In My Life

Hercules took a napkin from the dispenser and a pen from his pocket. "Autolycus, let's keep in touch." he said as he wrote something on the napkin. "Here's my cell phone number and e-mail address." He gave the napkin to Autolycus.

"Thanks." said Autolycus, accepting the napkin. "Borrow your pen? I'll give you my number and addy too." Autolycus wrote the contact info on another napkin and gave it to Hercules.

"I'll program that into my phone now." Hercules said, taking out a cell phone. "This has to be one of my favorite modern conveniences." Hercules remarked as he pushed the necessary buttons.

"What? You think that beats indoor plumbing?"

"It would've been handy back in our day." said Hercules. "I could call Mom and tell her I'd be late to dinner because of a hydra in Levadia. I could call Iolaus if he hadn't shown up somewhere to see if he was in trouble. One thing it's handy for is in case one of my godly relatives shows up for a chat. In the past, they'd be invisible to mortals and people walking by would see me talking to nobody and wonder if I was crazy. Now, I just whip out the cell and everyone just thinks I'm talking to someone on the phone."

"I still think indoor plumbing has to be the best part of modern times." said Autolycus.

"They had indoor plumbing back in our day." Hercules pointed out.

"Yeah, if you were filthy rich or lived in a big city." Autolycus pointed out. "Then the Dark Ages came and not even kings had it anymore. I guess Theo's bunch decided bathing was a too pagan practice. And they wonder why they got bubonic plague."

"It was just easier to blame the Jews, I guess." said Hercules.

"A tradition carried on to this day by Mel Gibson."

"Aphrodite tried to get me to reach out to him." said Hercules. "She said he was, quote, 'too cute to be anti-Semitic'. I told her Mel and I don't really travel in the same social circles, but she wouldn't hear it. She reminded me that I helped Martin Luther get over his anti-Semitism. Of course, Martin Luther didn't have a drinking problem to make things worse."

"Tell me about it." said Autolycus. "Forget hurt feelings. Mel could have /killed/ someone driving like that." Autolycus glanced up and saw a tall, dark haired woman with glasses out the window. "That's her." he said.

"I'll get in position." said Hercules, standing up and moving to a booth.

Annie approached her date for the evening. "Otto Wolf?" she asked. He smiled at her. "I'm Annie Daye. We...corresponded."

"Have a seat." he invited.

"Sorry I'm late." she said. "The bus was all off schedule today."

"Ah, that's alright. I'm just glad you made it."

Hercules approached the table. "Hi, Otto." he said.

"Scram, Kevin, can't you see I'm busy?" said Autolycus as Annie's jaw dropped.

Hercules walked out of Starbucks shaking his head. That Autolycus. He'd never change. Not in a million years.

As Hercules drove away, another passenger popped up next to him in his BMW. He was quite used to this occurrence. Gods and goddesses had been popping up in his passenger seat since the first time he got behind the wheel of a Model T. This one had the form of a young woman dressed in an outlandish black sequined bustier and fishnets. She wore heavy black eyeliner and lipstick. She wore a black top hat decorated with a skull and some lilies. "Hello, Chrinia." he said calmly.

"Hiya, Hercules." she replied. "Wanna give your cousin a ride to the movie theater on Vine? They're showing a J-horror marathon."

"I think I can swing it." said Hercules.

"Wanna join me?" asked Chrinia. "My treat."

"No thanks, Chrinia." said Hercules. "I gotta get home and besides, remember last time I went to a J-horror movie with you? I was too scared to go to an audition for a week."

"/Audition/ should've made you afraid to /host/ an audition." said Chrinia. "Not go to one. Say, maybe you /could/ hack off some guy's limbs and tongue. He'd make a great pet for the kids."

"I don't think so, Chrinia." Hercules had to laugh at his cousin's morbid sense of humor.

"I finally got the Yates case sorted out." she said, putting her chunky black boots on the dashboard. "Wasn't easy. First, I had to convince them that they really were dead. Then, I had to convince them that I wasn't the Devil."

"Well, you do dress rather strange." said Hercules.

"Hercules, I'm the Goddess of Reincarnation. I have to sort out innocent souls who couldn't find joy even in Paradise and give them another chance at finding it in life. Most of my clients are abused children and suicides. If you had my job, you'd be an emo goth too."

"I guess it would get a little depressing." Hercules agreed.

"Eh, it's not so bad." said Chrinia, her brown curly hair whipping in the wind. "I do give my clients another chance, sometimes wrangle a bit with the Fates, but a lot of it is up to them. The Yates case was a challenge, now. All five of them wanted to be reincarnated together. Do you know how hard it is to see to it that /five/ people get reborn and meet again at some point? Getting two people back together is hard enough!"

"Two people? You do that a lot?"

Chrinia nodded. "Sometimes, a mortal will fall in love with an immortal. When the mortal dies, they can't find joy in Paradise knowing their lover will never join them. So, I send them back and bend Fate a little so they'll meet again."

Hercules remembered his long talk with Autolycus. "Chrinia, is that what you've been doing with Joxer and Autolycus?"

"Sorry, Hercules." said Chrinia. "That's client confidentiality."

"Chrinia, did Iolaus ever...?"

"Oh, here's my stop!" Chrinia interrupted. "Wanna get some popcorn before the coming attractions. Bye!" She disappeared in a flurry of lily petals.

Hercules shook his head. Gods. Oh well, at least Chrinia wasn't as annoying as Ares.

The first person to greet Hercules when he got home was his wife, Sam. He swept her up in a big hug and kiss. Hercules knew that though he'd never lose affection for people and things that come before in his life, he loved Sam most of all.

"Welcome home, Big Guy." she said affectionately.


There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more
--John Lennon & Paul McCartney