that. As far as I understand, he doesn't do it very often."

Emma just sat there with her legs crossed, hugging herself and stared into nothing. She seemed small on Deanna's large couch, and the empath could sense that she was distressed. Deanna leaned closer to her and gently took her hand: "Believe me, you did nothing wrong. You might be part of his confusion but not its main cause."

Emma looked into her black eyes: "You know him a lot better than I do. You know he has some secret. Whenever I'm with him alone... I feel..." she smiled helplessly "I feel I just want to hug him and tell him that everything is gonna be okay." she pulled her hand away embarrassed "Stupid, isn't it? He would probably think I'm crazy. Not that he doesn't have all the reasons to do so already!"

"It's not a sin that you care about him. You will need to find a form of care that you both are comfortable with."

"Yeah, just tell this to my hunting instinct..." she grimaced. She shook her head lost "Why? Why am I doing this? Why can't I just..." she looked at Deanna determined to explain "If I meet a guy, who is a little bit lost, just like Data is now... I feel, I can't keep my hands off! It's like an instinct, a primal urge. Even if I know that I'm doing something wrong for both of us. Why? Why is that Counsellor?"

Deanna sighed - she really didn't want this to turn into a real therapy session, but it seemed there was no way out now: "I have told you, Emma. The key to your problem is control. He is lost, so you have the upper hand. He is inexperienced, you can form him to your own liking."

"That doesn't sound right at all."

"I didn't say anything about it being right or wrong. You have to understand that this should not be viewed in a scale of right and wrong. It's about how you work. Whether you want to change that is another matter. And it's up to you to decide. What we need to do is to understand why you need that control. Why is it so irresistible for you?"

"It ...it makes me feel safe."

"Does feeling safe have to be the only priority you have in every relationship?"

"It's difficult to answer that, Counsellor."

"It's not something that you have to answer today." Deanna smiled, and Emma suddenly realized that she had already occupied half an hour from the Counsellor's night.

"You are right. I'm sorry I took such a long time. I think I go home and let you go back to Ten Forward to your friends." she said shyly. She knew how therapists worked: no making friends, no after-hours sessions, just keep to the schedule. It gives security to both participants.

"Emma, this is really not about my time." Deanna smiled kindly "I just want you to think it over."

"Right." Emma nodded and stood.

Deanna followed her example and touched Emma's arm: "Would you like to join us in Ten Forward? It might be relaxing for you, may put your mind at ease."

Now this was a surprising turn. But Emma somehow felt it to be overstaying her welcome, if she said yes: "Thank you, Counsellor, you are very kind. But I have a lot to think about - and even more to study... for that wretched exam..." she added on a grunt as they exited the Counsellor's office.

"You mentioned that exam before. When is it?"

"Two months from now. I need to prove that I still have sufficient knowledge of the technology to be a doctor after long years of using only ancient devices and methods on Epsilon Four. Till then, I can work only as a nurse. But as I was employed as a doctor aboard the Enterprise, if I don't pass it, I may pack my stuff and look for new shores..." Emma explained bemused. This whole turned out only a few days ago - Bev almost dismissed her from the play to give her time to study. Luckily, she could convince her not to...

Deanna and her said goodbye, when the turbolift arrived at Deck 10.