One Step at a Time

A/N: I actually had this chapter finished while trying to figure out what to do with 14, and since it’s done, I figured why wait to post it? Enjoy! Love, D


Chapter 15


Though they tried to hide their worry and growing despair, the air of frustration around Greg and Warrick increased so much that going near them at work was almost a life and death risk. They’d rip the heads off of lab techs and CSIs alike for no reason at all, and while they’d apologize, things were quickly growing unbearable.

While Nick wasn’t the only one to feel concerned about the increasing strain on his friends, he was the only one who understood the depth of its source. He saw the darkening bruises under their eyes, the fear and worry that haunted their faces, and knew Jack was breaking their hearts, but he didn’t know how. He suspected something was going wrong with Jack’s recovery and that his friends were feeling helpless, but it was only when Greg and Warrick got into a no-holds-barred shouting match that almost turned into a boxing match at the lab that he decided to do something about it.

He got lucky.

He was on his way to Jack’s house when he caught sight of the young man walking a black lab a couple blocks from home and even then, he had to slow the truck down and look real close in order to recognize him. Jack looked almost nothing like the pictures Greg had stuck up in his locker. His skin was so white it was almost translucent, his thick curls had turned limp and dull, and he was skinny enough that Nick was surprised the dog hadn’t knocked him over when it tugged on the leash. He was still beautiful, but there was a fragility to his beauty that sent a sliver of cold through Nick’s heart. It was as if there was a shadow lurking around him--a shadow Nick had faced before and still spent a couple restless nights fending off, but it was one he was determined to chase away.

He knew Warrick would complain it was his hero complex at work again, but he also knew that Greg and Warrick were too close to the problem to be able to figure it out. He suspected that Jack needed someone who wouldn’t step so gingerly around him, someone who had at least some idea of what he was going through in order to wake him up.

Nick pulled over next to the sidewalk and leaned across the seat to open the passenger door, velvet brown eyes turning to look at him questioningly.

“Get in.”

Jack blinked, staring at him, his expression trying to decide between amusement and irritation. Both emotions won. “You should know that’s the worst proposition I’ve ever received. You couldn’t come up with anything better than that?”

“What?” Nick’s jaw dropped, then he shook his head. “I’m not. . . this isn’t. . . oh, for gods sakes, would you just get in?”

“With you? I don’t think so. I don’t even know who you are.”

Right. Of course. Stupid, Nick scolded himself and made a mental note reminding him to introduce himself next time he tried to pick up a guy. Not that there would be a next time. Not that he was trying to pick up this one. Damnit, this was not going well. It was the whole ‘proposition’ comment that was throwing him off.

“I’m Nick. Stokes. I work with Greg and Warrick. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Do you have any money on you?”

“Look,” he said, grinding his teeth with irritation, “I already told you I’m not trying to proposition you. I just want to talk.”

Jack almost smiled. “That’s not why I asked. I don’t have any cash on me, they won’t let me drive, and the only way I’m getting in that truck is if you agree to buy me some real food to eat.”

“Oh. Okay.” That he could handle, he thought as he smiled at the young man. “Deal.”

“Parker?” Jack asked, looking towards his dog, and Nick shrugged.

“He can sit in the back seat. I don’t mind.”

Jack opened the back door and Parker jumped in. The young man made sure to roll the window down, then slid into the passenger seat beside Nick, biting his lip in pain only once as he settled on the cushion.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Nick said, realizing just how big of an idiot he was being. “I should have offered you a hand.”

“It’s all right,” he said, shaking his head. Nick didn’t miss the way just getting into the truck seemed to tire the young man out as Jack rested his head against the door. “I’m mostly healed, but there are still a few things that cause me to stretch the wrong way, and then it hurts.”

“Sorry.”

“About what? Shooting me? Not your fault.”

Nick didn’t have an answer for Jack that would be anyway near satisfying, so he changed the subject instead. “What do you want to eat?”

“Anything I can sink my teeth into. Something with flavor. Something with grease. I’ve been living off of bland liquid-esque near-food ever since leaving that damned hospital and it’s starting to attack me in my nightmares. I need food, good solid food that I can taste.”

“Is it safe?” Nick asked, knowing he’d have his balls handed to him on a platter if he did anything to endanger Jack.

“You don’t get to worry about that,” he snapped, eyes coming alive, the vehemence in his voice surprising Nick. “I have two people living with me who think I’m hyperventilating every time I fucking sigh. I refuse to have anyone else giving a fuck about my well-being.”

“Okay, I won’t say another thing,” Nick said defensively and Jack nodded, letting the sudden anger ease from his body, again exhausted.

“Thank you. Sorry for snapping at you, but you can only imagine what it’s been like. I really would have thought they’d have learned some boundaries with you, but I think what happened to you is making them worse. Two people in just a year is just two too many for them to handle.”

Nick gave him a sharp look. “You know about that?”

“Of course.”

Of course. They were sleeping together, what didn’t they share? He’d even bet Jack’d probably had a hand in getting Warrick off his back in the first place.

“Then you won’t mind me thanking you for getting shot,” Nick said and Jack gaped at him with astonished eyes, causing Nick to chuckle. “Since that night, Warrick’s forgotten to hover over me every second of the day, and all the others are too busy asking Greg how you are to ask how I’m doing. I finally feel like things are back to normal.”

“I’m thrilled for you,” he said in his driest voice, and Nick grinned.

“It’s what happens when you scare the shit out of people who love you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind next time someone decides to shoot me.”

“Do that. You know,” Nick said, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye, “I don’t know what Greg and Rick are so upset about. You sound fine to me. You’re not exactly Mr. Positive, but you don’t sound dead yet.”

“Sounds can be deceiving.”

His eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “Are you doing that whole ‘wallow in self-pity’ thing? Because I can tell you now, it’s not going to get you anywhere. It’s just going to make you and everyone around you miserable.”

“Your insight astounds me. I didn’t realize you had a degree in psychology,” he said snidely, and Nick gave him a dirty look. “And no, I’m not doing the whole ‘wallow in self-pity’ thing.” Jack frowned as he stared down at his hands, his voice so soft, Nick almost couldn’t hear him. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You’re probably just depressed,” Nick said knowingly as he pulled into the fast food restaurant’s parking lot. A blissful sigh from Jack drew his attention and he was surprised at the first real smile he’d seen on the young man’s face. “Okay, maybe not totally depressed. Want to tell me why you’re suddenly so happy?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Jack said, practically bouncing in his seat. “You brought me to an In-N-Out! I could just kiss you!”

“You’d better not. Touchy as those guys are lately, I could end up with two black eyes,” he said, but was talking to empty space. Jack had already hopped out of the truck and was heading inside. Grinning, he turned to Parker. “You gonna be okay in here?”

The dog just stared at him and he quickly stepped out of the truck to follow Parker’s owner. He arrived in time to hear the girl behind the counter repeat Jack’s order of a Double-Double with onions, a large order of fries, a large chocolate shake, and he blanched.

“Jack, you think you might be overdoing it a bit?”

“I’ve already told you, you are not allowed to give a fuck. Now you can either order or pay the nice lady.”

“I’ll have what he’s having,” Nick said, pulling out his wallet, and Jack leaned back so their shoulders were touching.

“A fellow onion man. I think I’m in love.”

“I know you are, and it isn’t with me.”

“You keep buying me burgers, and it could be.”

Nick just rolled his eyes and handed Jack the shakes. “Go find us a place to sit.”

“Yeah, that’ll be difficult,” Jack said, looking around the near-empty restaurant and headed for a booth by the window. Nick joined him a few minutes later carrying a tray of freshly grilled and fried food. He barely had time to set it on the table before Jack grabbed a fry and shoved it into his mouth. “Hot! Hot! Hot!” he said, fanning his burnt tongue and Nick couldn’t help laughing.

“They’re right out of the fryer. You might want to wait for them to cool down.”

Jack shook his head, grabbing a couple more fries. “No. Can’t wait that long. Oh, god, this is heaven.”

Nick just grinned as he unwrapped his burger. He was going to have to work an extra hour in the gym tomorrow for this, but he couldn’t help agreeing with Jack--it was heaven. “You must be desperate,” he said before taking his first delicious bite.

“You don’t understand,” the young man said with a mouthful of fry as he reached for his shake. “It’s been torture.”

Nick watched as Jack sucked on the straw, his cheeks hollowing as he tried to drink the thick shake, his eyes sparkling with child-like delight above the cup, and for the first time since picking him up, Nick could understand how this man managed to entice two of his closest friends.

“You know, I think real food is exactly what you needed. You’re looking a lot less like you’ve just risen from the grave.”

“See!” Jack exclaimed as he unwrapped his hamburger. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell them, but they won’t listen. They think they know what’s best for me.”

“Do they?”

He turned guilty eyes down towards the burger in his hands. “Yeah, I suppose, for the most part. But I hate that they don’t know when to trust me and let me. . . I don’t know, eat a burger. Go for a walk. Practice my music. Take them both to bed.”

“Okay, you had me right up until that last part,” Nick said, and Jack grinned.

“That was fully for your benefit.”

“Thanks,” he said, giving the young man a scathing look.

“But it’s more than just the sex. You have to understand, they’ve stolen my life right out of my hands--they took away my music, Nicholas! They don’t trust me with anything. I can guarantee you that at this very moment they’ve started a search party around the neighborhood and have probably already called the police.”

Nick shook his head. “You’re exaggerating. We’ve only been gone about twenty minutes!”

“Wanna bet? I stopped to talk with a neighbor the other day and ended up getting an hour long lecture when I got home about how much I worried them. Now I’m only permitted to walk Parker one lap up and down the street so long as I always remain within eyesight of the house--which I realize is a rule I was breaking when you picked me up. But that’s not even the worst part--the worst part is that I can’t even get angry with them anymore because it doesn’t do any good. They don’t listen to me! They talk over me, around me, at me, but I’d might as well not even be there.”

Remembering those first few weeks he’d spent out of the hospital, Nick had an idea of just how bad things were for Jack. It was bad enough having everyone stop by all the time. To have actually had to spend twenty-four/seven with that kind of smothering would have pissed him off just as much as it did Jack. Probably more so, since Jack clearly had a lot more patience than he ever did. “Okay, how about this--how about I talk to them? They’ve gotten so used to not listening to you, maybe they’ll listen to me.”

Jack tilted his head thoughtfully as he studied the man sitting across from him. “You’d do that?”

“Of course. You’ve got to know this is hurting them as much as it’s hurting you.”

“I know it. I can see it, but you’d better hope you can get through to them, because I can’t take much more of this. I don’t want to lose them, but I feel like they’re sucking the life right out of me.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll make them listen, I promise.”

“Thank you, Nicholas,” Jack said, offering him a smile, a little of the tension vanishing from his shoulders. “I hope they know how good a friend you are.”

“I doubt it,” he grinned, “but that’s the way things usually work. Now, how much longer do you think it’ll take for you to finish that up? I want to get you home before they call out the National Guard.”

Jack looked down at his hamburger and sighed, placing it regretfully on the paper. “We can go now. I’m done.”

“Done? You’ve barely even started!”

“I know,” he said mournfully, giving the bun a wistful pat. “They removed part of my stomach and I can’t eat as much as I used to--well, not yet, but I’m working on it. Damn. I was really looking forward to that burger.”

“Well then, next time you feel a need to escape, give me a call and I’ll take you out for another one. A smaller one. Maybe we can pick you up a Happy Meal. I’ll even let you keep the toy surprise.”

Jack gave him an evil look. “Very nice job of turning a really kind offer into a joke at my expense. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Nick grinned. “But the offer still stands.”

“Depending on how quickly they relent, I may have to take you up on that.”

“I’ll try and talk to them at work tonight.”

“Thank you, Nicholas. You really are a lifesaver.”

“You know, Jack, if we’re going to be conspirators together, you can at least call me Nick.”

“We’re not conspiring, Nick. We’re simply working together without their knowledge to avoid continuing an unpleasant situation.”

“And how’s that not a conspiracy?”

“Not enough planning,” Jack grinned. “A good conspiracy always involves an intricate, supposedly foolproof plan. Though if you could possibly avoid mentioning we discussed this over non-liquid food, I’d really appreciate it.”

“Does it look like I have a death wish?” Nick chuckled. “As far as they’ll ever know, you just picked up the phone.”

“Then it sounds like we’ve got a non-conspiratorial deal here that’ll make everyone happy,” Jack said, and Nick nodded.

“I couldn’t agree more,” he said, reaching his hand across the table, and they shook on it. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” the young man sighed, “I guess so.”

Jack stood up and Nick noticed how even the thought of returning home caused the energy to drain right out of him. Things really must have been as bad as Jack claimed, and they were damn lucky he’d come along when he did. He just hoped it wasn’t too late to fix it.


[Chapter completed June 21, 2005]