The Lies we Tell Ourselves

It was a warm day, but by noon the humidity was kicking in. Word spread that it was lunchtime, and everyone gathered from working in the fields, working with the animals, and keeping the inside clean and an inventory of the supplies. They all sat together as a family. Hershel said that he feeling warm, so he asked for some more water.

Bob and Sasha were sitting together, as were Maggie and Glenn, and Daryl had a protective arm around Beth. Abe and Merle were sitting with their friends, and Carol just arrived at the table. Everyone was happy to see that Rick and Lori finally got back together.

Conversation was light, the mood was happy. They were into the third year into their life at the prison, three years since they found safety, and normalcy. The constant burden that was the strained marriage of Rick and Lori was over. They were not just sitting together, but Rick had his arm wrapped around her, holding her close. Since it was getting too hot outside, they decided to focus on staying inside. Hershel took a drink from his cup, and the glass fell out of his hand, bounced off the table and shattered all over the floor. He apologized, but he was difficult to understand. Bob stood up and was at his side within seconds. The right side of Hershel's face was weak and sloped, he was drooling and he couldn't hold onto anything.

Bob tried to keep him calm, and asked Abe and Ty for help to take him to the infirmary. The word "stroke" was mentioned, but Bob didn't want to cause everyone to panic. Maggie and Beth were crying, and being comforted by Glenn and Daryl. Bob didn't have the equipment for a stroke patient. He did his best to help, but Hershel was fading fast. Everyone was gathered around the doors to the infirmary, and when Bob came out with sad eyes, Maggie screamed and Beth just started crying. Abe and Ty, still in the room, used a knife at the base of his skull to prevent him from turning.

Despite the heat, Rick and Abe went outside to dig Hershel's grave. It was right next to the baby girl, whom was named Judith Anne Grimes, after Rick's mother, who died of a heart attack after hearing Rick was in a coma. That evening, as the sun was setting, the entire family was gathered around both graves. Hershel was the man of God, so nobody else knew what to say. Glenn was holding a crying Maggie tightly, and Daryl was on his knees, along with Beth, crying over the dad of the group. Carol was in mourning over her lover, and was just standing, stoic. Hershel was placed in his grave, and most of the family had to walk away before Rick and Abe covered him with dirt. Lori stayed, sitting on top of Judith's grave. Rick dropped one more shovel full of dirt onto Hershel, and Abe did the same, patting Rick on the back as he sat down with Lori at Judith's grave. The two sat in silence. They each had a range of emotions; grief, shock, rage over the senseless loss of their good friend, and they were scared. They were scared at how quickly something could happen. Despite all the security they put into the fortress of their home, something can happen within the walls.

Twilight had started, the sky getting dark, and Lori leaned forward to the wooden cross that marked Judith's grave and gave it a kiss.

"Goodnight, baby girl. Daddy and I miss you so much. Give a big hug and a kiss to your big brother, and tell him we miss him too. I love you Judy."

Rick heard what Lori said, and also kissed Judith's cross, telling her that he loves her. "Watch over your mama. Please help me keep her safe. I love you, my sweet girl."

Rick stood up first, and dropped his hand down to help Lori to her feet. He brushed the dirt off her back, and they went back into the cellblock, hand in hand. When the showers were free they each took a shower, in separate stalls, not in the mood for sex. They got dressed in their pajamas, for Rick a pair of boxers and for Lori a pair of Rick's boxers and a tank top. Nobody made dinner, and nobody was in the mood to eat anything anyway.

The quietly got back to their cell, and got into their bunk without words. They kissed, and exchanged "I love yous" before Rick wrapped his arm around Lori, and they eventually fell asleep.

Daryl did whatever he could to console an almost hysterical Beth. She was angry and crying at the same time. She wanted her dad. She wanted her mom. She wanted to go home. She had to leave the farm so quickly she left behind everything she had. She was angry. Daryl, who was afraid of what her reaction would be on the baby, just hugged her tightly. When the cellblock was quiet, except for a few sobs coming from different cells, she quieted down. He helped her undress, and tucked her into the bed. He got undressed down to his boxers, and slid into the tiny space that was left. He started to wrap his arms around her, and she grabbed onto him like a drowning man hold onto a life raft. She cried on his shoulder, and fell asleep on his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

Maggie was done with crying. She was stoic, just sitting on the bunk and staring at the floor. Glenn got into the bunk, and tried to get her to lie down. She said she just wanted to sit and not do anything. Glenn nodded, and kept one hand on her waist as he fell asleep on the small bunk. Maggie's head was swimming over what she could do. She thought about going into the shower room and using just one bullet. Just one would solve her problems. She knew Daryl would protect Beth, but she didn't want to leave her sister alone in this world. But she didn't want to live in this world. She has Glenn and Beth, but nothing else. She thought about jumping off the guard tower. Quick and painless. She didn't know how to tie a noose, so hanging herself wasn't an option. She wanted to be free of this horrible world. She wanted her dad, her mom, her step mom and her stepbrother. She was thinking that if she was gone, it would be one less strain on the supplies they have. She and her dad...two less people in the group, two less people to use the food they have. That meant more for the others. She heard Glenn start to snore, and laid down next to him. He was sound asleep, but reached out and put his arm around her, pulling her close to him. She spent the night staring at the bottom of the upper bunk, thinking of the life she once had, and the life she has now. It was appropriate that they were in a prison...she felt like she was serving time.