He Needed Me

Chapter 14

Rose gently pet the Doctor’s temple, watching over him as he slept. She was stretched out next to him, taking note of his breathing and any worry lines or frowns, soothing him when he started to thrash with the beginnings of nightmares and just generally holding him protectively to her. The Doctor had screamed for God only knows how long and after what felt like an eternity to Rose he’d collapsed into her arms in unconsciousness, Scholar sending him there with a slight touch to the temple and a few choice Gallifreyan curses to herself.

Rose was actually rather grateful for his respite, she finding it a rather kind gesture on the Timelady’s part. Her inner musing were cut short, she glancing up as a familiar figure lightly knocked before entering with a small bowl of fruit. Rose blinked and stared in amazement to see the bowl actually hovering slightly above her hand. Scholar froze with a frown, “What?”

Shaking her head a little to kick start her brain, “The bowl’s floating.”

Scholar glanced down before smiling almost sheepishly, firmly grasping it, “Sorry, that was rude. My shadow side is used to using her mind.” Rose’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion, “No body. I have to rely on telekinesis to get what I want.” Understanding dawned on her, “Thought you might be a bit hungry.” Rose just shrugged a little without interest but Scholar was persistent, taking another step closer and trying a different tactic, “I wouldn’t be a very good aunt if I didn’t insist.”

Her eyes slowly widened, placing a hand on her flat belly, “I’m-...really?”

A slow smile spread across Scholar’s face, realizing Rose didn’t know, “Yes. Two weeks or so I should think.”

Blinking slowly, “How d’ya know that?”

Grinning impishly, “I can hear the heartbeat. It takes about that long before-...”

“Wait a sec, you...you’re all the way over there. How can you hear ‘em from clear across??”

Playing with the bowl in her hands, “I’m not just Scholar, Rose. I’m...well, Shadow. She doesn’t hear
things like you do. She feels sound and...” Shrugging, “Sorry, can’t explain it with human words.” Sighing a little petulantly, “I just can, alright?”

Rose rolled her eyes, seeing a hint of the Doctor’s childishness under all of her calm bravado, “Sorry I asked.” She looked back down at her flat belly and slowly pressed a hand there. Didn’t really feel all that different. Maybe just a little more firm and the teeniest, tiniest beginnings of a swell but nothing to really give it away. A tiny little Timelord growing inside of her. And that thought immediately shifted to another, her feelings spiking of fear. Her lower lip trembled, “So long as they live...”

Scholar frowned for a fraction of a second before understanding flashed in her eyes, “Ah, yes...” Talking to herself more than Rose, “And him being half it would make sense...hmm..” Rose blinked in surprise, catching that half murmur. Half what? Scholar pursed her lips a bit and thought to herself before smirking and snapping her fingers, “Easy. TARDIS.”

Rose frowned, distracted, “Wha?”

Smiling, sitting down next to Rose and putting the bowl on the bedding, still looking at the fingers that she had snapped with a slightly distracted expression, “TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension In Space. This is more than just a ship, it’s a time manipulator.” She twirled her fingers around one another, creating the image of a swirling funnel, “The center column feeds time around it so some of that energy is bound to bleed out a bit. Just sit next to the main console for about half an hour every day during your first trimester and that should do the trick. DNA is easily manipulated during the early stages of fetal development. Being that close to the source of time travel should trigger their Timelord genes to switch on...it’ll give them the best chance for survival. Actually, even if you didn’t Timelord genes are still mostly dominant so I’m not sure why the lump there is being so paranoid about it but, anyway...”

Rose let out a small squeal and snuggled against the Doctor’s side, feeling nothing but excitement and contentment. Reaching over, she popped a grape in her mouth, “How’re your wrists?”

Scholar shrugged and moved to the orange grass. The Doctor’s grip had been fierce enough to break both of them but a trip to the infirmary took care of that, “I’ll live.” A ghost of a smirk crossed her features as she moved her fingers through the short blades of grass in small patterns, “Shadow... can’t believe I’m calling myself that...my healing is accelerated because of ‘her’ presence and I don’t feel pain like I used to.” Her eyes moved around the bedroom, feeling nostalgically sad at seeing something that looked so much like Gallifrey but wasn’t, “I never realized how much I missed it.”

Frowning, “Wha’?”

Smiling sadly, “Gallifrey. I’d almost forgotten.”

Rose looked down at her lover, giving the Timelady a bit of privacy. He was still stiff as a board and that worried her. But even more than that, how was she supposed to help him when him dealing with emotions wasn’t exactly his strong suit. He’d much rather avoid anything not strictly of a serious or funny nature. Although he’d gotten better about lust even if he still only responded in the TARDIS. But sticky ones like sadness and fear were both topics out of reach as well as fiercely warded off. Frowning to herself in concern, “He’s gonna be alright, yeah?” She’d never seen him so tense. Usually when he slept, which was rare, he completely relaxed into a sprawl of limbs. Right now he was curled into a half ball and stiff as a rod.

Her green eyes moved over her brother before nodding slowly. Of it’s own accord her hand reached out to whisper a few wild locks out of his face. She could still remember the small boy he’d been growing up. Actually, she could still see fragments of him in those ancient brown eyes of his and as different as she was then to who she was now, he’d always been her first loyalty, “You know that answer but I also know you humans like to hear reassurance. Yes. We like to repress our emotions but I think you’ll both discover that’s no longer an option. Over time he might have a few emotional outbursts but eventually...yes.”

A worried look crossed Rose’s face, “You mean like anger for no reason or somethin’, right?”

“We-ell, there might be some actual outbursts like that but I was thinking of something else.” Scholar thought to herself for a moment, carefully weighing factors in her mind before nodding to herself, “You can’t allow him to repress his emotions like he does, storing them away for later.”

Snorting, “Yeah, right. Fat lot of good that’ll do me. He’s the most stubborn man I’ve ever met.”

Frowning slightly, “You’ll just have to grow a backbone and be more stubborn.”

Rose gaped at her for a minute, not actually believing something that rude had just been dropped in her
lap. But if anything, unlike the Doctor, she seemed conscious of her rude tone and words and believed them. Rose sighed and tilted her head back, deciding not to address it. There really wasn’t a point, was there, “You said you were gonna leave, yeah?” Scholar nodded silently to herself, “How’m I supposed to handle these...outbursts? Can’t exactly force meself into his head like you did.” Then she grimaced, “Wouldn’t want to anyways...” Rose reluctantly shrugged to herself, “Guess we’ll just have to talk it out like regular couples, eh?”

Scholar frowned to herself, knowing that would never happen. The Doctor would never talk his feelings
out like that. And then there was Rose, who she felt deserved to be an equal to her mate. She blinked once before her eyes shifted to blue and a dark cloud swirled around her form. A dark cloud with brilliant golden eyes. Rose looked up at the shadowy creature in awe, a second before it connected in her mind. This was the shadow demon inhabiting the Timelady’s body. The cloud reached towards Rose and the Londoner didn’t even flinch as it caressed her face, instinctively knowing she had nothing to fear, “She cares for him...and as a consequence so do I. A gift, freely given...”

Rose didn’t move. In fact, she was barely breathing for several tense moments before exhaling slowly. Her mind was awash with memories, even though they weren’t her own. She saw herself as a small child, learning how to use her mind just like the Doctor did naturally. Reaching out to her mum with her telepathy as a small child. Learning to sense emotions from her neighbors and even contrloling thoughts to a certain degree. Months and months, then years of ‘memories’ flashed through her mind and then it faded. When she finally did open her eyes, Scholar’s intense green ones were studying her, “Abrupt and to the point with not a bit of explanation...that’s Shadow to a tee.” She frowned for a moment to herself, “Actually, I retract that. I’ve enhanced your telepathy as much as a human can handle so that you can help him when I’m not around. That and...why would I do that??”

She could feel Scholar’s apprehension, but it was mingled with curiosity and astonishment. And that was new. She hadn’t been able to feel emotions from anyone except TARDIS and sometimes the Doctor when he was close enough. Frowning a bit, she reached out with her mind just like in her ‘memories’ and gave a tentative mental caress to the Doctor before skipping over to do the same to his sister. The older woman looked shocked but Rose just grinned, “I dunno...I think I don’t mind a bit.”

Scholar looked like she was about to say something, but then swiftly changed her mind. And Rose suddenly knew what to do. She focused her attention back on her mate, letting her instincts guide her as she carefully explored his mind. Feather light and careful, she smoothed out the jagged bits and cooled the hot places until walking through his mind was like walking in an air-conditioned room with no furniture. And not a bit of that would make sense if she even tried to explain it. She felt him begin to stir and quickly retreated, not hiding her newfound ability from him but wanting to watch him as he woke. Scholar rose, seeing him start to rouse himself, “I should go-...”

Rose quickly shook her head, “No. You being here means so much to him. Stay, at least until he sees you.”

A frown crossed her face, “The last thing he will want is to see me...he’ll probably hate me and
rightfully so...”

Rose sighed, “And here I thought it was just the Doctor that was so melodramatic...of course he wants ta see ya! You’re his family and he’s been yearning forever for just one of ya to show you care ‘bout him so don’t let ‘im down for once.” Scholar raised an eyebrow and Rose modified her tone a bit. It hadn’t been intentional but she’d picked all that up just by walking around in his head. She wondered if he’d ever give her access to his thoughts and feelings freely but decided it really didn’t matter right now, “You did it to protect me and that’s all he’ll care ‘bout. He’ll never hate you for something like that. He’d hate you if you hadn’t and something happened to me-...”

“...Rose?”

She smiled and firmed her attention on the confused alien slowly waking up in her bed. Kissing his temple and running her hand gently up and down his arm, “Yeah...I’m here...”

He blinked slowly several times, not trying to move his heavy limbs as he sought for her eyes. He found the gentle hazel looking him over lovingly and felt himself relax. For some reason he’d been scared she wouldn’t be there. He couldn’t explain it, really. Why would she fight so hard to be back at his side, just to leave him? Silly emotions. He swallowed and gave her a tiny smile, “Hello.”

She gave him a brilliant smile in return and laughed a reply of delight, “Hello.” It was always the way they greeted one another whenever one or the other was gone for even a moment, usually after some adventure or other. Giving Scholar a quick glance, “Your sis wanted to make sure you were alright.”

His brown eyes moved to the left, seeing Scholar standing uncomfortably with an apprehensive expression on her face. And Rose felt the surge of joy from him just from knowing Scholar had stayed because she cared about him. Rose gently kissed his temple, closing her eyes for just a moment to hide the tears in her eyes. Her emotions were really just all over the place right now. Another tiny smile, his voice more than a little hoarse and Rose was quick to retrieve some water for him, “Thank you.”

He sipped the cool liquid while Scholar snorted with a shake of her head, lightly teasing him, “I put you through hell and you thank me for it? Hmm...I think humans had a word for that. Masochistic, I believe.”

He chuckled abruptly and almost snorted the water up his nose even as he glanced at her. She gave him a
small nod and a smile before leaving the two of them alone. His eyes firmed back on Rose as she settled herself back at his side, resting her head on his shoulder. It was the strangest feeling, this moment. He wasn’t sad. He wasn’t lonely. Actually, he was feeling rather...content. He blinked in surprise to himself. There was so much negative he’d been blocking his contentment to just hold Rose in his arms had been buried, “Feel a bit better, yeah?”

He tilted his head back a bit and stared up at the ceiling, running his fingers absently through her hair. It was more to soothe himself than Rose, “Yes.” Shaking his head, disgusted with himself and realized all of his emotions had gotten stronger. It was a little disconcerting, but it also felt fantastic, “I’m sorry...”

She frowned and lifted her head, “For what?”

Sighing wearily, “Nine hundred years old and I endanger you like that...I should have known better.”

Brow furrowing, “Known what?”

He sighed softly but knew he owed her a better explanation to what was going on, “You’ve been feeling strange, haven’t you? Dreams you can’t remember...emotions suddenly flipping and flopping that have no business doing it.”

Reluctantly nodding, not wanting to admit to it but sensing it was important, “Yeah...”

He sighed softly, sorrowfully, “It’s my fault, Rose.” Shaking his head slowly, brushing her cheek with
his fingers, “And I’m so sorry.”

Confused, “How could that be your fault? You can’t be responsible for my dreams, you-...” She trailed off as he touched his temple and she suddenly got it, “Oh.” Then she immediately switched to concerned, “You’ve been feeling that way?”

Staring off at that undefined point of his, “I’m always a...”

Stating flatly, “A mess.”

He swallowed and slowly nodded. He couldn’t say it. He just couldn’t. Not even to Rose. Talking about his emotions was so far out of his comfort zone the words just got stuck, especially right now when they were so raw and new. He gave her a self depreciating smile, shifting gears, “Even if you wanted to break the bond you can’t.”

Her frown deepening even as she let him change topics. For now, she’d figure out how to get him talking later, “I know that and I don’t care. I want the bond.” She liked the idea of being so close to somebody and she loved the reality that it was with him. She felt a surge of his remorse along with a fresh slew of self loathing and bit back a gasp.

Running his thumb along her temple, not seemingly aware he was broadcasting his emotions so strongly, “Why would you want to be with me, Rose?” Her mouth opened to rebuke him, “I’m just a sad, lonely old man through and through.”

Smiling sweetly, the answer simple, “Because you’re my Doctor.” He shook his head and she stopped him with a firm glance, “Nuh uh, my turn first. Then you can heap on the arguments if ya like.” He knew better than to interrupt her when it was her turn. It was a system they’d worked out since he could natter on for hours if it struck his fancy. When she had something to say and had already started he had to sit back and take it and try his best not to interrupt no matter how tempting. He settled back and listened, “You know what I saw when I first met ya? I saw a sad, lonely, grumpy guy who put everyone else ahead of himself. You fought in a horrible war and it cost you everything but you didn’t give in. You took a bit of time, as much as needed, and then off you flew to help more people.”

She kissed his cheek, a clear indication that her thought was complete. Shaking his head, thinking about how selfish he’d been, “I spent more than three years on...on New Gallifrey before I was ready.”

Nodding, easily accepting that he’d been drifting on his own for that long even if she didn’t like it. No one should be alone for that long, “Like I said, as much as was needed, and then you were off.” Frowning at him, knowing all about his guilt complex, “And you’re allowed to grieve so don’t start thinking you were being selfish or somethin’ stupid like that.”

He glanced down and mumbled, “I was hoping to get killed more than anything.”

Giving him a sad smile this time, “I know.” His eyes met her’s, “And I don’t need to read your mind to know that. But I also know you won’t go down without a fight. All up until that living plastic nonsense, yeah?” He glanced away. She knew him well enough to know he’d basically thrown in the towel in that fight, “You were gonna let them kill ya, weren’t ya? I had to save ya or it was gonna end there, yeah?” He was studying the sheets as he ever so slightly nodded. It wasn’t the only time in all honesty. He would have died in those tunnels if Donna hadn’t reminded him of her presence because he’d had no intention of regenerating. After he’d lost Rose he was ready for the end, “What I thought. For once you needed saving and you were hoping I would, I could.” Leaning up to kiss his jaw, “You were hopin’ I’d be on the other end of that cat flap.”

“You were brilliant Rose, as soon as we met. Everything I want and need. I’m just...”

He sighed and closed his eyes, weary, “You’re the brilliant one.” His eyes shot back open and she gave him a reassuring smile, “You’re not some God or something so it’s okay if you get tired or need a break or whatever... doesn’t make you less fantastic than what you are. Makes you mortal. You get hurt and angry and lonely and fall in love and all of those things are okay. You’re allowed to get angry and fall in love. Everyone’s lonely...” She grinned, “Though I’m not anymore.”

He sat up, “You’re not?”

Smiling brilliantly, “I’ve got you, course I’m not.” He pulled her into a strong hug and she giggled against his chest. Whispering softly against his ear nervously, “Got something to tell ya.”

Nuzzling her temple contentedly, “What’s that?”

“Even less lonely now that we’ve got a family.” He sighed softly, breathing the word ‘family’ without letting go of her. She wrapped her arms around his torso, holding him close and his eyes drifted shut as he listened to her gently breathing against his neck and her hearts thumping against him. His eyes shot open. Hearts?

She yelped a bit, startled as he jerked back to stare at her, “You’re-...?”

She blinked before grinning when he almost reverently put a hand on her middle, “Up the duff, yeah.”

Whispering, burying the worry of the uncertain future and basking in the moment, “I’m gonna be a dad.”

He did that happy little hum again and she gave him a pointed look, “What’s the hum mean?”

He cringed, “Rose-...”

“Nuh uh, not this time.”

He promptly compressed his lips and shook his head rapidly. She was suddenly reminded of a small child who did not want to do as they were told and she half giggled to herself. There was a sigh before Scholar stuck her head inside. They both jerked around to stare at her in surprise since neither had known she’d stayed, “It means he’s still acting like a small toddler that’s not learned telepathy properly-...”

Talking loudly over her as his head swung around, eyes wild in panic, “What do you want?”

Shrugging, “You thoroughly embarrassed since you’ll never tell her, coward.” He sent her an evil look and she ignored him, turning her attention back to Rose, “Little Timelords between six months and three years-...”

“Shut it!”

“...start getting telepathic feelers so they can start projecting emotions to others.” She wiggled her fingers a bit, ignoring the death stare he was now giving her. If only looks could kill, “Other telepaths will pick up on those feelings from those little feelers until the little one gets stronger.”

Eyes darkening dangerously, “Don’t you dare-...”

“Ones that can’t project their emotions properly hum, giving voice to their happiness.”

Growling angrily, flopping on his back with a huff, “Thank you.”

Rose frowned, not really disturbed by the strange dynamic between sister and brother since her mum
fought with Beth as much if not more. Not to mention if the Doctor wasn’t grinning madly he was sulking about something and the novelty had long worn off, “So why’s that embarrassing?”

Shrugging and as blunt as the Doctor, “It’s socially awkward. Like a human adult sucking their thumb.”

“Scholar!”

She promptly stuck her tongue out at his cry of outrage and retreated, leaving behind a mortified Timelord. His hands covered his red face, wishing the TARDIS would swallow him alive. Rose just rolled her eyes at the silly man and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Like she really cared if he hummed. To her it let her know he was really happy and she leaned in to nibble lightly on his ear. Within seconds he promptly forgot about his embarrassment and his sister and focused all of his attention on his mate.